Renegade Runaways :: Chapter Seven

The next morning Steve and John had helped Bo walk to a clearing a small distance away from their camp. He was grateful for the dose of fresh air. The trees were beautiful this time of year. It was Autumn in the Smokey Mountains. The sounds of nature soothed him. He sat alone on a rock for awhile, enjoying the feeling of freedom. The feeling of the sun on his face warmed his cold heart. He closed his eyes, taking in the moment. He was getting stronger. The physical pain would subside.

"Hey."

Bo almost jumped at the sound of her voice.

"I'm sorry." Hope apologized, "I didn't mean to startle you."

He looked at her. Even in her sad, guilty, state she looked beautiful. He'd missed her. He would rather be home in their bed with her right now.

"Bo…." Hope whispered his name, guilt and empathy for his pain engulfed her racing heart as she spoke, "Bo, I'm so sorry. I'm… I don't know what else to say."

Bo stared at her. His own guilt evident in his eyes, but mostly pain, confusion, and disbelief. A part of him wanted to throw things. He needed to break something, but in reality he just wanted to break down.

"Please say something." Hope begged. She sounded like a child, vulnerable and scared.

"I don't have anything to say, Hope." Bo replied. He was speechless.

Hope nodded once, pressing her lips together and exhaled slowly through her nose. It was a failed attempt to calm herself. She ran one hand through her hair and turned away from him. She felt terrible. Emotions warred each other inside of her head, traveling painfully slow down to her chest.

Bo stared at her from behind. He watched her struggle to keep her composure. He related because it was costing him everything to maintain his own, "Hope."

Hope whirled around quickly to face him at the sound of her name.

"I'm not mad," Bo said quietly.

"Bo, you have every right to be mad." Hope defended, "Don't cheat yourself."

"I'm not mad," Bo repeated, a defeated and sad look in his eyes, "I'm just…. hurt. It hurts Hope. I don't… know what to do with all of this stuff. I need some time."

Hope felt her heart sink. She would give anything for him to be mad. She wanted him to throw things. She wanted him to yell and scream at her. She wanted to scream back. They had always recovered from those types of fights. This was different. This was scary. She watched him retreating into himself. She saw his pain. She felt it. She hated herself in that moment. She never thought she would be capable of inflicting that kind of pain on the man she loved so dearly.

Bo struggled, but slowly walked away without another word. He left Hope standing in the clearing, and headed back for camp. He had nowhere else to go. When he reached camp, he found Steve and John by a freshly built fire. John was cleaning fish. Steve was preparing the grill. They both watched quietly as Bo sat down without a word.

"You wanna talk about it?" John asked.

Bo looked at John and then at Steve. He felt his eyes burning. He hated feeling emotional. It made him feel weak and out of control. Crying was overrated.

Steve noticed the tears glistening in Bo's eyes, "Hey man, you okay?"

Bo shrugged, feeling worthless, and then nodded, "Fine."

"You're not fine." John corrected, "You've been through hell and back the past two years. You're stressed out… wounded…. and it's okay to admit Hope broke your heart."

Bo exhaled slowly, trying to keep his voice from shaking, "She's the only person in the world with the power to make me feel like this. I never thought… I never thought she would."

"I know exactly what you mean," John nodded, "It's the worst feeling in the world."

"It's not like she doesn't want you," Steve offered, "She still wants you."

"I feel like a hypocrite." Bo replied, "I've done this to her. I did it with Billie and Carly. Two times, with two different women, I gave her this kind of pain. I thought I understood… but I guess you don't until it actually happens to you. Patrick was different. She just slept with him… This guy…. It's like he replaced me. I feel like I have no right to care… I've done this to her…. and I left her here alone…. Who am I to be so upset?"

"You can't think like that." John shook his head, "It gives you perspective to help you build up from rock bottom, but you can't not let yourself feel what you're feeling."

Bo rolled his eyes, "You've been talking to your wife too much."

John snorted and Bo unwillingly cracked a smile.

"Your wife has been shacking up with another man for a whole year," Steve stated bluntly, "There is no red-blooded American man that would be okay with that, regardless of the surrounding circumstances."

"When I was in prison, all I could think about was getting back to her. Holding her. Kissing her. I could't wait to look into her eyes. She's just as beautiful as I remember. She's perfect. All I wanted was to see her…. and now…. I feel like she's burned me. I can't…. even look at her."

"We all make mistakes." John nodded, "Give it time. Everything will work out."

Rustling leaves made them all look up from the campfire, alertness running through their veins. Hope popped out of the woods, arms crossed over her chest. She made eye contact with each of them before silently making her way to the tents where Marlena, Kayla, and Aiden avoided John, Steve, and Bo.

Bo's gaze followed her. Aiden stood saying a few words before rubbing her shoulders. Bo's blood boiled. Aiden offered Hope his jacket and she declined. Instead, she took a seat next to Kayla who wrapped an arm around her and pulled her close. Hope rested her head on Kayla's shoulder.

Bo looked back at John and Steve, who also gazed towards the women and Aiden.

"When are we getting rid of him?" Bo asked casually.

"Not soon enough." Steve scoffed.

"Soon." John nodded.