Chapter 44: Christmas Cheer

AN: AIM FINALLY BAC BOTCHES! I kno its ben (AN: GEEDIT becase of da clast chapt) a dong time since I last posted a chipper, but don't worry, as this chapter is finally here! Speaking of stories coming back, THE Hot Topic Krew updated again! IT CERTAINLY TOOK YOU LONG ENOUHG! But not as long as the amount of time since tim last had a girlfriend, okay not really he had multiple girlfriends and ive never had one BUT THATS NOT THE POINT. Anyway, u should go check that out if you haven't already, since it had as much sexiness as usuall (But it didn't have enough lemon SO IT SUCKS JUST KIDDING IM SORRY IT WAS JUST A JOKE THE STORY IS ACTUALLY REALLY GOOD, EVEN IF IT MIGHT NOT SEEM LIKE IT AT FIRST BUT ITS A LOT OF FUN AND YOU SHOULD REALLY CHECK IT OUT AS SOON AS POSSIBRU. Anyway, this chapter is going to be the Christmas Captor! ANyway, I know I never did a Hanksgiving Chester, so just pretend this is the tanksgvng especial a swell. o and dunt worre The fort of jule chapter wukk be here egotually.

Chapter Fortythrey Recap!: Haloreen partake, been wants scurry Hollower, tries 2 make a scary on, kidnaps navy, BUT HIS PLAN FAILS MISERABLY AND NOTHING IS SCARY, hes like totes sad, tingley sensation wast to cheers him up, they hier Villager to killer him, he is happy, he dies but not really, and navy is still kidnoped.

Chaptre beggin!

We need a Thanksgiving part so...

"It's thantsgiving," said Link.

LATWER:

"Now its cirstmas," he said. "BUT I HATE CHERSMOOSE! It repersents evryteing wrong with did world! LOV, COMPASION, FRENDSHIP, CHEER, F*CK CHRSTMAAS!1111111"

THe evil lonky heard some carolers singing outside. "Todokete, setsunasa ni wa, namae wo tsukeyou ka, Snow halation!"

"F*okin weebs!" Link yelled as he took out his sniper and shot as manyas he could. He loved to hear their screams and he loved to see people suffer. His wet dreams are filled with happy memories of torture and murder.

Suddenly, he heard a ghostly voice. "Hey! Listen!"

"WHO SID DAT?!111"

"Hey! Hey! Listen!"

"IM WARNING YOU I HAVE A GUUN!1111"

"Hey! Listen, Link!"

Suddenly, a glowing blue form appeared in front of Lanky. "Boo."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111" Lonk screamed, and then he passed out for the next hour.

"Oh, for f*ck's sake," said the ghost.

Eventually, link woke up, and started screaming again. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-"

"SHUT THE F*CK UP!"

"Whoo, hoo r u?"

"Don't you recognize me?"

"Kno."

"Seriously, how the hell do you not recognize me, I look basically just like I did when I was still alive, and you used to see me every day."

"I dunno."

"How about I give you a hint? My name starts with an N."

"ummmmmmmm oh are you ned from ned's declassified skull survival guide?"

"I'M NAVI, I'M F*CKING NAVI, YOU LITTLE C*NT!"

"Yere Nazi? den hoo have I been tortering dis hole time?" Link pointed to a nearby Cage.

"That's a f*cking tennis ball."

"Oh. BUT I WANKED TO BE THE ONE 2 KILL U HOW DID YOU DIE?!"

"Well, after I was kidnapped by Ben, you completely forgot about me, leaving me trapped with that team of idiots. And then Hannibal ate me."

"HOW COUD U NAVY!"

"How the hell is this my...You know what, never mind. That's not what I've come here to talk to you about. You're living a life of sin, and you need to change your ways. So, three other ghosts are going to appear tonight and try to convince you to become a good person, it's obviously not going to work, and yes, I know this is obviously supposed to be A Christmas Carol, and I also know how extremely cliqued this is, and it doesn't make any sense at all, I mean, what's the point of this sh...you know what I'm outta here, I gave you your message, f*ck you, merry f*cking Christmas."

Navi's ghost floated away and disappeared.

"Dats wired, wy did my tennis ball come 2 life? Better go back 2 beddy." But as link was about to get in bed another ghost was there! And it was...Zedla!

"LINKO U SUCK!"

"NO U SUCK MOAR!"

"YEAH BUT U MERDERED ME AND PUT MY CHILDEREN IN A MICROWAVE!"

"YEAH GBUT U CHEETED ON MII!"

"HOW IS DAT WOERSE!? AND U CHEETED ON MI LIKE EVERY DAY!"

"BECASE I KEN DO WAT I WANT ANS U CANT!"

"Y R WE TALKING N ALL CAPS?!"

"I DUNNNO! Y r u gost?"

"Itz kinda like dat 1 tim I dies and turns into a ghost in dat 1 gaem Phatom Our glass but that happens a buncha time in the future and in another timline so it's not just like that but it's kindo like it. Oyea, I jest remembered, since im a ghast and dis is chersmis, I need 2 teech u to be a butter person or somting cuz im da ghost of Christmas passt."

"F*KK U ZE-" but then zeda grabbed lonk and threw him into a time portal back in time.

A BUNCH OF TIMEs EARLIER:

Link woke up and he was in...Chapter Twoony!

"See dis is 1 tim u did sum evil stuffs," Zylda zed. "Look at what heppened den."

BACK THEN:

Link wuss beein an a-hole like userall. He was burning down Kokiri Forest for the evulz. Navi didn't notice because Link drugged her drink that morning. Luckily, Navi soon woke up. "Ugh, I have such a headache. Wait, is that a fire! We've got to do something!"

Navi was about to call 911, like everyone should do when there's a fire. Remember that kids, as calling 911 saves lives. That is my message for the day.

THE END.

Just kidding. Link shot the phone out of Navi's hands and then locked her up. "LINK, DON'T DO THIS! PEOPLE ARE GOING TO DIE!"

"Cents win did i ever cair about lifes!" Link laughed like the despicable human being that he was.

"U see," sended Zuldu, "Killing people IS BAD! An u murdered LIKE A SH*T LOAD OF PEEPS WHAT THE F*CK BRO!"

"Yah but killlen is like soooooo hawt I get so turned on byu merder."

"DUD WHAT DA F*CK!"

"Yah Im so terned on rite now seeing my past self kill ppeele I tink ill masticate right here."

"OH GODDESSES NO, WAT THA F*CK! U no wat, yere a lost cause, IM LEAVING lets see if the other ghoost can help. SEE YA BETCH!"

Lonkl apparated back in The Room and Zedd was gon. "I'm glad dat beechus gone."

"But anotter gost is hear 2!"

"HOO R U!"

"I am...RUTO! Bloop bloop!"

"OH NO NUT SEXY FISH MY ONLY WEAKNESS!"

"LOnk, remember how u KILLED ME and COOKED ME INTO FIHSSTICKS AND SOLD ME TO YOUR FRIENDS?!"

"O yea I forgetted about dat. Dat was supes hot."

"Yeah, f*ck u. Any way, im da ghots of Christmas Presents, and im geena show u sojme stuff about how bad u r! Bloop bloop!"

"O NO u doin sexy talk 2 I CANT RESIST IT ANYMOAR SEX WITH ME!"

"Okai. WAIT but im a gooost how will we sex?" asked ghost Ruto

"i dunno just float around my wee dingloid until somhting happens."

And then they had SUPER HOT SEX SO HWT RIGHT GYS! OMG!

"Wow dat was totes hot, bloop bloop," said Rudolf. "Oh yah, iforgetted im da goat of kirsmiss pretense, so I need to show you sum sutuff that s thappening in da presence."

Rollo telleported londk to somewere else in Hirule with a buncha poor kiddies.

"Look at Howe sad dese kiddies r! Day r dying of Hernger an u have a buncha food! Y don u let dem have sum?"

"Know," Loox sadi. "I'm glued there staving I want 2 seee them suffer in fact thanks for showing mii wear day r, I'll com back later an torture an kill them!"

"Yoo f*cking monster," sed Rhooto. "U no watt? U r erademable an ther is no hope 4 u. im so mad im gonna kill my self."

"But how wjeel u krill you rself when u r alrighty dad?"

"With MAGIC!"

"okai."

And then Rufous kidd kerself and Log turned her into ghost fishsticks witch are fishstickd that only ghost can eat and so link founded a binch of ghosts and sold then fishyicks.

"Et lest now I ken gogh back 2 bed said link." But then sudden...something appeared! "Who dat!"

Theb the ghosty thing revealed itself and it looked like a grim reaper thing! But it was FABULOUS! "Hello, boys!"

"O no r u da grim adventure of Bill and Mandy!" Link saed crying tears of terror (AN: Geddit because tear and terror sound kind of alike!)

"No, you silly goose. I'm the ghost of Christmas yet to come, but my real name is Light Yagami!"

"Wow itz really fitting dat your the ghost yet to cum."

Sudenly everything went all MLG and there were a bunch of ghosts like, "OOOOOH! OOOOOOOOOOOH!11 OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!1111111111 BUUUUUURN!"

"Ha ha, very funny," said Light. "But that's not what your mother said to me last night! HAHAHAHAHA just kidding I'm, like, totally gay."

"gee, i had no idea," link sarcasticalled.

"OOOOOOOOOOOH!111111 OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!1111111" screamed the MLG ghosts.

"Nice one," Walter White said, fistbumping Link. He wasn't a ghost, but he was wearing an MLG bedsheet to fit in.

"Yah, moar like light Yagaymi!" Link lonkled.

"Okay, that one wasn't as funny," said Light.

"lite more like NOT Light! HAHA!"

"Um, maybe you should..."

"Moer leak NOTgami!"

"Dude, it's not funny anymore. Just stop."

"More like YagNOTmi!"

"Come on, just..."

The MLG ghosts slowly and awkwardly left the room, while Walter hid under his blanket and pretended to not be there.

"More like LiNOTght!"

"The hell is wrong with you?"

"Mor like NOTight!"

"Please shut the f-"

"Mear liek YagaNOT!"

"You mother fu-"

"Moe like LighNOT!"

"Shut up, you f*cking cu-"

"Moor like NOT light NOT Yagami!"

"SHUT UP!"

"Mooa look LiNOOOOT NOTgamNOT!"

"SHUUUUT UUUUUP!111"

"Mirror like NOT NOT lightGamy!"

"SHUUUUUT THE FU-"

"Mooor like Not non-yagami light!"

"SHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-"

"Mortar like Notnot Light not not yaganot!"

"DUDE IT ISN'T FUNNY SHUT THE F*CK U-"

"More loke Noightnot Ganotgami!"

"HOW ABOUT MORE LIKE F*CK YOU YOU F*CKING WHORE!111"

"More like notty not the notgami of lightNOT!"

"SERIOUSLY, HOW LONG IS HE GOING TO BE DOING THIS?!"

"More lick Light "NOT" Yagami the fifth!"

"BE QUIIIIIIET!111"

"More like Notting Hill Lightnotnotnotnontnontojflsad Notgami!"

"UUUUUUUGH!"

"Mo lke nononononononononononononononotgami!"

"YOU MOTHER F*CKER!"

"More like notototototototototototototototototototototototototototototototototototototagami!"

"SHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT-"

"More like Notnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnot-"

"THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-"

"notnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotnot-

"CK UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111"

The final scream was so loud, Walter was blasted into space like Team Rocket and Link's eardrums exploded.

"Okai, im done," likn said.

"Good. Now, time for me to tell you more about why I'm here, darling. Actually, you aren't a darling, you're a LITTLE BITCH! You killed me, you f*ck."

"But wasent it L dat keilled u?"

"Well, maybe, but IT WAS YOUR FAULT! We were perfectly happy UNTIL YOU SHOWED UP! Anyway, anyone who is Kira doesn't go to Heaven or Hell after death, so I turned into a SHINIGAMI! But now I'm disgusting! I can't go back to L looking like this! And we never even got to have sex!"

"I half a GRATE idea!" lonke expclaimed. "Lest forget aboot dis chrismas future sh*t and instead, i'll give u a makeover!"

"REALLY!?" yelled Light, his eyes tearing up. "You would do that for me?"

"Yepsadoodles! LETS DO IIIIIIIT!111111"

And then thre was a realy coool Montague where that fasion guy from that one project runway show was there and they all finded out how to make shinigami Light ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL!111

"OMG, I'M GORGEOUS! I'm only slightly less attractive than my cooler brother Dark, and no one is as attractive as he is!"

Later:

"Okay lite u ken do this!" yelled link. "I beeeleeef in u!"

L was crouching down on a chair seductively eating a candy cane, when Light floated up! "L, its me, Light! I'm a shinigami now!"

"LIGHT, YOU'RE ALIVE! I'm so sorry for trying to track you down and have you arrested!"

"And I'm so sorry for trying to kill you and take over the world, babe! Now we can finally be happy!"

"Wait..." said Navi, who floated up next to Link. "Did that ghost sh*t actually work? Did Link finally learn how to be a good person. Actually, let me guess...you have some other intentions in doing this, right?"

"Yule (AN: GEDDIT ITS XMAS!) see! Mwahaha!"

Suddenly, a masked man jumped out with a gun and pointed it at L! "Die L!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!11111" screamed Light. Without hesitation, he pulled out a Death Note and wrote the man's name in it.

"Light, you saved my life!" said the scrawny fairy man. "Wait...but whenever a Shinigami kills someone to save someone else's life, don't they...die?"

"I love you L, may I rest in spaghetti, never forgetti," Light said and then turned to dust like an Undertail.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111" screamed L as a bunch of candy flew out of his mouth.

Then Link jumped out! "Ha, dis was my plan all alllong! i finaly gave u happines, only 2 take it away! How does it feell? I bet it hertz so much! Im soooooooooooo terned on right now!"

"YOU F*CKING MONSTER I'LL KILL YOU!111111111111" L cried.

"WHAT THE F*CK, LINK?!" screamed Navi. "You are F*CKING DISGUSTING IN EVERY WAY POSSIBLE, YOU F*CKING MONSTER! And the worst thing is, this type of behavior is common for you. You are a despicable creature who gets off to hurting people, and you have literally no redeeming qualities, you-"

Suddenly, Navi got so mad that she exploded.

THE END

Meanwhile...

"Well that was a lame ending," said Fukura. "What the f*ck was up with that?"

"Yeah, I hope Link dies by the ending of this sh*tty story and actually stays dead," said Sakurai, eating his Christmas KFC. "If only he would let us do something."

"Yeah, what an asshole, meow meow," said kitty kitty meow meow. Both of them were wearing matching Christmas sweaters. "If he let us use our full power, we could save the world easily."

"But don't worry, I have a plan. If it succeeds, everyone will finally be happy. Oh, and at least there's one thing I can do to keep the status quo for now." Daddy Sakurai snapped his fingers and Navi was alive again, likely to die within the next few chapters and then return, since this story is getting very repetitive by now and I don't know why you're still reading it, I mean, the title is even misspelt, shouldn't that be a sign on the story's quality? Oh yeah, the story is still going on. "Yeah, glad you could finally SHUT UP! Anyway, I hope everyone reading this has a Merry Christmas!"

"Meow meow, and a Happy Hanukkah!"

"I know this chapter had a sucky ending, but if you want a better story, please go check out the Hot Topic Krew, which is a million times better than this garbage. It has my Sakurai Seal of Approval. A new chapter of this sh*t will probably be posted before long, but if not, please understand."

"Hey, that's my line!" said a voice from the heavens.

"Wait, what?" said Sakurai. "Well, stay tuned for next chapter, and Merry Christmas!"

"Meow."