It seemed like old habits die hard.
She reached for his hand and he pulled it away.
She leaned in to kiss him on the lips and he turned his head so she would kiss his cheek.
It was...frustrating...to say the least. She thought they were past this…
She pulled and he pushed.
He'd pull away and her grip would tighten.
Why?
Did she do something wrong? She must have made him mad somehow...She had to make it up to him! This was her fault. She wasn't giving him enough attention. She wasn't appreciating him enough. Her efforts were lacking so she had to do more!
.
.
Why?
.
.
Why? Is he still pushing her away?! What did she do? What was she failing to do?! She was doing everything she could to make him happy. She was making his lunch, she was cleaning his room, doing his laundry, buying him gifts, scheduling his appointments, fixing her schedule around his, she even tired joining in on his gaming sessions! She was doing everything she could think of!
Why wasn't it enough!?
Why wasn't she enough…?
She just wanted to feel loved, to feel useful. What was he expecting of her? When will he be satisfied?!
Why was he so selfish?!
.
.
No, that's not right
.
.
She had to do more.
She would find a way. She had to. Maybe doing his homework for him? He always hated history… She could also make study notes for him since he was failing biology… Yes, that was it! Surely she wasn't being generous or thoughtful enough. That's why he didn't give her any more of his sweet smiles or gentle kisses. That had to be it.
"Quit being such a mom Mikasa!" He yelled as she moved to clean his face slapping her hands away.
"I'm not a baby so leave me alone already!" He continued with a glare.
"Are you a stalker or something? You're fucking creeping me out." He seethed when he found her hiding behind a tree after he told her he was going to hang out with some of his friends…
"Do you really not trust me that much?" He demanded with an expression that was equal parts betrayed and equal parts angry.
"I'm not stupid! Stop acting like you're better than me!"
Every word was sharp and jaded. He cut her down, striking her with words over anything he could. Made an argument for every sweet gesture she did and picked a fight wherever he could. She never saw any reason to fight back against him so he always ' won '. Every squabble, every snide remark, and every petty fight was won by him when she backed down.
However, she still tried to do more, still tried to find that sweetness. He was a good person. For every word that slashed across her frail heart, there was a soft pair of hands that clumsily put it back together. Every glare was accompanied by a bittersweet kiss and every snide or rude remark was met with quiet apologies later... It was a whirlwind of conflicting emotions. Cold, then hot. Bitter then sweet.
The distant taste of sweetness still lingered in her tongue faint and delicate...She always came back for it ...for just a taste of it like a fly drawn to honey…
He, in turn, always apologized because he knew that what he said hurt her, cut her so deep that her heart would start to bleed...He often felt guilt and shame run up his body grounding him back to reality. Forcing him to have to see the consequences of his actions.
There was disgust in feeling victorious whenever he easily got her to back off and he hated that just the sight of her crescent fallen face was enough for him to yield in turn...And yet another part of him was also mad at her for submitting to him so easily. With shoulders slumped and eyes downcast in a shameful mournful gaze he kept his jaw locked as a grimace overtook his face…
Walking down the lonely desolate street he kicked a stone that was in his way watching as it flew across the pavement before hitting the ground...It's been almost four years now...soon both he and Mikasa would be graduating from high school...The foreboding pressure of that event just worsened his already bad mood. Jeez, everything was just... so shitty…
"...Hey, been a while." A light smack on his head snapped him out of his stupor.
His surprised expression quickly changed into a grimace.
"What the fuck do you want know jackass?" He growled, turning his whole body to face the blonde.
This was all Jean's fault! Everything was perfect till he decided to open his big stupid mouth!
Jean shifted his weight and scratched the back of his head sheepishly all the while trying to avoid direct eye contact.
"Okay yeah, I kind of deserved that after...last time…"
"Answer my fucking question or screw off!"
"Will you shut your impatient ass up! I'm trying to fix things!" Jean shouted.
Fix? What was there to fix? What could he do? He was the reason this mess even started! He should just stop meddling in other people's lives!
"I like you, okay…"
Whatever fury he contained in his body suddenly vanished floating away in puffs of steam leaving behind a bewildered face…
"W-What I mean is...You're not...a complete jerk and I do consider you a friend..my best friend actually and...I miss you.." He mumbled the last part cheeks a bright red as he avoided Eren's green gaze.
.
.
.
"...thank I guess…" The words tumbled out quietly, softly almost inaudible…
The anger hadn't completely dissipated it still grew hot in his stomach but there was something else...dissatisfaction?
Why?
Oh yeah probably because this didn't change the fact that his relationship with Mikasa was sinking faster than the titanic.
.
.
.
"W-well it's late now so we should-"
"Is that it?"
"Huh?"
"Is. That. It?"
"Eren? What do you want from me?" He ran a frustrated hand through his golden locks, letting out a sigh.
What did he want?
"..." He bit his lip in thought as he bawled his fist in frustration….
Why was everything so confusing? He hated it; hated feeling angry and sad and pathetic. Was everything his fault? No! It couldn't be, he had done nothing wrong.
"I-It's your fault…!" He managed. Feeling the words burn the back of his throat…retribution from how untrue those words were.
"My fault? Eren what the fuck are you on about?"
"It's your fault we're like this..! If you hadn't said anything!"
Jean was a lot of things but he wasn't an idiot...most of the time...he was able to connect the dots and he knew Eren was just looking for a scapegoat...Something to direct his anger to that wasn't himself...He hated seeing his friend like this...
"I'm sorry you think that...Regardless if I had said something or not...the fact that something that small caused all of this probably means it really wasn't meant to be…." Jean let out a sigh…
It was dark and it was getting cold and they didn't really have time to hold a fucking therapy session outside on his neighborhoods street corner.
"Listen, do you still have my number?"
Eren reluctantly told him that yes, he still had his number.
"Eren...I'm not an expert in relationships by any means...but if you ever want to vent or some shit just text me...Better yet call me and we can hang out like old times…"
He placed a comforting hand on Eren's shoulder. Eren stiffened at the warm contact...his heart stuck in his throat...Why did Jean always have to be so reasonable?
"...Fine..." He grumbled.
"You know this isn't just Mikasa's fault right? So stop emotionally abusing her. She's my friend to you know."
After saying his last piece Jean gave his friend a few hearty slaps on the back before making his way home casually waving goodbye as he walked away….
He felt a knot form at the back of his throat as the word Jean said rang in his ears…
E-emotional abuse…?