A/N: I'm overwhelmed by the responses I got for this chapter and I'm so excited to continue with this story. I haven't really seen much new SVU so this is definitely the era and characters I'm going to stick with. Thank you so much for reviewing, I'll hopefully get back into the swing of updating, I've got a bit more time now and a clear vision for where I want to take the next part of this story. As always, I look forward to your comments on this :) Lily x
Glancing back into the lounge Olivia sighed. She was worried about Amanda. Amanda hadn't thrown up in the end, and after a good deal of coaxing, Olivia had managed to persuade the blonde to try a cup of peppermint tea, hoping it would have the dual effect of calming her stomach and hydrating her. Apart from the breakfast that had mostly come back up the previous night and the three bites of toast Amanda had had that morning, she'd barely eaten at all, and Olivia hadn't seen her drink much either. She didn't know if that was contributing to why Amanda seemed so ill all of a sudden but she was glad that Melinda had agreed to come and check her over.
Carrying the two mugs back into the lounge she was careful to avoid tripping over Frannie who was laying down next to the couch that Amanda was on and placed the tea on the coffee table in front of her.
"Do you think you can try some of this?" Olivia asked gently, putting her own mug down next to Amanda's. Amanda shrugged, but she sat up slowly anyway, letting the blanket she still had pulled tightly around her drop a little bit as she reached for the mug. Frannie stirred, and sat up as if she was worried Amanda was going somewhere, but she settled as soon as it became clear she wasn't leaving the couch. Olivia smiled softly and reached to stroke Frannie's head. She'd never met a dog more protective of her owner than Frannie.
"I put a bit of cold water in it so it's not too hot." Olivia explained, passing the mug to Amanda who held it still in her hands for a few moments before she took a sip.
"I feel a bit better." Amanda said quietly, letting the mug rest on her lap. Olivia sat up on the other end of the couch, reaching for her own mug and taking a sip of the soothing tea before she spoke.
"I'm glad you're more comfortable." Olivia said, nodding. On Melinda's instruction, she had given Amanda a dose of her painkillers along with some Tylenol to bring down her fever. Amanda still looked clammy though, and her chest still flushed pink with fever despite Amanda saying she felt better.
"Listen if you need to go Liv, I'll be okay." Amanda said, staring into the mug of tea as she spoke. Olivia frowned at the remark that seemed to come out of nowhere, before she remembered the hushed conversation she'd had with Brian on the phone, locked in Amanda's bathroom where she thought she wouldn't be overheard.
"I'm not going anywhere." Olivia insisted, shaking her head.
"It's not your job to babysit me. I don't want to cause you any trouble." Amanda spoke quietly, keeping her eyes averted from Olivia. She was already feeling like a burden, and when she'd overheard Olivia apologising to Brian for the amount of time she'd spent away from home, she'd just started feeling more guilty.
"You're right it's not my job." Olivia said, putting the mug down on the coffee table and turning to face Amanda. "I'm here because I want to look out for you, I didn't do that enough before and I'm…" Olivia sighed, "I'm really sorry. I just with there was more I could do to make this easier for you. I wish I could take it away from you." Olivia's voice cracked a little as she spoke and she took a deep shuddering breath to try and calm herself down. "Please stop worrying about me Amanda, I'm here because I want to be okay?"
"Okay." Amanda said quietly, sipping at her own tea. She didn't dare look at Olivia because she just knew the look that she would have on her face, that gentle, soft compassion and Amanda knew it would make tears prick at her eyes.
"And if…" Olivia sighed, thinking about the only other reason Amanda would be pushing for her to go, and it wasn't outside the realms of possibility, "If you don't want me to be here, that's okay too. You just have to say." Olivia said, "I want to do what's best for you."
Olivia really didn't want to leave Amanda when she was clearly this unwell, but of course she wouldn't force her presence upon Amanda if she'd grown tired of having her there. It was the more unlikely of the two scenarios, but Olivia thought it was important to give Amanda the choice.
"No." Amanda said quickly, the tea sloshing over the sides of mug in her hands in her haste to turn towards Olivia. "Please don't go."
Olivia felt bad that she'd caused Amanda to panic, but it reassured her that she was here, where Amanda wanted her to be. She rubbed Amanda's shoulder and smiled softly, trying to reassure her. "I'm not going to go unless you want me to, okay? I'm right here." Amanda nodded weakly. "I'm here."
"Thank you for coming Melinda." Olivia said as she opened the door to the M.E. Melinda clutched a black bag in her hands and she had a sombre expression on her face, though she smiled back at Olivia when she smiled at her, despite the circumstances.
"I'm still not sure if she would've been better off at a hospital." Melinda handed the bag to Olivia to hold while she shrugged off her coat and hung it up. "From what you said she sounded quite unwell."
"She's spent so much time in hospital this past couple of days." Olivia sighed, handing the bag back to Melinda. "I don't think I'd have had much luck getting her there, she so resistant to the idea."
"I'll see what I can do." Melinda smiled softly, nodding her head as Olivia showed her through to Amanda's lounge.
Protective as ever, Frannie came up to check out the new person in the room before Melinda could even step over the threshold. She sniffed around Melinda's feet, her bag and her hands, before sitting down by her feet and wagging her tail, the sign she gave when she trusted someone.
"This must be Frannie." Melinda said, glancing over to the blanket covered form on the sofa, hoping to get Amanda to interact with her. She'd never met Frannie before, but she'd heard about her, mostly from Fin, who she knew had a soft spot for the animal.
"She's a good girl." Olivia replied, scratching between Frannie's ears. "She's just protective of her mom."
"I can see that." Melinda smiled, turning her attention to Amanda. Olivia distracted Frannie and took her into the kitchen, giving Melinda a bit of privacy with Amanda.
"Detective Rollins." Melinda spoke softly, not wanting to startle Amanda, who moved at the first sound of her voice. She scrambled to sit up, getting herself a bit tangled in the blanket as she moved. Melinda wasn't sure if her help would be appreciated, but in the end she just pulled the end of the blanket so Amanda could sit up unhindered.
"Doctor Warner." Amanda was overly formal, detached when she spoke, as if they had just met at the morgue over a dead body and Melinda chastised herself for not approaching her in a friendlier way. She would have to gain Amanda's trust if she was going to be able to find out what was causing her to be so sick, so she decided to try the greeting again.
She sat down in Olivia's spot on the couch, far enough away to give Amanda some space but close enough that she could speak without raising her voice in anyway.
"Amanda, I'm really sorry that we're meeting under these circumstances."
"Does everyone know now, about me? About what happened?" Amanda asked, repeatedly pulling at a loose thread on the blanket instead of looking at Melinda when she spoke.
Melinda hesitated, not knowing whether to tell Amanda a truth she most likely didn't want to hear. For lack of a better description, Amanda's attack and Stephen Wentworth's subsequent arrest had been an unofficial hot topic throughout the precincts who worked most closely with the 16th, as well as the agencies that worked with them. She didn't know how much Amanda knew about that, if she knew anything at all yet so she decided to play it safe, not lying to Amanda but telling her the most palatable parts of the truth. Amanda didn't need to know that she'd already known what had happened before Olivia had been in touch.
"Olivia only told me what had happened because she said that you've been sick, that you have a fever." Melinda explained, "I'm just here to check you over, okay?"
Amanda looked at Melinda for a moment, as if deciding whether or not to trust her. She knew the M.E in a professional capacity mostly, had very rarely seen or socialised with her outside of work. But Oliva trusted her, and it was a much better option than going back to the hospital again.
"Okay." Amanda reluctantly agreed, nodding her head. "I do feel better than earlier though." She added she added as Melinda opened the black bag she had brought with her.
"That'll be the Tylenol bringing down your fever." Melinda brought forward a thermometer and gestures towards Amanda's mouth. "May I?"
Amanda's heart started to race as Melinda brought the thermometer closer to her mouth. Rationally she knew where she was, that Melinda wasn't going to hurt her, that it was just a piece of medical equipment but still she felt fear start to grip her body. Her fingers curled into the soft blanket that was still covering her legs and she forced her mouth open.
It was over quickly, but Amanda was relieved when Melinda removes the thermometer, even though the other woman frowned at the reading.
"102.5. That's pretty high Amanda. I just need to have a listen to your chest is that alright?"
Amanda was grateful that Melinda was explaining everything before she did it but she was still so gripped in the panic the thermometer had caused that she couldn't speak. She nodded weakly and tried to swipe away a tear that had fallen down her cheek without Melinda noticing, but she wasn't quick enough and Melinda put the stethoscope down and smiled kindly at Amanda.
"Would you feel better if Liv was here?" She asked softly, realising that Amanda was frightened. It was useless trying to examine Amanda when she was in such a panic, it would throw al of her observations off.
"I'm sorry." Amanda mumbled, "I feel so stupid. I know you're not going to hurt me. But everything feels…"
"It's alright," Melinda assured her, before quietly calling for Olivia to join them.
A few seconds later, Olivia came into the lounge, the the sound of clicking on the floorboards indicated that Frannie wasn't too far behind.
"Everything okay?" Olivia asked with a concerned frown. Melinda got up to meet her by the door, and her voice was quiet when she spoke to
Olivia.
"Did he…" Melinda hesitated, "when I took her temperature, it seemed to trigger her panic, she had a really hard time opening her mouth."
Olivia sighed sadly, rubbing her hand across her mouth. Amanda had had the same reaction in the hospital when the nurse had swabbed her mouth during the rape kit and from Amanda own accounts of the assault, forcing oral sex had been the first thing that Stephen Wentworth had tried.
"Yeah. He did." Olivia glanced over at Amanda who hadn't moved from where she was sat on the couch. Frannie was sat protectively at her feet, instinctively knowing that Amanda wasn't okay.
"That son of a bitch." Melinda muttered. "Listen I think she'd find this easier if you were there. Fin said you've been looking after her."
"We can try." Olivia said, nodding her head. "There have been times when she doesn't want anyone touching her or near her."
"Well that's understandable." Melinda sighed, "I'll try and make this quick."
Olivia walked over to Amanda and she crouched down in front of her. "Hey." She said softly, trying to get Amanda's attention.
Amanda's trembling hands were wound tightly in the blanket and Olivia reached out to hold them, squeezing lightly in the hopes that it was comforting. "It's okay." She whispered, "you're okay."
Olivia's hands felt warm, even on top of Amanda's still flushed skin. She closed her eyes and tried to focus on Olivia's voice, tried to ground herself in a safe reality instead of the fear that was coursing through her body.
"I-it was just a thermometer." Amanda tried to explain, her voice shaky. "I could see it, I could see Doctor a Warner. I feel so stupid." Amanda sniffled, dropping her head as the tears that filled her eyes threatened to fall down her cheeks.
"You're not stupid Amanda. It triggered a reaction that made you feel unsafe, and that's okay. Your brain and your body is on high alert. But this hypervigilance won't last forever." Olivia stroked her thumbs across Amanda's knuckles. "What we can do right now is try to manage it okay?"
Amanda nodded and turned her hands over in Olivia she she could hold on to her fingers. "Can you stay?"
"Of course." Olivia said softly, "we've even got Frannie too." She added, waving Melinda over from where she was waiting.
A/N: thank you so much for reading!