I don't own anything!
(A/N) Just saw Harley Quinn's birds of prey...I love Harley in there. She's just amazing! Anyway, I now want to bring brucey and maybe add Canary. I won't, though, as this is a crossover with OUAT...
Would anyone be interested in a Harley X Canary? I thought of it as soon as I saw their interaction in the film.
Slightly edited as of 5/4/21
HaHaHaHaHaHa
{Let's never mess with magic again!}
(Agreed, where the fuck are we anyway?)
[The woods?]
I'm gonna have an aneurysm. Keep quiet, will ya! Harley thought, annoyed, her head pounding.
Now while she wasn't a hundred percent positive on what happened, she knew it was something to do with that spell...and that it had gone wrong somehow. Something that surprised her since she hadn't thought it would work in the first place.
"Alrighty now, where should I go now..." Harley mused, tapping her finger against her chin.
{Maybe we should dress first.}
[Nah.]
(The explosion destroyed everything we were wearing.)
{Were lucky that's all it destroyed.}
Harley blinked and looked down, surprised at what the voices said in her head. Sure enough, she was naked with not a stitch of clothing on her.
Huh, how about that.
Reaching behind her back, Harley pulled the bag from her space. Opening it, she grabbed a pink midriff tank top, dark grey skinny jeans, and a thin black hoodie with a broken white heart on the front.
Next, she slipped on white ankle boots, her silver necklaces, and her rings/chains on her hands.
Finally, she used a bit of concealer to cover the tattoos that couldn't be hidden with clothing. Then she used the rest of the makeup on her skin, covering up her bleach-white skin and giving herself a more healthy tan-colored look. The makeup itself an old creation of Ivy's for when she wanted to go out without attracting attention.
"Pretty nice, don't ya think?" Harley cackled, spinning around, showing off her outfit. Ignoring the fact that she was in the middle of the woods, and no one could see her.
{Not bad.}
[I wish we didn't have to cover our tattoos. Other than that, though, it's okay.]
(We look good in anything!)
"Now, where to go from here?"
HaHaHaHaHaHa
[Maybe we should act more...Bella like too.]
Nah, it will be fine. Harley thought back confidently.
(By the looks of it, it's a small town. Maybe they haven't heard of us.)
{The clothes and makeup should keep anyone from recognizing us.}
Seeing no one, Harley decided to try the first place she could find that wasn't a house. Turning a corner, she found what looked to be a Diner. Smiling cheerfully, Harley headed over to the building.
{Who names a place Granny's?}
"Hiya." Harley waved as she pushed open the door. Then immediately moved to the counter and hopped onto a stool.
[That's why.]
"...Hello, dear." The older woman who could only be Granny. Greeted from the other side of the counter. "Who might you be?"
"The names..." Harley trailed off and hesitated for a moment. Then nodded her head coming to a decision. "Bella, nice to meet you."
(So sticking with Bella?)
I need ta lay low for a while. I don't know where we are, nor do I know if the people here know me or not. Most don't know me when I'm outta Gotham...well, except for Metropolis. So it's better ta take precautions. Harley thought calmly. Beside's, isn't this what we decided the Bella persona would be for?
"Well, I'm Granny." Granny smiled kindly. "Now, was there anything I could get for you?"
"Um yeah. Could you tell me where I am?" Harley asked.
{Smooth.}
[That's not suspicious at all.]
(I'm going to sleep. Tell me when we're back to being Harley.)
Granny raised her brow but answered anyway. "You're in Storybooke."
"And where is that located exactly?"
"Maine."
"Thank you," Harley said to Granny before resting her head on the counter. Great, just great. That spell through me all the way ta the other side of the united states.
{Look on the bright side!}
[What?]
What?
{I got nothing.}
Standing up, Harley was about to leave the Diner when she heard a sizzling noise coming from the grill. Breathing deeply, she looked to where the sound was...and started drooling.
Is that...
{It is.}
[Eggs, bacon, and American cheese! All placed in two buns to make a glorious sandwich!]
"Can I get one of those?" Harley asked quickly. Hopping back onto the stool, her eyes never leaving the sandwich on the grill.
"Of course," Granny replied. Happy to cook for someone who so obviously loved food.
Patiently, Harley watched Granny cook, not paying attention to anyone but the sandwich being prepared In front of her.
[Look at that, she's even spreading butter on the bread!]
Finally, after many, many agonizing minutes of waiting, Harley's breakfast was done and placed on the counter in front of her.
"Isn't that just amazing?" Harley sighed dreamily. Before closing her eyes and taking a deep breath of the dish.
"That will be four dollars." Granny chuckled, looking immensely amused at Harley's reaction to the food.
Harley's hand blurred as she grabbed the sandwich and left the money on the counter. If there were one thing she would always pay for, it was her sandwiches, especially the breakfast ones.
"Enjoy." Granny smiled one last time before moving onto the next customer. One that just so happened to be sitting on the stool next to Harley. Having come in while Harley was drooling over her food being prepared.
"And what can I get you...Regina." Granny asked, her smile becoming more strained.
"Scotch, and make it quick." The now named Regina snapped. Rubbing her eyes and shaking slightly from what Harley could tell was exhaustion, from what though, she didn't know.
"Be right up," Granny replied, not even blinking at Regina's tone.
{Huh, she's pretty hot!}
Harley stopped mid-bite at the voice in her head and turned to get a better look at the woman next to her. Huh, ya know what. She is hot.
[Sexy is more like it.]
Setting her food down, Harley cleaned her hands with a napkin and introduced herself. "Hiya, I'm...Bella."
Harley winced slightly inside while showing nothing but a smile on her face. That was a close one. I almost said Harley, which wouldn't have been good.
Regina opened her mouth as she turned and closed it once she saw Harley. Recognition flashing through her eyes. "...Who are you?"
"Uh, Bella Swan?" Harley answered the woman, a little confused.
"Right, and what are you doing here?"
"Getting breakfast." Although confused, Harley decided to just be honest. Everything usually turned out better that way...unless she did something. Then it was a much better idea to lie...most of the time.
"Let me put this in a more direct way." Regina smiled tightly. "Why are you in Storybrooke?"
"Oh." Harley nodded, trying not to focus on Regina's red lips. They were very distracting. "I uh, went hiking, uh, and somehow found myself...here?"
Regina raised her brow disbelievingly. "I see."
"Yup." Harley smiled more confidently. That sounds pretty accurate, doesn't it?"
{...Sure.}
[...Yea.]
Great! Harley's smile turned brighter, not noticing the soft look Regina was giving her.
"And how long do you plan on staying in our...quaint little town," Regina hesitated.
That brought Harley up short. How long do I plan on staying here? I got no obligations, no significant other(Joker), and no home.
{We might as well stay here.}
[The gorgeous woman next to us is reason enough to stay.]
"Don't know." Harley shrugged nonchalantly. "Probably for a couple weeks."
"Perfect," Regina stated, smirking. A knowing glint in her eyes. "Now, how would you like a job."
HaHaHaHaHaHa
[I can't believe you said yes.]
What? Why not? Seems like a good deal to me. Harley remarked inside. All I gotta do is tell Regina when her kid leaves the house and with who. Well, that and clean. How hard could it be?
{I agree. Getting to see Regina every day is also a bonus.}
As it turned out, Regina's offer from the Diner was basically a housekeeping job. Harley would clean the house and keep an eye on Regina's kid while getting free board and food along with a paycheck.
[We haven't had an actual job since the one at Arkham.]
Harley placed her bags down on the bed and sat down to think for a moment. ...Ya know what. I think yer right.
{Wonder how long this will last.}
"So, your our new maid." A kid that could only be Henry stood in the doorway.
"Guess so." Harley shrugged, eyeing the kid up and down. He doesn't look like Regina.
{Adopted then.}
[He also doesn't look happy.]
"Who are you?" Henry demanded.
Harley frowned, a little confused. "Uh, yer new maid? Didn't I tell ya that?"
"I know who almost everyone is in this town. Who are you? You can't be in my book. I've never read about you!" Henry murmured, looking confused.
Harley rolled her eyes and stood up, catching the attention of Henry. "Listen, kid. I don't know what yer talking about. I just...moved ta Storybrooke today."
Henry's mouth dropped, shocked. "That's...that's not possible. Emma should be the onl- I need to go."
Without even a goodbye, Henry raced out of the doorway. Confusing yet amusing Harley at his antics.
Did anyone catch what he was talking about?
{Nope.}
[Not a clue.]
Oh well. Harley sighed and flopped back onto her new bed. It's probably not important anyway.
After a few minutes of nothing but staring at her ceiling, Harley grabbed a change of clothes and headed for the shower, needing to desperately wash and clean herself up after getting blown up earlier in the day.
Stripping, Harley hopped in the shower and started to bathe...
Thirty minutes later, she grabbed a towel from the rack and walked over to the mirror, talking with the voices.
{Think Regina will be home yet?}
[Since when did you think of this as home?]
Enough, we are staying here, so I- WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO ME! Harley screamed mentally.
[This is definitely new.]
{NEW! SOMEONE TATTOOED OUR BODY WITHOUT OUR PERMISSION!}
Previously, back when Harley was leaving Gotham. She had gone to Ivy and had most of the tattoos having to do with the Joker removed. Except now, instead of bare skin. There were new tattoos, ones that didn't just look a couple of days old. Some looked as if they had been on her body for a very long time.
The spot on her arm that previously had a J tattoo before it got removed now held a Q. The place where the eyes on her back use to be now said Property Of Gina. With a crown resting on the G. On her thigh, tattooed in perfect cursive, was the word, Queenie. Finally, the small jester face on her other thigh was now replaced with a Queen's crown.
{You know what. I like them.}
[There not bad at all...]
Yea, yer rig- FOCUS! Harley huffed, consciously tracing the tattoos with her finger. By the looks of it. We somehow lost our memories. How and who Gina is, I don't know.
{...does it matter?}
What do you mean?
{We don't know how, why, or when this all happened. Tattoos or who Gina even is. So why bother?}
Harley opened her mouth to argue, then stopped when she realized she couldn't think of anything to argue about. Huh, yeah, yer right.
Feeling a lot more cheerful now, Harley pulled on shorts, a tank top and skipped to her bed.
Tomorrow let's get cleaning and head back to the Diner for some breakfast.
[Mmm...good idea.]
{Agreed.}
HaHaHaHaHaHa
The next morning
"Ya want me ta wear this?" Harley asked uncertainly. Being held up in front of her was a short-skirted, slightly revealing maid outfit. That, when worn, would show off not too much but a decent amount of cleavage. However, while odd, it was less revealing than a lot of the outfits Harley had worn in the past. The only thing bothering her was why her employer would want her to wear this sort of outfit.
"Is there a problem, Bella?" Regina raised a brow, her eyes dancing with amusement.
"Nope!" Harley nearly shouted, feeling strangely warm. Why am I reacting this way...and why do I feel like this is all one big game ta her?
Regina smirked slightly and handed the outfit to her. "You may start immediately. I expect this place to be spotless by the time I return."
I swear I felt a jolt when she brushed my hand. Harley groaned inside while smiling on the outside. She may have or be a little mentally unstable. But that didn't mean she was an idiot or lied to herself. Harley recognized what was happening.
{Harley and Regina kissing in a tree. K-i-S-s-I-n-G!}
[Ooohh, crushing on the boss.]
Shut up! Yer all me anyway, when and how the hell did this happen?
{...I don't know.}
[...neither do I.]
"-Harley!" Regina tapped her cheek with her hand.
"Hmm..." Harley blinked, then focused back on Regina. "I'm sorry, what?"
Regina froze for a moment before relaxing, a relieved look entering her eyes. "Nothing Bella, I was simply worried about your work performance if your this easily distracted."
"Sorry." Harley apologized. "Won't happen again."
"...I'm sure," Regina replied dryly. "Now, as neither Henry nor myself shall be here until dinner tonight. You may have the afternoon off when you finish with your duties."
Smiling widely, Harley gazed into nothingness as she nodded. Already picturing herself biting into a breakfast sandwich down at her now favorite Diner.
"I will leave you to it then," Regina said, smiling faintly.
After another few minutes of daydreaming, Harley returned to reality. Only now noticing the missing Regina. Where'd she go?
{She left a few minutes ago.}
[Hurry and clean, the Diner awaits!]
Mouth turning into a serious line, Harley grabbed her duster and sped through the house. Looking for anything to dust or clean in general...she found nothing.
"This house is spotless," Harley muttered in disbelief, lifting the sofa to check underneath it. Again, no dust, dirt, or marks.
{Why did she hire you?}
[It's now you? Not us?]
{I'm not getting paid.}
[...your right.]
Maybe watching Henry is that important? Who knows, he may get into a lot of trouble.
{Regina didn't say watch, though.}
[All she was is for us to tell her who comes to visit him or take him to school if he misses the bus...there he goes now.]
Head snapping up, Harley saw Henry race down the stairs and out the door at least an hour early before his bus was supposed to pick him up.
{Well, we're done. We might as well follow.}
[Oh, so NOW it's back to we.]
Thankfully Harley hadn't changed into her cleaning outfit. So she didn't need to change and left the house, watching as Henry ran into a small yellow bug with a blonde-haired woman in it.
He definitely knows her. Harley frowned, something niggling in the back of her mind. Unfortunately, she couldn't pinpoint it.
{There's something odd going on here.}
[Agreed...breakfast now?]
Sighing, Harley started walking in the direction of the diner. It's just bugging me, ya know. I'm positive theirs something strange about the way they look — it's on the tip of my tongue.
{Maybe it's the way Henry looked happier with the blonde woman?}
[Yeah, he does seem to hate Regina. Though based on the photo's in the mansion, that wasn't always the case.]
Entering the diner, Harley sat down on the same stool ad the previous day. Not noticing Henry and the blonde woman in the booth behind her.
"Same as yesterday?" Granny asked, a twinkle in her eyes.
"Yup." Harley grinned and laid her chin on the counter. Watching as Granny made all the preparations.
"What's got you so down?" Granny asked over the sound of the eggs sizzling.
Harley shrugged but answered honestly. "There's something about Henry and the blonde woman that's messing with me. I just can't figure out what."
Granny nodded in understanding, but before she could say anything. Henry's voice came from behind her. "It's because she's my mom."
Eyes widening, Harley snapped her fingers excitedly. "That's it — Thank's kiddo."
{Their bone structure and facial features are similar. Not too much, but enough to be noticeable.}
[I can't believe we missed that!]
"Who's this, Henry." The blonde woman asked curiously. A sheriff badge clipped on her jeans.
"I don't know." Henry frowned, a little frustrated. "But she works for my mom. She's the new housekeeper."
"You work for Regina?" Blondie demanded, her eyes narrowed.
"Eh, yes?" Harley admitted. Not sure what the big deal was.
"Emma, leave the poor girl alone. Can't you see how confused she is?" Granny sighed, placing Harley's plate down on the counter.
Filing Emma's name in her head, Harley focused her attention entirely on the dish in front of her. Entranced as she watched, the piping hot steam rise from the plate.
"What is going on here?" The sound of Regina's voice rang through the diner, breaking Harley's attention from her dish.
Taking a glance around, Harley Henry glaring at Regina, along with Emma. Huh, wonder what's going on.
"I was just eating breakfast with Henry, Regina," Emma replied, still glaring.
Regina stopped for a moment as if realizing that for the first time before continuing. "Of course you were and unlike what most in this town think. I am not oblivious to what goes on in my town. However, that is not what I was asking."
"What then?" Emma asked, more than a little confused.
Regina pointed at Emma with a sneer. "Remove your hand from Bella."
That brought Harley up short, along with everyone else in the diner. But looking down, sure enough, Emma's hand was on Harley's arm. No doubt from trying to get her attention earlier when Harley was focused on nothing but her food. Unfortunately, that's not how it looked from where Regina was standing. From her perspective, Emma's position and hand on Harley's arm looked a lot more intimate than it truly was.
"Er, okay?" Emma took away her hand and sat back down.
Taking a calming breath, Regina glared around the room. Making everyone but Harley look away and start talking again. Avoiding looking Regina in the eye.
"That's better," Regina smirked, then sat down on the stool next to Harley.
"What was that about?" Harley questioned before taking a bite of her sandwich.
Regina paused, a hesitant look entering her eyes. "You'll know in the future."
Harley thought of pursuing the topic but ultimately decided not to. The sandwich in front of her being far more important at the moment.
HaHaHaHaHaHa
(A/N) I didn't really know how to end the chapter. So it ended there. What do you all think so far? I actually have a ton of the plot for this one worked out. I just wanted to write it.