T/W: Abuse

Elsa.

Elsa.

Elsa, what is this? Look here. There's a mistake here, do you see it?

Yes. Yes, I do. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I won't do it again. Please. Please don't.

Mistakes will always cost you, Elsa.

The crackle of leather split the air. Followed by the reek of blood and sweat and tears.

She was begging. Begging for the pain to stop. Begging for forgiveness.

You need to fear failure, Elsa.

There was pain everywhere, screams echoing in harmony with the rhythmic hissing of leather as it sliced through the air.

She woke with a start, drenched in a cold sweat, heart thundering against her chest. The wave of terror slowly dissipated as she took in her surroundings. Hugging her knees to her chest, she realized she was still seated in her chair, papers crumpled and pens strewn randomly about her desk. Tightening her grip on herself, she struggled to hold in the terrified sobs that always flowed forth after that particular nightmare, trying to keep the broken pieces together.

Still unable to shake the sense of fear that her nightmare—or was it a memory?—incited, she staggered upright and made her way to the bathroom. Her stomach churned as the ominous image burned itself once again in her mind.

She stepped into the shower and turned on the cold water at full blast, not bothering to remove her clothes. The water soaked through her jeans, tank top and sweater, the wet clothes clinging to her and the added weight causing her exhausted body to collapse to the floor of the shower.

She was chilled to the bone, and she tried to pretend that it was because of the water, and not the dream.

She told herself that the water running down her face came from the showerhead, not her eyes.

She hadn't had that nightmare in a long time; it was buried under the years of memories between her father's death and the present. She squeezed her eyes shut as her recollection of what probably triggered the nightmare came back to her.

"Frozen Storm?"

Elsa sat up immediately, cursing herself for being so careless. To be honest, she had completely forgotten about the Skype thing, since she no longer needed the guise of a stranger to talk properly with Anna. Bringing herself to sit cross-legged on her bed, she leaned forward and rested her elbows on her knees.

Rubbing her temple, she sighed. "Look, Anna, I was going to tell you. It's just, I've been so busy with colle—school stuff."

There was a silence before her sister responded. To Elsa's surprise, Anna's words were angrier than she'd expected, the younger girl's face flushed, eyes narrowed. "You might not think it's a big deal, but I do! You lied by omission when I asked who you were! It's wrong! Is this what dad taught you when he gave you private lessons?" Elsa flinched. Anna continued, oblivious of the memories her seemingly innocent words were triggering in her sister, "How to lie?"—another flinch—"That does make sense, doesn't it, because you're going to take over the business one day, right? What better way to—"

"Shut up, Anna! Please get out!" Elsa folded her arms protectively across her stomach, trying to keep herself from shaking. With anger, Anna presumed.

"Right, just shut me out again. That's what you always do when I say something you don't like. Why can't you just talk to me properly, Elsa?"

"GET OUT," Elsa roared, eyes shut. When she heard the shuffle of her sister's feet and the slamming of the door, she opened them again and cried, barely able to hold herself together.

Anna wasn't really sure why she was upset with Elsa for not revealing her identity on Skype. She wasn't entirely sure of Elsa's reasons for approaching her as a stranger on Skype to begin with. She'd impulsively accused Elsa of lying because she felt fooled by her sister. Like Elsa was playing her. She felt slightly humiliated, like she was being manipulated, just because she was tricked into thinking that Frozen Storm was a different person. So she lashed out impulsively.

She'd been overshadowed by her older sister her entire life. Not that Anna really minded, because she knew Elsa was the one who needed to be perfect since she was going to take over as heir. Anna, on the other hand, was allowed to play and slack off without being reprimanded as severely by their mother. She had more free time, because she didn't need to take piano lessons or violin lessons or etiquette lessons as seriously as Elsa did. Deep down, she was grateful to her older sister for shouldering those responsibilities. But a little part of her, a tiny part, resented the fact that Elsa was so above and beyond her.

So when she found out that Elsa had lied to her about being Frozenheart, she felt ashamed, stupid, once again that her sister had successfully fooled her for so long. It was as if she was just a mindless puppet to be manipulated by her sister.

Of course, it didn't take long for these feelings of shame to be washed away by yearning for her sister. Even though Elsa had now allowed her to enter her room when Anna knocked, it did little to quench the younger's feelings of loneliness and longing for her sister. She reflected on her hasty actions earlier and reprimanded herself.

She was a little puzzled, however, at Elsa's response to her reckless accusations. Her sister was usually so level headed, so calm; it wasn't like her to mirror Anna's impulsive actions and throw her out. Elsa was usually the one to calm everything down when they fought, and the one to skillfully resolve any issues at hand. The wild Elsa that threw her out had the look of a tortured animal, but Anna for the life of her couldn't figure out how exactly she had offended her sister.

Despite her mind yelling at her to go make up with her big sister, Anna was a little afraid of how Elsa would react (having just violently kicked her out), and a little more afraid to face the door again.

The next day found them sitting on opposite sides of their mother's car, with Anna trying to meet her sister's eyes and search for signs of forgiveness. It seemed, though, that Elsa was purposefully averting her gaze, focusing on something far and distant through the window.

"What happened?" Asked a worried Rapunzel when Anna remained silent throughout lunch, distracted and depressed. "Did you have a fight with Elsa again? Is that why she's not here? I thought you guys were getting along fine."

Despite Elsa's preoccupation with her work, she had spent every lunch period with Anna and her friends, politely answering questions about teachers and helping them with their homework. All of them had taken a liking to Elsa, envying Anna having a big sister, since none of them had older siblings. That, and Elsa was very likeable to begin with, if one took the time to get to know her.

"We were, until I found out that she was the one pretending to be my mysterious friend on Skype."

The revelation elicited excited gasps from her friends.

"That's so sweet of her!" Merida exclaimed.

"How—how is that sweet of her?" Anna asked incredulously, taken aback by the unexpected wave of praise.

"Anna, how have you not figured it out yet?" Aurora chastised, shaking her head. Anna only blinked in response.

"Elsa probably really missed talking to you, but she couldn't tell you that she was being harassed—" Megara began.

"—And she didn't want to drag you in to her problems, which means she couldn't be friendly with you at all—" Rapunzel interrupted.

"—Because she didn't want to have to explain why she won't talk to you at school—" Merida continued.

"—But she probably still wanted to be a good sister to you, which is why she befriended you as a mysterious stranger," Aurora finished.

"I know all that!" Anna sputtered indignantly. "I'm not an idiot." The reasons were all a jumble in her head, but they were there. She knew why Elsa did what she did. She was trying to fix things. But Elsa was being so difficult.

"So what's the problem?" All four of them demanded in unison.

"I think I said something really mean to offend her, but I don't know what. I mean, we've had worse arguments before, but she's totally been giving me the cold shoulder. Like she won't even look me in the eye."

"Elsa does seem the type to keep her problems bottled up inside, huh," Rapunzel lamented slowly.

"Yeah, well, she has such an unreliable ditz for a sister, so it's not unexpected," Merida half-teased, trying to lighten up the mood. Noticing Anna's ever more depressed expression, she nudged her with an elbow, "Look, she probably just needs some time to herself, you see. She's still really busy, right? That could be a reason. Come on, girl, you'll have all winter vacation to patch things up, you will."

"Hey girls, why the long faces?" Eugene walked in, his easy-going expression quickly dissipating from his brown eyes and ran his hand through his habitually messy hair as he took in the depressed atmosphere of the arts room. Following behind him was his friend Kristoff, a tall blonde guy from the same grade, looking just as confused.

"Anna's having problems with Elsa, again," Rapunzel explained warily.

"Well, that's nothing new," Eugene chuckled, "They're always fighting about somethin' or other." He clamped a hand over his mouth when Rapunzel shot him a murderous glare.

"Aww, Anna. Don't worry about it; these things always work themselves out," Kristoff put an arm on Anna's shoulder to comfort her. Looking up at him, she smiled wistfully into his light brown eyes, making his cheeks redden slightly. "Uh, I mean you're sisters, right? There isn't anything more important than family. I don't know the details, but it's the same everywhere, right? Nothing can beat the family bond!"

"Kristoff would know, he has about a million cousins," Eugene punched him in the arm teasingly. Slyly putting his arm around Rapunzel, he whispered, "Now… enough about Elsa, I need help some help with this math question. Rapunzel, could you find it in your kind heart to save my poor soul?"

Rapunzel, feigning disgust, shoved his side with her shoulder. He then proceeded to give her his 'smoldering gaze', which earned him the guffaws of everyone in the room.

Elsa was in the tech lab, concentrating on her spreadsheets and calculations that comprised the last assignment for her business elective. However, try as she might to distract herself, she found her mind wondering if Anna found her absence in the arts room unsettling. She wasn't ready to face her younger sister again, after Anna had unwittingly caused her nightmares about her father to resurface. Just seeing Anna again reminded her of the recurrent nightmares she was having about their late father and once again struck irrational panic into her heart. She reminded herself that he was dead, that she would never have to face the hard leather of his belt again, but it still was insufficient in dispelling the deep-seated trepidation put there by years of torment during her childhood.

There is no way that she was going to tell Anna about this. No way in hell. To her sister, their father was always a foundation of support, kindness, and shelter. Anna had never seen the side of their father that Elsa had. In Anna's mind, their father was an affectionate, loving, and tolerant man. She had looked up to him, and he was always so gentle with her. His death had devastated her. Letting her know what he did to Elsa would destroy her.

Elsa knew it was horrible, but she was almost relieved when he died. Their mother was intimidating, but she had never hit her the way their father did. Or maybe it was because the fear of failure that he had instilled in her had already become so prevalent by the time of his death that their mother saw no need to continue his sick form of conditioning.

And there were times Elsa was glad that she was the heir, because only she had to bear the brunt of their father's ideals, allowing her younger sister to be spared. The only solace Elsa found when recovering from her wounds was the realization that if she got hurt, Anna wouldn't have to.

There were also times that Elsa resented her younger sibling, for her sheer ignorance and lack of appreciation for what Elsa was doing for her.

Plagued by nightmares, this week was one of those times.

"Elsa, it's the first day of winter holidays. You can't use 'busy' as an excuse to ignore me anymore. Please, talk to me. I can't do this anymore. Tell me what I did wrong; I'm sorry. I know you did the Skype thing for me. I'm not mad about that, I never really was. Please, Elsa. Just talk to me." Despite the argument, Elsa was keeping her promise of not shutting her younger sister out anymore. Ironically, she was still doing it emotionally. Anna was sitting on Elsa's bed, her pleas getting more and more desperate.

For the first time in a week, Elsa turned around in her chair and held her sister's gaze, annoyance plain on her face. "How was your week, Anna?" She managed evenly, before averting her eyes again.

Anna was quickly losing her patience as well, fed up with a week of disdain and neglect from her older sister, "Look, we can pretend there's nothing wrong and let it fester or you can spit out exactly what's been bothering you! I'm tired of acting like the mature one and trying to get to the bottom of this mess, when you won't even cooperate!"

That was it. Something inside Elsa snapped, and without thinking she betrayed the once-solid control she had of herself, "Mature one? You're the mature one? The mature one, the ignorant fool who only sees what she wants to see? You have no idea what I've been through, because of you! You have no idea! You want to know what has been bothering me this past week? You! You're a pain in my side, you know that? You can't even begin to imagine what I've suffered so you could live your happy-go-lucky life like nothing's ever wrong—you can't even begin to fathom what I've sacrificed for you!"

Anna turned red with anger. She'd only been trying to fix things. She didn't deserve this sudden accusation from Elsa. "Why don't you tell me, then? Tell me what you've 'suffered' because of me! Maybe then we can get past your passive-aggressiveness and solve this like adults! Whose fault is it that I don't know anything? Yours! You won't ever tell me anything, and now you're blaming me for being ignorant? How is that fair? All my life I've only tried to love you and support you, and this is what I get?"

"To hell with this." Elsa stormed out of the room.

"That's right! Just walk away like you always do!" Anna spat after her.

After her sister was out of sight, Anna slumped against the wall, sinking to her knees, burying her face in her hands, and finally letting her tears flow.

Elsa fought the urge to turn around and clenched her jaw, digging her nails into her palms, the physical pain helping fight the ache in her heart.

Unbeknownst to the other, they were thinking the same thing.

Did I fail as a sister?