Hi guys, firstly I want to apologise for how long it;s taken to update this. Work got really crazy and I haven't had a lot of time but I was finally able to sit down and write tonight and I managed to come up with a really long chapter for you as an apology, it's almost 5000 words! A massive thank you to everyone who's reviewed, your comments really do mean everything to me and they encourage me to write more, even if it isn't always quick. Again I apologise so much for that. There won't be such a bit gap between this and the next chapter. There's lots going on in this chapter, but hopefully you still enjoy it :) Thanks for sticking with me this far!

"I'm broken," Amanda said simply, casting her gaze down into her lap.

"Huh?" Olivia replied, confused at Amanda's remark.

Amanda looked up again, meeting Olivia's eyes with a look of complete and utter defeat on her face, "Liv, I'm broken," she repeated.

Olivia shook her head softly as she tried to work out what Amanda meant. She figured that Amanda wasn't currently in a great state of mind but the comment was ambiguous and the blonde didn't seem like she was going to elaborate on it.

"It's okay to not be okay Amanda, that doesn't mean you're broken," Olivia said gently and she continued to towel dry Amanda's hair.

Amanda didn't respond, but when she sighed and shook her head Olivia realised that that wasn't what she had meant.

"Are you in pain?" the brunette asked. Maybe Amanda was referring to her broken ribs? Amanda shook her head again. The tense way in which the blonde held herself on her bed told Olivia that that probably wasn't true but she didn't push the subject.

Olivia finished drying Amanda's hair to the best of her ability and set the towel to the side. She glanced at the hairbrush on the dresser but decided against combing out Amanda's hair for her. Olivia knew that eventually the blonde would be mortified that she had needed help getting dressed and tangled hair was a good trade-off for a little bit of dignity.

Olivia sat on the bed next to Amanda and wondered how to handle the situation. She had a feeling that despite her earlier admission Amanda didn't want to talk and she knew from experience that pushing the blonde rarely worked. She was deeply worried about Amanda, her whole demeanour had changed and Olivia was having a hard time keeping up with what the younger woman needed. It frustrated Olivia that she couldn't read the blonde better, but she was also aware that Amanda had always been a closed book and despite everything they had shared recently trust was still something Amanda had a problem with. Olivia decided to start with the easiest task first.

"Amanda you need to finish getting dressed," Olivia said gently, holding the sweatpants out to her. Amanda didn't make a move to take them, she just kept staring forward so Olivia tried again. "You can't stay in this damp towel all day,"

"You can't tell me what I can and can't do!" Amanda shouted, taking Olivia by surprise.

"Amanda…"

"Leave me alone," the blonde cut in, grabbing the sweatpants from Olivia and throwing them to the floor in anger.

"It's okay honey," Olivia soothed, trying to quell Amanda's anger.

"Please just go, leave me alone,"

Olivia opened her mouth the protest but Amanda cut in before the brunette had a chance to speak, "Go away," she said venomously.

Olivia realised then that her presence in the room was no longer helping. She sighed, and with one last glance at Amanda, who was still sitting on the bed her face turned away, Olivia left the room closing the door softly behind her.

Olivia let out a long breath as she stepped into the hall. Mood swings, anger, these were both things she knew to expect when working with victims but she hadn't been prepared for it to be so much harder when the victim was someone she considered a friend. She found herself wondering if she could really do this on her own, but then pushed the thought out of her head as quickly as it had entered. Regardless of how Amanda was currently behaving she'd still reached out to Olivia and Olivia had made her a promise that she was going to be there for her. She could do nothing but wait.

Amanda sat on the edge of the bed, taking shuddering breaths as she attempted to calm down. She hadn't meant to get so angry at Olivia but she just couldn't take how kind, how patient Olivia was being. She knew Olivia was just trying to help but shouting at her had been the only way that Amanda could get her to leave so she could try and gather her thoughts. She hadn't meant to tell Olivia but she had been in such a state earlier she couldn't help it. All Amanda could do now was hope that Olivia would leave it alone because the last thing she wanted to do was explain what had happened.

Wrapping her arms around herself, Amanda shivered, and she knew Olivia had been right, she needed to get out of the damp towel. Her cheeks flushed red as she realised she was already half dressed and had obviously been helped by Olivia. She hated feeling being so weak and dependant. Slowly Amanda stood up, gasping in pain as she did so. Her entire body ached, and she knew it was made worse by the frigid shower she had forced herself to endure. It had worked though, it had calmed her unwanted arousal. What it hadn't done was assuaged her raging guilt over the incident.

Cursing as she bent to pick up the sweatpants, Amanda got dressed as quickly as she could despite the pain hindering her progress and sat back down on the bed with a sigh. She knew Olivia was still in her apartment from the smell of coffee that wafted under the door but she didn't feel up to facing the brunette just yet. She got into the bed, sighing as the thick blankets she pulled over her brought instant warmth to her chilled body.

"The customers at the bar, well the ones I could track down, confirmed that Amanda and Wentworth entered the bar at about 10.45. Most of them said they noticed because Amanda was quite loud," Nick wince. There was no nice way to say that Amanda had in fact been blind drunk.

"Hmm," Fin replied. He knew that would just be one more argument for the defense to use against Amanda. They could say it doesn't matter how drunk a person was but in reality he knew how damming people's perceptions could be. "What about the CCTV, please tell me you got something,"

Nick shot Fin a conflicted look as he put the tape in the player, "there's a camera on the street, but the one out back in the alley has been busted for months.

"Dammit," Fin sighed. That was just their luck. Still he was hopeful that there would be something useful on the tape, "oaky, what about the one on the street?"

Nick pressed play and wound the tape forward to 10:45. The pair watch as two figures come into view on the grainy tape. One they clearly recognised as Amanda and the other as their suspect, Stephen Wentworth. Fin shook his head as he saw how much Amanda was stumbling, and this was before they'd even entered the bar.

"So they go in at 10:46, which matches with Amanda's account of the evening and also the customers at the bar, then it's about an hour and 45 minutes before they come out again, again matching up with Amanda's statement."

Nick winds the tape forward again to 12:26. The street is empty until Amanda exits the bar first, quickly followed by Wentworth who grabs her wrist and yanks her back.

"That son of a bitch," Fin said, his blood boiling as he continued to watch the silent footage. His hands curl into fists as he watched Amanda clearly refusing something Stephen is saying to her, but then she stumbles again and he catches her. They stand together for a moment until he half drags her into the alley and out of the frame.

"Dammit," Fin exclaimed. The really could have done with a camera in the alley.

Nick sucks in a breath at Fin's visible anger, knowing the worst is yet to come, "then 24 minutes later he comes out of the alley, alone and flags down a taxi. And it's another 56 minutes until our friends stumble into the alley at…"

"He just walked away and left her lying there," Fin cut in angrily, "I wanna get this bastard Nick,"

"We all do," came Cragen's voice as he exited his office and joined the two male detectives at the incident board, "please tell me we have enough for a warrant for this guy,"

"Absolutely Cap," Nick says, "I'll get on to the DA's office right now,"

"There's no need," came a familiar voice from across the bullpen.

"Alex," Cragen greeted the blonde with a mixture of surprise and relief.

Seeing the surprised look on the three men's faces Alex explained her presence, "You know how fast news travels around here, even if you don't want it to. When I heard an SVU detective had been assaulted I asked for the case. How is Amanda?" Alex asked. She'd worked with the blonde detective about a dozen times and they knew each other well enough for the question to be laced with more concern than an ADA would normally have for the welfare of a victim.

"Liv's looking after her," Fin replied, and he didn't failed to notice the little flinch Alex gave at the mention of Olivia's name. He knew the two had a history, and he could never keep up with whether they were talking or not.

"That's probably for the best," Alex nodded, before her attention was caught by the photos of the suspect up on the board. "Stephen Wentworth is your suspect? Are you sure?" Alex winced, "sorry," she apologised quickly as she saw the looks they gave her.

"He's out only suspect," Nick explained, motioning for Alex to look at the CCTV tape.

Nick took Alex through the CCTV tape, and then Fin gave her a brief summary of Amanda's statement. Alex noticed that both of the men had neglected to tell her much about the rape kit results other than the most pertinent things but she didn't push for more, she knew she'd have to go over all of the case files later anyway.

"That's enough for an arrest warrant and for his DNA, but I hope to God he's definitely our guy," Alex said, bracing herself for the onslaught she knew she was about to get.

"No disrespect intended Alex but you don't seem overly confident in Amanda if you're doubting that this is who we're looking for," Fin said, his voice calm but Alex could see the anger in his eyes.

"What more do you want counsellor?" Cragen added.

Alex fixed a steely glare at the men in front of her before she spoke, "No once did I say I doubted Detective Rollins, I'm just thinking about this from the perspective of a prosecutor. This guy is one of New York's richest men and you can bet he's going to have the best defense money can buy. They will exploit every single discrepancy, no matter how small. Now I want to get this guy as much as you do and if that means second guessing everything, then I make no apologies for that," Alex explained, her confident tone cutting through all of the men's doubts.

"I'm going to need a copy of everything you have so far," Alex said, and Nick took the opportunity to leave the tense conversation, telling Alex that he would get photocopies done as soon as possible.

"We're going to need Amanda to come in a do a line up once you have him in custody, do you think she'll be up to that?" Alex asked, directing the question at Amanda's partner.

"Honestly I don't know," Fin admitted, remembering how fragile Amanda was yesterday evening, "she's really shaken up. I'll call Olivia and find out," Fin said, excusing himself and going over to his desk.

This left Cragen and Alex, and the captain was the first one to break the silence that had ensued as soon as Fin had left.

"Alex we need to nail this guy," he said seriously.

Alex nodded, "that's why I didn't want anyone else on this case," Alex said, "after Olivia…" Alex sighed, unable to finish the rest of her sentence.

Cragen reached out and gave Alex's arm a reassuring squeeze, "I know Alex," he said softly, the look in his eyes needed no words to explain it to the blonde lawyer.

Alex straightened her suit jacket and blew out a long breath, recomposing herself. "I'm going to get a judge to sign off on that warrant."

The shrill ringing of Olivia's phone pulled her attention from the show she hadn't really been watching. She quickly drained the last of her coffee before answering the call.

"Benson,"

"Liv it's Fin. How's Amanda doing?"

Olivia bit her lip at Fin's question. Knowing better than to lie to the younger woman's partner she decided honesty was the best policy, "I really don't know. Every time I think we're getting somewhere she shuts down again,"

"I'm sure you're doing your best Liv," Fin said, and Olivia could hear the hesitation in his voice.

"Yeah… what is it Fin?" she asked.

"We've got enough for an arrest warrant, the ADA wants Amanda to come in when we've collared him to ID him in a lineup,"

Olivia sighed. She wasn't sure if she was going to be able to get Amanda to cooperate given her current mood, "I'm not making you any promises Fin. I'll ask her but she's had a rough morning, the ADA might have to wait,"

"Alright. Look Liv…"

"Yeah?"

"Never mind, it's not important," Fin said. Olivia got the feeling that he wanted to tell her something but he was holding back, "just let me know okay,"

"I will, talk to you later," Olivia said, ending the call.

"Amanda," Olivia called, knocking on the door softly. Getting no answer she pushed the door open and was immediately met with the overpowering smell of cigarette smoke. Amanda was sitting on the bed, a lit cigarette dangling from her fingers. Trying her hardest to ignore the smell Olivia set down the glass of water and pills she'd brought in and then sat opposite Amanda on the bed.

The blonde didn't even move her head to look at Olivia until after she'd stubbed out the cigarette in the mug she was using as a makeshift ash tray.

"I thought I told you to leave," Amanda said, her shaky voice betraying the cool exterior she wanted to portray.

"What can I say I'm stubborn," Olivia told her. The brunette knew better than to be hurt at Amanda's words. Lashing out was just Amanda's way of being defensive and Olivia had grown to expect it.

"I'm not here to talk to you about earlier," Olivia explained, "but I just had a call from Fin, there's been a break in the case,"

Amanda sat up a little straighter, Olivia's words catching her attention.

"The ADA's getting a warrant for the arrest of the suspect," Olivia said, studying Amanda's face to try and gauge her reaction.

"They ID'd him that fast?" Amanda asked in surprise. She hadn't been expecting the case to move so quickly.

"Thanks to your description and the photo they tracked him down pretty quickly," Olivia hesitated before continuing with the rest of what she had to say, "once we have him in custody, we need you to go down to precinct and ID him in a lineup,"

Amanda immediately shook her head, "no," she said simply, crossing her arms in front of her.

"I know this is the last thing you want to do but just think about everything you've done already. You've done so well," Olivia said, "we're gonna get this son of a bitch Amanda but we still need your help," the brunette reasoned.

Amanda closed her eyes and let out a long breath. She knew Olivia was right and despite how she was currently feeling, Amanda knew she'd never be able to forgive herself if another woman got hurt because she wasn't strong enough to face her attacker.

"Fine, I'll do it," the blonde relented, and Olivia let out a sigh of relief, "Liv can you just… can you leave me alone until we have to go? I just need to be alone,"

Reluctantly Olivia got up and moved to the door. At least she had been able to get Amanda to cooperate, "just call if you need anything okay?" she said, in her heart knowing the blonde wouldn't bother her for anything.

Amanda just nodded, and as Olivia closed the door behind her she glanced over at the pills Olivia had left for her. She had hoped she would be able to cope without them but the pain was just too much. Her resolve wavering, she took the pills and washed them down with the water.

"Cabot just dropped this off, we're good to go," Nick said walking into Cragen's open office and showing the captain and Fin the freshly signed warrant.

"Let's get moving," Fin said and he made a move to leave.

"Wait," Cragen called, catching their attention, "I know you want to make this guy hurt but once his lawyer finds out Amanda is a cop, if he even has one bruise on him they'll cry police brutality,"

Fin nodded curtly, "by the book Cap we got it."

Nick whistled at they arrived at the impressive building which served as the main office for Wentworth and Sons company.

"If there's one thing this guy isn't short of is money," Nick said as they entered the through the revolving doors. Everything about the building scream money, from the polished marble floors to the chrome and glass that made up the walls and doors.

"Yeah he'd be short of something else if I had my way," Fin remarked, "let's collar this son of a bitch,"

"Detectives Amaro and Tutuola," Nick said, flashing his badge at the pretty blonde receptionist, "we need to speak to Stephen Wentworth,"

"Do you have an appointment?" the receptionist asked, as she kept her attention focused on the computer screen in front of her.

"We don't need an appointment, we've got a warrant, now if you want to avoid a scene you'll get your boss down her right now," Fin insisted, showing the receptionist the warrant.

"I uh, right, okay just give me a second,"

It took the receptionist, identified by her name badge as Carmen 5 minutes to persuade Stephen Wentworth to come to the reception desk, and it was only after she'd revealed the that police were here to talk to him had he agreed to come down.

Fin did his best to swallow his anger as Stephen stepped off the elevator. He walked over to Fin and Nick confidently, flashing them a cocky smile.

"What can I do for you officers?" he asked with a smirk.

Fin decided to forgo any pleasantries and instead get straight down to business, "Stephen Wentworth you're under arrest for the assault and rape of Amanda Rollins. You have the right to remain silent…"

"What? That little whore from last night? Whatever she said she's lying," Stephen hissed as Fin put the cuffs on him.

Fin adjusted the cuffs, making sure he put them tight enough to be uncomfortable but not tight enough to leave a mark, "That 'little whore' is an NYPD detective, so you'd better watch your mouth," Fin whispered menacingly as he began to march Stephen forward.

"Carmen call my lawyer," Stephen called over his shoulder, "I'll be out in 10 minutes, I'm a respected member of the community,"

"Shut up," Nick said angrily.

Amanda felt a sense of déjà vu overtake her as they walked into the squad room. She scanned the room quickly, pleased that the few people who were in the room were keeping their attention on whatever they were doing. She also noticed the absence of Nick and Fin and she shivered as she realised they would probably be with the suspect.

Olivia noticed movement in Cragen's office and directed Amanda over to the now open door. The brunette was stopped in her tracks as she heard the all too familiar click of high heels. Looking up she came face to face with Alexandra Cabot. It hadn't even crossed her mind to as Fin when he'd called earlier to ask who the ADA on the case was and now she realised that was what he was going to tell her before he changed his mind. She wished he had so she could have prepared herself. Their relationship had never really been the same since Alex had left to go to Africa. The friendship that had once come easily to both women had suffered and despite both of them trying they'd not spoken in many months.

"Counsellor," Olivia greeted the blonde lawyer awkwardly.

"Olivia," Alex replied with a curt nod of her head.

"I'm glad it's you Alex," Olivia said with a soft smile.

"They wouldn't let me try Lewis," Alex said quietly, "I wanted to do this,"

The moment between the two women was broken as Cragen cleared his throat and both Olivia and Alex's attention was brought back to Amanda.

"Amanda," Alex said softly, "I'm sorry we're here under such horrible circumstances. Thank you for coming in, I know this is hard,"

Amanda bit her lip and simply nodded at the blonde in response. Olivia watched the two interact with interest. She wasn't sure if it was because Amanda was one of their own, but Olivia hadn't seen Alex be this gentle with a victim in a very long time.

"Do you think that you'll be able to go in without Olivia?" Alex asked gently.

Amanda sucked in a breath and shot Olivia a panicked look and the brunette opened her mouth to protest. It had been hard enough to coax Amanda to actually come to the precinct, she didn't want her to run now. Alex however was faster than she was and spoke calmly to the shaken blonde detective.

"I know it's hard but Olivia is an SVU detective and this lawyer is a real piece of work," she told Amanda honestly, "it'll look better if you go in without her, and you won't be completely alone. I'll be there the whole time and if you want to stop, you just say so okay,"

Amanda pondered this for a second and as she looked into Alex's eyes she was reassured by the honesty and sincerity she saw within them. It didn't do much to quell her panic but the knowledge that she was in control gave her just enough assurance to be able to push herself to agree to Alex's terms.

"O-okay," Amanda said shakily.

Alex walked the ten metres to the room where the line-up would be taking place with Amanda and and then paused for a moment, giving the younger woman a chance to compose herself before they entered.

"Ready?" Alex asked softly and Amanda nodded in reply.

Alex noticed the colour draining from Amanda's cheeks as she closed the door behind her and was quick to check that she was okay. Alex laid her hand on Amanda's shoulder in what she hoped was a reassuring gesture but she felt the younger woman flinch under her touch.

"Do you need a minute?" she asked, but Amanda stubbornly shook her head.

"Don't coach your witness," came a smarmy voice from the other side of the room. Alex fought to keep her anger in check at his snarky tone.

"Showing concern is not coaching," Alex bit back.

"Just get on with it counsellor you're wasting my time."

Alex chose to ignore the defense attorney's remark and as per protocol she explained the process to Amanda, despite the detective having been present for hundreds of line-ups herself. After checking one final time that Amanda was ready she tapped on the glass and the light in the opposite room came on, illuminating the men standing there.

Amanda recognised him straight away. Even though she knew that he couldn't see her, his bright green eyes seemed to stare right at her and she looked away. She felt the panic rising in her chest and her body started shaking involuntarily. It was all she could do to swallow the wave of nausea that overcame her when she dared to open her eyes again.

"Number five," Amanda managed to choke out in barely a whisper because her throat and mouth were so dry from fear.

Alex took a step towards the young detective in concern. She could tell that Amanda was ready to bolt from the room, the fear rolling off of her was tangible and Alex knew she had to act quickly.

"Can you repeat that for me?" she coaxed gently.

"Number five," Amanda repeats, just loud enough for both of the lawyers in the room to hear. Alex breathes a sigh of relief at the solid ID but before she got a chance to talk to Amanda the younger blonde had fled the room, leaving the door swinging open behind her.

Amanda was running on pure adrenaline as she ran out of the room. In that moment she only had one goal, to get as far away from that room and that man as quickly as possible. She barely noticed as Olivia called after her and she pushed past a surprised looking Fin as he walked out of the restroom. She ignored the elevator, the thought of being in another small space was too much so instead she took the stairs, climbing them two at a time with a new found burst of energy. By the time Amanda got to the roof her heart was hammering in her chest and her breaths came heavy and ragged from exertion and panic. She punched the keycode in and then pushed open the unlocked door, gasping as the cold air hit her, instantly cooling her flushed face.

Unable to stand on her shaky legs any longer, Amanda sat down on the cold concrete and tried to catch her breath. As she had started running up the stairs, she hadn't seen Nick notice and follow her up to the roof. He'd circled around so he didn't sneak up on her but when Amanda finally noticed him she sat up on her knees and looked around in a panic, expecting to see the rest of the squad too. When Amanda realised it was just Nick she sat back down again, but didn't make any move to talk to him.

When he was sure she wasn't going to run again Nick sat down next to Amanda, making sure not to get too close. She shivered slightly, wrapping her arms around herself, and Nick got up and took his jacket off and draped it around her shoulders. Amanda gave him a tiny sad smile and he sat back down again. They stayed there on the roof sitting in silence for a good ten minutes and Amanda found herself both grateful for the company and for Nick's silence. She didn't want to talk, she just wanted to sit and breathe and ground herself back in reality and he'd sensed that. His presence alone brought her a kind of comfort she hadn't realised she had craved when she'd fled from that room. It wasn't overbearing, and she didn't feel crowded. Slowly but surely her panic abated and she got her breathing back under control.

"Take as long as you need okay," Nick finally said, breaking the silence, "I'll tell the others you're alright, you ran out of there pretty fast," he gave her a small smile.

"Uh, Nick… thanks," Amanda said quietly as Nick left her alone with her thoughts.

She felt so conflicted, so guilty. She knew that Olivia would be worried, that Fin would be worried, but at the same time she had just needed to get away for a while. Everything was overwhelming and their concern, especially Olivia's sometimes felt suffocating, even more so when she was feeling guilty. And every time someone said it wasn't her fault, she just felt even guiltier. Amanda felt guilty that it had happened in the first place, she felt guilty that she was depending so much on Olivia, she felt guilty when she thought about not cooperating with the investigation anymore because it was too hard. That wasn't even counting the guilt from before that she had still struggled with every day. How much can one person live with? Amanda didn't know, but she realised with a heavy heart that she was about to find out.

Thanks so much for reading :) please leave a review and tell me what you thought :) (Amanda will start to open up to Liv more, especially about the nightmare she had but I needed to get the ball rolling on the case, but stay tuned for lots more Amanda/Liv and quite a big Fin/Amanda moment next chapter)