Doctors rushed into the room in a blink of an eye, running directly to Kate.
"Escort him out!" Dr. Scott had ordered, his voice firm, demanding, and before Castle could think any further, one of the nurses grabbed him by his forearm, pulling him away from her, out of the room.
"No, please!" Castle protested on a loud, broken sob. "Just let me be with her, don't take her away from me, noo... !" He pleaded, trying to free himself from the woman's grasp.
"We are trying to save her!" Marie, the young nurse had asserted sternly, interrupting him mid-sentence. "Just let us save her, okay?" She then added, looking straight into Castle's eyes. Her voice was lower now, more reassuring, but her hands were still on his forearm, even though they were already out on the corridor.
Castle only nodded, unsure what to even say.
"Is she going to be fine?" He then asked in low, shaky voice, barely able to hold himself together.
The young, blonde nurse didn't respond anything, she only gave him a symphatetic look, and with that, she went back into Kate's room, where the rest of the doctors were already fighting hard for Beckett's life, leaving him alone on the hospital's long corridor.
Castle was anxiously strolling here and there, pacing nervous circles on the seemingly endless, long corridor, trying to ignore the curious glares of other patients. He absolutely didn't care what others must think of him now, all he cared about was Kate. He couldn't imagine loosing her.
It's been only a few minutes since the doctors rushed in to save her, but for him it felt like a lifetime.
"Jeez, what takes so long?" He growled to himself, annoyed, frustrated and worried, nervously running his hand through his hair.
He refused to sit down, no, he needed to walk, he needed to do something, but his thoughts were a mile away anyway, all the worst scene scenarios playing on a constant loop in his mind.
Wat if this it? What if she won't make it? What if she won't be able to grace him with that beautiful, beaming smile of hers anymore? What if he wil never be able to hug her, to hold her close? What if he will have to live the rest of his life without the smooth scent of her hair, her skin? What if he will never be able to touch her, to feel the warmth of her body against his? What if he will never hear her angelic voice anymore? What if this the end? What if all they were destined to have was only a three years of marriage? What if...
No, no, no! He shook his head in disbelief, trying to push aside all the horrific scenarios whirling in his mind. She will make it, she has to. He can't loose her, not now, not like this. He can't even fathom a future without her anymore!
He tried to think positive, he really did, but the uncomfortable knots in his stomach tightened by each passing second as he kept pacing and pacing on the long corridor, waiting for the doctors to finally step out of Beckett's room.
As the minute slowly turned into a hour he was about to give up on pacing, slumping down on a slim plastic chair, when Dr. Scott had finally emerged from Beckett's room. His expression was stern and neutral, which was not a good sign, not at all.
Castle slowly rose from the chair, taking an unsteady step toward, his heart pounding hard against his ribcages.
"How is she?" Was all he managed to get out on a shaky breath, already bracing himself for the worst.
"She is alive!" The doctor replied in a soft tone, nodding in reassurance. Castle immediately let out a heavy sigh, and a bated breath he hadn't even realized he was holding in.
"She went flatline, twice, but we could bring her back, and she is stable now." Dr. Scott added with a small, reassuring smile.
"Buut?" Castle had asked, concerned, sensing that there is more to say, that there is a but coming, and he wasn't sure he can handle whetver the doctor is about to say.
"But the poision is stronger than we thought, already spreaded into her entire system, long before she was even brought into the hospital." Dr. Scott began with a low and disappointed sigh, holding Castle's gaze steadily, who could barely even hold himself together.
"So she most likely won't make it," the doctor went on, his voice lowering an octave, and Castle was sure he will faint in any second, but instead of showing any emotion, he only swallowed hard, waiting for the doctor to go on.
"Unless your detectives will find the antitode, that's her only chance to survive." As soon as the words left the doctor's mouth Castle's eyes widened, lit up with hope. So there is an antitode! So there is still a chance!
"Okay, I will contact the 12th, and let them now." Castle had replied instantly, faster than he wanted.
"How much time do we have?" He then asked eagerly, but also a bit worried.
"Well, based on her current condition, I would say less than a day, then her organs will slowly began to fail." The doctor said, letting out a heavy sigh. "So you guys need to be fast."
A slight nod and a hard swallow was all Castle was able to reply. They will find the antitode. They have to, he kept telling to himself.
"Can I see her now?" Castle then asked eagerly, meeting the other man's gaze.
"Yeah, but only for a few minutes." Stated the doctor. "Then you will have to leave, I'm sorry."
"Whaat?!" Castle snapped back instantly without even thinking, anger and disappointment flaring up in his eyes.
"I'm sorry to disappoint you Mr. Castle, but she needs to rest, and no one is allowed to stay here overnight anyway."
The hell he cares about others, he won't go anywhere, that's for sure.
"I'm not leaving her alone!" He blurted out, fighting back.
"Don't worry Mr. Castle, she will be in a good hands, she won't be alone." Dr. Scott said with his usual, calm voice, trying to reassure him, but they both knew it's pointless.
"If it would be your wife, would you just walk away?" Castle tossed back immediately, looking straight into the doctor's light brown eyes. By the look on the man's face, Castle knew he hit the sore spot.
"Fine." The doctor then relented with a sigh. "You can stay!"
The sight of her on machines was heart-wrenching. It isn't the first time that she is on a life support, but for him it is the first time seeing her like this, and it made his stomach churn.
She was laying still, her body unmoving, her arms hooked up with IVs, and a slim, plastic breathing tube was showed down her throat, providing her lungs with oxygen.
He will call the boys and brief them in about the current developments as soon as possible, he had reminded himself, but first he needs to see her, touch her, feel her, so he slowly, cautiosly walked toward her bedside - which was now surrounded by beeping heart monitors - and eased himself down on the familiar, small plastic chair.
After letting out a heavy sigh he slowly leaned closer to her, caressing the side of her face, carefully brushing back a flop of hair, trying not to jostle the slim wires inserted into her nose.
Her mouth was partially opened, and a dribble of her saliva was already staining the pillow in a small patch. He quickly pulled out a tissue from his pocket and wiped the drool away from her slack lower lip, careful not to jostle the slim breathing tube inserted into her mouth.
"It's gonna be fine, Kate. Everything is going to be fine, I promise." He then whispered into the stillness of the room, still caressing her face, but recieving only silence in reply. The room was unnervingly quiet, the steady beep of heart monitors the only source of sound.
"We will get out of this Kate, I promise, just stay strong, okay?" He kept talking to her, whispering reassuring words into her ear, even though he knew she was most likely too deep under to hear anything.
Her face was pale and colorless, her forehead still burned up, despite all the medications coursing through her bloodstream. Her body was limp and fragile, her eyes hidden behind close lids, sentenced to unconsciousness, and there was nothing he could do to help her.
If only they would stay at home that day, on their wedding anniversary! If only he wouldn't be that eager to bring her to that damned restaurant! They could have been avoid all of this, she could have been fine, but no. He was stupid enough to invite her to that fancy dinner, and now here she is, quiet and motionless, slim and fragile, all because of him. Everything was his fault.
Castle knew it's pointless to dwell on it, he knew blaming himself won't help to solve anything, but still... he couldn't stop thinking about it. Being helpless was the worst feeling ever.
"I'm sorry Kate, I'm so sorry." He had whispered, trying to hold back tears. He refused to cry, not in front of her. He has to be strong, he has to be strong for both of them.
Letting out a heavy, exasperated sigh he slowly laid his hand against her chest, feeling the weak, but steady beat of her heart, and the slow rise and fall of her chest beneath his palm. She was alive. That was all that mattered now.
He then slowly lowered his hand to squeez hers, engulfing her slim fingers. Her hands were cold, too cold, so he carefully drew the white hospital sheet higher from her waist, covering her limp and unmoving hands to keep them warm.
He kept watching her for a little while, kissing her burned up forehead, stainig her skin with unspoken promises, then he slowly, quietly rose from the plastic chair to finally call the boys, fearing what they may say based on their previous conversation.
He grabbed his phone with a heavy sigh, and... wait, he has two missed calls?!
Castle quickly dialed back the same number which had called him earlier, then he placed the phone to his ear, waiting for the other end to pick up.
"Hey Espo," he adressed in instant the detective had picked up.
"Hey Castle, is everything okay? We tried to call you before." Espo said with a hint of worry in his voice.
"Yeah I know, I just wasn't in a mood to check my phone until now, the last hour was a bit hectic." Castle had explained with a heavy sigh, scrubbing his hand down his face, trying to soothe the building headache.
"What happened?" Espo had asked instantly, seemingly concerned.
"She is getting worse." Castle sighed out on a breath. "She is already on machines." His voice almost cracked, and he was sure Espo noticed that too. He quickly took in a calming breath and went on, before the hispanic detective could even fathom a response.
"According to the doctors she doesn't have a chance, unless you guys will find the antitode within a day." He blurted out, waiting for Esposito's reaction, but the hispanic detective only cursed something under his breath in Spanish, then after a brief moment of silence, he reassured him that they will do whatever it takes to find the antitode.
"And I'm sorry about what I said earlier." Espo sighed out in agology, already regretting everything he said to the writer earlier. Apparently he was just worried and frustrated like all of them, and Castle could relate to it so well, so he accepted his apology without even having a second thought.
"If you say it's Jerry Tyson, then we believe you, and will do everything to find him." He then added, his voice lighter now, more determined.
"Oh, and Castle?"
"Yeah?"
"Tell me everything about the dinner in that restaurant." Castle told him everything he could without hesitation, remembering every single detail without even thinking about it. Espo had listened to him carefully, quickly jotting down some lines into his notebook.
"Thanks bro." He then said after Castle finished his... statement?
"I will go with Ryan to check out that restaurant tomorow morning, see if anyone can-"
"Tomorow morning?!" Castle had bursted out, rising his voice before the detective could even finish his sentence.
"You guys need to go there now! She is dying, we can't wait!" Castle had practically yelled, pressing the phone tighter to his ear.
"It's already past ten in the evening Castle, the reastaurant is long closed!" Espo snapped back instantly, trying to call him down.
"Look, we are worried about her as much as you are, but there is nothing we can do. Not until tomorow morning, okay?" Espo then added, lowering his voice in symphaty, trying to avoid another fight. Castle knew he is right, so he relented with a sigh.
"Okay fine, but call me as soon as you find anything." Was all he managed to get out on a harsh breath, everyething inside of him slowly cracking.
"Yeah, of course Castle, you will be the first one to know." Espo told him meekly.
"Thanks... for everything." Castle sighed out in response.
"Nah, don't thank me yet." Espo had replied, quipped teasingly, trying to lighten up the mood, then he realized it's not the right time for jokes, so he quickly corrected himself, promising once again that he and Ryan will do everything to find that damned antitode in time.
"Just hang on bro, and try to have some rest. Don't worry, we've got this." Espo had said then, reassuring him one more time before ending the phone call.
Castle was always positive and optimistic, but now after everything that happened, he didn't have much faith in anything anymore.
The night had slowly fallen, the clock almost hit midnight. The entire hospital was quiet, everyone was already peacefully sleeping, except him, and... well, of course the doctors.
After the phone call with Espo, Castle had remained sitting at Beckett's bedside, whispering reassuring words into her ears just like he did before, gently brushing his fingertips across her knuckles in a soothing motion.
Her hands were still cold, even beneath the warmth of the sheets, and her forehead was still burned up, her cheeks slightly red.
He slowly, carefully raised one of his hand to caress the side of her slack face, brushing back a few, disheveled locks of hair. Her fever had increased in the past few hours that's for sure, he could feel the growing heat beneath his palm.
"Oh, Kate." He had whispered, still stroking her face, slightly brushing the slim wires inserted into her nose, when Marie, the young night nurse came in to check her IVs. According to the doctors the medication she was getting wasn't helping anymore, that's why her fever was rising by each passing hour. However, they were able to slow down the effects of the poision by giving her an injection in every two hours. It wasn't much, but it was something, and she didn't collapse since they had put her on machines, which was a good sign.
Marie flashed him a small, reassuring smile after giving her the next shot, offering him a glass of water with some snacks. He wasn't hungry at all, his stomach was filled with nerves all day, but he gladly accepted the offer anyway, forcing a little smile on his face as well. Marie was a nice nurse, Kate would like her too. Hell, she will like her too, Castle corrected himself, trying to remain positive.
The hours had passed, it was long after midnight already and yet, he wasn't sleepy at all. Well, he was tired as hell, let's admit that, but his racing heart refused to calm down, thanks to the rush of adrenalin still lingering in his body.
He was sitting at her bedside now, the sea of city lights and a dim lamplight as the only surce of light, bathing them both in hues of gold.
It's gonna be a long night, Castle had sighed aloud to himself, looking straight at Beckett's unmoving frame, gently stroking her hairline with the tip of his fingers.
It was hard to believe that beautiful night was only two days ago, when he was holding her in his arms like a treasure, worshipping every inch of her skin like he never did before, and now here she is, just lying in one place, unmoving, her body weak and fragile like a porcelan.
Castle was trying hard to distract himself from the current situation by thinking about all the good old times they had before, when there was no hurt, no danger, just the two of them, when all they wanted was each other.
Well, of course their relationship had never been easy, it took him three years to finally admit his love for her, and another year until she had finally acted on it.
Oh God, he will never forget that day, when she showed up at his doorsteps, completely soaked from the pouring rain, telling him that she almost died and all she could think about was him, telling him that all she ever wanted was him.
He will never forget that night they had in his bed after that confession, how tenderly she explored every inch of his skin, how gently her fingers traveled down his spine. He will never forget how he laid his hands on her slender body for the very first time, how much she wanted his fingers to linger on the faded scar between her breast, how loud she had moaned into his mouth when he caressed the uneven skin below her ribcages, when he traced the remnants of stiches at her left side.
Oh, and that kiss! He could never forget how deeply, how fiercly, how passionately they had kissed on that stormy night, tasting each other's insides like they never did before.
He will never forget their wedding day either, how simple and amazing it was, how they promised to be there for each other no matter what always, and now here he is, watching her on life support, unable to to anything to help her.
After rubbing his eyes to wipe away the salty moisture staining his skin he quickly trailed his thoughts back to the good old times, remembering how hard she was trying to deny her feelings when they first met, hiding behind unseen walls to protect her already broken heart for shattering once again. He will never forget that smirk on her lips when she whispered "You have no idea!" into the shell of his ear. But now I do! Castle added under his breath now, finally a small grin working its way across his lips. He sighed out loud then, all the tension in his muscles finally loosening.
He kept thinking and thinking about old times and new ones, how much fun it always was - and still is - to built theories and solve cases with her, until the weight of his drooping lids grew heavier, until the quiet, but steady beep of heart monitors slowly lulled him into a restless, dreamless slumber.
He woke up early on the next morning, before the sun could even breach the horizon. His phone was buzzing with an incoming text message, rattling hard against the small hospital table. Stretching his spine and squinting in the semi-darkness he quickly fumbled for the device to check the message, which he had most likely gotten from the boys, but wait... the text he got was sent from an unknow number.
Frowning and blinking hard for a few times to clear his sleep-clouded vision he unclocked the screen, and read the message.
"So how it feels like, huh? Watching her slowly getting worse and worse? Seeing her on life support, barely alive, almost dying? How it feels like to be helpless? Well, don't worry, you still have a chance to save her, but I'm afraid your detectives will run out of time. You will loose her for sure, and I can't wait to see that broken and devastated look on your face when it happens."
His eyes widened in shock. Cold shiver ran down his spine, and his heart picked up speed. It's Jerry Tyson, it has to be him. How he got his phone number is another question, but it's him, that's for sure, Castle had fumed to himself. He ruined Tyson's escape plans a few years ago, and now that's his revenge. It all adds up. It all makes sense. Except, he won't win. No, never! They will save Beckett, they have to!
Castle kept re-reading the threatening message, over and over in the past ten minutes like it would help to change anything, then with a frustrated, heavy sigh he called the precinct to inform Ryan and Esposito.
They told him Ryan will stop by the hospital to take his phone and run down the unknown number as soon as possible.
Thank God Castle wasn't face to face with Jerry Tyson now, he would throw him to the nearest wall for sure, and he would punch him hard and hard, but... no. These kind of thoughts won't bring her back, won't help to solve anything, Castle had reminded himself, shaking his head in disbelief. He was mad and angry, ready to break something, but he didn't want to disturb Kate, or make a scene here, so he fell into his usual plastic chair instead, stroking his hand along her hairline to distract himself, whispering sweet promises into her ear.
It was late afternoon already, the day was dragging by too fast and too slow at the same time. The hour was ticking, and the boys were still nowhere with the investigation.
They had checked out the restaurant right in early morning, but there was nothing they could connect to Jerry Tyson. There was no sign of the poison, nor anything else. The place was clear and normal. They even questioned the staff, but no one seemed to recognize Jerry from the photo the detectives had showed them, and the waitress, who had served Castle and Beckett on that day, was apparently off from work today.
The threatening message on Castle's phone was another dead end. The message was sent from a burner phone, untraceable, so after the quick check up, Ryan gave his phone back to him with an apologetic look on his face. However, the Irish detective had promised that no one is giving up yet, and that they will find Jerry Tyson, or the antitode, no matter what it takes.
At one point Castle wanted to join them on the field to help them with the investigation, but on the other hand he didn't want to leave Kate alone in the hospital, so he remained staying by her side.
He was staring out the window now, observing the busy city life below. The weather seemed to be cold and frigid outside, typical for November. The sky was dark, grey and gloomy all day, perfectly matching his devastated mood. Snowflurries were threatening to fall anytime, according to the forecast winter is coming early this year. Castle was always excited around this time of a year, eagerly waiting for Thanksgiving and Christmas, but now he couldn't care less about the upcoming holidays. All he wanted was to get her back.
Another hours had passed, and the night had slowly crept in. Castle was nervously strolling here and there, occasionally sitting down on his well known plastic chair to check Beckett's fever, which was still rising, and there was nothing the doctors could do about it anymore. He had even put a damp, cold towel onto her forehead, wetting it in every ten minute to keep it fresh and cool, hoping it will help to lower her temperature, but they all knew it's pointless. Her only chance was the antitode, which was still nowhere to be seen.
Castle was trying hard to push aside all the unnerving thoughts, but he was unable to do so. All he could think about was Kate, and that damned text message. He couldn't fathom loosing her.
He had even called his dad to distract himself, finally able to reach him. Castle didn't even want to think about how her dad must feel now. Jim couldn't even believe his ears when Castle had told him what's going on. He, without hesitation said that he is traveling back home right now, and Castle knew for sure without even asking that Jim will stop by and visit his Katie in instant he gets back to the city.
After the phone call with Jim, Castle had planted himself back in the small, uncomfortable plastic chair, keeping an eye on Beckett, observing the slow, but steady rise and fall of her chest.
Another long hour had passed, and he could feel the exhaustion slowly dragging him down. He let out a heavy, exasperated sigh, rubbing his sleep-deprived eyes, when his phone suddenly rang, breaking the unnerving silence.
"Hey Espo, did you guys find anything?" Castle asked eagerly, without even introducing himself, his heart pounding loud in his ears.
"Yeah, as a matter of fact we did." Espo began, and Castle held his breath, clutching the phone tighter to his ear.
"We could finally spoke to the waitress, who served you guys three days ago, and she recognized Jerry Tyson on the photo we showed her." Castle's eyes lit up with hope, but he didn't dare to interrupt. "According to the waitress, he lives only a few blocks away from the restaurant. We went straight there to search the place, but there is no sign of Tyson anymore. The place is clean, like no one has ever been there. No prints, nothing." Espo sighed out disappointedly. "However, we spoke to the doorman, who let us in the basement, and we found a bunch of chemicals there." Espo went on, his tone was lighter now, more hopeful." We sent the them to the lab, and according to our best chemist, one of them is the antitode." That was all the answer Castle needed to hear, and for the first time in the past 24 hours, he could let out a heavy sigh of relief, accompanied with pure delight and a wide smile blossoming across his face.
A/N: I know it's a bit early yet, but I probably won't be able to post anymore chapters this year, so I'm wishing you all a happy holidays now, and even if you don't celebrate Christmas, I hope you are having a great time anyway! :) Thanks for all your responses, means a lot to me! :)