It was a few too many don't touch that's and does he ever shut up 's and who wants tea? I'm making tea? 's before peace settled at Spinner's End. Snape and Tonks were currently ensconced in front of the muggle telly passing a box of biscuits back and forth and gossiping about the latest episode of this or that melodrama theyd become obsessed with. Nearby Lupin was trying to tend to his son in a more productive way. He had tried to shame the two for wasting away the hours that they could be doing something productive and refused to join them.

He was ignored.

"Oh, oh, I think she just figured it out! She's gonna go after his arse!" Tonks was saying.

"No, she's going to blame Rosa again, the silly twit." Snape argued back.

Remus couldn't help himself, it was too obvious.

"She's not going to blame Rosa, she's going to suspect Rosa and then shoot Marco by accident which will cause Renesme to blame herself for his accidental death when really it's divine retribution and Rosa will use the fall out to be with William."

They both turned to him with skeptical looks on their faces, about to argue how dumb that was, munching there biscuits at him, when a tv gun noise went off on the telly.

"Marco, no!"

"How could you Renesme!?"

"William! No, it's not what it looks like!"

"Rosa come here!"

"Hold me William!"

It cut to a commercial and they both started back at Remus. He shrugged and went back to trying to teach his son flash cards of colors.

They didn't need to know he'd seen an entire five season's of an American version of the same show.

Around three, Remus handed Teddy over to Snape as he and Dora headed upstairs to try and sleep so they could both recover from Teddy's bad night.

The first time they'd handed off Teddy had not gone so smoothly.

Snape had held Draco once. That was about the extent of his experience with babies. Babies were no longer so foreign to him as they had been during the time he'd not even blinked twice about the fate of baby Harry Potter. But now he had seen much more of the world than he had at twenty and babies felt very much more real to him. He had a healthy respect for them at this point. Not to mention he needed to hedge his bets where Narcissa's dramatic claim was concerned. She was so good at theatrics in the same way he was so good at lying, always have it based on a kernel of truth.

Snape had initially tried to avoid the couple and their brood, locking himself away in his room or flat out ignoring them when moving between rooms. However fue to limited supplies (they had a steady stream of groceries dropped off by Kreacher, but it still never felt like enough) and basic logistics, they had decided early on to share meals. He usually left them the kitchen and retreated to the telly to eat, but the house was small and he couldn helped but notice his guests. They looked about as rough as he did, but at least he was able to put a silencing charm on his door at night to drown out the baby's wails. After the first week of watching the zombified parents struggle again to entertain their child into sleep, Snape had bit the bullet and offered to watch him while they nap. Dora was relieved and handed Teddy over readily. Lupin had been more hesitant, but relented at his wife's insistence it'd be fine. What harm could the man do anyway? Snape had taken the baby and the instruction on how to hold him properly and proceeded to stare deeply down at the baby who went silent immediately, freaking out Lupin and Tonks, who asked unbelieving "Did you just llegilimens my BABY?!"

Snape shrugged and looked at them, "What? It can't hurt it, my mother did it with me all the time, it runs in my family. I saw Narcissa do it with Draco. Didn't Andromeda try that with you? The Black sisters all had a talent for it." Tonks was outwardly outraged by the suggestion but made a mental note to ask her mother later.

Lupin, curious despite himself asked, "What did you see?" "Nothing much, just odd shapes I'm assuming are you two. One was pink, another was brown. He likes your facial hair, focuses on my nose. He's a baby, I'm assuming they don't have a lot going on."

Tonks looked dubious so Snape made a gesture of surrender with his free hand promising, "I won't do it again." Somehow the incident had reassured Lupin and it was he who drug his wife away. The sleep had been glorious .

Now it was routine for Snape to take the baby to give the parents a break. By the time they all got used to a routine and were starting to feel rested after the final battle and Snape's health had recovered, they started itching to hear more news from the outside. Lupin stayed in regular contact with Harry through Patronus, but the boy was steering clear of the house and its owner. First came McGonagall (Snape had had to send several back and forth Patronus's between them at Narcissa insistence, so she could hear in his own voice Minerva was allowed to know his location). He found out later Narcissa had suspected McGonagall was trying to get him to come back to the school and Narcissa knew how much he loathed Hogwarts at this point and didn't trust him not to be swayed by the acting Headmistress. Narcissa wasn't so off the mark on her suspicions. After cooing over Teddy and apologizing to Snape for not trusting him and then scolding him for not trusting her, Minerva did bring up the business of Hogwarts.

There had been significant physical damage but all of that was easily fixable compared to the school's broken reputation. She told him he never officially resigned (he did so then on the spot) and she suspected the public would take kindly to the fact that he would not be returning. "I know you never took to teaching as much as Albus had hoped, but you will always have a home there if you need it. And an occupation. I worry about what you'll do next." Snape was inwardly touched by her concern for him but outwardly scoffed at the idea of returning.

"You know better than anyone else Minerva how horrible of a professor I was. Towards the end there I was doing anything I could to get fired."

"Yes, I remember." Minerva responded tersely. She remembered being outraged at him more times in the last few years then she had been his whole tenure (before Harry Potter and Neville Longbottom had shown up). Her young friend had never been a popular teacher and he wasn't exactly kind to any students but he'd been much less cruel in the beginning. After Potter had shown up, something in him had snapped. He'd first begged Dumbledore to release him or at the very least let him teach Defense (hoping he'd both enjoy it more and that the curse would force him out of service somehow) but Dumbledore refused, preferring to keep Severus under his thumb of control. Minerva was sure after the incident with Miss. Ganger's teeth (for which she had loudly berated Severus behind closed doors) Dumbledore would see sense, but he'd been insistent on keeping Snape at the school. When Minerva had confronted Snape the man refused to be cowed or take responsibility for his cruelty, stating it was Dumbledore's fault at this point. Minerva was much more of the opinion he should be held accountable in some way, but Albus wouldn't be budged and she didn't press the point. The next year Umbridge had been the greater of the evils for both the staff and students. By this point Voldemort had returned and Snape was too busy to escalate anything the same way again (with the exception of anything related to Potter).

Even for all his faults, he was still her colleague and friend of 16 years and was invested in his future.

"So, what will you do next then?", Minerva asked again. Snape eyed the infant she was bouncing on her lap and explained the general plan he and the Lupin's had discussed earlier.

It wasn't a grand plan. They would simply package and patent as many potions as they could before anyone else had a chance, hopefully making it so the boy wasn't seen as useful anymore. They would also rule out as many uses as they could and publish the findings so no one was attempted to try further experiments.

What would happen with these patents and any resulting profits they would produce was still up in the air.

Minerva was skeptical , but kept it to herself. After staying a while longer to discuss her own future and chat with Remus and Tonks further, she took her leave. Minerva was a bit sad she would not have her young friend and coworker back at Hogwarts with her next year, but was mostly relieved. Severus had stirred up enough trouble as it was and she eyed him reproachfully for his latest indiscretion, handing him the mornings Prophet on her way out.

The adults all gathered to look at the front page, while Teddy babbled happily at nothing. On the gossip page Mcgonagall had left the paper open to was a beautiful picture of Narcissa holding her, still bumpless, stomach in front of a grand fireplace looking melancholily off into the distance. The headline read, "Severus Snape is my secret lover and I'm pregnant with his child. Recent divorcee tells all." Skimming the article Snape discerned the following; Lucius was apparently going to Azkaban for his crimes, Narcissa was divorcing him and taking everything. Bracing herself to face the brave new world alone, just her and her sizable alimony.

"Wow, Rita Skeeter really is a hack, look at that headline." Tonks mused reading over the details she could glimpse. Snape sighed and handed it to her, not wanting to read anything else, "No. That's your aunt all over. She wrote the headline and posed the picture herself, I'll bet every galleon on it." The two hadn't had a chance to discuss the "Lily incident" since Narcissa had last stormed out of his house. Her publicly declaring him her "lover" made Severus suspect Narcissa had chosen to forget about the whole incident completely in favor of moving forward with her plans for him.

Later that morning they could hear Draco Malfoy shouting in the general vicinity of the hidden house. Snape wasn't sure how he had even found the neighborhood but he had. Draco was shouting Snape's name loudly, who didn't want his neighbors to notice and came out to confront the boy.

"I don't care about whatever you two get up to, just talk to her and get her the hell away from me. She won't stop sighing and staring off out of windows and asking me if I'll escape to the continent with my baby brother or sister as my ward." Draco only stayed long enough to state his request and promptly left.

As quickly as Draco disappeared, Narcissa appeared, sweeping into the living room with several bundles for Teddy, greeting her niece as if they were old school friends and ignoring Lupin entirely. When Snape made his presence known, Narcissa acted as if it was a shocking coincidence she would happen upon Severus, here of all places, in his own sitting room.

He took her upstairs where she made him wait while she carefully put on her favorite of his LP's (a very moody Stone's album about rich women being spoiled and sad and her completely missing the irony of it.)

She then sat primly on the unkempt bed and asked what did he want to discuss, she was busy.

"Is it mine?"

"I won't be able to give you a receipt as it were until much later, but she is yours." He ignored her sarcasm.

"Does it even exist?"

Narcissa continued to rub her almost completely flat stomach and simpered at him, delicate tears forming in her eyes as if on que. "I wouldn't know. Those thugs (he assumed she meant The Order) have me on house arrest until after Lucius trial and they are taking their sweet time doing everything by the 'letter of the law'." She said this last bit in a childish mocking voice. "Harry Potter is being quite annoying and pompous about it all, claiming it's for my own good. As if I wasn't a perfectly capable witch!" This made him smile at her appreciatively but as much as he disliked Potter he still asked, "Potter wont let you see a healer? What about Kingsley?" She averted her gaze around to inspect his dingy room, "Narcissa, if The Order won't let you see a healer…"

"They won't let me out to shop where I want! I NEED things Severus! Things for the baby, maternity clothes, toys, new furniture for the nursery."

"But you showed up with an arm full of stuff,"

"Yes, well, those things are fine enough for Teddy but not for my baby!" She then proceeded to lament that her Order appointed minder had only allowed her to go to the nearest store and gave her a time limit. Narcissa had refused to go to Saint Mungo's out of protest and told her minder that if the baby died it was on their head. While the poor girl was crying and apologizing, Narcissa had slipped away to pay Severus a visit.

"Now I really must be going, there's so much to do! I have to pack and practically move everything myself, no one has any sympathy for my delicate condition, it's a nightmare! Don't offer to come help me," He wasn't going to, they both knew damn well she could hire movers and use magic, "Potter wants you here until everything blows over and as loathsome as the boy is, I quite agree. Not everyone is buying Potter's story and there are quite a few parent's still out for your blood for letting the Carrow's near their children. Honestly Severus, I knew you hated teaching, but even that was over the line."

He wanted to protest he'd been stuck with the Carrow's, but honestly part of him agreed with her. It was one of the only things he felt the most shame about during his tenure as Headmaster. He had done his best to curb the siblings more horrific ideas but been too preoccupied in his own misery and waiting his own death clock and thinking up contingency plans if Potter failed to do more. Insulting students, berating them, humiliating them, he didn't bat an eye, didn't care. He did draw the line at torture and physical harm, having received enough beatings as a child he didn't feel like doling them out.

"Where are you moving to?" He couldn't picture her anywhere other than descending a grand staircase at Malfoy Manor. He tried placing her in a cottage or flat off Diagon Alley or even here in this hovel and couldn't see it. The thought of her shopping in the local Poundland in one of her elegant gowns did make him smirk.

"London of course!" She was beaming, excited to share her lavish plans with him, "I'm sick to death of the country and I want to be where the action is! Ive found a lovely little town house(Snape doubted it was 'little") It'll put us close to all those muggle things you like so much, like 'crisps' and 'buses'. It'll be convenient for your new shop and I'm sure Draco will want to settle in the city as well but he won't stay with us, no matter how much I try and make him see reason-"

"What shop?" He started shaking his head at her, "I'm not setting up to be in business, I wouldn't know the first thing about running a shop. I wouldn't even have the money to do so, its a moot point. And, I don't want to be around anybody right now, let alone the population of London. Furthermore, there is no 'us', you're barely divorced and-"

She looked bored and was inspecting her nails when she interrupted him, explaining everything as she would to a house elf, " Draco will run the shop, he's always been good with money and I'm sure business isn't all that hard. You can sit in the back and toil over a cauldron and never have to see a single customer if you don't want to!"

She smiled at him, "You can't sit around here all the time watching your muggle telly and eating your muggle foods. You'll get fat!"

He would protest, but then he wasn't wearing these sweatpants entirely voluntarily anymore.

"There is an us, whether you like it or not and I refuse not to be married, a woman of my age unmarried is preposterous, I simply don't want to be married to Lucius anymore. You and I get along perfectly fine, I'll be busy with the baby and you'll be busy with your potions, we'll barely see each other! It's what worked for Lucius and me for so long, it can work for us."

He thought her reasoning on that point was flawed, but wasn't able to articulate an argument as she wrapped up her mapping out of his life for him. Standing and pulling out some real trousers from his closet and a button up, she continued "As far as money, won't you be making a fortune off of the werewolf boy? That's why I sent them here, have you not set up a bargain with them yet?"

There it was. Her insistence on pinning him down, why she was ignoring the "Lily" issue. She was putting her betd on his future success. He was almost flattered she had so much faith in him, or maybe she was making the same offers to some other man.

"What makes you think he'd be worth anything?"

She handed him the clothes and puffed out in exasperation " You're the one who said it'd be of value."

"I could have been lying." He took the clothes, she'd been able to sniff out his nicest muggle set.

"But you weren't, you never want to admit it, but I am a far better legilimens than you give me credit for." He did indeed give her credit for it and had told Tonks and Lupin as much, but he wasn't going to let Narcissa know.

She fingered his hair and ruffled it about, trying to make it do whatever it was she wanted, but gave up "I don't hate this, but it is aggresivley muggle of you. Now, get dressed, I don't ever want to see you in those awful flimsy trousers again." She went to take the now ended record off the player as he'd instructed her how to do, an afternoon a long time ago. Narcissa had impeccable dramatic timing, ending her lines right with the song. It was his favorite thing about her. It would have been annoying, if it wasn't entirely and genuinely part of her. He really couldn't wait to finally take her to a muggle film, she would love it.

Narcissa moved back to him and placed her hand on her, again, very bumpless stomach and kissed him goodbye even as he rolled his eyes at her. He suddenly very much did not want her to go, but knew it was impossible for her to stay. The punctuation of the moment would have been ruined if she didn't leave now and she would never stand for a pause to upstage her. She exited stage left out of the door and he proceeded to wrestle himself into normal clothes.

Snape eyed the record Narcissa had favored and turned the sleeve over to read the initials marked in muggle marker at the bottom, "RJL".

He remembered the afternoon back in the Hogwarts teacher's lounge when the initials had first been pointed out to him by Lupin. And how Lupin had then gone back to his own rooms and come back with a Pink Floyd album with a subtle "SS" in the corner, black ink on black printed cardboard.

Lupin had come in while Snape was grading papers and waiting for a meeting with Flitwick to discuss some detention for a Ravenclaw Fillius had deemed too harsh. Snape was using the gramophone in the corner and Lupin asked if he could see the album as it sounded familiar, like one he'd lent out long ago and never gotten back. Snape was too annoyed at trying to decipher sloppy quillmanship to argue or berate Lupin and simply accioed him the sleeve to shut him up. The initials had been discovered during Lupin's inspection of the cover and both men had no answer for its being there. They had even less answers when both reconvened in the staff room, their respective collections and noted several other albums marked with the other man's initials. The similarities between all the marked albums was lost Flitwick entered asking "What are you boys up to?". As often happened when faced with his old professors (who he was not yet used to thinking of as colleagues) Lupin felt younger than he had in years and it clicked in his brain what the albums had in common. They were all favorites of Lily's. When they'd become prefects fifth year they had grown close as she had begrudgingly started to become friendlier towards him, finding common ground in muggle music. Next thing Lupin knew, the two were trading albums so they could sample them over the next school break at home. She had been the one to insist he mark them as she didn't want to jumble them up (she was astute enough to understand Lupin was not rolling in money and these were precious items)

Lupin related this story to adult Snape who blanched. Severus had been the one to first pique Lily's interest in muggle music. He had taken to stealing albums over the previous summer both due to lack of funds and anything else better to do. She had been so excited to listen to all different kinds and the friends spent many a lovely afternoon that summer at the local record shop, Lily purchasing her few selections and Snape refraining from stealing in front of her. He would go back, having pocketed her left behind selections and she decided it best not to press him on where they had come from. The first school break of fifth year Lily came back to Hogwarts armed with a selection of new titles to share. Snape had enjoyed them very much indeed, readily agreeing to trade her with some of his own. She marked them for him with his initials in the corners, and had then apparently shared them with Lupin. Somewhere in the fallout during fifth year, the ramping up of Snape's involvement with the Death Eaters and Lupins worry about how the hell he was going to stay employed, a swap back had been the least of anyone's worries.

in the staff room as adults it was clear to both men that they had not been sampling their friend Lily's music, but rather each other's. Flitwick had long ago left when he was ignored by both men who had decided to avoid discussing their realization. As distraction they set in comparing notes on how they got the things to play despite all of the limitations of magic. Things like the gramophone in the corner or the slide projector in the DADA classroom were analog and the mechanics were actually quite happy to work with magic. It was the more recent electronics that caused real issues. Especially anything with batteries. Snape had recently confiscated a muggleborn's tape player after it caught the boys robes on fire and kept it out of sheer spite (also so he could tinker with it). He didn't tell Lupin this, but did explain the charms he used to block magic from his turntable at home. Lupin had taken the approach of trying to remove all of the mechanics and using a charm, had gotten a record to spin in the air and play, but the sound was never quite right. By the time McGonagall had come in to remind them they both had classes they were responsible for, they had adjusted Lupins air spinning technique. With a modified sonorous charm and the speed of rotation they had perfected the spell, but both agreed the sound was still superior on an actual device of some sort. It would do in a pinch. The disastrous Bogart Snape incident happened the next day and the men were not so ever civil again. Well, Snape wasn't anyway.

Back at Spinners End in the here and now with a war fought and won, Snape decided he'd rather have music than Lupin's attempts at polite conversation and the anticipated millions of questions he knew Tonks would have. While his guests sat watching a black and white film and cooing over Teddy, Severus started making plans in his head. Several trips to float down his crates of records and a collection of cauldrons later, he tossed Narcissas favorite album in the air and using the charm he and Lupin had perfected so that '19th Nervous Breakdown' blared throughtout the room.

The couple gapped at him over the sound of the music and their sons elated cooing.

It was time they set to work.

A/N: I think this makes these boys Eskimo brothers through records?