IfBellamy was pissed at himself for allowing himself to slide back into this thing with Echo, before long he was also surprised and confused by what seemed to be Echo's new expectations.

It first came up around the middle of September when she expressed a sudden desire to accompany him to trivia night at the bar. Bellamy told her she'd hate it, but she persisted.

He finally shrugged and said, "You're welcome to come along if you want, but if you get bored you'll have to get home on your own because I'm there until the bitter end."

As he'd predicted, Echo was so bored that she Ubered home after an hour. But by then it didn't matter, because somehow just having her there seemed to have affected the whole dynamic of the evening. And not in a good way. Especially with Clarke, who was much quieter than usual.

"So... things gettin' serious with the marathon queen?" Murphy muttered as soon as Echo walked out the door. "I mean, she's gettin' a little clingy, don't you think?"

"No!" Bellamy hissed, hoping Clarke hadn't heard him. "Nothing's changed."

"Yeah? Maybe you should tell Echo that."

While she never again asked to come to trivia night, Bellamy couldn't help thinking that Murphy might have been right. Because Echo suddenly seemed to expect more from their relationship than she ever had before. More from him than he'd ever agreed to. He finally called her on it one weekend in October when she kept pressing him to spend an entire Saturday helping her train for one of her athletic events. A Saturday when he already had longstanding plans with his friends.

"I'm sorry, I can't," he told her. "And I'm not sure why you're all of a sudden pushing for all this togetherness, Echo. You knew what the deal was with us way back in January."

"But... that was then. Things have changed, Bellamy," she said impatiently, as though this was something he surely already knew.

"Have they? When did that happen?"

"Over the summer," she groaned, like he was being deliberately obtuse.

"The summer? But... I didn't even see you all summer. You were gone."

"Yes! I was gone... but-but you were faithful!"

"Faithful?" Bellamy was beginning to feel like a parrot.

"Yeah. You said you hadn't been with anyone since I left. Unless you were lying?"

"No, I wasn't lying but..." He sighed, shaking his head as understanding finally dawned.

When they'd first started sleeping together, he and Echo had agreed that things between them would be casual and fun and there'd be no expectations. That they'd both be free to seek out other partners if they wanted.

But he'd then proceeded to undermine his carefully-delineated position by not dating anyone else, not sleeping with anyone else, and not looking for anyone else. Even during the summer when she'd been away.

Of course, none of that had had anything at all to do with Echo.

But how the hell could he explain to her that if he seemed to be devoted and faithful, those feelings weren't directed at her, but at someone else entirely? That the only reason he'd never looked for a serious girlfriend was that that he hadn't found a way to get over Clarke.

Bellamy finally opted for simplest response.

"My feelings haven't changed, Echo. You're seeing things that aren't there."

Echo just rolled her eyes like he was an idiot who clearly didn't know his own mind. "You shouldn't be so afraid of commitment, Bellamy."

The whole thing finally came to a head just before Thanksgiving.

"Why would you want to stay here and eat a badly-cooked meal," Echo complained in frustration, "when you could come with me and have dinner with my family? It's not like your sister is even around."

She'd stopped by his apartment on her way out of town the night before the holiday, trying one last time to convince him.

Bellamy sighed. "No matter how many times you ask me that question, Echo, you're going to get the same answer. It's what we do. And, yeah, Octavia's out on the West Coast this year, but the rest of us will get together, just like always. Clarke makes the turkey and it's great."

Echo gritted her teeth, her eyes narrowing in disbelief. But in the end she had to accept it.

She left his apartment assuring him that, "Next year will be different."

Next year?

Recalling Echo's parting words as he drove to Harper's the following day, Bellamy felt more than a twinge of discomfort. He knew damn well that he'd put it off for far too long. That it was grossly unfair to keep using Echo as some sort of comfort blanket to hide from his pain over Clarke. Especially now, when she'd somehow developed such unrealistic expectations, convincing herself that their relationship was going to develop into something more, when he knew damn well that was never going to happen.

Bellamy sighed. It was past time to end it.

But that was a problem for another day. Right now, he was bracing himself for what he might find when he got to Harper's. Like maybe Clarke having Cillian in tow. He supposed he could have just asked if she was bringing him, but stupidly, he'd been too afraid of the answer.

But when he arrived, Bellamy found Clarke in Harper's kitchen, working on food prep. And she was very definitely alone.

"No Cillian?" he asked, his tone just as light and off-hand as he could make it

Clarke shook her head, peering at him out of the corner of her eyes as she focused on chopping carrots. "We don't have that kind of relationship, Bellamy."

"That kind...?"

She shrugged. "The kind where I'd bring him to a holiday dinner. But..." she turned slightly, looking past his shoulder, "where's Echo? Is she in the other room?"

"Echo's having Thanksgiving with her family."

Her brow wrinkled in surprise. "And she didn't invite you?"

"She did. But... I declined. I'm not interested in having that kind of relationship with her, either."

Clarke frowned slightly as she resumed chopping. "Are you sure? Because the last time I saw you together, she seemed... pretty attached."

Bellamy sighed. "I don't know if she is or she isn't. The point is... I'm not."

Clarke turned, searching his face carefully before she spoke again

"Bellamy, you've been together a long time..."

He interrupted quickly, needing desperately for her to listen. "Clarke, Echo and I... we've never been together the way you're thinking. Look, I've wanted to explain so many times..."

She shifted away again. "I don't think this is a good time for that kind of discussion, Bellamy. They're all going to be here any minute."

"Then... let me drive you home tonight. We can talk then."

Clarke hesitated, finally nodding. "Okay," she said quietly.

The company was good and the food was great, just like all their other group Thanksgivings. But Bellamy was so on edge that he could hardly enjoy it. All he could think about was finally getting to explain himself to Clarke. And wondering if it would make any difference to her at all.

Every once in a while he'd catch her eyes on him, but then she always turned quickly away. He was damned if he could figure out what was going on inside her head.

Clarke had promised Harper she'd help with the cleanup, so they were among the last to leave. By the time they finally said their goodbyes, Bellamy was so jumpy he could hardly sit still.

As they drove through the chilly November night, Bellamy searched for exactly the right words that would make Clarke understand. And that wouldn't make him seem like a complete asshole. When he got to her place, he pulled into the lot and looked at her uncertainly.

"Can I come inside so we can talk?"

Clarke hesitated, finally shrugging.

"Feels like your heater's working okay. Why don't we just talk right here."

Somehow Bellamy wasn't surprised. He couldn't actually remember the last time he'd been inside her place. He could barely remember the last time he'd had even five minutes alone with her.

"Okay," he nodded. "I just wanted to explain to you that, uh, Echo and I were never... uh, that is, it's never been... um, any kind of serious relationship."

"So... what? All this time you've just been sleeping together?"

"Well... yeah."

Bellamy squirmed in embarrassment, even though he knew Clarke wasn't judging him.

"And... Echo would say the same thing?"

"Yes. That was our agreement right from the start."

"But it's been a long time, Bellamy. And... sometimes agreements like that change."

"Well, they haven't for me. Even if Echo..."

"Even if Echo... what? Because when I saw her at your apartment, and at the bar on trivia night, it looked to me like she was really... into you. And she did invite you for Thanksgiving with her family."

"What are you getting at, Clarke?"

"That... maybe there really is more to it than you think..."

Bellamy shoved his hands through his hair in frustration.

"If it is, it's only on her part. I just... I don't feel that way about her. How could I, when..."

"When?" Her one-word prompt was so faint he could barely hear it.

But... fuck! He couldn't tell her like this. Couldn't declare his feelings for her before he'd completely detached himself from Echo. It just didn't feel right.

She'd have to trust him.

"I just need you to believe that I've never had those kinds of feelings for Echo."

"Okay," she said softly, "so then what're you gonna do about it? Considering that now she might be seeing it as... more."

Bellamy sighed. "I know I have to break it off with her. Just as soon as I get the chance."

She nodded. "If that's how you feel, that's probably the right thing to do. Otherwise..."

"Otherwise?" He frowned.

"Otherwise... don't. Just be sure you know what you really want."

Bellamy took a deep breath, working hard to bottle up his feelings for just a little longer.

"I do know, Clarke," he said softly. "What it is I really want."

Clarke was quiet as she studied his face.

"Good," she said finally, her voice barely above a whisper. "Let me know when you've sorted it all out."

Bellamy nodded. And knew he'd have to be content with that.

XXXXXXXXXX

While it was Bellamy's firm intention to confront Echo as soon as she got back from visiting her family, in this he was continually thwarted. First there was the field hockey team, and Echo's girls were in the playoffs for the first time in years. Then there was her coursework as she finished up the final semester on her Master's.

Soon it was the middle of December and they still hadn't talked.

"You know, if you're really that desperate to see me," Echo told him, sounding amused, "I can probably fit in a booty call when I get back from the game. Course it might be a little late."

"No, no," he said hurriedly, knowing she was still at school and hoping no one was around to hear her end of their phone conversation. "That's not it at all. We just... really need to have, um, I mean I really want to talk to you."

Dammit! Bellamy hoped that didn't sound too ominous.

But, no! That wasn't how Echo took his words at all.

"Oh?" she said archly, lowering her voice to a purr. "That sounds intriguing. But between my team and my grad courses, I'm going to be out straight for a while."

Bellamy sighed in frustration. A while felt like an eternity, because until he talked to Echo he knew he couldn't confess his feelings to Clarke. But he also knew he owed it to Echo to take his time and not just hurriedly blow her off with a two-minute conversation.

"Why don't I come to your place the day school lets out?" she finally suggested. "Everything'll be over by then and we can really, uh, take our time. And maybe I can even talk you into coming home with me for Christmas. Or... I could use other methods of persuasion besides words."

Bellamy groaned inwardly as her tone reached new heights of suggestiveness. He wasn't sure how to feel about the fact that she obviously had no idea what was coming. Should it be relief... or guilt?

"Sure," he said. "We can exchange Christmas presents then, too. I, uh, really hope you'll like yours."

"I'm sure I will," she said, and he was startled to hear what almost sounded like a giggle.

"Okay," he said. "I'll see you on the 22nd."

Bellamy loved teaching, but by the time school let out for the winter break he could feel nothing but relief. The past few weeks had felt like the longest of his life. He'd seen Clarke, of course. Every single workday. And often on the weekends as their friend group swung into holiday party mode.

But by some sort of unspoken but mutually-understood agreement, they avoided any one-on-one time.

Still, something about their behavior must have seemed odd, because it provoked the ever-observant, ever-intrusive Murphy to pull him aside one night and poke his nose right into Bellamy's life.

"What the fuck is going on with you and Clarke? You in the middle of some kind of feud the rest of us don't know about?"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Bellamy snapped, not bothering to hide his annoyance.

"You come into a room... Clarke leaves it. You sit on one side of the table, she sits on the other. You two used to be practically joined at the hip. So what the hell gives?"

"Just leave it, Murphy!"

But he might just as well ask water not to be wet. Murphy continued to poke and prod.

"Unless..." a light flickered suddenly in Murphy's eyes, "it's the opposite. Are you two havin' a thing and somehow forgot to tell the rest of us?"

Bellamy groaned. "Will you just shut the fuck up!" he hissed, mere inches from Murphy's face.

But something in his own face must have told Murphy he was near the mark.

"Look, Bellamy, dude... you're a fuckin' mess. Try to straighten out your love life, okay?"

"Yeah, thanks for the advice," he muttered to Murphy's retreating back.

If only he could.

By the time the last day of school rolled around, he was more than ready to get it all over with.

Bellamy wasn't sure how to prepare for his talk with Echo, so he just bought a bottle of some wine he knew she liked and crossed his fingers. Later, when she arrived, he considered that perhaps that hadn't been the best of ideas, since the first thing she said when she spotted the bottle and glasses was, "Oh, are we celebrating?"

"Uh, yeah," he shrugged. "Two weeks off from work. That's always worth celebrating."

"Oh, I thought you might have had something a little more... personal... in mind," she smirked. "But, go ahead. Pour me a glass."

Bellamy poured them both a glass of the Cabernet. He didn't usually choose wine, but hell, he definitely felt like he needed some fortification.

He took a sip and then cleared his throat noisily.

"So, Echo, the reason I've been wanting to talk to you..."

"Do we have to have the talk now?" she asked, clearly disgruntled. "Can't we leave that until later and do more... interesting things first. After all, it's been weeks."

She tried to slide onto his lap, but Bellamy moved away quickly.

"How about opening your Christmas present?"

"Yeah? Now that sounds like a good idea," she smiled, eagerly falling in with this plan.

Bellamy got up and retrieved the small, carefully-wrapped package from where he'd placed it on the top of his bookshelf.

"Here," he said, "I hope you like it. Merry Christmas."

Great, he thought, I really am an asshole. Give the woman a nice gift and then break it off with her five minutes later. He sighed softly because it really couldn't be helped.

Echo stared at the box for so long that Bellamy wondered what the hell was going on.

"Aren't you gonna open it?"

She looked up at him and smiled. "I just want to be able remember this moment."

Bellamy couldn't help thinking that he doubted she'd want to remember anything about this visit.

Finally, she began to tear at the paper, and the first small frown appeared as soon as she saw the box. A frown that only deepened when she opened it and looked inside.

"What the hell is this?" Her tone was harsh.

Bellamy blinked in surprise. "What do you mean? It's a Fitbit. You told me you lost yours, and I figured you'd really like a new one. I'm not sure if it's the same one you had, but you can exchange it, I think..."

He'd bought her a top-of-the-line model, figuring if she was going to get some unwelcome news, she should at least get a decent gift.

But Echo didn't look at all pleased with her high-end Fitbit. In fact, she looked like she was about ready to spit nails.

"This is what you got me for Christmas, Bellamy? A Fitbit?"

He couldn't understand why she was so angry.

"Echo..."

"So... what was it you wanted to talk to me about, anyway?" she asked, suddenly shifting gears.

Bellamy took a deep breath. Would it be easier or harder to break it off now that she was already - mysteriously - angry about her gift?

"Uh, it's about us. Our... relationship. Lately, it's seemed to me like you've wanted... more from me. I haven't felt right about that..."

"Bellamy," she interrupted quickly, "it's fine. We just haven't had much chance to see each other lately. We'll be back on track soon..."

"No, that's... not what I meant. It's nothing to do with how much we've seen each other..."

"Of course it is! If you'd just come home with me for Christmas like I asked..."

Bellamy began to feel like he was talking to a wall. Or like they were having two different conversations. Suddenly, he just wanted it over with.

"We need to stop seeing each other," he said abruptly, breaking into her renewed Christmas invite.

"Wh-what? You don't mean that! Whatever is wrong, we can fix it..."

"Nothing is wrong, Echo, so there's nothing to fix."

He took a deep breath and plowed ahead.

"Last January, we agreed to just... have some fun. Keep it very casual. And... maybe the whole thing wasn't such a good idea because we work together, but it seemed to be working out okay. And then you came back in September, and after that it seemed like you expected something more from me. Something I can't give you."

"Of course you can give it to me! You just have to get past your fear of commitment and admit your feelings..."

"I don't have a fear of commitment! And... I don't have feelings for you. At least... not that kind..."

He heard her sharp intake of breath and then Echo's face twisted into a puzzled frown.

"What are you talking about, Bellamy? You waited for me," she insisted, her tone both determined and petulant. "You waited all summer."

Bellamy sighed, hating himself for having to be so cruelly direct. "If I didn't go looking for someone to date last summer," he told her as gently as possible, "it wasn't because I was waiting for you. It didn't have anything to do with you at all."

"Then... what did it have to do with?" she demanded.

Bellamy paused. He certainly wasn't going to tell Echo how he felt about Clarke.

"What does it matter?" he finally said quietly. "I know this is all my fault, Echo. I should have broken off this... whatever the hell it is we've been doing... months ago, when I realized you thought it was more. But I put it off. And I'm sorry about that. You have every right to be pissed."

"And so... this is all I the explanation I get? Fuck! Yeah, I'm pissed, Bellamy. I also think you're a complete asshole. I mean, who gives their girlfriend of a year a Fitbit for Christmas? Instead of... something else. And then breaks up with her!"

Bellamy knew he could have said... But you're not my girlfriend. You've never been my girlfriend. I never said I had feelings for you. And this isn't that kind of breakup.

But really, what was the point? Why be any crueler than he'd already had to be?

"I'm sorry," he said again. It was really all he could say.

Echo stood abruptly, jerking on her coat. She paused for a moment, staring down at the pricey Fitbit, still in its box on his coffee table, before bending over and scooping it up.

"I'd like to fling this in your face," she told him, biting off the words, "but why the hell shouldn't I keep it!"

"You should keep it," he said softly, also rising. "I hope you get a lot of use out of it."

Echo stared at him for a moment, her face a mask.

"Fuck you," she said finally, before flinging herself out the door.

Bellamy sat heavily, glad it was over. And feeling every bit the asshole Echo had made him out to be.

XXXXXXXXXX

Bellamy made himself wait a day before he tried to get in touch with Clarke, but when he finally gave in to the need to hear her voice every one of his calls went straight to voice mail. Then, when she didn't call back, he was sure it must be just... part of their agreement. That they wouldn't really talk until he'd broken it off with Echo.

He supposed he could text her, let her know he'd had that conversation with Echo, but somehow that didn't feel right. He needed to tell Clarke the whole story, and he had to do it in person. But he knew she was visiting her family for the holidays, just like always.

So he told himself to have patience. To sit tight. To wait.

But it was damn hard.

With Octavia not around, he'd have preferred just hunkering down in his apartment for the holiday, but Monty and Harper had invited him for Christmas dinner, their first since they'd moved in together. Bellamy figured he ought to at least show up.

"No, but I expect her for our New Year's party," Harper told him, when he casually asked if she'd heard from Clarke. "She sure as hell better show up. She's the one who convinced us to have the party and she promised to help."

"Hey, anything's gotta be better than last year at that dance club," Monty groaned, shaking his head at the memory. "Even hosting a party."

Bellamy couldn't help but agree. Last New Year's Eve had been a disaster in every possible way.

He left a few hours later, secure in the knowledge that his waiting was almost at an end. Clarke would be back for New Year's and he was damned if he was letting anything stand in the way of their having that long overdue conversation.

By the time he made the return trip to Harper and Monty's on the 31st of December, Bellamy was practically quivering with anticipation. The previous week had felt never-ending, and all he wanted was to find Clarke and drag her off to someplace private enough for a serious talk. Somewhere he could be sure they wouldn't be interrupted.

She hadn't yet arrived when he got to the party, but he knew he was early. He'd been way too keyed up to just wait calmly at home. But he forced himself to be patient and interact with his friends, all the while drinking very little and never losing his focus. But as the partygoers came and went, and Clarke still failed to show, Bellamy began to feel vaguely uneasy.

When there was still no sign of her by 11, he cornered Harper as she was refilling the snack bowls in the kitchen.

"Clarke's kinda late, isn't she?" he said, striving to keep the agitation he felt from bleeding into his tone. "I thought you said she'd promised to help you."

Harper turned from her task, frowning. "She was here, Bellamy. She came to help this afternoon. But then she said she didn't feel well and couldn't stay for the party..."

"What?"

"Yeah, I guess I thought you probably knew. Oh, wait," her face wrinkled in distress, "I forgot. She did tell me to wish you happiness."

Bellamy was utterly confused. "You mean... she told you to wish me a... Happy New Year?"

Harper shook her head. "No, no, she definitely said happiness. I'm sorry, Bellamy, I meant to tell you that earlier but then I just got so busy..."

Bellamy brushed her apology aside, mostly because he simply didn't want to waste time on it.

"So where is she now?" he asked, his mind whirling, his patience at the breaking point.

"Well... I suppose she's at home. At least that's where she said she was going..."

He didn't stick around to hear the rest. Within minutes, Bellamy was out the door and in his car, headed toward Clarke's apartment. It looked like something had gone wrong yet again, but he really couldn't imagine what.

But this time he wasn't going to sit around and do fuck all about it.

This year, Bellamy was going to act.