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"It's okay," Olivia soothed as she continued to cradle Amanda in her arms. The blonde was clinging on to her as if for dear life, and Olivia knew there was nothing she could do until Amanda had calmed down.
Finally the sobs quieted to sniffles and the violent shaking that had overtaken Amanda's body lessened. She relaxed into Olivia arms for a moment before she pulled herself out of the embrace.
"Oh god, I'm so sorry," Amanda apologised, her voice thick with tears. Her face was flushed from the effort of crying but also with embarrassment.
"Stop it," Olivia said gently, "you don't have to be embarrassed, not around me. Nothing shocks me," she soothed.
Amanda gave her a small smile and wiped her watery eyes, "you promise?"
"I promise," Olivia said, rewarded the tiny smile with a warm one of her own, "do you wanna talk about it?" She asked, watching the blonde's face to try and guess what the reaction would be.
"I'd rather not," Amanda replied, it had been hard enough spilling her guts about last night, she didn't need to offload any more baggage onto Olivia.
"If you change your mind, you can come to me," Olivia assured her, "always. Hey how's your head?" She asked kindly, noticing how Amanda was kneading her scalp with her fingers.
"This is up there with the worst hangovers I've ever had," Amanda quipped. Humour was a defensive tactic that worked well usually, but she could tell that Olivia was seeing straight through it.
"I'm sorry I can't give you any more painkillers," Olivia winced, "but how about I get you a drink of water? You're probably a little dehydrated,"
"No it's okay, I'll get it," Amanda said, extricating herself from the sheets. The pain in her ribs was bothering her again, but because she was already in a sitting position it wasn't too bad.
"I'm not gonna get back to sleep now," Amanda explained when Olivia gave her a quizzical look.
"I couldn't drop off either," Olivia admitted, and she wished she hadn't said anything when she saw the crestfallen look on Amanda's face.
"It's my own fault I had a cup of coffee," Olivia said, before Amanda could offer another apology that she didn't need to.
Amanda didn't look convinced but she nodded anyway and took Olivia's offer of help when the brunette reached out an arm for her to lean on.
"My alarm would have been going off around now anyway," Amanda mused as she caught sight of the clock.
Once they got to the kitchen Olivia poured Amanda a glass of water and the blonde perched on one of the breakfast bar stools. It wasn't the most comfortable place to sit but at least she knew she could get up on her own.
Olivia busied herself with getting the ingredients together for pancakes. Which to Amanda's amusement consisted of a bottle of ready to pour mix. She caught the small smile on the blonde's face and chuckled, "if I buy fresh ingredients, I never use the all up, at least this way I can always have pancakes," she explained and Amanda knew all too well about never actually getting around to eating the fresh food she bought.
Once the pancakes were cooked and plated up they are in a comfortable silence for a while before Olivia dared to bring up what she knew would be a sensitive subject matter.
"Amanda are you feeling up to working with a sketch artist today?" She asked tentatively.
She saw the blonde physically tense at the question, and she set down the cutlery she had been using to push around pieces of her second pancake.
"Uh, yeah... I think it'll be better sooner," Amanda said, though the tone of her voice indicates that it was the last thing she wanted to do.
"Well I can arrange someone to come to the precinct first thing, and you can get it over and done with," Olivia offered.
"Liv," Amanda started, it was the the best idea, she knew that, but she also knew who else would be in the precinct at 8, "the guys, I don't know... I don't know if I can handle seeing them right now," she admitted.
"I understand, it's okay. Look we could get there a little early and then I can talk to the guys if you want, let them know you're gonna need a little space," Olivia offered and while she knew Nick wouldn't be a problems, she was going to have a hard time keeping Fin away from his partner.
Amanda pondered this for a moment and realised it was the best scenario. The quicker she went in and did it the quicker she could leave.
"Okay, thanks," Amanda replied, and she looked down at the second pancake in defeat,"I'm sorry Olivia I'm gonna have to leave this."
"Don't worry about it," Olivia smiled, reaching over to clear the plate away, "do you want to go over to yours and get some different clothes before we head to he precinct?"
Amanda shook her head, she just wanted to get it done as quickly as possible, "I've got a change of clothes in my locker," she explained.
"Okay, well I just need to shower and then we'll leave in about... half an hour?" Olivia said, glancing at the clock. It was just before 7, so that meant they should arrive at the precinct just before the others.
Amanda nodded in agreement and Olivia walked down the hall back to her bedroom. Amanda put her head in her hands and let out a huge sigh. She would be lying if she said her pain wasn't bothering her to an extent where it was hard to think about anything else. Not just her head, but her ribs and her arms, and a deeper, stabbing ache in her belly that made her feel sick.
She looked at the clock, counting the hours until she could take someone painkillers. Too long, and she briefly considered just double dosing before she second guessed herself. She didn't want to add painkillers to her list of current addictions so she just gritted her teeth and resolved herself to just get through it.
Amanda heart sank as she remembered that she'd told Olivia last night that she'd been in a casino. Olivia hadn't mentioned it, probably to save panicking her but she knew it was going to come out sooner rather than later. The captain had given her one chance and she'd blown it. She didn't know how she was going to face him.
Groaning, Amanda stood up and made her own way back to Olivia's bedroom. She knocked softly to make are the room wasn't in use before she crossed over to regard her reflection in the floor length mirror. She could hear the shower spray running so Amanda knew she had a bit of time to at least try and make herself presentable before she left the house.
She winced at her reflection in the polished glass. In the daylight that was beginning to streak through the blinds her bruises appeared were even more ugly than they were las night. Deep purple and blue blossomed over her cheek and eye socket. The bandage on her cheek had stayed pretty well, camouflaging the cut there. The t shirt she was wearing exposed her arms, allowing the angry red and purple marks on her wrists to be on show and she reminded herself to ask Olivia of she could borrow a jacket. She stopped short of lifting the garment to check her torso for bruises, she could tell from the pain she was in that she would be covered in them.
*At least it looks like I fought back this time* Amanda found herself thinking as she studied herself in the mirror. A wave of nausea overcame her at the though and she shook her head slightly, trying to empty her mind of everything.
She borrowed a hair brush from Olivia's dressing table and pulled it through her hair as many times as the pain in her ribs would allow her. When she has finished she looked marginally better but there was no denying what she had been through. She looked like she'd been assaulted. She looked like a victim and Amanda hated it.
She went back out into lounge to wait for Olivia and poured herself another glass of water, hoping to at least eradicate her hangover.
About thirty minutes later Olivia came walking into the lounge, her hair freshly blow dried and dressed in simple black pant suit. To look at her you would never have guessed she'd been up half the night.
"You ready to go?" Olivia asked.
Amanda nodded, "could I borrow a jacket?"
"Oh yeah of course, I'm sorry," Olivia said, waking over to the small closet in her hallway and pulling out a fleece lined jacket and handing it to Amanda.
It was a little big like the rest of the clothes Amanda had on but it was comfortable and warm, and most importantly, covered her arms. She could tip her hair forward to cover her bruised face and any passer by would probably not even notice her appearance. It wouldn't work with He guys though but she was grateful that Olivia had already offered to talk to them on her behalf.
"Let's get going," Olivia said kindly.