I don't own anything!
(A/N) This idea wouldn't leave me alone... Still won't. So I'm writing it. This will also be more of a Deadpool type of Bella is Harley. I've also never written a Harley fic or an insane character in general. So Harley(Bella) will probably be kind of OC.
Voice one: (Don't forget the bat!)
Voice two: [It's about time you finally left Joker.]
Voice three: {Will come later.}
Harley's inner thoughts: SHAD UP ALREADY!
Warning! There will be cursing, blood, gore, and eventual femslash!
Slightly edited as of 5/4/21
HaHaHaHaHaHa
Harley sighed as she stopped in from of a small house with a police car parked in the front. "I can't believe I'm back here."
(Well, it's better than being back with Waller!)
[For sure, she's a crazy bitch. If we stayed any longer with her, we'll. We'd have gone mad!]
Quiet you. Harley scowled. I'm trying to focus. We don't want Charlie thinking I'm crazy, do we?
{You know he's seen the news, and aren't we forgetting something?}
(It's on the tip of my tongue...)
[Last time we were here, Charlie kicked us out. He refused to talk to us until we left Joker for sure this time.]
(Oh yeah...how long do you think we'll last?)
Closing her eyes, Harley shut out the voices and knocked on the door.
A couple of seconds later, a man with graying hair and a badge pinned to his chest opened the door.
"Can I help you, miss...Bella?" Charlie inhaled sharply. "What are you doing here?"
"Hey, dad." Bella shrugged awkwardly. "So..uh, I finally left him. And I thought I would come and see how you were doing."
"Don't do this, Bella. We both know you're just going to run back to him anyway. Your last visit was the last straw." Charlie sighed and rubbed his eyes. "I would love for you to stay here. Meet your step-siblings and get to know you again. But I'm not going to let you stay just to run off again as soon as the joker comes calling."
"Aww." Bella giggled, her Harley side coming out a little. "You do care."
Charlie looked into her eyes. "Tell me the truth, Bella. Are you finally leaving him for real? This is the last time I'm going to do this with you."
"I am Charlie." Bella nodded, then unzipped her sweater jacket to show off her daddy's little monster outfit and tattoos. "I even have proof this time."
Turning slowly, Bella showed her dad all the tattoos on her skin. Which while he had seen before, and noticed immediately what was missing.
"Bella...where are the property of Joker tattoos, or the I'm watching one with his eyes. Even the J is gone from your arm." Charlie asked as he took in the pale skin. The slightly lighter tones from where the tattoos had been almost unnoticeable to the human eye. "...you've never done this before."
Bella smiled sadly yet felt as if a weight was lifted off of her. "I know. I said I was serious. Well, this is my proof. I went to Ivy and had them removed, only leaving my puddin' and Harley Quinn ones.
(And it hurt like a bitch!)
[Ivy was probably getting revenge for when we accidentally killed some of her plants.]
{Still hurt, give us chocolate to heal our pain, Charlie!}
"Why didn't you remove those?" Charlie questioned, his voice slightly gruffer than before. "And why do they look different?"
Bella blushed a little and twirled her hair around her finger. "I... I asked Ivy to redo them, giving them a more professional look. So they no longer look the same as they did before."
Charlie raised a brow and looked at her waiting for her to tell the rest.
"I also like the word puddin' and re-inked it for whoever my future puddin' is." Bella shrugged. "It's no longer the Joker, but well...I don't know. He may no longer own me. But that doesn't mean I'm fully recovered yet. I probably never will be."
Smiling for the first time since he opened the door, Charlie awkwardly stepped forward and hugged Bella. "...That's okay, Bella."
Thank God we got through that. Bella sighed, relieved. It was tough to keep my accent in check. This normal thing is hard...think he'll be alright if I let my Harley side bleed through a little?
{Maybe?}
[No, Charlie's never liked us when we did that. Plus, he hates our jokes.]
(This will be a pain pretending to be normal.)
Maybe just a little then, a teensy weensy bit.
"So what've ya been up to Charlie?" Bella beamed. "I know you said, step-siblings. So how long have I had 'em, an' when did ya remarry?"
Charlie winced a little, then, looking resigned, explained what had happened since her last visit.
"After you returned to Joker, I was a mess. Sue, who I was dating at the time. Got sick of it and..." He blushed with a little cough. "Point is, we got married last month and are now living together. Along with her kids Seth and Leah."
"Aw...that's so sweet. When do I get ta meet 'em?" Bella giggled, resisting the urge to jump up and down.
(They won't know who we are, right?")
[In this town? Doubt it...]
I can always cut my hair; I doubt anyone will recognize me then.
{Our hairs so pretty, though...}
Charlie stared at her for a moment longer before stepping aside, giving Bella access into the house.
"Do you have anything to change into?" Charlie coughed, motioning to her torn clothes. "I can see if I have some of your old stuff lying around."
"It's fine. I have this," Bella said, pulling out a backpack from behind her. Something that wasn't there a moment ago.
(I just love how we can do that.)
{I can't remember the amount of stuff we've left in there anymore.}
Charlie didn't even blink. The sight of Bella doing impossible things having since become normal for him. "You know where the bathroom is."
Running past him, Bella slammed the bathroom shut and opened her bag. Inside were various outfits, but for now, she chose a short orange tank top, shorty short purple shorts that barely covered her ass, along with a black open sweater unzipped and covering the tattoos on her arm. Next, she grabbed some scissors and carefully cut her hair, giving her a short hairstyle while showing some of her natural brown roots. (Kristen Stewart's short blonde hair from Charlie's Angels.)
Finally, Bella washed her face, scrubbing it to remove the white makeup from her skin and leaving a pale-faced completely changed Bella looking back at her.
(I'm calling it. No one will recognize us.)
[This is the first time in years that we've looked more Bella than Harley.]
{Momma likes!}
Putting her bag away, Bella left the bathroom and down to the living room. All that's left do now is find me a new puddin.
"Hey, Charlie, Sue, Leah, Seth." Bella giggled, nodding to each one as she said their name. "How ya doing?"
"Bella?" Seth grunted. "When did you get a tattoo?"
"...I think you mean tattoos," Leah added, as they saw the word rotten tattooed below the heart on Bella's face.
Bella saw Charlie wince and held in a smirk. It seems dear old dad forgot to mention my appearance...wonder how they'll react to the rest of my body.
"I got it...er." Bella frowned as she tried to remember. "I don't remember when though, it was years ago."
Sue raised her eyebrow. "When did you get an accent, Bella?"
"It's from my time down at University. Never could get rid of it."
"Well, I think it sounds nice." Sue smiled shakily, holding an arm around her stomach protectively.
"Gee, thanks, Sue!" Bella replied brightly, her smile widening. "How've ya all been, anyway?"
"Good." Everyone nodded, not knowing what to say to start the conversation.
Getting sick of the silence, Seth blurted out. "Did you hear the Cullen's are back!"
Bella's smile became slightly unhinged. "Is that so..."
Charlie shot up from his chair. "Why don't you go and visit them, Bella. I'm sure they'll want to see you now that you back."
{Why do I get the feeling he's kicking us out?}
Bella opened her mouth to say something and stopped as she saw Charlie glance discreetly at Sue's belly. That's because he is kicking us out.
[He doesn't trust us.]
(To be fair, we're not exactly trustworthy.)
More like he doesn't trust us around his pregnant wife.
"I'll do that probably on my way out of town." Bella nodded, watching her dad's reaction to the words.
"Yo- you're leaving? Charlie asked, surprised.
Bella could see from the way his eyes crinkled how relieved he was at the idea. He's moved on. He no longer wants me to visit.
{We should have expected this.}
[We're no longer a part of the family.]
(Look at how awkwardly there acting around us. It's time to go.)
"Yeesh, no need ta so sound so excited." Bella flickered, pretending not to notice her dad's flinch or the guilty look in his eyes. "But yeah, I'm gonna hop over, say hi, an' then hopefully travel the world."
"That's great." Charlie nodded, a fixed smile on his face. "Well, you know where they live."
{Humph, if that's the way he wants to act. Let's get outta here then.}
[Agreed.]
(To the Cullen's!)
"See you around, everyone." Bella waved and skipped out of the room. All the while trying to figure out what she was going to do. I can't go back to Gotham. I was serious when I told Charlie that I left Joker. However, I can't travel the world like I said I would either. One of the justice league, or more like Batman, would pick me up immediately. I'm surprised no one's found me yet...
(We've arrived!)
[That was quick.]
Wait what?
Glancing up, Bella found herself standing on the Cullen's front porch. She had somehow found herself walking here as she thought about what to do.
"Might as well," Bella mumbled, then knocked on the door. Should I be Bella or Harley?
[Well, who do you feel you are?]
{I choose the Harley option, it's more freeing that way!}
(We've been Bella for 19 years and Harley for seven. Which do you prefer?)
It took her less than a second to decide ...Harley, it is then! Harley Quinn grinned, the queen of crime now waiting for her ex-boyfriend's family to open the door.
(We could save the Bella part of you for when we're doing things legally or bored. Like buying an apartment!)
[Yeah, like Batman and Bruce!]
{How he hasn't discovered that we know his identity is crazy.}
"Bella!" Alice squealed, pulling her through the now open door.
I didn't even see 'em open it. Harley thought, not really surprised. She had seen far too much to be amazed at that.
"I can't believe you're really here!" She kept on squealing and not acting the slightest bit her actual age. "It's been so long since I've been able to see you. Still can't, but I saw Charlie's future and then saw you."
"Ya know, if you were human, I'd probably be telling ya to breathe," Harley smirked, her eyes lighting up with laughter. "As it is, I'm gonna say it anyway. Breathe, Alice."
Alice rolled her eyes. "Funny, Bella, now come on. I'm sure you want to see Edward. He's been moping around for years; it wasn't until a couple of months ago when he finally decided to let us all return here to forks."
Harley's laughter died away, her smile turning fake, struggling to keep herself from strangling her so-called best friend. Is this how she acted back when I was a teen? Now that I think about it, it was. Thank God I'm not a vampire. It would suck not having the body I do now.
{Teen body vs. Bimbo Harley body, FIGHT!}
(Ugh, I prefer the term bombshell. How the hell did the bimbo label even stick to us.)
[Right? While we're not geniuses, we do have a Ph.D.]
-ella! Bella!" Alice called out, finally gaining Harley's attention.
"What, Alice!" Harley snapped, annoyed. Getting surprised looks from the rest of the Cullen family, who Harley only now realized had been staring at her as she got lost in her thoughts. "Ah, I see. Hiya Carlisle, Esme, Emmet, Rosalie, Jasper, Edward."
(What, no insults?)
[What about Fuckward? It's a classic.]
I'm over him. Why bother insulting him when I can do something else?
{Good point.}
"Bella." Edward gasped before starting to admonish her. "You shouldn't curse. It's not proper."
"I didn't." Harley rolled her eyes.
Edward frowned. "Don't lie, love, I heard you."
Harley raised her brow. From what I remember, he couldn't read my thoughts....any ideas about what's going on?
{Who cares what the little bitch thinks I-}
"Love." Edward's frowned deeper. "Why aren't you listening."
Wait a minute.
(No fucking way!)
[Hahahahha, this is fantastic!]
{Hello, Edward, or should I say Fuckward. I'm one of the voices inside Bella's head.}
Edward's eyes widened, and he stumbled back in shock.
"Edward?" The Cullen's all glanced at him, concerned.
"Don't worry." Harley beamed, her eyes alight with mischief. "The voices and him are having a conversation."
Esme glanced at her son and smiled nervously...for a vampire, that is. "Bella, are you alright?"
"Never better." Harley smiled, which widened at the next part of her sentence. "An' the names Harley Quinn now, pleased to meetcha!"
"Harley Quinn?" Carlisle asked, confused.
Emmett and Rosalie, on the other hand, stared, shocked at Bella. Or rather, who used to be Bella.
"YOUR HARLEY QUINN!" Emmet boomed loudly, coming out of his shock.
"What the hell are you doing out of Arkham?" Rosalie demanded, looking at Harley's body. "And how can you be Bella? You look nothing like her."
"You know who Harley Quinn is?" Carlisle questioned.
Harley twirled, her sweater going up a little, showing of the tattoos on her legs. "It's always nice to meet a fan."
"Fan?" Rosalie sneered. "She's a deranged bitch who's supposed to be in an insane asylum along with her boyfriend, the Joker."
"He's a mass murderer who's killed thousands." Emmett continued. "It's known pretty much everywhere that the Joker and Bel- Harley are the king and queen of crime down in Gotham."
"You're a Criminal?" Edward gasped, finally coming out of his shock. "Love, what have you done? How could you be with a killer?"
"Seriously?" Harley rolled her eyes at the pathetic display of vampires. "I was with you, wasn't I. Datin' someone with a bigger body count than you isn't the worse thing I've done."
(Remember that heist with Ivy. I've never seen a better river of blood.)
{Ooohhh, how about the time we had our hyena eat the men who disobeyed Joker's orders.}
[Ahh, good times.]
If it was possible, Edward's already pale vampire face pales further. "You killed people?"
Harley raised her brow at Edward. "Ya got a hearing problem or somethin? The voices told ya what happened, Eddy boy."
"...You're not my Bella," Edward whispered, looking as if the life was sucked out of him. "She would have never looked or acted like this."
"Great." Harley sighed at his incompetence. "How long did it take ya ta figure that out?"
"Why are you here... Harley?" Carlisle asked, the Cullen coven leader finally attempting to take control of the situation.
"I'm here because I'm bored." An' was kicked out of the house.
"Bored?" Jasper asked incredulously. Speaking up for the first time since Harley entered the room.
"Yup." Snickered Harley. "An' I must say all yer reactions are quite amusing."
All the Cullen's around her frowned, with Edward's being a tad deeper than the rest.
(I don't like their looks.)
[Neither do I.]
HaHaHaHaHaHa
"I can't believe they kicked me out!" Harley stomped her foot with a pout. "I mean, c'mon, I'm adorable. How could anyone throw me out like that!"
{I'm shocked...truly I am}
[...No one would ever do that.]
"Oh, Shut up." Harley glared at the air. "What are we gonna do now?"
{How about using that book we...borrowed from Zatara?}
Harley blinked in surprise, then snickered. Which one?
[Oh, I know. Use the teleporting book. Based on what Zatara and Zatanna do. All we need to do is open the book and read the pages backward.]
Being bored and having nothing to do, Harley opened the book that had appeared from her behind her and following the voice's instructions, and read the teleportation spell.
"levart efas rof tseuqer dna eeht nopu llac I enalp rethona ot latrop." Harley chanted as the air around her darkened.
(It's actually working!)
{This is unexpected.}
[Ha, take this all magic users. Who said you had to have magic to do this!]
Finishing her chant, Harley closed the book and looked around her now normal yet still surroundings. "Did anything happen?"
[Seems no-
*BOOOOOMMMM*
HaHaHaHaHaHa
Sniffing around, the wolves searched for what caused the explosion.
"See anything, Sam?" Jake thought through the pack bond.
"Nothing." Frowned Sam, his frustration coming through the link.
Paul transformed back into a human, holding a half-burned page. "This is all I could find. Unfortunately, the ink is smudged too much to be readable."
"What do you think happened?" Embry questioned, looking down at the page.
"Don't know, don't care," Leah answered with a shrug. "All I know is that something exploded, and it's probably something for the cops."
"She's right." Jake nodded. "Besides, I don't smell any leaches or anything around here for that matter."
Taking one last look at the ten-foot crater in the found. Sam growled and ordered the wolves to follow, racing each other back to forks, never knowing that Bella was here or that she was the cause of the explosion.
HaHaHaHaHaHa
(A/N) I sat down to write a Bella/Rebekah. This happened instead. *sigh* Oh well, I'll do it some other time. Anyway, what did you all think?
Any idea where Harley went? I don't, but here are the current ideas.
My top choice is that Harley is now in Storybrooke and possibly becomes paired with Regina. Maybe Emma, or possibly Elsa? Who knows...
The second choice is Harley in the supergirl world, earth -1, or whatever. Never actually watched the show, so not sure what I would do.
The third choice is vampire diaries, simply because I could pair Bella and Rebekah together. Even if Bella is now Harley Quinn.
The fourth choice is... Any ideas? I just have those three.
Review or PM me!