"Scorpius!" Albus interrupted his friend's rambling. "We need- we need to go to McGonagall. Now."
"What? Why? Albus, really, you should rest. We can go to her tomorrow."
"No, now. We must go now." Albus tried to stand but his legs were too weak. "I need to see my dad."
"Your dad? Why?"
"I'll tell you later. Help me get up," Albus asked.
Scorpius grabbed his hand and helped him to his feet. Albus felt his legs trembling and he wasn't sure if he was able to stand, not to mention walk. He felt Scorpius bending down and heard him picking up and folding his cane. He shoved it into Albus's pocket and put his arm around his waist to better support him.
"Do you really need to see your dad now?" Scorpius was stubborn. "We can write a letter to him and he'll be here first thing in the morning. I'm worried about you, Albus. That pain attack was very strong. You're pale and you look like you're going to faint any moment."
"Thanks," Albus said dryly. "And that's exactly how I feel. But it can't wait. It's too important. We need McGonagall to call my dad through Floo or send him a Patronus."
"Fine, I know I won't change your mind when it's set on something. You're too stubborn for your own good, Albus," Scorpius said sternly but Albus could hear that he wasn't truly angry. "Fortunately, the Headmistress's office isn't far from here."
Slowly they made their way through the deserted corridors. Albus still felt feeble and exhausted but he kept walking, one step after the other. He didn't have strength to use the cane, and he let Scorpius guide him, not paying any attention where they were going.
"Are you going to tell me why you need to see your dad so urgently?" Scorpius asked. "Stairs," he announced and stood on Albus's other side so Albus could use the banister.
"During the attack I remembered something," Albus said. His voice sounded hoarse after all the screaming he did today. He had to clear his throat a few times before he continued: "I'll tell you everything later, when my dad joins us. I don't want to repeat myself. But I think it may help to catch the attacker."
Scorpius gasped. "Really? That's fantastic! I mean- those pain attacks are awful and I wish they stopped but at least something good came out of it."
Albus nodded. "Yes, I think the pain triggered my memory. I felt as if it was that night again. As if I was in the park again." He shuddered. The image of his assailant haunted his every dream, seeing him while wide awake was too much for Albus. But as Scorpius had said, at least he had gained one benefit from this whole horrible situation.
"Last step," said Scorpius. The banister had ended and now Albus was running his hand over the stony wall. Someone ran past them, undoubtedly hurrying to the common room before the curfew. Scorpius, as a prefect, had a curfew an hour later and Albus knew that as long as he was with him no teacher would be a problem. Besides, being in the corridors after the curfew was the last of his worries.
They turned left. Scorpius was silent, probably thinking intensively about what Albus had told him. Albus's heart swelled with gratitude for Scorpius's constant presence. He was always beside him, always willing and ready to help but never intrusive, knowing that Albus valued his independence and self-reliance. Albus imagined a pain attack without Scorpius by his side and a shiver ran down his spine. He would lay there on the cold floor, screaming in agony, helpless, waiting for a merciful person who may hear him and help him.
"Are you okay, Albus?" Scorpius must have felt his shiver.
"Yes, as fine as I can be," said Albus. "I just imagined- what if you hadn't been with me when the attack started? What if I had been alone?"
"I don't even want to imagine it," said Scorpius in a tight voice. "That's why someone needs to be with you all the time. Not only to guide you through the castle, but in case of situations like that. I know someone else's constant presence is tiring but you have to deal with it. At least until the pain attacks stop entirely."
"I just- I want to thank you," Albus whispered. He didn't know exactly why he was whispering. Maybe he was afraid that someone was nearby and could overhear them. Maybe it just felt right to whisper his confession. "I want to thank you for helping me. Not only today but through all this difficult time. For being here. Staying with me."
Scorpius stopped. "Albus? Why would I not stay?" Albus didn't answer, just hung his head. "Did you think that I would leave you?"
"I- I didn't really think you would but- I have to admit that it crossed my mind." Albus let go of Scorpius's arm and was picking at his nail cuticles.
"Don't do that," said Scorpius and took Albus's hands in his. "I would never abandon you. You know that, don't you?"
"I know but- who wants a blind boyfriend whom you have to help all the time?" Albus asked miserably.
"I do. I want you, Albus. It doesn't matter to me if you're blind or deaf or can't walk. You're still Albus with who I fell in love years ago. I'll always love you and I'll never leave you. Well, maybe I would if you became a new Dark Lord. But even then I'd still love you with my poor broken heart."
Albus chuckled mirthlessly. "Don't worry. I have no intentions of becoming a dark wizard."
"And I know that you would never leave me if something happened to me," Scorpius said with conviction. "You know what, there's one thing Delphi said that I agree with."
"And what is it?" Albus asked curiously.
"She said that we belonged together. That's an absolute truth." Scorpius kissed him lightly and took his hand. "Let's go, we're almost at the McGonagall's office."
"Do you know the password?" Albus asked as they were walking slowly along the corridor.
"Yes, every prefect knows the password," Scorpius said. After a few more meters, he stopped. "Here we are. Götterdämmerung," he gave the password and Albus heard the stony gargoyle moving aside.
"Götterdämmerung? Does McGonagall like Wagner?" Albus asked amazed. Scorpius guided him through the narrow entrance. As they stood on the first step, the staircase started to move, taking them slowly up.
"What? Wagner? What is that?" Scorpius asked, sounding interested.
Albus snorted. "Who. Richard Wagner, a German composer from the nineteenth century. 'Götterdämmerung' is one of his operas."
"Oh, I don't know, maybe she likes him. How do you know about him?"
"I listened to some classical music this summer. I couldn't read or do much of anything so I listened to music most of the time. Classical music is much more interesting and engaging than popular music," Albus explained. "He's great. You should try it."
"Certainly. If you like it, it must be really good," Scorpius laughed, alluding to Albus's elaborate taste and him not being easily impressed by anything.
The staircase stopped moving. They walked to the door and Scorpius knocked a few times.
"Come in," came McGonagall's voice and Scorpius opened the door.
"Good evening, Headmistress," said Scorpius politely. They entered the circular room. "We're sorry for coming at such a late hour but it's very urgent."
"Sit down and tell me what happened," said McGonagall. Scorpius closed the door and helped Albus sit in the comfy chair in front of the desk. He took a seat in the second one.
"I had a pain attack," Albus started, looking at the headmistress. Well, he hoped he was looking at least more or less in her direction. "I remembered something during it. I believe it can help my dad to catch the attacker that's why I need to speak to him immediately. Could you send him a Patronus or call him through the Floo?"
"Of course," McGonagall said and Albus sighed in relief. "But you should go to the Hospital Wing, Mr Potter. You don't look well."
This time Albus gave a sigh of exasperation. "I'll go after I see my dad. Can we wait for him here?"
"Alright. There's a guest room in the back of the office. Go there and wait. There's a tea set there, you can make a tea if you like. I'll call your father, Mr Potter."
"Thank you, Professor," said Albus, standing up.
Scorpius sprang up to his feet and patted gently Albus's hand. Albus grabbed his arm and let himself be guided to the guest room. The room was pleasantly warm, he could hear a fire burning and crackling in the fireplace. Scorpius led him to a sofa. Albus sat down, closing his eyes and relishing in the comfort the soft furniture provided for his weary body. He could fall asleep in a minute. But no, he had to wait for his dad. He opened his eyes, reluctantly dismissing sleepiness.
"It's a nice room," came Scorpius's voice. He was standing behind the sofa.
"Have you been here before?" asked Albus.
"Of course not. I'm a prefect but that doesn't mean I have private teas with the headmistress every week." Albus rolled his eyes. "I think it's a room for private guests, like her friends or family. Does she have a family?"
"I have no idea. But I'm not very interested in teachers' private lives."
"Fair enough," Scorpius chuckled. Albus heard him walking around the room. "It's very cozy but elegant. Just a sofa, two armchairs, tea table, fireplace and a few bookcases. Oh, you can see Hagrid's hut from here."
"We should visit him. I haven't seen him since the school started," realised Albus, feeling a bit ashamed.
"You're right. When you feel better, we'll pay him a visit. We can go with Lily, James, Rose and Hugo. It'll be fun. Do you want some tea?"
Albus nodded. He heard the boiling of water and clinking of porcelain as Scorpius prepared tea. After a few minutes he felt the sofa's cushion sagging as Scorpius sat down beside him.
"Here's your tea," he said and put the cup in Albus's outstretched hands. They sat in silence for a while, sipping the hot liquid. Albus felt a tiny bit better. The warmth of the fire from outside, the hot tea from inside and the comfort of sofa under his body chased away some of his tiredness.
He was about to ask Scorpius if perhaps there were any biscuits for tea when he heard a commotion in the main office and McGonagall shouting 'Harry!'. Moment later his dad ran into the room.
"Albus!" Harry cried. He knelt in front of his son and put his hands on his knees, squeezing them tightly. "What happened? Professor McGonagall said that you'd had a pain attack."
"I did," Albus admitted. He gave the cup to his dad who put it down on the near table. "It was rather bad but-"
"Rather bad?" Scorpius interrupted him, sounding incredulously. "It was your strongest attack I've witnessed. And it was the third today."
"The third?" Harry asked in a weak voice. His grip on Albus's knees slackened, then tightened, making Albus squirm in discomfort.
"Yes, Albus also had two yesterday, and two the previous day. And they're worse each time."
"Albus, why didn't you tell us?" Harry stood up and started walking in front of the sofa. Albus imagined that he was running his hand through the hair in distress. "These pain attacks were supposed to get milder and less often not the opposite."
"I- I didn't want to worry you," Albus muttered. "You have enough troubles with finding the attacker."
Harry sat down next to him, sighing deeply. He embraced Albus, putting his hand in his hair and stroking them with tenderness. "Albus, nothing is more important than you," he said. "You should have gone to Madam Pomfrey or written to us and we would take you to see Healer Austen. I don't want you to suffer needlessly."
"I know, Dad. You're right, I need to see the Healer. But that's not why I wanted to see you so urgently," he paused and looked towards the door. "Is the Headmistress here?"
"Yes," Harry said. "But if you want to tell just me, I'm sure she won't mind leaving us alone, will you, Minerva?"
"Of course not. If you need something, I'll be in my office," she said gently and left the room.
"Um- so I guess, I'll wait for you in the common room?" said Scorpius, standing up.
"No, you're staying," protested Albus. "I told you that I'd tell you everything. I don't want to repeat this story."
"Oh, right." Scorpius flopped back down on the sofa.
"What do you want to tell me, then?" asked Harry, releasing Albus from his embrace. He held his hand instead.
"During the last pain attack I remembered something. From that night in the park." Albus felt his dad's grip on his hand tightening. "I believe it may be useful in identifying and catching the attacker."
"Merlin's beard!" Harry exclaimed. "Really, Albus? It's- it's great. We're at the dead end now. I've run out of ideas where to look for him. Or who he may be."
"I remember now that when he- used the curse on me-" Albus hated talking about that night. But it needed to be done. "He stopped for a moment, when I was still conscious. He knelt next to me and put his wand to my forehead. In the short moment before he cast the curse again, the sleeve of his robes fell down and I saw a tattoo on the inside of his wrist."
"A tattoo? What was it? A Dark Mark? Is he a Death Eater?"
"No, it wasn't a Dark Mark," Albus said. "It was a name. Names."
"Names? Do you remember what names?" Albus nodded. "Wait a second. I need- "Albus heard rustling of clothes. "-a notebook and pencil. I need to write everything down. Yes, you can go on. Tell me everything about that tattoo."
"It was three names: Charles, Claire and Grace. The first two were written in one line, the third below them. They were written in black ink, in elegant scripture. The whole tattoo was about three, four inches long."
"On which hand it was?" Harry asked, writing furiously in his notebook.
Albus thought for a while. "On right hand. He held the wand in the right hand."
"Do you remember anything else? About that tattoo or about the attacker?" Harry asked with a hope in his voice.
"No, sorry, that's all. If I remember anything else, I'll tell you right away," Albus paused, then asked: "Do you think this will help you to find him?"
"Oh, yes, definitely," said Harry and Albus sensed that his dad was excited, that he wanted to run straight to the Ministry and share that new information with his Aurors. "It seems to me that these names are of people close to him, his family or friends. Charles and Claire are together, you said, so maybe they're his parents? Grace is a female name so maybe that's his wife or girlfriend."
"Or sister," Scorpius suggested.
"Of course," said Harry. "These are all Muggle names, maybe he's a Muggleborn wizard. Maybe not. But it'll be easier to find who he is now that we have some connections. And we know his very characteristic feature and that will help us immensely in identifying him."
"I hate these pain attacks, but I'm kind of glad I had that one," said Albus, yawning.
"You're tired. Are you still in pain?"
"No, the potion worked. Though I have no idea how long its effect is going to last." Albus fidgeted with the sleeve of his robes, then asked in a soft voice: "Can I spend tonight at home? I want to see mum."
"Sure. She'll be so happy to have you back at home. And tomorrow we'll go to see Healer Austen."
"Great," said Albus, standing up. "You'll be alright, Scorpius?"
"Of course I'll be alright. Don't worry about me. Go home and rest. I'll see you tomorrow." Scorpius walked over to Albus and kissed him shyly, not daring for a more intense kiss in front of Harry. "Talk with your parents about the Cruciatus Curse," Scorpius whispered into Albus's ear, recalling their conversation in the Library earlier this evening. "Maybe they know something useful."
Albus nodded. He grabbed his dad's arm and followed him into the main office. Scorpius bade everyone goodnight and left the room.
"Minerva, I'm taking Albus home for a day. He needs to see his Healer. I'll bring him back tomorrow evening," said Harry.
"No problem. I hope you'll get better soon, Albus," said McGonagall. "The Floo powder is on the mantel."
Harry took a portion of powder and threw it into the fire. He helped Albus into the fireplace, joining him as the fireplace was big enough for two people. Albus tightened the grip on his dad's arm as Harry clearly spoke 'Potters' house'. Moment later they were travelling through the countless fireplaces in a dizzying rush and roaring flames.
Two weeks passed. Days were getting colder and shorter. Students spent most of their time in the castle, buried deep in homework and books, the sunny and warm days of summer almost forgotten. Scorpius was getting more stressed and tired with each passing day and couldn't wait for a Christmas break. He hadn't realised that the fifth year would be so hard. But at least one thing was better than before.
After the appointment with Healer Austen, Albus's pain attacks' frequency decreased. Instead of two or three every day, he recently had no more than one attack per day, and sometimes a day passed without any attack at all. The Healer gave Albus the stronger potion, which he was supposed to take in the same pattern as before: every six hours and as much as he needed in the case of the attack. She also evaluated his mental state, as some effects of the Cruciatus Curse could show up even after a few months, but she couldn't detect any irregularities.
Scorpius was sitting on his bed, under the heavy and warm duvet, reading the Potions textbook. It was quite early, and apart from Albus and him, there was no one else in the dormitory. Scorpius had been exhausted after a long day of lessons and had decided to take a long, hot bath in the prefects' bathroom and later read for a while in the bed, before sleep. Albus had preferred a quick shower and was now sitting on his bed as well, with the blanket around his shoulder, hunched over a big book, his fingers running slowly over raised dots. Scorpius knew it was an exercise book, which Mr Parry had given Albus to learn and hone his Braille reading skills.
Albus sighed and closed the book. "That's enough for today," he said, putting the book on his bedside table. "I'm exhausted."
"Yes, me too. I'll finish the chapter and go to sleep as well," said Scorpius, checking how many pages he had left. "How is it going? Braille reading?"
"Good, though I thought I'd be making a quicker progress." Albus got under the green duvet and put the blanket over it. "Learning the alphabet was rather easy but to read Braille, to distinguish each cell of dots and make a word of them – it's a different matter altogether. I'm not reading fluently as quickly as I'd like."
"Give yourself time, Albus," Scorpius encouraged him. "Remember that you're not only learning Braille but also keeping up with ordinary school work. And it's the fifth year. It's a huge amount of studying for a perfectly healthy person. I don't know how you manage with all this work."
"I don't know either," said Albus, yawning. "Goodnight."
"Sleep well," said Scorpius.
Albus checked if his wand was secure under the pillow and drew the curtains shut around his bed. Scorpius heard him squirm under the covers for a while until his boyfriend found a comfortable position. Scorpius smiled with fondness and returned to his book. After fifteen minutes he finished the chapter, put the book aside, closed the green satin curtains and lay down.
The curtains around beds were thin but they were charmed with a spell that blocked light and most of the sounds from the outside. The student behind curtains didn't hear snoring, talking or rustling of others and thus could sleep without being disturbed. The only sounds that penetrated through the barrier were the sound of the name of the person in the bed or shouts, cries and other noises that may indicate danger.
Scorpius closed his eyes and enjoyed the blissful darkness and silence which gave respite to his tired senses. His mind started to drift and soon he was peacefully sleeping.
He was woken by someone shaking his shoulder. He opened his eyes and looked around himself. The dormitory was dark, it was middle of the night but above him, in the dim light from the wand stood Hayden.
"Scorpius, wake up," he whispered frantically.
Scorpius sat up and rubbed his eyes.
"Hayden? What do you want?" he asked, still not entirely awoken. He had had such a pleasant dream.
"It's Albus. He-"
"Albus?!" The mention of Albus woke Scorpius instantly. He grabbed his wand and scrambled from his bed.
"He's crying, I think," said Hayden in a low voice. "I woke up and went to the bathroom. When I returned I heard some noises from Albus's bed." The curtains blocked the sounds from outside but you could still hear everything that was happening behind them. "At first I assumed he was having a nightmare but I think he's awake and crying. I don't know how to comfort him so-" he shuffled nervously. "I thought it'd be best if I woke you. You'll know how to help him."
"Yes, yes, of course," said Scorpius, looking at the dark silhouette of Albus's bed. "Thanks for telling me. Go back to sleep."
Hayden went to his bed. Scorpius lit up his wand and tiptoed to Albus's bed. As Hayden had said, from behind the curtains came soft sounds of crying and sniffling. Scorpius knocked lightly on the bedpost and called Albus's name. He called twice more, every time a little louder, and when he still didn't get an answer, he drew back the curtain just an inch and peered inside.
Albus was laying on his side, facing Scorpius. He was curled into a tight ball, clutching the toy dog from Lily to his chest, his face hid in the toy's soft fur. He was most definitely crying, an occasional sob shaking his shoulders. Scorpius sat down on the bed and put his hand on Albus's thigh.
"Hey, Albus, it's me," he whispered. Albus didn't react in any way. "Sweetheart, what's going on? Please, look at me."
"I can't look at you, can I?" Albus murmured dryly, with a hint of sarcasm in his voice.
Scorpius was taken aback. Albus never had problems with people using words indicating vision when talking with him. Something was very wrong, without a doubt, and Scorpius was determined to find out what.
"Albus, please, tell me what happened," Scorpius begged, stroking his fingers through Albus's sweaty hair.
Albus flinched back. "Don't touch me. It hurts," he mumbled through gritted teeth.
"Hurts?" Scorpius repeated, confused. "You're in pain? Why didn't you take the potion? Where is it? Have you lost it?"
He turned the light from his wand towards Albus's bedside table and as he had expected, the flask of the analgesic potion stood there, next to the Braille book. The dark blue elixir looked black in the dim light. Why hadn't Albus taken it? Scorpius knew for a fact that if Albus wasn't shouting in pain and was still able to talk to him, he wasn't in so much pain that he couldn't drink the potion himself. And then he remembered something.
Albus hadn't drunk the basic dose he was supposed to take every six hours. He always drank a flask before going to sleep and that usually was sufficient until the morning. But tonight he had finished reading and gone straight to sleep, forgetting about the potion. It was no surprise that he was now in pain.
"You've forgotten to take the potion, haven't you?" Scorpius said, taking the phial from the table. "Here, drink." He tried to put the flask into Albus's hand but he hid them under the covers.
"I haven't forgotten. I didn't take it deliberately."
Scorpius stared in shock at his boyfriend. "Why?" he uttered.
Albus mumbled something into the dog's fur.
"Sorry, Albus, but I can't understand what you're saying," said Scorpius, a little bit irritated by Albus's unwillingness to cooperate.
"I don't want to get addicted to that potion," said Albus, finally raising his head. His cheeks were wet from tears, his eyes red and puffy, a thin sheet of sweat was covering his face. "That's why I haven't been taking the potion since this morning."
"Since morning? That's almost twenty-four hours!"
"The pain started around midday and got worse and worse during the day. I was able to withstand it until now. It's pretty bad, I don't know how much longer I will endure without the potion."
"Why are you doing it to yourself?" Scorpius asked with incredulity. "Healers said that it was very important for you not to feel any pain. They're afraid that any kind of prolonged and strong pain may damage your brain after tor- after the curse."
Albus sniffed. "I know but I don't want to get addicted to that stuff. I read- or heard, I don't remember when, that you can get too dependent on painkilling medicines. That it's very hard to quit taking them if you use them for too long. I don't want that."
Scorpius sighed. "That's true but only about Muggle medicines. Our potions work differently. You can't get addicted to them. Hasn't Healer Austen told you that?"
"Maybe. I don't remember everything she said," said Albus. He paused and took a few deep breaths, fighting against the pain. "You're sure I won't get addicted?" he asked with a hope in his voice.
"Yes, I'm entirely sure. I read about it in few books, each was a very reliable source. You can trust them," said Scorpius, still clutching the flask in his hands, anxious to give it finally to Albus.
"I trust you," said Albus and sat up. The toy dog fell to the floor. Albus held out his hand and Scorpius gave him the flask, before bending down to pick up the dog. He put it down on Albus's pillow. Albus drank the whole flask and sighed with relief. In the faint light Scorpius saw signs of pain on Albus's face disappearing, colour returning slowly to his cheeks. His eyes, though, were still brimming with tears which were steadily running down his face.
"Albus, is that not enough?" he asked, poking the flask in his boyfriend's hand.
Albus shook his head. "No, it's enough. The pain is gone." Scorpius took the phial from his hand and put it on the bedside table. "It's just-" Albus took a deep breath, trying to suppress a sob. "I'm sorry, go back to sleep-"
"No. I won't go until you tell me what's wrong. You weren't crying just because of pain, were you?"
Albus bowed his head, trying to hide his face, but it was useless as great sobs started to shake his frame. Scorpius moved closer to his distraught friend and embraced him firmly. Albus buried his face in his shoulder and cried relentlessly, soaking his shirt. Scorpius was running his fingers through Albus's messy hair, mumbling words of comfort into his ear.
"It's okay, cry as much as you need. I'm here."
After a few long minutes Albus calmed down a bit. Scorpius loosened his grip around Albus and summoned a pack of tissues with a murmured spell. He gave one to Albus.
"Sorry," whispered Albus, blowing his nose. "You were so tired tonight and I'm keeping you awake."
"Don't worry about me," rebuked Scorpius. He put the pillow up against the headboard and leaned back, still holding Albus in his arms. "And now tell me what makes you so miserable."
Albus sniffled a few times and after a while said: "The same things as always. There are days when I feel fine. But then comes a moment when it hits me how much I've lost-"
"I felt similarly after my mum died," confessed Scorpius. "I would feel somewhat okay and then unexpectedly something reminded me of her and all the sadness and longing came back. It still happens sometimes but much less frequently. Now I remember her more often with smile and fondness. It'll get better after some time, Albus."
"I hope so," Albus said, dabbing his eyes with the tissue. "But I wasn't crying just because I'm sad and yearning. I'm scared."
"What are you scared of?" Scorpius asked, taking Albus's hand and squeezing it tightly.
"I'm afraid that he- the attacker- that he'll come here and find me-"
"Albus, you know that's almost impossible," Scorpius said, trying to speak with utter conviction. "No one can enter Hogwarts without permission. Even if he gets in the castle, he doesn't know the password to the common room. And to get to you, he'll have to get past me and that'll only be over my dead body."
Albus smiled a bit. "I know all that but it doesn't stop me from worrying that he's out there, waiting to finish me off."
"Your dad will find him. You'll be completely safe soon."
Albus sighed. "But there's one more thing I'm constantly scared of and dad can't do anything about it. No one can."
"What is it? Tell me."
Albus was fidgeting with the edge of the duvet. "Pain. I'm terrified of those pain attacks. I don't know when or where it will start. I hate the pain itself, of course I do, but that nervous anticipation is even worse. I'm afraid the pain will start when I'm alone and there'll be no one to help me. When the attack starts I feel somewhat relieved because I know it'll be some time, at least a few hours, before it strikes again. That anxiety is exhausting."
Scorpius felt the prick of tears behind his eyelids. "I wish I could help you somehow. If it was possible I would take your pain instead."
"And I wouldn't let you," Albus whispered. He reached out and felt around until his fingers found Scorpius's lips. He kissed him gently but passionately, then pressed his forehead into Scorpius's. "Just be here. That's enough."
"Yes, yes, I'll always be here," assured him Scorpius. He moved away a bit and looked at his friend. Albus wasn't crying anymore and Scorpius felt this might be a good moment to broach a certain subject, especially after Albus's honest confession. "Um, Albus- may I ask you something?"
Albus hummed in response. He closed his eyes and put his head on Scorpius's shoulder.
"Did you- um, did you have a meeting with a mental health healer perhaps?" Scorpius said quickly. Then he held his breath, nervous about how Albus was going to react.
Albus opened his eyes and looked in Scorpius's direction, a consternation on his face. "Once, before I was discharged from the hospital. Why are you asking me about this now?"
Scorpius squirmed slightly beside Albus. "I just- well, after what you've just told me, I started to wonder, or worry really-"
"Scorpius. Go straight to it."
"Yes, alright. Are you depressed?" Scorpius blurted out. "Because if you do, there's nothing to be ashamed about. And there are professionals who can help you. And if you want to talk-"
"Scorpius, I don't have depression," Albus said firmly. "You have nothing to fret about."
"You're sure?" Scorpius asked, still unconvinced. "What you told me, these feelings of sadness, longing-"
"Yes, but that's normal in my situation. The Healer I talked to after the attack explained to me what emotions are typical and will pass with time and what should alert me and prompt me to seek professional help. Also, Healer Austen during our recent meeting reassured me that what I'm feeling is perfectly normal, that I should give myself more time. I'm not depressed."
Scorpius felt a bit of the heavy burden in his heart subside. "And you don't have any suicidal thoughts, do you?" he asked shyly.
"No, I don't. And I never had," Albus said seriously. "Yes, my life is hard, exhausting and pretty miserable sometimes but I never wanted to end it. I never even thought about committing suicide. I love life too much. I only have one and there's so many things I want to try and experience, even if I can't see them anymore. And I would never do that to you or my family."
"That's a huge relief." Scorpius kissed Albus on the cheek. "I was so afraid that you may- you know-"
"Kill myself? No, don't worry, I have no intention of doing that," Albus said. "You know what, now that you mentioned it, I don't think I wanted to die even during the- the torture," his voice wavered a bit but he continued. "You remember, Flagstad said that victims of the curse often wished for death just so the pain would end. I wanted to pass out, to not feel anything anymore, but not even once I wished for death."
Scorpius looked at his boyfriend with pride. "You're remarkable, Albus. What did I do to deserve you?"
"Well... you offered me your sweets on the Hogwarts Express!"
Scorpius chuckled. "Oh, I did! But you were the one who entered my compartment in the first place."
"Only because you were sitting alone. I was too scared to go to compartments full of other students," Albus said. "And I could ask you the same question: what did I do to deserve you?"
Scorpius just kissed him in response. "Are you feeling better?"
"Yes, much better. It was good to talk. Thank you."
"No need to thank me. I'm here anytime you need me." Scorpius swung his legs over the edge of the bed, putting his feet on the cold floor. "You must be tired. I'll-"
"Stay here? Please," said Albus, putting his hand on Scorpius's back.
Scorpius turned around. "I wish I could but what about Henry and Hayden? They won't be very pleased when they find out in the morning that we're sleeping together."
"Who cares about them?"
"I care," said Scorpius adamantly. "We live with them in the same dorm and I want to be on good terms with them. Besides they've been genuinely nice recently."
"You're right," Albus sighed in defeat. "But we'll be just sleeping, nothing more," he was relentless in trying to persuade Scorpius.
"I know that but they don't." Scorpius was trying to be reasonable but when he looked at Albus's face his heart melted. "Alright," he groaned. Albus jumped slightly in victory.
Scorpius went back to his bed and fetched his pillow and duvet. He closed the curtains around his bed so their dormmates would think he was still in his own bed. Then he tiptoed back to Albus's bed, got in and drew shut the bedcurtain. Albus was already lying down, wrapped up in his duvet and blanket. Scorpius lay down beside him, making himself comfortable on the narrow bed. School beds definitely weren't made for more than one person.
"We must be quiet in the morning," Scorpius warned Albus. "They can't hear that we're here together. I'll check if the coast is clear tomorrow and leave your bed so no one will notice."
"Sure. You're a sneaky Slytherin, aren't you?" Albus teased.
"So are you," remarked Scorpius. "You wanted me to sleep with you."
"Don't tell me that you didn't want as well."
"Yes, but you wanted more." Scorpius turned to his side so he was facing Albus. "Goodnight. Sleep well."
"Yes, goodnight," said Albus, closing his eyes.
Scorpius extinguished the light from his wand and put it under his pillow. He closed his eyes and fell asleep almost immediately. He slept peacefully until the morning.