AN: Special thanks to impiousimp for the suggestion that lead to this story. Special thanks to MRKRZHRSE AKA PappyWan Kenobi for singing the Super Chicken song so much that it inspired the other part of this story.
Like a Disease
Sam stared at her monitor lost in thought. She hadn't meant to be grumpy with Daniel but he'd pestered her about having a date for Valentines day at lunch and she'd snidely told him to get bent. Or at least that's how it had come out. What she had actually told him was she didn't do Valentines Day because she didn't want an STD.
The colonel had actually laughed at that, being very familiar with the older acronym of VD for venereal disease. While Jack explained the joke to Teal'c, Sam had made a discreet exit. She had no desire to discuss her love life with Daniel. She especially had no desire to discuss her lack of a love life with her CO.
Her CO who she'd already come on to while under alien influence and who occasionally flirted with her and was openly affectionate unusually often. She wished she knew what to make of him.
"You all right, Sam?" Came the voice of the man she'd been pondering and Sam jumped just a little.
"Sorry Sir, I was lost in thought." She said, glancing at the door and… oh crap am I blushing? Get it together Sam. He's your boss.
"Danny didn't mean anything by it." He told her; his hands shoved in his pockets as he shrugged.
Sam bit her lower lip. "I know, sir, it's just…"
"Touchy subject after the whole Hanson thing." He said, bobbing his head in understanding. "Gotta admit, I haven't been much of a fan since my divorce either." He flashed a grin. "I could always arrange another knife fight if it would make you feel better."
Sam giggled. "Thank you, sir."
Pleased with his success, O'Neill grinned. "If you change your mind about needing some VD though Carter, I'm your guy."
He disappeared around the door frame though as her eyes widened and her mouth dropped open in shock. When she recovered a few minuets later she giggled helplessly. Sometimes he had the goofiest sense of humor.
"O'Neill." Teal'c called out to him as he caught up to him in the hallway.
"Teal'c, what can I do for you, buddy?" Jack said. He'd been heading for Hammond's office so he rolled his shoulder to indicate Teal'c should walk with him.
"Daniel Jackson has explained that the giving of gifts for Valentines Day is not reserved only for lovers but also good friends."
"It can be, Teal'c." Jack agreed cautiously. "What's on your mind, big guy?"
"I believe I would like to give Captain Carter a token of affection and would like to know what would be appropriate."
Jack suppressed a grin. "I hear she's a pretty big fan of chocolate, Teal'c. That's probably your safest bet honestly. Anything else you have to know a lady pretty well for it not to be weird."
"Weird?"
"Creepy, strange, awkward… Weird."
"I see."
"This is my stop." Jack said when they got to the Gate room. "Good talk." He said and patted Teal'c shoulder before jogging to the stairs leading up to the briefing room.
Teal'c stopped and watched Jack with an inscrutable frown on his face.
"No, it's a great idea actually, Teal'c. She's had a rough last few missions. It might cheer her up."
"Agreed." Teal'c told Daniel while they sat in Daniel's lab translating a Goa'uld inscription on a tablet. "What kind of chocolate would be most appropriate to convey my regard for Captain Carter?" Teal'c asked in his perpetually serious tone.
"Probably something small, like a sampler box." Daniel suggested.
Teal'c nodded thoughtfully.
"If you want, I can drive you to the store this weekend. I might get her a stuffed kitten or something."
Teal'c looked at him thoughtfully. "What is the difference between what token you have suggested I give and the one you have chosen?"
"Oh, eh, well, honestly none really but I figured if you were already giving her chocolate I'd give her something a sibling might choose. I've never had a sister but if I did I think I'd pick Sam."
"I see."
"What are we discussing, kids?" Jack's head popped in, an apple in his hand that he took periodic large bites out of.
"Daniel Jackson was explaining the difference between a gift from a friend and a gift from a sibling."
"Depends on the friend and the sibling." Jack said around the mouthful of apple.
"Yah, Teal'c wanted to get Sam a gift for Valentines Day and I thought since she's had a bad couple missions lately I might too and was thinking a small stuffed animal."
"They haven't all been bad." Jack said absently. But after thought he shuddered. "Ok, yes they have. What did you guys come up with?"
"Chocolates as you suggested, O'Neill."
"Stuffed animal."
"Can't really go wrong with either." Jack agreed.
"What about you, Jack?"
"What about me what?"
"Are you going to get Sam something for Valentines day?"
"It's not really appropriate, Daniel, I'm her CO."
"Oh."
"Yah." Jack shrugged though and bit into his apple. "Big box of chocolates, small stuffed animal." He suggested to the two of them as he walked out chewing.
"Aw guys, that was very sweet of you. I'm sorry, I didn't get you anything."
"That's all right, Sam. Tomorrow we can go to the half off sale and buy each other all the candy we can stand." Daniel said.
Sam laughed and kissed Daniel and then Teal'c on their cheeks. "Thank you both. I love it." She said of the small stuffed orange cat that looked like Schrödinger and the absurdly large box of assorted chocolates they had bought her.
As the day passed she periodically smiled at the items. Flowers from General Hammond also showed up and a house plant from Siler. If she was a tiny bit disappointed that nothing appeared from her CO, she didn't let herself feel it. It wasn't really appropriate for him to be giving her tokens of affection anyway.
At the end of the day she gathered up her gifts with a smile and headed for the elevator only to find her Colonel heading that way as well. With her hands full and the house plant partially obscuring her view she didn't notice the small box in his hand neatly wrapped in red foil paper.
"Give you a hand, Carter?"
"Could you get the elevator button please, sir? I can't quite see where I'm going." She admitted.
He strode ahead and hit the up button for her. "Here, let me take one of those before you drop something, Captain."
"Thank you sir." She said, giving him a grateful smile that he didn't know yet was reserved just for him. While she adjusted her plant he slipped the box into her bag unnoticed. "On your way home, sir?"
"Yah, not much else I can accomplish today and there's a carton of leftover beef and broccoli calling my name from my fridge."
Sam chuckled. "Salad and leftover pasta for me. There's enough for two if you want to drown your sorrows at my place instead?"
Jack looked at her and smiled a little. No, that was a dangerous idea. Dinner with his beautiful single second in command on Valentines Day was going to feel far too much like a date and he wouldn't lie to himself, he found her very attractive. It wouldn't take much loss of situational awareness to cross a line he shouldn't with her. "Take a rain check?"
"Sure." She said with a smile and said goodnight to him as they got off the tram that took them back to the base parking garage.
Later after she ate she reached into the bag with Teal'c chocolates and her hand brushed a small box she didn't recall being there. She pulled it out and looked at it quizzically. "Hello. How did you get there?" She realized there was only one way it could have and she smiled without realizing it.
She slit open the paper and tugged the flap open on the box.
Nestled in excelsior was a diminutive glass rooster. She cocked her head in confusion and checked the box for clues. The only other item in the box was a small square of paper with his familiar blocky handwriting.
When you find yourself in danger,
When you're threatened by a stranger,
When it looks like you will take a lickin', (puk, puk, puk)
There is someone waiting,
Who will hurry up and rescue you,
Just Call for Super Chicken! (puk ack!)
In the corner he'd doodled a chicken in a cape and pilot jacket.
Super Chicken? OH! Sam giggled. The more she thought about it the harder she giggled. After she finally got the tittering under control she considered calling him but she was afraid she'd break out into giggles again.
As puns went, it wasn't his worst.
"Happy VD to you too, Sir." She said out loud even though there was no way he'd have heard her.
AN2: Didn't do a Christmas story this year so I thought I'd make it up to my loyal readers with some VD fluff. Hope you guys get as much of a chuckle out of this as I did writing it.