A/N: I know it's been years since I updated this story but I found this half-finished chapter on my hard drive and added a bit more to it, just to see if people would still be interested in reading. I know there's been lots of cast changes in the show but if I was to continue with this it would be set in this current time, with no Carisi, no Kat etc. Please let me know if you'd like me to continue and which avenue you'd like me to take it down if you have any ideas :) I've got a few of my own but wanted to know what you guys thought to. Well on with chapter 18 I guess! Lily x
Olivia was glad that Amanda had agreed to for her to come along. Frannie was, understandably excited and Amanda had only been able to hold her leash for a couple of minutes before Olivia had realised that she was in pain. She'd taken the leash gently from Amanda, and after a few more minutes Frannie had settled down at a pace slower than Amanda usually walked her at.
Amanda was quiet, walking along with her arms wrapped around herself and Olivia forced herself not to push the blonde to talk, hoping that Amanda knew that she was there if she needed her. Olivia mulled over what she hadn't gotten a chance to talk about Amanda about the previous night. The search of Stephen Wentworth's apartment had turned up the belt buckle that Amanda had described. His laundry had already been taken and cleaned by the maid, but with any luck they'd be able to turn up some trace DNA from the buckle, or even, Olivia shivered at the thought, they might find traces of Amanda's blood.
It had been enough to hold him overnight, though his lawyer was still stonewalling every attempt to question him. Alex had made it clear that she didn't want Olivia interrogating him, saying that she was 'too close' to Amanda to be impartial. Alex didn't want anything to jeopardize the case, Olivia understood that much, but what she wouldn't give for even a second alone with the bastard. His arraignment was tomorrow, and Olivia wasn't holding out much hope for remand. It was likely, that he would make any bail that the judge set, and as much as she had assuaged Amanda's fears the previous night, the most they could do was apply for an order of protection and hope that Wentworth wasn't stupid enough to try and find out where Amanda lived.
"Liv." Olivia heard Amanda call, and it sounded faint, as if she was far away. When she glanced up she realized that Amanda was no longer by her side, or in front of her. Olivia whirled around, making sure she didn't let go of Frannie's leash and saw Amanda a few feet behind her, leaning against a railing. Olivia cursed herself, she'd gotten so caught up in her own mind that she must've walked ahead, leaving Amanda behind.
"I'm so sorry." Olivia said, jogging back up to where Amanda was standing. Frannie whined and nudged Amanda's hip, then laid down by her feet quietly. Olivia realized that Amanda was barely standing, instead using the railing to hold herself up.
"Amanda what's going on?" Olivia asked, tying Frannie's leash to the railing temporarily so she could focus on Amanda, who looked as if she was about ten seconds from collapsing on to the ground.
"I just…" Amanda pressed her palm to her forehead, "I uh, I don't feel so good, my chest and…Liv I'm so sorry."
"Hey," Olivia smiled softly, hoping that the worry on her face was hidden well enough, "you don't have to be sorry, it was me that went running off."
"Frannie does that… sometimes, she gets excited." Amanda replied, her voice weak. "I'm gonna fall." Amanda grabbed on to Olivia's arms suddenly and the brunette caught her elbows, helping to hold her up as her knees buckled.
"No you're not. I've got you." Olivia soothed, shifting her position so she was able to get one arm around Amanda's waist. "Here hold on to me." Olivia instructed, and she didn't miss the hiss of pain that escaped Amanda's lips as she lifted her arm around Olivia's shoulders. "We're just gonna get to that bench, okay?"
The bench was a few steps away, across the path. It was manageable to get there, Olivia thought, as long as Amanda didn't actually faint. She wasn't sure if the blonde was having a panic attack or if the pain had gotten to her, but she did know she needed to get her sat down and safe.
"There we go, you're okay." Olivia said, as she helped Amanda stumble to the bench. As soon as Amanda was sat down and Olivia was sure she wasn't going to slip off, she ran back over to get Frannie, tying the leash to the bench before she turned her attention back to Amanda.
Amanda was clammy, Olivia could tell from the way her hair stuck to her forehead, her breathing was sharp and shallow, and Olivia needed to work out what she was dealing with. The blonde was bent forward, her elbows resting on her thighs and her face in her hands and Olivia hesitated when she reached out her hand to rub Amanda's back. Deciding it would be best not to startle her, Olivia just shifted a little closer to her, careful not to touch her but close enough that she could speak quietly to her.
"Amanda can you tell me what's wrong?" Olivia asked softly.
"My chest." It came out like a sob and Olivia's heart sank. "it hurts. And my stomach. Everything hurts."
"Did you take your painkiller this morning?" Olivia asked, getting a short nod in return. "I think maybe that your body wasn't up for all this activity today huh? You were sick last night, and that will have irritated your rib fractures."
Amanda made a sound that was somewhere between a laugh and a sob. "I just wanted to take my dog for a walk and I couldn't even do that."
"Your body needs time to heal Amanda, you've been through an ordeal, and it's a process."
Amanda looked up at her for a second, and Olivia noticed she was as white as a sheet, "I just want everything to go back to normal Liv." A single tear rolled down Amanda's cheek. "I just want it to be over."
"I know honey." Olivia said softly. She closed her eyes and sighed, Olivia knew that this was anywhere from over for Amanda, it was only just the start, and it would be an uphill battle.
"But let's just take it one day at a time for now okay?" Olivia said, pulling out her phone. Amanda sat up a little straighter at the sight of the cellphone and she sounded panicky as she spoke.
"Who are you calling? I don't need to go to the hospital."
Olivia gave Amanda's shoulder a gentle squeeze. "I know that, it's okay. But you need to rest. I'm just calling the guys to see where they are, see if they can maybe give us a ride back to your apartment. Is that alright?" Olivia's finger hovered over the call button.
Amanda visibly relaxed as Olivia explained, and she reached down to gently to scratch Frannie between her ears as she nodded.
"Are you sure you don't need me to stay for a coupla' hours?" Fin asked quietly, glancing over at Amanda who was safely curled up on her sofa with Frannie. Fin had practically had to carry Amanda back up the stairs to her apartment, but it had reassured Olivia to see her so relaxed in his arms.
"No I'm alright here, we're okay. But thanks for the ride." Olivia stepped further into the hall, pulling Fin with her, making sure she was out of earshot of Amanda. "Has anything come back from that belt buckle?"
"They're still processing it as we speak, but as soon as they get back to us I'll let you know. That son of a bitch still ain't talking. Sitting there all smug with his expensive lawyer thinking he's gonna get away with this. Makes me sick Liv." Olivia could see the anger burning in Fin's eyes, she knew just how protective of Amanda Fin was, and she could tell that it was breaking his heart.
"Oh we'll get him, there's no way he's getting away with this. The evidence, the rape kit, it's good evidence.
Fin looked down at his feet and sighed, "I spoke to Alex, this guy is probably gonna make his bail, whatever the judge sets it at, I just want her to feel safe. I've already spoken to Nick, he's happy to help too, we can make sure there's someone with her at all times. I don't trust this guy not to do something stupid."
"We'll make it work Fin, okay? And tell Nick thank you. I know Amanda appreciates everything that you guys are doing for her, even if she can't say it right now."
Fin looked over Olivia's shoulder at Amanda once more, "take care of her Liv."
"I will."
After seeing Fin out of the apartment, Olivia checked her phone. She had a few missed calls from Brian and she promised herself that she'd call back later when Amanda was settled. Sometimes days and days went by without her hearing from him when he was undercover, and looking after Amanda was just as, if not more, important than that and Olivia hoped that he'd understand.
"How are you doing Amanda?" Olivia asked gently, crouching down so that she could see Amanda properly. She was still awfully pale and shivering under the thick blanket Fin had covered her with. Instinctively Olivia pressed the back of her hand to Amanda's forehead and tutted when she felt how warm the other woman was.
"You've got a fever." Olivia gently shooed Frannie off the sofa where she was curled up against Amanda and tried to take the blanket and Amanda clutched on to it shaking her head.
"No Liv I'm cold." Amanda's teeth chattered together.
"You're burning up." Olivia sighed and tried again, giving up when Amanda held the blanket firmly around her. "I think you might need to see a doctor." Olivia said hesitantly, remembering how against the idea Amanda had been in the park.
"No!" Amanda panicked, "I don't want to go to the hospital again, I'm fine please just leave me alone." The very last thing that Amanda wanted to do was go to the hospital and be touched by strangers again. The fear of that was more overwhelming than how sick she currently felt and she swallowed thickly to try and combat the nausea that had been rolling in her stomach ever since she started to feel unwell at the park.
"I'll be with you Amanda, I won't leave you on your own." Olivia tried to reason with her but Amanda shook her head violently.
"I'm fine." Amanda insisted, wincing as she pushed herself up into a sitting position. Her eyes rolled back in her head as she sat up and Olivia moved to catch her, frightened that she might faint, but Amanda clutched the arm of the sofa and brought her free hand up to her mouth.
Olivia recognized the panic flashing in her eyes from the previous night and she reached for the closest thing to a bowl she could find, knowing that Amanda wouldn't have the strength to get to her bathroom in her current state.
"Alright." She soothed, putting the waste basket between Amanda's knees before she sat up next to her on the couch. She pulled Amanda's hair up into a rough ponytail, pulling the hairband from her own hair to secure it.
"Just try and take some deep breaths." Olivia coxed, rubbing slow gentle circles on her back hoping that it might help to stave off the inevitable and save Amanda the pain. "Sweetheart." Olivia sighed, "you're sick and you need to see a doctor."
"I don't want to… Liv please." Amanda sobbed and it broke Olivia's heart. She sounded so frightened at the prospect but Olivia knew there was no way she could leave Amanda suffering like this.
"I know you don't want to go to the hospital but how about if I get Melinda? You need to let someone check you over. I'll see if she can come here, okay? Amanda is that okay?" Olivia asked desperately hoping that Amanda would agree.
"Okay." Amanda said weakly, and Olivia sighed in relief. "I don't want to throw up again."
"I know. I know" Olivia said softly, quickly tapping out a text message, "just keep breathing."