(Title Card: Candlehead is pretending to sing while standing on a chaise lounge.)
NARRATOR: And now it's time for "Silly Songs with Candlehead; the part of the game where Candlehead comes out and sings a silly song.
(Title card fades to show Candlehead laying on the couch while Crumbelina writes notes on a legal pad.)
One day while talking with Dr. Crumbelina, Candlehead confronts one of her deepest fears.
CANDLEHEAD: If my lips ever left my mouth
Packed a bag and headed south
That'd be too bad; I'd be so sad
CRUMBELINA: I see. That'd be too bad; you'd be so sad?
CANDLEHEAD: That'd be too bad
CRUMBELINA: Alrighty.
CANDLEHEAD: If my lips said, "Adios!
I don't like you; I think you're gross
That'd be too bad. I might get mad
CRUMBELINA: Hmm, that'd be too bad, you might get mad?
CANDLEHEAD: That'd be too bad
CRUMBELINA: Fascinating.
CANDLEHEAD: If my lips moved to Duluth
Left a mess and took a tooth
That'd be too bad. I'd call my dad
CRUMBELINA: Oh dear. That'd be too bad, you'd call your dad?
CANDLEHEAD: That'd be too bad
CRUMBELINA: Hold it! Did you say your…father? Fascinating! So, what your saying is, if your lips left you…
CANDLEHEAD: That'd be too bad, I'd be so sad,
I might get mad, I'd call my dad
That'd be too bad
CRUMBELINA: That'd be too bad?
CANDLEHEAD: That'd be too bad
CRUMBELINA: Why?
CANDLEHEAD: 'Cause I love my lips. (Begins to jump on the couch and generally appears to be losing her mind while scatting)
CRUMBELINA: (Once Candlehead finishes) Oh my, this is more serious than I thought. Candlehead, what do you see here? (Holds up an inkblot paper)
CANDLEHEAD: Um, that looks like a lip.
CRUMBELINA: What about this?
CANDLEHEAD: It's a lip.
CRUMBELINA: And this?
CANDLEHEAD: It's a lip
It's a lip
It's a lip, lip, lip
It's a lip
It's a lip
It's a lip, lip, lip
It's a lip
It's a lip
It's a lip, lip, lip
Lips!
Lip, lip, lip
CRUMBELINA: Candlehead, tell me about your childhood.
CANDLEHEAD: When I was just two years old
I left my lips out in the cold
And they turned blue. What could I do?
CRUMBELINA: Oh dear, they turned blue. What could you do?
CANDLEHEAD: Oh, they turned blue
CRUMBELINA: I see.
CANDLEHEAD: The day I got my first tooth
I had to kiss my Great Aunt Ruth
She had a beard, and it felt weird
CRUMBELINA: My, my! She had a beard and it felt weird?
CANDLEHEAD: She had a beard
CRUMBELINA: (disgustedly) Oh!
CANDLEHEAD: Ten days after I turned eight
Got my lips stuck in a gate
My friends all laughed
(Very fast) And I just stood there until the fire department came and broke the lock with a crow bar and I had to spend the next six weeks in lip rehab with Dr. Mario and this kid named Oscar who got stung by a bee right on the lip and we couldn't even talk to each other until the fifth week 'cause both of our lips were so swollen, and when he did start speaking, he just spoke Polish, and I only knew, like, three words in Polish, except now I know four, because Oscar taught me the word for lip: Usta!
CRUMBELINA: (As she writes all of this down, steam comes off of her notepad) Your friends all laughed; Usta. How do you spell that?
CANDLEHEAD: I don't know.
CRUMBELINA: So, what you're saying is that when you were young…
CANDLEHEAD: They turned blue, what could I do
She had a beard, and it felt weird
My friends all laughed…Usta!
CRUMBELINA: I'm confused.
CANDLEHEAD: I love my lips!
(Candlehead begins to dance and scat again, all while Crumbelina continuously tells her to stop.)
CRUMBELINA: Candlehead? Wait, Ca-Candlehead? Time is up, thank you. Candlehead?
NARRATOR: This has been Silly Songs with Candlehead. Tune in next time to hear Candlehead say…
CANDLEHEAD: Have I ever told you how I feel about my nose?
CRUMBELINA: Oh, look at the time!
(Candlehead continues to sing anyway)