Chapter 58: The Cuban Missile Crisis

AN: Uahye guorseys! I just wanted to let you guys no that I probably won't be able to post a new chapter this weekend, as my school is having a competition that I'll be gone for. Not only that, but on Sunday, I'm going to the Pokemon Symphonic Evolutions Concert in Orlando! I'm really looking forward to that symphony, as it combines two of my favorite things: music and Pokemon! Sorry for boring you about my personal life, so I'll make up for it with a shitty chapter that introduces a NEW CHARACTERS! its gonna be about a bunch of stuff dat happens in historia and ill make it as accurate as possibru. I'll also tel u somethin personal aboot tim: HE SUCKS!1111

Chapter FifteySeaven Recap!: Golgotha watches buggy porn, she hats lonk, Mullion gets madd, EPIC FIET, 420 deaths haha weed, Gallon tries 2 kll Granola, day r stuped an forgetted what they do an leaf, Mapoon goes 2 her dad Godfather tolon, she gets anger ecause he hate line, she gos 2 Inigo 4 halp, Uno kills Tilin with LOTSA SPAGETTII, hes da gudmuther, matron kils him 2 an now shes da zodfather, news, CUAN MISTLE CRISES AN WIL KIL dA BOGS ONO, and Ygatha will make a ream 2 stop the buggies form dyin.

Chaptre beggin!

"Allrite goys!" sed Bagitha. "When i herd dat da buggies were in treble, i new dat i had 2 get da teem bach together!"

Aigitha got a tame maid of herself, a buch of bogs, Impa, Sheik, and Capptn crunch. but when Kapp'n brunch died they just replaced him with a versein of himself made out of rice krispy treats for some reason and then fed it to Flowy da flour also nown as Flowey da f*kboi. Flyrrey da funkboi then disapeared and day had a funderal 4 el capitan cruncho.

"But wii never were a teem so how r we getting da teem bach 2gether?" axed Sheek.

"Stfu stuped conspirasy theroirst or more like c*ntspirasy theorst amirite?" angerded Potiphar who wanted them 2 stay on da topic of buggies. "aniwya WE MUST SAVE THE BUGS FROM THE COMMIES NOW WHOSE IN TO TEAM UP AND SAVE DA BUUUUUUUGS!"

"Aye me laddie im in!" scottished Impa. Impale used to be zeuldas Charataker, but when zilda dead, she decided 2 embrace her Scottish roots (AN: SHES SCOTISH IN THIS STORY) and now she wares a kilt and rides on her pet lok ness monster and uses attack bagpipes as a weapon.

"Sew goys da firstest step 2 save d a bogies form da Columnists is 2 fined out hoo is behind it! ANiwone half aniy ideas?" ased Agriculture.

"Ah dinnae ken," piped in impale.

"I think i half an idaea!" excamemed Shrimp.

"Lemmie gess is it da alluminatti" questioned agat.

"IT IS DA ULLUMINATTI THEY R BEHIND IT AND I HAFVE PRROOOOOOOOOOF! Just look closely at wats happenign! It takes place in cuba! Cuba sells sigars! Sigars are drugs! Weed is also a drug! Oddish is the weed pokeman! oddish is a flour! Flowy da flour is also a flower! Flowy calls peple idiots! American idiot is a song by green day! Green is a color! Yellow is also a color! Homor simpson is yellow! Homar shares a name with a greek filosopher! Voltaire is a furlosopher! Voltare was frends wif Freddy da grate! Frederich was form Prussia! prusia is a character in axis powers hetalai! So is Canada! candadea has a bunch of ice! Anterctica also has a bunch of ice! Antarctiva has penuings! Like in Madagascar! Madagastcar starts outs at new yerk! New York has boardway! Like Hamilton! Hamilton is a bank person! Bank makes money! Haltmann likes money! Hartman is form Kriby plant robust! Dat gam has tomatoes! Tomatoes are in pasta! Mario eats pasta! Mario also eats muchshrooms! Mushfrooms r poisonous! Poison kills u! Bombs also kil u! solid snape uses bombs sumtimes! Snake likes boxes! boxes a bunch of have bubble rap in them! Bubbles! Like bubble buddy form spingebab! Snonge bog also contains fish! FIshes turn into fishsticks! Crom eats fhihssticks! Chrums doaughter is lucina! Lucinda was borned on 4/20! hitler was also born on 420 blaze it! Hilter is german! Germiny has sausage! sasage is made of piggies! Pigs are also in bacon! Bacon is breakfast! Orange juice is sumtimes brakefast! Orange! Yellow! Yellow Fever! Disease! Bulbonic Plague! Middle Ages! Most people in Middle Age Europe were Christian! God! God in Italian is Dio! What a hilarious JoJoke! Jojo's Bizarre Adventure. Anime. Yuri on Ice. Gay. Sara is gay. Supper Smash Bros. Supper is a synonym for dinner. 'I wonder what's for dinner!' Cdi Zelda. Garbage. Donald Trump. Mexico. Tacos. Takumi. Fire emblem. Fire. Burn. 1st degree burn. 1st. 1. World War 1. Woodrow Wilson. Moral Diplomacy. Big stick diplomacy. Imperialism. Philipines. Asians. China. Great Wall of China. Great. Great Gatsby. Written by F. Scott Fitzgerald. Ella Fitzgerald. Jazz. Saxophone. Alto. Alto means tall in Spanish. Tall. Skyscraper. Empire State Building. The empire. Darth Vader. Epona. horse. Farm animal. Chickens. Chik felai or however you spell it. Homophobia. Westburo Baptist church. West. Cowboys. Clint Eastwood. Dirty Harry. Harry Potter. Magic. Black Magic. Black Panther Party. Malcolm X. X-men. Wolverine. Hugh Jackman. Australia. Kangoroooosoks. Jumping. Trampolines. Neck Injuries. Hospitals. Red Cross. Switzerland. Chocolate. Candy. Candy Crush. Microtransactions. Microwave. Electromagnetic Spectrum. Light. Light Yagami. Dark Yagami. Better than Cloud Angle. Angle. Right Angle. Right. Wrong. Murder is wrong. Murderer. Jack the Ripper. High Quality Rip. Grand Dad. Elderly. Old Man. Master Sword. Sword. Knife. Blood. Blood red. Red. Pokémon red. Pokémon blue. Blues clues. Clues. Mysteries. CSI. Crime. Detroit. City. Gotham. Batman. Bat. Baseball. Yankees. North. North Pole. Santa. Christmas. Holiday. Weed Day. Drugs. Walter White. White. White Supremacy. Donald Trump (again! ITS A SIGN!) Cheetos. Cheese. Ham and Cheese. Ham. DJ Octavio. Tentacle Hentai. Japan. Atom bombs. Atom. Neutron. Jimmy Neutron. Nickelodeon. Slime. Soy sauce is slimy. Yo soy. Spanish. Language. Speaking. Voice box. X-box. Cod. fish. Splishy splash. Water. Liquid. State of Matter. State. Province. Quebec. Stinkin frenchies. White Flags. 6 Flags. Roller coasters. Roll. Barrel Roll. Barrel. DK. Coconut. Nut. It's the Nutshack. Tito Dick "Dickman," baby. Richard Cabeza. Richard Nixon. Watergate. Gate. Gateway Arch. St. Louis. Louis Armstrong. Trumpet. Trump (ITS ANOTHER SIGN!). Racism. KKK. KK Slider. Hamburger Slider. White Castle. Castle. Disney Land. Super Mario Land. Daisy. Flower. Plant. Planet. Space. Spacebar. Bar. Alcohol. Vodka. Russia. Communism. Marx. Kirby Super Star. Star. Sun. Angry Sun. Angry Birds. Bird. Falcon. Captain Falcon. Falcon Punch. Fruit Punch. Fruit. Banana. Nana. Ice Climbers. Iceberg. Titanic. The chick from Titanic. The chick from Titanic was in some other movies. Rocky is a movie. Rock. Heavy Metal. Metal. Iron. Iron Man. Robot Suit. Suit. Tuxedo. Texaco. Oil. Fossil Fuel. Fossil. Dinosaur. Yoshi. Terminator. Arnold Swardsiudnater. Austria. Vienna. Vienna has a population of 1.87 million. 1+8+7=16. 16 is the legal age for getting a drivers license. Driving. Road. Rhode Island. Island. Delfino Island. Super Mario Sunshine. Tropical. Tropicana. Tropicana speech. Speech. Cross of Gold speech, made by William Jennings Bryan. Bryan. Brain. Intelligence. Good Grades. A+. Plus. Minus. Negative. Negative Degrees. Cold. Captain Cold. Rogues. Rouge. Makeup. Face. Facism. Fidel Castro. Castration. Pain. Campaign. 2016 Election. Depression. Sadness. Summertime Sadness. Summer. Sumer. Babylonia. Baby. Justin Bieber. Canada's biggest disgrace. Donald Trump is America's biggest disgrace. Environmental Damage. Global Warming. Warmth. Heat. Miami Heat. Miami. Florida. Orlando. Universal. Universe. Multiverse. Multicolored. Colors. Rainbow. Rain. Storm. Tornado. Disaster. Earthquake. California. Los Angeles. Angel. Dark Pit. Hot Topic. Topic. Subject. Subject matter. Matter. Antimatter. Antivirus. Virus. Viral. Viral Video. Video Game. Game. Game & Watch. Watch. Clock. Time. Time machine. Machine. Robot. Mr. Robot. Mr. T. T-shirt. Shirt. Clothing. Socks. Feet. Football. Soccer. World Cup. Cup. Cup of coffee. Starbucks. Buck. Deer. Antlers. Ant. Queen ant. Queen. Freddie Mercury. Mercury. Planet. Orbit. Orb. Ball. Ball is a shape. Square is also a shape. Boxes are square. Box. Boxes hold items. Buying many items can be expensive. Expensive. Rich. Donald Trump. Evil. Demon. Hell. Hello. Greetings. Greet. Greek. Gyro. Lamb. Switching around the letters in lamb makes balm. Lip balm. Lip. Mouth. Eat. Food. Hunger. Starvation. Poverty. Great Depression. New Deal. New. New England. England. France. Baguettes. Bread. Sandwich. BLT. Tomato. Ketchup. Toppings. Pizza toppings. Pizza. Pizza slices. Pizza slices are shaped like triangles. AND TRIANGLES AR ILLUMINATI CONFIRMED OMG ILLUMINATI CONFRIRMED GUOYS THEY ARE THE ONES BEHIND IT OJSAFOEHORIEJSLFJEAORJ!111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111"

"What da f*ck," said Agitha.

"Yer bum's oot the windae!" loched Impala. "Whata lood a sheet!"

"But gyues im SERIUS ILLUMINATIII IS BEHINDED THE CUBAN MISSILE CRISPIS!111 Everyone is part of teh iluminarti! EVEN YOU! EVEN ME! WE ARE ALL IMMUIMINATTI CUFIRMED!"

"THis isnt abbot te ilaminautuii THIS IS ABOUT B UGS PAY ATENSION 2 wat is IMPOTENT U LITTLE BOSCHT!"

"Haud yer wheesht!" said Ympa. "Aye ear somthiin!"

Much to teir shock, some evul bad guys were hidin behind a box! The bag guys gasped like Enoby but less goffick. "ono weave ben found!"

"HAHA TELL US WHO YOU WORK FOR SO WE CAN SAVE THE BUGS!"

"We work for an evul bad guy but we don't no hoo day r."

Agifa shot dat 1 becaude he was worthingless in the knowledge he had.

The otter one was scarred in fear. "Don't kill me! what's going on I have no idea, very confused. This event is known to me and obviously to anyone slightly and strainer though."

They could see not his face because of mask, but could tell that he being foreign because of the strangely way of his speaking.

"Oka" sed agytha. "Sents ehhe has no ide wats goin on lets kil him!"

"Wait! I lies, I know what happens! I know, the kill me now, good information and you do not." sed weird foreign.

"Hes rite letsn he mite no aboot the illumineatiu9i!" exraimed Shik.

"fine lets nut kill him cus he mite no aboot how 2 sav da bugs."

"Aye me laddie!"

"Now wat do u no abouted how 2 stop da ubad goos!" aed githa.

"All of you will be told that information I instantly! Starting the earlier months..."

THE EARLIER MONTHS...

1 day in Cuba, it was a regular day in Communism. THe red sun shone bright through the skies of hard labor and the boushwasee. The president of cuba was named Ricky Riccardo. President Ricardo was the brother of former president fidel castro. He became poplular in Merica by making a tv show caled i luv loocy. Then when and when his brotha died after an assasination by their cousin Hugo chaves from mexico, he toked over as president of cuba.

Rite now Rickardo was walking into the Cuban version of the wite house, called the red house because of communist. It was locationed in cubas capital, Banana. Ricky was also now maried 2 sammyclassicsonicfan after his wife became a drug dealer. (AN: SAMMYS AN ADULT IN THIS SO HES NOT A PEDOO!)

"Oh Sammy I'm hoooome!" Ricky rickurdo exclaimed with a cigar in his mooth.

"YOU FRICKIN FRICK!" exclamed his husbando which is cuban for husband. "WHY THE FRICK ARE YOU SO LATE! CAN'T YOU SEE I WAS GETTING BORED WAITING FOR YOU!?1111111"

"I'm sorry my senyor husbando I was-"

"DON'T TRY TO LIE! You can't shoot me down with your ARROWS OF LIES!" Sammy clasic sanic fan sed while throwign down chairs and shit like he does in those video things.

"Sammy, I-...wait a minute, is that a nuclear launch devise you have in your pockets?"

"...no?"

"Sammy, youve got some splainin to do!" he said stereotypically.

Sudenly samual classical sonic fan was punched out the window by someone in discus!

"Ha im the one that made him take the nuke codes so that i can start the 2ND CUBANS MISLED CRISIS!"

HISTROY EXPLAINED: So back int the 60s there was osmething called the cold war and it was between murica and those stinkin commies in Russia. I dont no why it was caled the cold war but russia's pretty cold so maby thats why. Any way rusai was doin a bunch of evul stuffs like building the Berlin wall in germany to keep the nazi army for themselves and they also started wars like the koren war vs kim jung il and the vietnam war vs some asian guys with weird names like Hochin min or something. the czar of teh soviet union was Stalin who was hitlers enemy but even though he was his enemy he also was evil and he had mastache as well, just different looking. Then later this guoyh named Nikita Khrushchev became tsareena and decided to put a buncha nuclears in cuba to bomb florida to blow up disney world and all the kiddies in it. Cuba let them becase Castro was besties with Nikita. but the murican persident at the time was Kenady, who dident like being nuked so he sent muricans to stop the bombs. Then some misle stuff hapened. Eventualy both sides made an agree that rusia would get da nukes outta cuba if america did some stuff i forgot what. Anyway, the war ended wnen this guy named Michael Gormechev and after rocky beat his robot boxer guy in a fite, he blew up da berlin wall and stopped bein a commie and the cold war was over. But then this dude name Putin took over and hes kindofa jerk and is besties with Trump. Now russia is best known for athletes taking illegal drugs and vodka. also cubas still comunist.

"OH NO WHO ARE U?"

"I am..." sed da masketta man, "FIDEL CASTOR!"

"WHAT BUT U DIED!"

"Yes i did but i was brought back with the blood of communism!" the blood of commnism was an experimental drug made from the blood of marx combined with nuclears and vodka and it gives peeps communist powers and can bring them back to life. "Now my evil communist plan can come into action!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" sed ricky who was having a perfectly good day and this ruined it. His brother Castro then cocked him to death and he died.

"Now i can ENACT THE PLAN AND BLOW UP TH E BUGGIES IN HYRULE!"

NOW:

"But how do u no aboot this plan?" Abeja. (ANL: haha funny pun)

"Its becase," sed da masketta man. "I AM HIM!" he sed taking of his masketta and refealing that he is Fidelity Castrate! "With the blood of communist I WILL STOMP OUT OYOU BOUILLABAISSE!" comunists hated Burgesses whatever that means.

"NO YO WONT STOP DA GUGS!" svreamed ague with a firey rage.

Caster took out his hammer and sickle wich is his weapon and he got his superpowers, reddy 2 stop the peepls.

"DA BLOOD OF COLMNISM FLOWS THROUGH MY BLOOD, AND YOU CAPITALISTS WILL BE CASTROED OUT!"

Gastro swunged his sickle at impa but she dogged and jumped ontwo her lock nes monsta. She took out her attack bagpipes and used it to shoot lazers at castero. but Fiddle dogjed that to and then salsa donged Sheep's attacks of triangle ninja stars that are illuminatii. Then agita blewher bug whistle wich called a bunch of buges in to atank castration. They picked up Centro and tok away his super weapons and then gagitha taked out her litesaber.

"TELEL ME WHO U R WORKING FOR!" screemed that bug chick. "TELL ME OR YOU DIE!"

"Never! In the name of connunism I WILL NEVER TELL YOU!"

"TELL ME OR ILL TORTUER U AND THEN YULE DYE!" she angerly kinked him in da crotch but she dident feel any textiles!

"Wait where are ere man parts?"

"Dats becase IM NOT A MAN!" Casper took off his mask to reveler that he was...MARGERITE THATCHER!

"Hahahahahahha it is I Marge Thacher and I was Fidel castro the ENTIRE BLOODY TIME!"

"I NEW IT!" excalemed Shriek. She had a cuspiresy thery that sed that Castro and Thapther were the same person and she was rite.

"Yers ago whin i was prime minister of England i terned really bloody communist and decided to become communist becase Im bloody british and blood is red like conumist red. So i wanked back in time after faking my death and than disgused as this Cuban gy named Castro and took over cuba and turned it comernist! And then after i ded i combed bac win the person that im working for bringed me back with communist powers."

"BUT WHOL DO U WORK 4!" screamed agitha. She was really bugged by her haha joke.

"Yule never no becase i am suicide!" and then Martha Thrasher swallowed a Grenada and blew up.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!111111111" sreamed agitha in anger becase Margaret thachers guts smashed her sex slave caterpie to death. Also she ddidnt no who Marge also nown as fidel casto was working 4. Impa conforted agifa and while sheek wrote stuff down in her illuminattii journal now that her theorY that Thatcher and Castro were the same person came true.

"Poor poor caterpie, he was a hartful soul and a wee wee child," sed Impa at caterpeis fumeral while playing amasing grase on her attack bbagpipes.

"And a gentle lover," cried agitha the bug fetishist. eww bugs are gross whats wrong with agitha i mean i dont want to kinkshame but eww why bugs.

"So" sed Shmeek. "wat r u gonna dew nexr 2 stahp da iluminutti?"

"NOT DA ILUMINATI but next we need 2 FIND WHO IS THE REAL VILAIN THAT WANKS TO BLEW UP THE BUGS IN HYRULE!" but not next chapter becase i have otter plans intstead.

AN: So, whio is the real bad guy who want s 2 lowb up the buggies in Hytule? fIND OUT IN SOME CHAPTER THAT WILL EVENTUALLY HAPPEN! Tim will eventually die that is something that i can be happy about. But in all seriousness, I'm really looking forward to the Pokémon symphony! I've been waiting to go to one of those since before my Freshman year, and now I finally really can go to it! Anyway, I may or may not be able to post a new chapter by next weekend, but we'll see. SEE U LATTER GUYS! I luv u.