A/N: Happy New Year!
It's been a few hours, since the doctors gave her the antitode in a form of injection. Kate was still on life support, still unconscious, still motionless, but her eyeballs were slightly moving behind the close lids. Was she dreaming something? Or slowly waking up? It was hard to tell yet, but Castle was hoping the latter.
When he touched her sweaty forehead not that long ago he could feel her fever was not that high anymore, it was slowly dropping by each passing hour. Kate was sweating hard since she got the injection, which was a good sign. Seemed like the antitode was helping, Castle thought under his breath, smiling.
It was all too easy, finding the chemicals and all, but he didn't care. All he wanted was to finally get her back. According to Lucy, who was a tall, brunette nurse in shift today, Kate was expected to wake up within a few hours, if her system will react well to the medicines she got. Castle was eagerly waiting for that moment to happen, he was checking his watch in every ten minutes like it would help to speed up time.
He was sitting in that small, plastic chair next to her bedside again, waiting for her to finally wake up or show any sign of wakefulness, but even after hours, Kate was still lying silent and unmoving.
Her father, Jim was here too, he dropped by in early afternoon to check on her daughter. The old man wasn't sleeping much last night, Castle could tell that for sure, but honestly, he could relate.
The doctors didn't let him to stay for long due to visiting hours and all, so Jim had to leave early, but Castle assured him that it's gonna be fine, and that he will keep him posted about the condition of her daughter, he even promised to text him in instant Kate wakes up.
Castle kept his eyes on Beckett for hours, even after Jim left, waiting for the miracle to finally happen, until his own eyelids felt heavy and he slowly, but surely surrended himself to the tempting call of sleep.
The first thing Kate had noticed when she had slowly awoken was a quiet, muffled voice, talking to her in reassurance. At first she didn't recognized who that voice belonged to, everything was blurry. Noises were blending together in near and far distance, mingling with the beeping sound of some machines - heart monitors probably, - but when those well known, familiar hands started stroking her face she knew immediately who that voice belonged to.
Castle.
He is here. Wherever they are, he is here too. Kate attempted a weak smile, slowly blinking her gritty eyes open, but in instand her eyelids fluttered open she squeezed them shut again, growling against the strong lights overhead.
She tried to say something, but no words could make it past her slack lower lip. It was just a nonsense, weak mumbling, and that's when she noticed that something sharp was shoved down her throat, blocking her vocal cords. She immediately panicked, thrashing hard against the tube. His familiar, soothing hands were on her face again, his low, husky voice whispering reassuring voices to her ears, urging her to calm down, but her still closed eyes were already welling up with tears.
She tried to call out his name, but it was just a loud, desperate whimper as it went past her parched lips. Her tongue felt heavy and useless, her entire mouth dry like cotton. Kate swallowed hard, once and twice, which only made her cough. God, she needed to drink, she whimpered out loud, and before she could think any further, Castle was already offering her a glass of water like he would read her mind, like he would know excatly what she needs. Well, of course he knew, he always knows, Kate had reminded herself.
Carefully, Castle placed the long straw into her slightly opened mouth and Kate took a long sip, letting the cool liquid linger in her mouth, wetting her insides. When she was about to swallow it down with her eyes still closed she suddenly misswallowed, thanks to those damned wires still in her throat. Kate coughed out loud, the majority of the drink sloshing up, drenching the upper part of her shirt.
She opened her eyes at that, but only briefly. The lights were still strong, her eyelids too heavy.
When the coughing had finally eased Castle was encouraging her to drink more of the water, saying she needs it to feel better, saying it's gonna be okay, but nah, it was enough. Growling under her breath she turned her head away, letting him know that she was in no mood to drink from that water again, not until that damned thing is still in her throat.
She wanted to open her eyes so badly, she wanted to look around and figure out where she is, where they are, but her eyelids felt heavier than ever before, slowly dragging her under for another deep sleep to which, she gladly surrended herself.
She was in and out time to time then, for no longer than just a few minutes, always doozing off beneath his soft caresses.
Kate had no clue as to what happened or where they are, not until she caugt a glimpse of the bunch of wires extended from her arm and her upper body. That's when she started to put the pieces together, but before she could cry out or show any response, the tender caress of his soft fingers, the melody of his reassuring voice, and the steady rhythm of heart monitors always lulled her back into another deep sleep.
She even tried to speak once or twice, but she was never able to form a coherent word, no matter how hard she tried, it was always just a nonsense mumble talk, a loud, desperate whimper.
Waking up the next time was less confusing. Kate was finally able to keep her eyes open for longer than a few minutes, slowly looking around the white rooom, curiously taking in her surroundings.
She was laying in a hospital bed, she could tell that for sure by now, the unmistakable smell of overwashed bedsheets filled her nostrils everytime she woke.
Kate still didn't know what happened or why is she here, everything was still blurry. No matter how hard she tried to think about the last few hours, or days, or whatever, she couldn't recall much, she only remembered throwing up at the precinct, the blood test with Lanie, and then... nothing. She had no idea why or how she ended up here.
She wondered what if she had some type of surgery, but again, she didn't feel any throbbing pain, nothing was hurting that much, so Kate quickly ruled that possibility out. She then statred wondering what if it was more than just a few days, what if she was out for much longer, for weeks or even months. Oh God, what if..
She then suddenly started moving in her bed in discomfort, slightly twitching her face, letting out a low moan. The slim wires in her nose were tugging hard, which only made her even more frustrated.
"Shh, it's okay Kate, it's gonna be fine." Castle tried to reassure her, gently brushing a few strands of hair away from her face.
"I'm glad you are finally awake, Kate." He then added in a soft tone, the familiar press of his hands engulfing her slim fingers.
She was now staring at him with barely opened, sleep-glazed eyes, still a bit disoriented.
Kate didn't try to talk this time, only graced him with a weak smile. She already knew it's pointless to even try talking, thanks to that damned tube still in her throat.
She tried to get rid of that thing, when she was still barely conscious, but everytime she tried, Castle pulled her hand away from the slim wires, promising her that the doctors will take care of it. Kate only grumbled something under her breath then, annoyed and frustrated, unable to say more, unable to even protest.
"I missed you Kate, I missed you so much." Castle spoke to her again, caressing the side of her face, interrupting the whirl of her unnerving thoughts. He then out of nowhere pressed a soft kiss to her forehead, making her insides flutter in pleasure. The feel of his lips on her skin could always calm her down, could always make her smile, no matter what. She weakly squeezed his hand in response then, trying to interlace her fingers with his, still holding his gaze with her bleary, sleep-clouded eyes.
"'ow long?" She managed to drawl out then, much to her own surprise. Her voice was weak and low, barely audible, more like a whisper, but at least it was something.
"Two days, Kate. You were unconscious for only about 48 hours." He told her in reassurance, even though it felt so much longer.
She let out a sigh of relief, and nodded in understanding.
"Does it hurt anywhere?" Castle then asked tentatively, a bit concerned.
She didn't say anything, only pointed at her IV riddled arm with her gaze.
"Oh, it's just because of the needles Kate, don't worry, it will pass." Castle told her in his usual, calm and husky voice, caressing the lenght of her aching arm. She closed her eyes at that, enjoying the soothing motion of his fingers.
His answer didn't console her as much as he thought it would be, even if her eyes were squeezed shut, Castle could tell that she was at the verge of tears again.
He quickly offered her a glass of water then, trying to change the subject, trying to distract her mind from all the unnerving thoughts.
Kate accepted the drink without hesitation, curling her fingers around the small mug, holding it on her own.
She took a few sips, more careful this time, finally able to swallow past the slim plastic wire inserted into her throat.
When she was done with drinking she turned her head away from him, sinking back into the large pillow.
The doctor said that Kate should be drinking more, at least a glass of water per hour, but she seemed tired, so Castle decided not to bother her with that. At least for now. He placed the glass back on the table with a heavy sigh, then he returned his haze to her almost sleeping frame.
She was beautiful, even now without any make up, and in nothing but an oversized hospital gown. Her face was less pale now, she finally regained some color. Her long, honey brown hair was disheveled, shimmering in the late afternoon sunlight, it's loose curls spilling over the large pillow.
Kate was weak, tired, fragile and devastated, and she had seemingly lost a lot of weight in the past few days, but she was alive. And Castle couldn't be more grateful for that.
Kate was panting and whimpering, gasping hard for air, her chest throbbing with the harsh snag of oxygen. Castle was holding her steadily, urging her to calm down, to breathe slowly, in- and out.
The doctors had finally took that damned breathing tube out of her throat on the next morning, which to her dismay, only made her cough, choking hard on breathless noises.
It wasn't the first time she went through this, at least now she didn't have a throbbing bullet hole in her chest, and she finally got rid of those damned wires, but the first attempt of breath was a real struggle to her already abused trachea anyway.
She tried to in- and exhale slowly, like the nurse had instructed, but it was hard, really hard. Her throat was aching, her lungs burning with the need of oxygen, and her eyes were already welling up with tears.
Kate gasped for air once again, harder this time, and that's when she was finally able to take in a proper breath, without much of a struggle.
Still panting, she let out a sigh of relief, brushing away a few, sweaty strands of hair from her damp forehead.
A few minutes later, when the doctors had finally left the room she leaned further into Castle's side, burying her face into the crook of his neck. She tried to speak, still breathing heavily, but she couldn't manage more than the attempt of his name, her throat still scratchy from the tube.
"It's gonna be fine, Kate. It's gonna be fine." Castle had whispered, caressing the lenght of her spine in a soothing motion.
" I want to go home, Castle." She sobbed into his embrace then, after clearing her throat and swallowing hard. "I just want to go home." Kate choked out on a harsh breath, the upper part of his shirt muffling her broken voice.
"Shhh, it's okay, we will get there, Kate. We will find our way home." Castle promised her quietly, running his hand down the lenght of her hair, pressing a soft kiss to the top of her head.
Still sobbing, she fisted her hand into his shirt in response, never wanting to let him to.
Castle held her tight against his chest for long, for almost an hour, mumbling reassuring words into her hair, until her breath returned to its steady pattern, until the weight of her drooping lids became heavier, coaxing her into another deep slumer.
"Aren't you hungry?" Castle asked a few hours later, when she was wide-awake again, offering her a small plate filled with hospital food. She was on a strong diet, her system still on IV fluids, but she was allowed to eat at least a bit, hovewer, she didn't want to.
"Kate, you need to eat!" He prompted, his voice gentle, but firm.
"I told you I'm not hungry." Kate snapped back, her voice still weak and rough, not much louder than a whisper.
"Kate, if you are afraid to eat again-"
"I'm not!" She stated firmly, interrupting him mid-sentence, her voice leaving no room for any further argument.
Castle didn't respond anything to that, he only put the food back on the table with a frustrated, heavy sigh.
"You made at me now?" Kate slurred, furrowing her brow, meeting his gaze.
"No, no. I'm just-" he trailed himself off with another heavy sigh, running his hand through his short hair.
Kate knew excactly why he didn't finish that sentence. He was tired and exhausted, done with everything, and she could relate and understand.
"You should go home, Castle." She murmured quietly. "Take a proper sleep, and-"
"No." He shook his head, cutting her off. "I'm not going anywhere, not without you." He stated, gently squeezing her hand.
"It's okay Castle. I can be here on my own." Kate asserted with a weak smile, gently brushing her own fingertips along his knuckles. "I'm too much of a trouble now anyway." She added under her breath, lowering her gaze in shame.
"Hey, don't say that." Castle quickly protested in a low, gentle voice. "You are never a trouble. Not to me, okay?" He assured her softly, brushing back a loose, unruly curl of hair from her face. Kate lifted her gaze at that, the corner of her lips involuntarily curling upwards at the brush of his fingertips.
"We will get through this Kate, I promise. And we will do it together, okay?" She only nodded in response, closing her eyes at the sudden feel of comfort.
"I still can't believe I got poisoned, Castle." She sighed out a few minutes later, after a long, unnerving moment of silence.
"At first I thought... that I'm pregnant." She added. The last part of her sentence was barely audible, her gaze lowered in shame, unable to meet his sparkling blue eyes.
"Yeah, I know." He nodded with a sigh, stroking the side of her face.
"You do? How?" She snapped her eyes back to him, her voice rising with curiousity.
"Lanie told me." Oh, that's how.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you that I wasn't feeling well, I just thought it will... pass." She confessed on a shallow breath, shrugging her shoulders, lowering her eyes.
"Hey, it's okay." His soft, caressing fingers were on her face again, circling in a calming motion, filling her with warmth.
"Well yeah, it freaked the hell out of me when I got that phone call," Castle conceded with a slight nod, "but it's okay Kate, I know it's not your fault."
She didn't know what to say, at one point she was blaming herself because of everything, but on the other hand, she knew Castle was right. So Kate only flashed him a weak smile in response, slowly falling asleep beneath the calming touch of his fingertips.
"Can you tell me how it all happened?" She then slurred after a wide yawn, blinking hard to keep her eyes open.
Castle started telling her everything, every single detail since she passed out in the precinct bathroom, but somewhere at the middle of his talk, she fell asleep again. No matter how hard she tried to fight against the exhaustion weighing down her eyelids, the latter was winning anyway. The soft melody of his voice slowly faded, her vision blurred, as her mind slowly drifted off into another sweet slumber.
A quiet, barely audible murmur of voices roused her from sleep on the next morning, floating through the air, slowly reaching to her senses.
At first she thought the night nurse had came in to change her IV bags, but no.
The blend of voices strenghtened as she slowly drifted into consciousness, making it clear why that nurse was actually here. She wanted to take her blood. That's just great.
Inserting another needle into her already aching arm will be nothing but painful.
Kate tried to protest, still drowsy from sleep, still with her eyes closed, but the nurse held her arm firmly, whispering reassuring words into her ears which she didn't care about, which only made it even more painful. Great.
When that damned blood draw was finally over she let out a low whimper and a silent sigh of relief. Castle was right. Marie was a nice nurse, but she was already done with everything. She just wanted to go home and sleep in peace, in her own, comfortable bed.
When the nurse had finally left the room she opened her eyes, but only briefly. Blinking hard for a few times then, she slowly adjusted her bleary eyes to the strong lamplight overhead. It was past 6 a.m. already, but the sun was still nowhere to be seen. It was still dark, the weather grey and gloomy, with a thick fog layering the city.
It was snowing at night, she could clearly see the remnants of snowflakes on the window pane.
Kate was thinking about going back to sleep, it was still an early morning after all, when a strong wave of nausea suddenly washed over her entire being.
Ops, that's nothing good!
"Castle," She called out, pushing herself up on one elbow, attempting to sit up, gasping hard for air. The sudden movement sent a jab of pain running down her IV riddled arm, but she ignored it.
"Kate, you okay?" Castle quickly asked in concern, helping her to sit up properly.
"No," she sighed out, sucking in a harsh breath, cursing that damned blood draw under her breath. "I think I will throw up again." She choked out, almost crying.
"It's okay Kate, don't worry it will be fine." Castle tried to reassure her, quickly rising from the chair to grab a small bowl from the table.
She was gasping for air harder now, letting out low moans and quiet whimpers, until she finally started retching into the small hospital bowl which Castle held in front of her.
She didn't throw up anything this time, not even a bile, thank God, but a cold sweat trailed down her spine anyway, making her shiver. Or was her entire body shaking because of all the fear slowly consuming her insides?
Kate was afraid as hell, worried what if the poison is still in her system, what if she falls back into unconsciousness once again. Second time she won't make it, that's for sure, she has no strenght nor energy for that. No, it can't be happening, she bursted out in tears.
Castle was sitting in front of her now, still holding that small bowl in his hand.
"Hey, it's okay, it's okay." He whispered to her gently, stroking the side of her face.
She shook her head "no," still sobbing, still feeling a bit nauseous.
"What if it's back, Castle?" She sniffled, her voice broken, throaty.
"The poison, what if-"
"Shh, it's okay. The poision is long gone from your system. Dr. Scott told us for sure, remember?" He spoke to her gently, brushing back a few strands of hair plastered to her sweaty forehead.
"You hadn't eaten anything since you woke up yesterday, and now you had this blood draw, I think that's why you are feeling bad."
Well, he has a point, Kate had thought, wiping a lone tear drop away from her face. She didn't reply anything, she only sniffled quietly under her breath, hoping that Castle is right.
"Do you feel better now?" He asked a few minutes later, when her breath returned to its steady pattern and the awful feeling of nausea was finally gone.
"Yeah." She sighed out cheerfully, running her hand through the oily strands of her hair.
Kate remained in a sitting position even after the nausea was long gone, the large pillow cushioning her back. It was enough of laying in that damned hospital bed, she wanted to be sitting already.
"And now you should really eat, Kate." Castle said softly, offering her a small plate with dietetic hospital food.
She accepted the food without hesitation now, forcing down a few bites. The sight of the hospital food was disgusting itself, but oh, well... she couldn't fathom getting sick again, so she had to force herself to eat whatever kind of food it was.
"So you really think it was him, Jerry Tyson?" Kate asked quietly later that night. When she was finally coherent enough to pay attention, Castle told her every single detail about the case, starting from the moment he got the phone call about her being poisoned. Beckett listened to him carefully, occasionally shaking her head in disbelief.
"Yeah, I'm pretty sure it was him." Castle nodded, lowering his voice in disappointment.
"And do you think he will be back?" She asked tentatively, her voice quiet, still drowsy from sleep.
"No, I don't think so." Castle replied sternly, faster than he wanted, shaking his head.
"Don't worry Kate, I won't let him hurt you again." He then added with a smile, lacing his own fingers with hers, gently squeezing her limp hand.
"Castle, I know you are trying to-"
"I'm serious Kate." He cut her off. "He won't hurt you again, I promise." Castle knew it was too early to say that, to make any promises, he didn't know what the future holds, none of them did, but he was certain about one thing. He won't let her getting hurt like that again.
"Did the guys find any leads?" Kate then asked bashfully after a brief moment of silence, running her hand through her disheveled hair, already bracing herself for his answer.
"No, nothing." Castle sighed out in response. Well, that's excatly what she was afraid of. "Just the antitode, and a scrape of paper with a note "Better luck next time". He added.
"So he will be back." Kate snapped her gaze back to him, her eyes litting up with... hope or fear? He couldn't tell.
"Yeah, but even if he will, I don't think it will happen anytime soon, Kate." Castle assured her gently, his large palm still covering hers. "So don't worry okay? Just focus on your recovery." He added with his usual soft and charming smile.
She only nodded in reply, her gentle smile matching his.
Kate hated to admit, but Castle was right. The fight with Jerry Tyson could wait. Now she has to recover. And once she does, she will do everything to find him, to take him down with justice.
"Oh, speaking about the boys, they would like to visit you, along with Lanie." Castle said cheerfully then, drawing her away from her thoughts. "If that's okay with you." He added.
Kate knew she will never live this down. Not with the boys, and especially not with Lanie. Her friend warned her in time, told her to go to doctors right at the beginning, but Kate ignored it. Well, now she can face the consequences, she had thought, smiling under her breath. Kate knew for sure they all will tease her about this for a long while, but she didn't mind. She would do the same if the situation would be reversed.
"Yeah, of course Castle! I can't wait to see them too." She said eventually, with a wide smile stretching across her face. Yeah, she couln't wait to see them. And to thank them for everything.
"And now come here Castle." She instructed teasingly, moving at the corner of her hospital bed, leaving enough space for two.
She knew Castle didn't get a proper sleep for days, he was hunched over all nights on that small plastic chair, so she offered him to lay down next to her. Well yeah, it was a hospital bed, uncomfortable as hell, but it was still better than nothing.
"Oh, come on, Castle. Just lay down next to me." Kate prompted, noticing his hesitance. She turned onto her right side then, careful not to jostle those damned IV lines still inserted into her arm.
"And what about the doctors, huh?" Castle shot back teasingly, still unsure about sharing a hospital bed with her.
"Really Castle? Since when do you care about others seeing us together, huh?" She tossed back in response, quirking her eyebrow in challenge.
"Well, you have a point." He gave in eventually, grinning widely. Castle quickly rose from the chair and slid under the sheets next to her then, snuggling close into the warmth of her embrace.
She clutched the blanket tighter around them, holding him even closer.
They were laying face to face now, and she couldn't help but stare into those bright blue, sparkling eyes. She could never get tired of watching his face, to examine his features, not even after three years of marriage. It was visible he hadn't shove in days, but honestly, she liked that short stubble adorning his jaw.
Kate slowly traced her fingers along the side of his face, pressing a gentle kiss to his lips. Castle was almost sleeping, barely aware of his surroundings, but the small brush of her lips made him smile under his breath.
Snuggling even closer to her he let out a silent sigh of relief, thanking to whoever above for saving her life. He was finally able to relax without the constant fear of losing her, without worrying what happens next. Sure, there was still a long way of recovery, but she was here, tangled in his arms, alive and breathing. He was finally able to feel her closeness, the warmth of her breath caressing his skin. That was all he wanted, that was all he needed. She survived, and he couldn't be more grateful.