Chapter 42: Random Stuff and Illuminati?
AN: Hoy! Me gusta senor ay carabma! Que hora tiempo gusto, mas jueve! I'm just practicing my Espinyole! Aren't I prefect! I'm sorry that I haven't been able to post in a little while, since I was pretty busy with schoolwork and band. Anywya, I have an essay to write for ENC1101! Stupid english, da most boringest class. At least i got freyday off form schoool becase off hurrecane matthue, so I get more time to procrastinate on the essay and write this story instead! Yay! Sometime I need to write about TIM DEIJNG BECASE hes STUPED!111111 This chapper will introduce a nu character! What will her intermissions bee? And what will hapen next? Find out on, Tingle's Revenge: A Philosophical Satirization of Society.
Chapter Fordywun Recap!: Labour day, F*CK U, wait what, why is this german, no stop, what, what, no, what, Perry and Doofinsmurfs bang. THE END
Chaptre beggin!
"Link, WHY THE HELL ARE YOU SITTING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD!?" screamed Navi, as a car swerved to avoid Link.
"IM Listenign to the Beetles, DONT InterUPt mii!"
"Wait, you like the Beatles?" Navi asked after pulling Link off the road, narrowly saving him from getting hit by a truck.
"Yes, I LUV da bottles! I like all of the people in it like Vladimir Lenin and Paul McGann and Rango and that other 1! Hear, I'll sing a Beadle song now!" Lanky took out his radeo and turned on a song.
"Todokete
Setsunasa ni wa namae wo tsukeyou ka Snow halation
Omoi ga kasanaru made matezu ni
Kuyashii kedo suki tte junjou
Binetsu no naka tamerattemo dame da ne
Tobikomu yuuki ni sansei mamonaku Start!"
"What the f*ck?!" yelled Navi. "That's f*cking Snow Halation! How the hell do you get the Beatles mixed up with Snow Halation?"
"FCK U NAZI I HAVE TH E RIGHT 2 REMAIN SILENT Read your Cosgrove Rights!"
"What the hell are you even saying?"
"I BAYLEAF IN MY SHELF!11111111"
Meanwhile, Lana was walking outside the mall, when she heard the song. "Is that...Snow Halation? It is Snow Halation! Ureshii!"
Lana ran up and started dancing to it, and she was soon joined by Ganondorf, doing the Caramelldansen dance. Eventually, the entire Cute Toot House was there dancing.
"What the f*ck! Can these preps just shut the hell up?!" yelled Dark Pit, who was joined by the rest of the Hot Topic Krew, including Cia, who was somehow alive again.
"Oh boy, so many memes! Such memes, so wow!" yelled Marth, along with his MemeMemeMeme Brigade. They began to play more memes like 7 Grand Dad and Loud Nigra and Space Jam and The Nutshack, while the HTK looked on in disgust.
Suddenly, an MLG airhorn went off, causing everyone to jump.
The Happy Drug Salesman and Walter White came up pushing a food cart, but with drugs instead of food. It was filled with drugs like coceeen, Hermine, meths, shroobs, and even sweet, sweet dank. 420 blaze it! "Come getcher drugs! They're half off just for todya!" yolo'd HDS, which sounds like an STD so he shood probobly change his name.
But then, Walter White saw her: the goddess of sweet, sweet dank herself, Viridi! He fell down on his knees in front of her and began to weep. "Master...i...i am not worthy."
"Who the f*ck are you?" Viridi asked, pulling away from the strange man wearing a cap that said "Obey" and pixelated sunglasses.
A crowd of random poeple were there t2oooo, but they didn't like the song and so they ran away, but one person got hit by a car and died and his guts splattered everywhere and the car was smeared with blood and the driver screamed and more people screamed and then a lot of otter people were sad and then his mum saw and killed herself and then thee driver who ran over him went into a deep depression and committed suicide and then at his funeral a lot of people got sick from a deadly disease, and so the government had to contain them, and none of them survived and so then it turned out that the disease was planted there by a family member of the first guy who died for revenge, and he was arrested by the police, so he fought back and killed a person and so he went to jail and got the death penalty, but before he died he ate a cake and then another family member of the guy tried to go on a murderous rampage but wasnn't able 2 because he had a heart attack and died, not because of kira but just because he was old and then his wife walked in and was so sad she jumped out of a window but a tornato blew her away and she landed on a nuclear bomb and it blew up and then the government though that Russia did it and so Murica and Russia had a nuclear war and billionns of people died and then the world had nuclear winter, but there wasn't any Christmas because Santa died in the attacks and then nuclear radiation turned people into mutants with superpowers and then they killed everyone left and then Sakurai and Fukura were some of the only survivors, so they went back in time and stopped the guy from getting hit by a car and then none of this ever happened so this entire long paragraph was pointless.
Later:
"Well, that was weird," said Navi. "What was Sakurai doing there?"
"SHOOT DA F*OK UP NAVI!" Link said. Snap and Loopin were theer 2.
"Quiq, Lonk, lets bong!" yelled Loopin.
They were Snip, Loopin, and Link about to bong, when they heard someone yell, "Wait! Why would you do this when THE ILLUMINATI IS WATCHING!111111"
"Who r u?" leak asked.
The person walked out, and it was...Sheik!
"Wait," said Navi. "Isn't Sheik Ze—?"
"SHUT UP Nueve I DIDENT GET 2 DAT PERT YET!"
"But it literally happened to you!"
"SHHHHHHHUT UUUUUUUUUP"
"Wait a minitue, lets look bach on that one," Chic said. "You said Up, up is a pixar movie, Pixar also made a bugs life, butterflies are bugs, butter, skydoesminecraft likes butter, he makes videos about Minecraft, Minecraft has a lot of squares, squares have four sides, It was released on Xbox in 2012, 12 divided by 4 equals 3, triangles have three sides, Illuminatis have triangles, ILLUMINATI CONFIRMED!11111111"
"HOLY SH*T!1111" screamed Link and Snap and Lookin.
"You've got to be kidding me," grumbled Navi.
"Or do you mean," lonk onldked, "Youve got 2 be squidding me!" (AN: GEDDIT!)
"WAIT!" yelled Shrek. ("Such an original misspelling," Navi sarcasmed, so I typed in that Link threw a turtle at her and it happened because I wrote it down.) "Squids are in the same family as octopi, pi is 3.14, three is illuminati, ILLUMINATTI CONFERMATED!"
"Waoh!" they yelled in fear.
"OH SH*T, NOT THE ILLUMINTATI!" screamed Walter, who tried to 360 no scope Shiek, but he missed and shot Near instead, since he was near (AN: GEDDIT!).
"Walter, celm down." growled the HDS. "Were going hoem."
"No, I HAVE 2 stop the ILLUMINATION!"
The Happy Dog Salesman got an evil face and started evilly glowing. "I TOLD YOU TO GO HOME YOU C*NT! NOW YOU WILL PAY!" and so he toook walter home and tortured him and then they had sex and then HDS did some evil stuff and then they sexed again.
"HERe" sad Sheikh. "Ill prove it to you that the Illuminati Israel with proof in my house!"
And so she took them in the house. It was a tiny room with pictures of Illuminati eyes and triangles, and there were pictures of people she thought were in the illuminati like Oboma and Putin and Beyonce and Mr. Bean. There were also computadora moniters on the walls showign video surveylense. When they came on the room she put on a tin foil hat and gave one to each of the visitors.
"Now, this is some Sirius businiess, the Illuminatti. I william tell you the truth that I learned from yearns of research. U no da tryforce? Well, it is actually from the Illuminatri! That's' because its a triangle LIKE ILLUIMINATI! The tree peole with the triforce are the 3 peeps that lead the Illuminati! And someday, the Iluminatti will get tiered of ruling form behind and then reveal themselves,and then everyone will know that I'm right! All the kids that bullied me will stop being mean to me, and they will knwo that is was write!" Chichi started 2 cri because no one likes her.
"OMG DA ILLUMANERTY IS REEL!" Lonk yelleed and he kicked Snap and Loopin so far that they crashed into Wales at Wataris house and Watari had to call the cops at Skitland Yard until he realized that his house had a lot of smart peeps in it, so they arrested them, and he was liek "BLOODY GOOD JOB, MY GOOD CHAPS! THOSE WANKERS WERE GOBSMACKLINGLY SODDED!"
"Actually," said Navi. "Maybe they are real. I mean, it doesn't make any sense at all, but neither does anything else in this sh*tty My Immortal ripoff. And why would they be mentioned so much in this chapter if they weren't going to be later revealed as true?"
Lonk sed "NOw that navi believes u I DONT BELEEVE U ANYMORE BECAUSW EVERYTING NOVA SAYS IS RONG!" he punched Naive out the window and threw a chair and a couch and Inkay on her.
"But its true, I tell u ITS TURE!" Sheep exyelled.
"NO ITS NOT U DAUHTER OF A B*CH THAT YOU ARE TOO!"
Link left the room as Shulk yelled "YOU"LL SEE! EVERYUN WILL C! DA ILLUMANAZI IS REEL AND I WILL FINALY BEE RITE!"
"Wat a looser," Lonk sewed. "At lest we don't have 2 worry aboot da Illermernerti anymore. Also...TODOKETE SETSUNASA NI WA NAMAE WO TSUKEYOU KA MOTHA F*CKIN SNOW HALATION!
LATER:
It was a typical day at 221B. Dr. John Watson was taking a sip of tea while using his laptop to watch totally straight porn as opposed to gay porn, when Sherlock Holmes ran into the room. He looked very panicked, an unusual sight. "Sherlock, what's wrong?" John questioned, quickly closing his computer to hide his straight porn that doesn't involve guys, since he isn't attracted to men.
"John, I've made a deduction. Our lives are a lie. We live in a television show."
"What the hell? That doesn't make any sense!"
"Then why does a camera crew follow us around everywhere!?"
John looked to his left, and much to his shock, Sherlock was right. "How the hell did I never notice that?!"
"It doesn't matter, we need to get out of here!" And so they both beat up the crew and then stole the first car they saw.
"Hey, come back with my f*cking car!" yelled Steven Moffat. The detective duo drove away, as the Sherlock theme began to play in the background.
AN: Whoa, there wasn't just one new character THERE WERE #! What part will Johnlock play in the show? And what is up with the Illuminati? Will John ever admit his obvious feelings for Sherlock? WHEN WILL TIMMY DIE, JUST DO IT! DOO IT! Or Just Kazoo it! Find out NEXT TIME when we tackle some more complex philosophical issues.