A/N 1: I haven't seen Rise of Skywalker. Please don't spoil. Thank you.
A/N 2: Written for Love Letter challenge by Endora at The Lighthouse on Livejournal. Join us!
Rey -
I am a man of few words, but this letter will be long. If it ever reaches you, know that this is what I could not say in the brief moments we have been together.
You have fractured me. All I have ever wanted was to be whole. My life has been spent pursuing this goal. I chose the Dark because that is the side everyone believed I would be on. Its pull was so strong in me as a child it convinced everyone it would overpower me in the end. From my parents, who sent me away to Luke to banish my darkness; to Luke, who tried to kill me when he couldn't; to Snoke, who was the only one who didn't pull me in two.
After my family turned on me, I thought the only way to heal was to embrace the one side that never betrayed me. Yet, I was still pulled by the Light. I hated it. It was such pain knowing it was there, yet never being able to reach it. Not even my punishments when I failed my Master came close to the torment from the trace amount of Light that still burned within me. I killed my father in an attempt to extinguish what was left of it in my soul. To become fully Dark, with not even a shadow of Light left. I failed. You heard Snoke. Instead of achieving the inner peace I desperately desired, it broke me even more.
I realize now it was you that kept me from falling completely. When we touched in that hut back on Ahch-To, and I saw how we are entwined, I misunderstood. I believed it meant you were made for me. That you would join me and we would stand together. Rule together, even. It was our destiny to bring order to the galaxy.
I wish I had known earlier that our true destiny is to bring balance. You know I am right. The old must die. No more Sith, no more Jedi. Just us. The Force has been in two extremes for too long. Only Light and only Dark. The two sides are pulled so tightly apart that the line between them is nearly broken. Like me.
You have proven the Force rests most peacefully when it is Grey.
So yes, you have fractured me. Just as I have fractured you. We are not One or the Other, but Both. This is our bond. This is our destiny. This is why I love you.
We will meet again soon. I will always return to you. I know now that is my destiny. I would give you the galaxy, but I know you won't take it. So I will give you the one thing you want most of all: my soul. I will no longer be Kylo Ren when we reunite. I will not join the Resistance, but I will join you. Together, we will bring balance back to the Force.
Ben