The first year was like floating on cotton candy. Airy, unreal but undoubtedly sweet and soft. For the first time, Eren actually reciprocated her affections. When she reached for his hand he didn't pull away. When she drew closer to his personal bubble he would close the distance. It was nerve-racking and they fumbled once or twice stumbling from their inexperience and flustered emotions. It was like traversing a land of pudding with wobbly knees. But, it was nice...She felt sweet and worthy, it was a feeling she got addicted to. A feeling she loved more than anything else.
When she was with Eren the whole world seemed to disappear. No, that wasn't right. iI was more like the world came into focus. Eren was her world and he would come into focus whenever he was in her line of sight while everything else blurred away. People, reality, and everything…It was like the outside world didn't exist, the cruelty of the world just disappeared...It was wonderful...
She knew she could devote her entire being to this one person, to the only person who could make her feel strong and useful. Desires? Eren. Likes? Eren. Hobbies? Spending time with Eren, helping him with anything and everything. Dislikes? Being away from Eren, not being able to be useful to Eren. Career path? Whatever Eren wanted...Oh, he wants to join the army? That's so very dangerous but how noble of him. She should join and make sure he's safe.
Eren.
Eren.
Eren.
Eren.
Soft.
Sweet.
Sweeter still.
More sweetness.
More!
Love her more, appreciate her sacrifices. She's given up on friendships because who else does she need but Eren? Who else can make her feel this way?
What she wants? What does that matter? So what if she hates the way he picks fights with others? So what if she grows frustrated having to play nurse all the time and reprime him for his actions like a mother? So what if she feels misunderstood and ignored?
This wasn't about her.
It's was all about Eren and his love for her. Make him happy, take care of him, protect him from the cruel world. Make him love you more. Make him need you.
Soft.
Warm.
Sweet….
...Bitter...
Suddenly it was very bitter…
Like dark chocolate...
He looked at her with gentle pine forest eyes. She was beautiful, always was, that he could admit. She was even more beautiful now that she was happy. But, she only ever seemed content and satisfied when he indulged her. She needed him...so he couldn't exactly refuse her...Normally he would swat her hands away when she goes to wipe food off his face, but recently he's let her do as she pleases. He used to shout at her for babying him, now he just quietly mumbles...He was being pampered and he HATED it. He couldn't go anywhere without Mikasa following him. He couldn't do anything for himself without Mikasa offering to do it for him. She was suffocating. He felt...trapped...like a pampered fat bluebird stuck in a cage wanting nothing more than to fly out into the open blue sky. He wanted his freedom back. He wanted his authority back, his time back...He wanted...himself back...if that made any sense...He wasn't Mikasa's. He shouldn't have to feel this trapped like he doesn't even own himself...Mikasa doesn't own him…! No one owns him! Now he looks at her with cold jade eyes that burn.
It doesn't happen overnight... milk chocolate doesn't become dark chocolate overnight. Warm pine eyes don't become cold jade eyes overnight...It was gradual and slow like a frog being boiled alive. Because for those first few years it really was as sweet as candy and they really thought it was love. It took time for their relationship to shift from sweet to bitter...but looking back on it now they could pinpoint key events that lead them down this path...After all, the descent into dark chocolate was a process…a process that took four years to complete.