Disclaimers. I am not an expert in relationships all my knowledge on relationships is second hand from family and friends. The experiences you may have had may not be completely reflected in this story.
For the Eremika shippers out there. While I personally don't ship ErenxMikasa on the fact that they are step-siblings. I am not saying this relationship is inherently bad or toxic and you are bad or toxic for liking it. This is simply one perspective, and one take on their relationship. It should also be noted I am an anime fan only. I have not read the manga, played AOT games, or seen interviews, etc so all the characterization for this story is mostly derived from the anime and my own headcanons. With all that said I hope you enjoy reading this.
PS: Cross-posted on Archive of Our Own under the same name
This world is cruel.
That was a fact Mikasa had come to learn at a young age.
A fact she had foolishly tried to deny, hiding from the truth behind a white veil of innocence that was roughly torn away the day the burglars came. She knew then that the world was a ravenous monster that took and took and rarely gave anything back. Everything in this world was born only to die. Given life only for it to be taken away.
Her father with hair spun of dark gold and eyes as blue and as open and honest as a clear blue sky was the first to be taken that day. The dark marron of his splattered blood blending into the red flannel of his shirt. Discarded and pushed aside, his body hit the wooden floor with a heavy thud. Only moments ago he was praising her sewing skills and offering a smile so warm and bright it felt like sunshine. His hands large and calloused from all the woodworking he's done had only moments before been filled with warmth as they patted her head. It took a second maybe less for the world to take her father's sunshine smile and warm hands away.
Her mother was a talented seamstress with the softest grey eyes that shone like a gentle quartz moon and hair as black as night and as soft as silk. She was the second to be taken from her in the same span of time. Grabbing her silver scissors she flew out of her seat in a dash of black. There was a struggle, but not much of one. Her mother was slender and frail and a hard blow to her head rendered her dead in seconds.
Had it not been for the commotion her mother had created as she attacked the burglar; wild and feral and screaming like a banshee then the boy next door wouldn't have come brawling in wielding a gun. Mikasa took her mother's discarded scissors in hand having been shaken to the core. The sliver scissors gleamed and where coated in the red residue left over from the now-dead burglar that laid spewing blood from his jugular. The scissors felt warm...hot even, humming in her trembling hands. The boy with eyes blazing green had caught two of the men by surprise and quickly, much too quickly killed them. The third adult recovering from his terror held the small child by the collar of his red scarf kicking the gun away as soon as it fell from the boy's hands. He was shouting, the boy was shouting too.
It was white and red. The white noise of screaming and struggle and the red of the blood, the red of his scarf, the red of his face flushed with rage and the green broke her out of her trance. His eyes strong and reckless and blazing glared at her. They glared at her daring her to rise to the challenge; while at the same time beckoning her to take the bait. To survive. To fight.
"Fight! You have to fight!"
Yes, she had to fight because if she didn't then this cruel world would swallow her whole without a second thought. She screamed as the world went bloodshot red, the same color as her father's blood, as her mother's blood, red like the boy's warm scarf.
She owes him her life.
He in many ways gave her the strength to fight and for that, she was eternally grateful. Her admiration and thankfulness towards him were ineffable. She vowed that day to return the favor by becoming his strength. She's never felt so protective of anything ever in her young life and she is sure it must be love. He came in like a knight in shiny armor and whisked her away from the horrible world shielding her from the cruel, cold December wind with his warm red scarf. His act of kindness, of bravery, moved her heart in ways it had never moved before. It was soft and sweet and vulnerable.
And, it could be taken away.
The warmth of a scarf could be snatched away at any moment, letting the cold winds of reality ravage her once again. So she had to protect it. Protect him. Give him everything. He was her scarf, her warmth, her reason to keep living...the reason why she was living. He was warm and soft and a form of protection from the world just like the scarf he gave her
...She wasn't ever let that go.
So she'd follow him the same way his shadow did. Consistently behind him. Trailing just a little further behind protectively glancing over his shoulders for any signs of danger. She always made sure to have aspirin and bandaids on her person because he was such a rowdy and reckless individual. Her aunt Kuchel, who had taken her in after the burglary, would often tease her saying she was Eren's personal nurse.
Eren.
He was her everything. He had become her world after she lost everything. She never thought to question her devotion. All she knew was that she wanted him to need her like she needed him. She wanted to be useful like a scarf. She couldn't bear the thought of being abandoned again.
That moment back when they were ten years old...when he wrapped his scarf around her. She swears she saw iridescent phosphenes surround them in a nimbus of light and warmth that deeply contrasted the white cold backdrop of winter. It was like what she had read in fairy tale stories
She felt sweet and pure
Mikasa had always been a fan of sweets and she fell in love with that feeling. She would give anything to feel that way again. To feel innocent and warm like chocolate. She was convinced the only way and the only person who could ever make her feel that way again was Eren. It must have been destiny then that they meet on that day. It was meant to be and even as she grew older she held onto that conviction.
The night of the burglary he was on edge. Just weeks prior he swore he saw some suspicious people milling around his house in a black SUV. They were tall and huddled in a group with eyes scanning nearby houses. They were up to no good. He could feel it in his bones! When he raised his concerns to his father he reassured him, stating facts about how safe the neighborhood was, how he was friends with a police officer, and how they had the latest house security installed just last month. The little company sign protruding out their yard as proof of their security.
The man was too content, too easy to brush him off and that made a small ember in his belly grow hot. Eren was never content with being well..content, not when he could do something. Waiting for something to happen was the way of the coward! You have to take action!
So that night he readies himself. Arming himself with a small pistol and barley a handful of bullets, just three to be precise. All of which he stole from his father's basement, without either parent's knowledge. He snuck downstairs when his father retired to said basement and his mother went to bed upstairs. A scarf wrapped tightly around his neck and coat buttoned up he hid behind one of the bushes just in front of his house, guarding it.
It was cold...and he wanted to go back inside after only a few minutes, but just then he saw figures approach the next-door neighbor's house. His finger found the trigger and he readied himself...the thought came that it may just be some friends or family members coming to visit but as soon as that door opened that idea was thrown out the wind and when he heard a woman screeching he jumped into action.
Looking back on it now, he saw how reckless and selfish he had been. He had only been concerned with keeping his own house safe...He was not fully prepared to defend anything else...or anyone else... He ran in gun literally blazing with no plan and no backup...he could have died in vain and he shudders to think would have happened to Mikasa if that had come to pass.
He likes Mikasa, loves her as a brother would a sister. She was a wonderful person but she was flawed in a way his young mind couldn't really understand. She was strong but she clung to him like weights. She was caring but she wrapped around him like a strangling scarf in mid-June. She loved him but he always felt like it wasn't genuine...It was hard to describe… There was something in her eyes whenever she directed her love towards him, but it was distant like it wasn't really directed at him. Like it wasn't really meant for him.
And the way she showed her love towards him rubbed him the wrong way...She treats him like a king and delegates herself as a servant. He hates that. Hates how even though she is so strong she is also so very weak. Sometimes she makes him feel weak and frustration starts to build because he doesn't know how to handle those feelings. No one really showed him how...Oh, wait his mother did. Yes, when she is frustrated she turns red and starts shouting...so that's what he does and it makes him feel better...slightly...If he shouts she'll back off, if he pushes back when she tries to push forward she should get the message. That he didn't want to be in a relationship. Not right now and not with her. He was sure if he didn't reciprocate her feelings she would move on, but that wasn't the case.
She was stubborn! She was so very stubborn in her false belief. Mikasa wasn't a liar by trade but her poker face was unmatched. No one could tell when she was angry or sad or even happy. So lying about her feelings came easily to her. Sometimes she lied so well she believed it and one time she lied so well she made Eren believe it.
The end of Junior High came. It was the last day. She had waited patiently since they were 10, but nothing came from it. Mikasa knew that if she didn't say anything, nothing would change. Change never comes to those who wait it comes to those who act. That is what Eren had taught her, so she took those words to heart. Now was the time to act...It was just a shame he never did anything in all those years, never reciprocated any of her gestures; she likes to believe it was just because he was too prideful to do anything. She needs to believe that…
So that day behind the school's magnolia tree she confessed. She poured her heart and soul; laid it bare for him and made herself vulnerable for the first time in a long while.
"I think I like you...no I know I must love you...Eren you make me feel strong and I care about you so deeply. I care so much that it hurts...All I want is to be by your side! Would you grant me that wish?"
He blinked and 15-year-old Mikasa was gone in her place stood a 10-year-old Mikasa with long black hair and a pale worried face hidden behind a large red scarf. She was scared and he made her feel safe. He was strong and he made her strong to...
His heartbeat quickly. Pitter pattering in a way he never felt before. His head was still reeling and his pulse was rushing. His legs felt like jelly and when he blinked again 15-year-old Mikasa was back again still anxiously awaiting an answer… expecting an answer after placing all her expectations on his shoulders...He swallows a nervous wad of spit...She deserves to feel loved, to feel strong. If he made her feel that way then that was good, that meant he was also strong. She loved him. She said she did...But...
What would she do if he rejected her? Right here, right now…? His shoulders felt heavy and a single word flew out of his dry throat.../
"Okay…"
That day Eren and Mikasa started their relationship.