Disclaimer: I own nothing has to do with Uncharted or Gravity Falls.

Chapter 13: Locomotion

(Dipper walks through the last train car.)

Dipper: They must have Wendy up at the front.

(He exits the car and onto the next which is a tanker car. He climbs around on the side and onto a flat car and then a box car. He then gets to another flat car and passenger car where a small group of soldiers are. He ambushes them and takes them all down.)

Dipper: (smugly) Sorry boys, just needed to punch your tickets.

(He goes through and gets to another flat car that leads to another passenger car. More soldiers are there along with a machine gun turret at the end of the car. They move in to attack him. He runs up to one charging and throws him off the side.)

Dipper: Get off my train!

(Another gunfight occurs. Dipper takes cover by the door to the passenger car as the turret opens fire at him.)

Dipper: Oh, man. Not gettin' through that way. That thing'll cut me to pieces.

(He climbs up a ladder onto the roof of the car and drops down on the other side. He throws the guy off the turret and uses it to shoot down then guards in the car.)

Dipper: Someone will be along to take your drink order.

(He climbs up a box car and runs across. He hears a singing sound and sees a traffic light signal up ahead.)

Dipper: Uh-oh.

(He drops down and grabs hold of the side of the train as it passes under the lights. He moves onto the next car where a couple more guards climb up and shoot at him. He holds onto the back and sees another set of lights coming up.)

Dipper: Heads up!

(The signal smacks the guards right off the train.)

Dipper: Goodnight, boys.

(He runs across the box car and onto another flat car where a large tank sits. He climbs over it.)

Dipper: (confused) A tank? What the hell do they need a tank for?

(He gets to a tanker and climbs along the sides. Then he runs across a box car and jumps to another. The roof collapses and he falls in. As he gets back up, he suddenly hears a loud rotating sound.)

Dipper: (frightened) Oh, shit. What's that noise?

(He looks up and sees an attack helicopter flying over the train and looking right at him.)

Dipper: (shocked) Aww... no way!

(The copter fires a missile at the train car. It hits it and the car starts burning.)

Dipper: I gotta get off this thing!

(He jumps across to the next train car as the copter fires more missiles at him. The train cars behind him are decoupled. He continues along some flat cars as the copter shoots down at him. He moves between cover behind crates on the cars. More soldiers climb jump down from a box car up ahead and shoot at him as well.)

Dipper: Don't you assholes see the helicopter!? I got enough trouble already!

(He quickly takes out the soldiers and heads to the box car. The copter makes a missile charging sound.)

Dipper: Oh, no, I don't like that noise!

(More missiles are fired. They hit the flat cars as Dipper jumps off them. They are decoupled. He gets on the roof of the box car and another signal comes up. He quickly drops down to the side of the car opposite of the copter so he has cover.)

Dipper: (agitated) Oh, I am so over this shit. Give it a rest already!

(He gets some more flat cars, taking out more guards that appear. He runs up to a cargo car with a door. The copter shoots more missiles, again decoupling the cars. Dipper gets in the cargo car as a missile hits the side. The car lurches as Dipper reaches the end where a valve on a door is. He turns the valve as fast as he can as the copter reappears above the train.)

Dipper: Ah, shit.

(He pulls the door open and jumps across to the next flat car. He doesn't notice that the train is heading right towards a mountain. The copter fires several missiles at the previous car. It jumps off the track and derails. The train car spins out of control and tumbles after the end of the train where Dipper is. Then it lifts up in the air and starts to come down right on top of him. He crouches down and holds his head.)

Dipper: Oh, no no no no no no no!

(Suddenly, car hits the side of the mountain as the train enters a tunnel that goes under it. Dipper clams down and stands back up.)

Dipper: (relieved laugh) Thank God for tunnels.

(He faces the train ahead of him and prepares to move forward again.)

We are now about halfway through the whole thing. 13 chapters in and 13 more to go. Next one's the last one in the big flashback.