Chapter 21

Reconciled

It felt soo good. We were at Maura's house, lying in her bed together and I was caught in her soft embrace. I liked the heat from her body, the feeling of her soft hands caressing my arm and my back. Everything felt so natural. And everything happened so naturally. I leaned closer to place a kiss on her mouth and just in a few seconds my kiss deepened, getting pretty passionate. She was in her red sateen gown which I carefully undressed, leaving her only in her panties. I started kissing her neck, going down as she caressed my face, playing with my hair. I started placing small kisses all over her stomach and I could see just how much she enjoyed it. She started moaning, just a soft raspy sounds, coming from her throat. I loved her body so much.

"I love you, Maura." I told her as I looked at her and she smiled at me. "I wanna make love to you," I said as I continued not so patiently to kiss her stomach, quickly going down.

"I love you, Jane."

I heard Maura's words but everything blurred in a matter of seconds and then I woke up from my dream. I realized it was just a dream and I sighed in frustration. My alarm clock woke me up. Stupid alarm and stupid school!

There were times when I woke up from my sleep, feeling excited and happy about the new day. But that seemed like a long time ago. Nowadays I just hated getting up for school. It has been three weeks since mother learned about my relationship with Maura. Almost a month and yet nothing had changed. She hadn't changed her mind about our relationship. And we didn't talk much lately.

"It's either you stop seeing your teacher and forget about her completely, or I will tell everything and get her fired. You choose." Mother had told me and gave me an ultimatum. Of course I couldn't risk Maura's career so we stopped going out. We just had to. I just had no other choice. I had to make peace with it though it was really hard.

I could still see Maura at school. Not every day of course but when I had biology. Sometimes we even talked. After all, my mother haven't said anything about talking to her. But we just ended our relationship like my mother wanted me to do. It's not like we had any relationship before that, in my opinion. We were just in the beginning. My mother found out about us way too soon so I didn't even know what we had with Maura. Whatever we had, it all ended when my mother made me stop seeing her. She forbid me and I felt really sad about it. I just couldn't get over it. Most probably I would never be able to make peace with it.

Of course it was really hard for me to stay away from Maura. There were some moments when I felt really sorry that we weren't together, that we couldn't be. Her hand brushing mine when I am leaving my papers on her desk, a long intense stare that could probably last for hours if it weren't for the other students. Sometimes I wished I could forget about my mother's ultimatum and just get back with Maura. I wished I could see her again, just the two of us alone, not be in a room full with students. And Maura was nothing but supportive with me, always encouraging me to stay strong. She agreed with my mother and she thought that I just had to do what my mother said. Of course I didn't tell her about my mother's ultimatum. That was out of the question. Maura just didn't want to do it against my mother's will. And I didn't want to hide it anymore either. I completely understood her. I didn't want to lie to my mother too. Not again. Not after everything that happened.

I felt like we went back at the beginning where I could only watch Maura and dream that she's be mine, despite feeling it impossible. If only I hadn't insisted on kissing Maura on the mouth on our second date. If only mother hadn't found out about our relationship. I could only wish... But the reality hit me after hearing my alarm clock again and after realizing that I had to get up for school. It was pointless to get up and get ready for school because that day we didn't have biology. At least I thought that the days when I didn't have biology and couldn't see Maura were all pointless and empty. But I had no choice. My only solace was that I could still talk to Maura.

After school I went straight home since my mother forbade me to go out. But it's not like I was in a mood to go out with my friends anyway. We had lunch but I didn't eat much. I hurried to go in my room where I could be alone. I wasn't in a mood for anything, even for food. My mother came in my room after a few hours and I wondered what she wanted. We didn't talk much with her lately and I was trying to avoid her. I was spending the most of the time in my room, being all alone.

"Jane, why did you stop eating?" she asked, sitting on my bed next to me. "Lately you just sit around sullenly and play with your food, and then get up from the table without even touching your meal."

"I lost my appetite," I told my mother.

"And I'll tell you why. Because of that teacher."

"Don't call her 'that teacher'. She has a name. Maura. And I love her so don't you dare say anything about her."

"I am sorry, Jane." She apologized and looked down. I didn't expect she would apologize to me. It seemed she didn't want to fight with me anymore. "It's not just your appetite that is gone. Lately you are different person. You've changed a lot. You don't laugh anymore, you don't even crack a smile. You don't tell any jokes or sarcastic comments like you used to. And I miss the old Jane. To be honest, I even miss your sarcasm."

I didn't know what to say, how to answer her confession so I just smiled at her because I knew how much she hated my sarcasm and saying that she missed it meant a lot. I really didn't want to be like that with her but I missed Maura so much. My mother had to understand that. I love Maura very much and it's a torment to stay away from her and put my feelings aside just to obey my mother.

"I love you, Jane. I really do, but... I just don't know what to do with you anymore," she said, shrugging sullenly and then she bit her lip. She was obviously very upset. I didn't want to upset her. I just felt really bad. I couldn't hate her for forbidding me to see Maura - she was my mother after all.

"Ma," I took her hands in mine. I wanted to calm her down.

"I care about you so much, Jane, and... I just want what's best for you. Maybe I was too hard on you but when I found out I just freaked out... And I just don't know what to do... Not anymore. I don't want to be a bad mother but I just don't know what's the right thing to do."

"Ma... I think you're the best mother."

It was sincere. I was saying the truth, though I was still a bit mad at her and hurt. I knew that it must be hard for her, too. She was doing it out of love. She had good intentions, I knew that.

"I know I hurt you with my words and the way I treated you but you have to know that I am hurting myself even more. I just want you to be happy and I hate seeing you so sad. And I hate to be the reason for your pain. But I am asking you for your opinion. Honestly, what would you do if you were in my place?"

"I don't know, Ma..."

"Letting you go out with Maura seems wrong because she's your teacher. And it's just not right... But you love her. And forbidding you to see her seems wrong too because you have feelings for her. So I really don't know what I am supposed to do."

Even though I wanted to defend myself and convince my mother, I didn't know what to say. It was all true. My mother was right. I could understand her point of view even though I would never admit that to her.

"Are you happy with her?"

I heard my mother asking me and I looked up at her because I didn't expect that question at all. She had never asked me such questions, she never wanted to talk about Maura and what I had with her. So I was really surprised.

"Does she make you happy, Jane?"

"Yes... I love her. I love her so much... and I feel like the happiest person in the whole world when I am with her," I confessed to my mother, feeling happy just to talk about Maura with her.

"You seemed really happy when you were going out with her," she said matter-of-factly. "I was thinking, wondering what was going on with you. You seemed so relaxed and happy and always so excited. I've never seen you like that before."

"That's because I love her."

"I know I forbid you to see her but now when I am looking at you and seeing what you've become... how much you're suffering without her... You know Jane, I have been thinking a lot. And I am willing to let you go out with Maura, you know... to date her."

I couldn't believe my ears!

"You are willing?" I asked, surprised, a bit confused, and really happy the same time.

"OK. I will let you go out with her. But there are certain circumstances of course. There would be rules that you have to obey..."

I stopped listening after I heard she would let me go out with Maura. I couldn't believe it. She was ready to accept our relationship. And I was willing to obey any rule that she could think of just to date Maura again. I knew Maura would be thrilled to find out that my mother agreed to date her. Maybe at first she wouldn't even believe it but she'd be happy. Just like me. I was so happy that my mother agreed. That meant no more sneaking out and hiding. Though it was a thrill to sneak out and keep our relationship a secret, now things will be even better. Now we will be calm and happy together. Finally!

AN: This was the final chapter. I hope you enjoyed my story. I am always looking forward for your feedback - all of your comments, criticism and new ideas are welcome.