Hi guys, thank you so so much for the reviews. I've had many lovely one that tell me a lot about what you're enjoying in the chapters and as a thankyou i decided to do another long chapter for you. Your reviews really do inspire me to keep going and I love hearing what you have to say. Also regarding the pace of the story, please tell me if you think it is too slow or long winded. i just want to show how Olivia is helping Amanda through this but if it is boring you please let me know. here's chapter 9, I hope you enjoy it.

WARNING: mentions of a non consensual encounter in the first half of this chapter. It's not graphic but thought I'd put a warning on anyway.

Amanda hated getting dressed up for things. She always had. Much more comfortable in jeans and shirts, having to put on a dress and high heels was almost torture. She'd been to the bathroom three times to reapply the false lashes that seemed insistent on peeling off and Amanda wondered how women put up with that crap every day. Normally she wouldn't have been seen dead at an event like this but she'd agreed to go to help out a buddy of her partners.

It was only after she had answered her partners plea for help that she had realised who she would be attending the charity ball with.

Lieutenant Peter Brixton. Former college quarterback star, son of the deputy chief of police and the biggest asshole on the force. Or so she had heard from some of her friends. Sure he was incredibly attractive but he definitely knew it, and he loved to talk about himself. Amanda had been dreading the event for days, but, knowing she couldn't pull out had decided to pull out all the stops to make sure she would fit in with the other women that would be attending.

Despite some initial awkwardness after Peter had spent a little too long admiring her dress, the actual event wasn't too bad, the food was good, the speeches were short and there was enough free alcohol to make the constant stories about his glory days in college bearable.

And after a while the conversation had become more than just bearable, Amanda found herself laughing at his jokes and smiling back when he grinned at her, sure he was a bit full of himself, but she wondered just what he had done for people to label him an asshole.

After her third glass of champagne, Amanda had even accepted Peter's request for a dance, something which she rarely did in public. At the beginning of the evening, Amanda had been fully intending on getting a taxi back to hers, but somehow at the end of the event she'd gotten into a black limo with Peter and they'd been driven off, the fancy conference centre becoming just tiny lights in the distance.

His first kisses had been gentle and Amanda had twisted slightly in the leather seat to reciprocate. She had heard the driver chuckle heartily before he turned his attention back to the road.

At Peter's hotel room he had left Amanda sitting on the huge king sized bed, and gone into the bathroom to 'freshen up'. As she watched him walk into the adjoining en suite Amanda finally had a chance to think about what she was doing. Sure he was good looking, and she was attracted to him, but he was still in uniform, she was a plain clothes detective, not to mention who his father was. It just wouldn't look good, and she just knew she would come out looking worse.

"Peter," Amanda called just as he was walking out of the bathroom.

"Chill baby I'm here," he said as he strutted over to the bed. Stripped down to his boxers and clearly proud of himself, he flashed Amanda a wide grin as he grabbed her by the shoulders and moved her easily up the bed before she even had a chance to say anything else.

"Now where were we?" He said, as he began to trail kisses up Amanda's neck up to her jaw. Amanda tried to relax, tried to tell herself that this would really be okay, that she wasn't making a mistake but she wasn't drink enough to willing only make a bad decision like this, not even close to being drunk enough.

He was holding himself up over her so Amanda brought her hand up and rested her palm on his chest, hoping to slow him down.

"Peter," she said again, starting to feel constricted by his proximity to her.

"You've got too many clothes on Mandy," he whispered in her ear as his hand trailed up under the hem of her dress, pushing it up roughly.

Amanda's heart started hammering in her chest, not from arousal, but from panic. He wasn't listening to her, she had to get him to listen.

"Peter stop," Amanda said forcefully, placing her other palm on his chest in an attempt to push him away a little bit.

"Fine if you don't want any teasing we can get straight to it," he said with a smirk.

Amanda pushed with all of her strength but it was still a futile attempts as all it did was push him up a little off her.

"This is a mistake," Amanda said, attempting to move further up the bed and away from him.

Peter laughed into her neck, before he pulled back and stared at her.

"You are kidding me right?"

"No, just think about it Peter, this isn't a good move for either of us,"
Amanda said, and she just wished he would get off of her.

"You've teased me all night, come back to my hotel room and now you wanna change your mind, I don't think so," Peter snarled, his demeanour suddenly changing. Amanda didn't recognise the man above her as the same one who had slowly charmed her all evening. Anger clouded over in his eyes as he grabbed Amanda's wrists, and laid his full weight on top of her.

"Peter please don't," Amanda pleaded. She was panicking now, Peter had over 100 pounds over her and she has absolutely no advantage from this position. She tried kicking her legs but he was too heavy,

"No one jerks me around," he whispered cruelly in her ear before he bit a tender spot on her neck viciously. The sharp pain caused her to cry out and she struggled against him again, though he held her easily.

"Relax Mandy, this could be so much worse, you're in a nice suite at an expensive hotel, what more do you want?"

"Not this," Amanda replied with all the defiance she could muster. Instinctively she prepared herself for a slap or punch but it never came. Instead Peter painfully grasped both of her wrists with one hand and let the other hand travel back down to the hem of her dress. He continued pushing it up, raising his body off of Amanda slightly to get access. Amanda took this opportunity to pull in a deep, unrestricted lungful of air but the relief was short lived when he laid back atop her.

Amanda gagged when she felt his arousal pressing into her bare stomach. She couldn't believe this was actually happening, everything she had learned about self defence seemed to seep out of her brain, he was far too strong anyway.

"Please don't do this, please," Amanda begged, but Peter wasn't listening anymore. The weight of his body seemed to multiply and force the air out of her lungs.

"No Peter... stop...stop,"

Amanda's frantic mumblings pulled Olivia out of a deep and dreamless sleep. Disorientated for a moment the brunette soon realised she was in Amanda's apartment and she shook her head to try and get rid of the sleep induced haze that was fogging her brain. A quick glance to the window showed an overcast late afternoon sky and Olivia was shocked they had slept so long.

Another desperate plea from Amanda pulled Olivia's attention back to the blonde and she immediately knew she was having a nightmare. The blanket Olivia had pulled around the sleeping woman was caught around Amanda's feet and she was desperately trying to kick it off.

Olivia got off the couch and knelt by the side of the couch, far enough away from Amanda's legs so she wouldn't get kicked.

"Amanda," she said firmly but calmly, "it's okay, it's not real, Amanda it's okay,"

"Stop... Peter...please," Amanda mumbled.

Who the hell is Peter? Olivia found herself thinking, as Amanda continued to thrash around on the couch. She placed her hand gently on Amanda's shoulder and shook her lightly, hoping that it would help to wake her. Olivia rightly guessed that the contact would panic the blonde but it did wake her up.

Amanda sat up suddenly, her eyes wide with terror and her entire body trembling. She pushed Olivia's hand off her shoulder and for a moment it appeared to the brunette that Amanda was still half caught in her nightmare.

"It's me, it's Olivia," the brunette said quietly, "I'm not gonna hurt you," she soothed, but she refrained from touching Amanda again.

"We're in your apartment, you fell asleep on the couch and you had a bad dream but you're safe, okay," Olivia kept reassuring Amanda softly, trying to talk her down from her panicked state.

"Olivia?" Amanda said, her eyes finally seeming to focus on the woman in front of her.

"Yeah honey it's just me," Olivia replied, letting out a small sigh of relief.

Amanda looked at Olivia and saw she had the same look of concern she'd had on her face earlier in the interview room. Once again Olivia had saved her from the haunting of her demons. All of Amanda's senses were on high alert and her heart was hammering in her chest. She hadn't had that particular nightmare for over two years and it crushed her to learn that her mind had remembered every hideous detail.

She could tell that Olivia was either going to hug her or try and make her talk and Amanda didn't want either of those things. She just needed some time on her own to gather her thoughts.

Amanda stood up, gasping at the sharp pain the action sent ripping through her ribs but she didn't stop. She just had to get away from the inquisitive brown eyes that were now looking at her quizzically.

"I need a shower," Amanda called over her shoulder as she stumbled to her bedroom, leaving a confused Olivia sitting on the living room floor.

As soon as Amanda shut the bathroom door behind her she leaned against it, her palms flat to the wood as she tried to calm herself down. She knew Olivia had questions, and she felt bad for just running out on her after everything the brunette had done for her but Amanda just needed to get rid of the feeling of him on her skin, she hated that even after all this time he still had the power to make her feel like this. Somewhere in the rational part of her mind, Amanda knew that the only reason she'd started dreaming about that again was because of her more recent assault, but the cruel unfairness of the same thing happening twice just made her want to scrub her skin even more raw.

She turned the shower to the highest temperature she thought the could stand and, avoiding seeing her reflection at all, stripped the borrowed clothes from her body and stepped into the steaming water.

Olivia sat quietly for a few minutes, wondering what to do. She guessed that the last thing Amanda wanted was to be followed, considering the hasty exit she'd made but Olivia also knew that she couldn't just leave the blonde alone. She settled for putting the cushions and throw back on to the sofa, restoring it to it's usual neatness. As she walked to the kitchen to make some more coffee she could hear the shower running and she hoped that Amanda was okay. Well as okay as she could be.

As much as Olivia wanted to help Amanda, this whole situation was bringing up some unwanted memories for herself. Memories that she could usually keep under wraps when she was dealing with a normal victim. But Amanda wasn't a normal victim and this was hitting very close to home for Olivia. She understood why Amanda's moods were all over the place and she had been in that same terrifying place of vulnerability, twice now but that didn't mean she automatically knew what to do to help the blonde. People responded to different things and Amanda had such a hard time trusting anyone at all that Olivia was fighting an uphill battle from the start. Still, she wasn't about to give up, currently, she was the only one Amanda was even talking to and she had to keep trying to help her.

Olivia's stomach grumbled and startled her out of her mind back to the present. Glancing at the clock on the wall she realised it was almost 4pm. She hadn't eaten anything since 7, no wonder she was hungry. She remembered the takeout menus on the cork board and picked out a Chinese one. Olivia didn't know if Amanda would even be hungry but she hadn't eaten much at breakfast and Chinese was her favourite so Olivia decided to just order Amanda's usual sweet and sour chicken and hoped it would go down well.

After what seemed like an eternity in the steaming water Amanda finally felt calm enough to function. The continuous beating of the water had knocked a sense of numb detachedness into her and she was a little surprised to notice the remains of a little white bandage in the bottom of the shower. She realised it had come from her cheek and though it wasn't painful, her fingers came away slightly bloody when she touched the gash. She rinsed the blood off of her hands and turned off the shower, shivering as the steam dissipated.

As she wrapped herself in a towel Amanda looked down at the discarded clothes with disgust. She didn't even want to touch them, it was as if he had reached out of her dream and soiled them. If they were her own she would just have thrown them away but they were Olivia's and Amanda knew they needed washing instead. She hoped Olivia wouldn't miss the shirt and sweat pants for a couple of days, she knew she wasn't up to lugging laundry down to the basement to wash it. Avoiding her reflection against Amanda switched the light off and, stepping over the offending garments she went back into her bedroom.

Amanda picked her clothes carefully. She didn't want anything that would remind her of Atlanta and she needed something that would cover the ugly bruises on her arms, she couldn't bear to look at them. Settling on a pair of old sweatpants and an oversized NYPD hoody she got dressed, pausing every now and then let her body stop protesting with every movement she made. Despite the soothing heat of the water, she was sore all over and Amanda realised she'd completely missed her next dose of painkillers She was surprised she had slept for as long as she had but she put it down to sheer exhaustion.

Amanda stood awkwardly in her bedroom for a moment, she knew that Olivia would still be outside waiting for her, and that the brunette would be full of questions that she didn't want to answer. She didn't know how much information Olivia had gotten from the nightmare, if any at all but not knowing just made Amanda feel even more vulnerable. She briefly considered just going out there and telling Olivia to leave, that she'd be okay on her own but she knew deep down inside that Olivia wouldn't leave, she was as stubborn as Amanda herself was. Taking a deep breath she left the bedroom and went back down the hall to find Olivia.

"Hey," Amanda said as she entered the living room. She cringed at how shaky her voice sounded.

"Hey," Olivia smiled, before her eyes narrowed as Amanda came into her full view, "Amanda your cheek," she said, jumping up from the couch and crossing over to Amanda in just a few steps.

"Oh," came Amanda's simple reply, she had forgotten all about the missing bandage and hadn't noticed the cut was still oozing blood, "it's fine," she said, waving Olivia away.

"It's not," Olivia replied, "sit down for a minute, where's your first aid kit? It needs a fresh bandage at least,"

Amanda was about to protest that she could do it herself but she saw the determined look on Olivia's face she just relented, she didn't want to fight.

"In the cupboard under the sink," she informed the brunette as she sank back down on to the couch. She noticed that it was all back the way it should have been, and she blushed slightly as she thought of Olivia tidying up after her. Amanda sighed, she hated being so dependant on Olivia, especially with the way she had treated her the past couple of days but at the same time she was so grateful she wasn't alone.

Olivia returned swiftly, carrying not only Amanda's rarely used first aid kit but also a glass of water and two tablets, which the blonde accepted gratefully.

"I hope you don't mind, but I ordered some Chinese food," Olivia told Amanda as she sat next to her on the couch, "sweet and sour chicken right?"

Amanda forced a small smile. She really wasn't feeling hungry, but she appreciated what Olivia was trying to do, and she was touched that the brunette had remembered her favourite meal, "that sounds good," she said, "I don't know how much I'll eat, but thank you," she added, wanting to let Olivia know ahead of time that she wasn't feeling up to much food.

"I'm so hungry, it was more for my benefit," Olivia quipped lightly, pulling another small, but this time genuine smile from Amanda. "I'm just gonna clean this up a bit alright?" Olivia made sure to ask before she put her hands any where near Amanda's face, ever mindful of triggering a bad memory.

"Ok," Amanda agreed, nodding her head slightly.

Olivia unwrapped the alcohol wipe from its packet and observed the stitches before she started to clean the wound. She was no expert but after having her fair share of stitches over the years she could see that although the warm water had loosened the stitches slightly, causing the bleeding, but they were still in place and would probably be okay.

"Sorry," Olivia apologised, as the wipe made contact with Amanda's skin. Amanda bit her lip and stayed quiet, but Olivia could tell it was hurting her. She hated that she was causing Amanda more pain, even though she knew it had to be done. Olivia went as quickly as she could, finishing up by placing a new white bandage over the now clean wound.

"Thank you," Amanda said, as Olivia cleared away the wrappers.

"No problem," Olivia smiled.

By the time Olivia got back from the trash can Amanda had turned the TV on again. Olivia knew that this was a distraction tactic but she needed to talk to Amanda about what had happened earlier. She reached for the remote, and switched the TV off and was met with an indignant look from Amanda.

"We need to talk for a minute,"Olivia said and Amanda began to panic. This is what she had been afraid of.

"About what?" Amanda asked, struggling to keep her voice calm.

"The man you met at the casino, the one who attacked you, you said his name was Stephen," Olivia said gently, knowing that remembering the details of the attack could cause Amanda to get worked up, and she didn't want her to have another panic attack.

"Yeah that's right," Amanda replied quietly, she already knew where this was going.

"Earlier, when you were dreaming, you said another name," Olivia explained, and Amanda turned her head away from the brunette's intense gaze. Amanda knew that this would come up eventually, only a little bit of digging into Amanda's personnel file would have revealed it, but it didn't make it any easier.

"Amanda who's Peter?" Olivia asked gently.

Tiny cliffhanger! Sorry guys, but it seemed like a good place to end , please review and let me know what you think as this is my first story after all! Thanks for reading!