Chapter 64: Chromic Illness

AN: Gluuten tuge! I no ist bean a wheel, butte i'fe started a new story! It's called Pit Saves Canada, and its about Pit...Saving Canada. Give it a read! AND I F*KIN MEEN IT READ IT OR ELSE EXECPT 4 TIM HE SICKS! But u knead 2 reed it tod-eh! (GEDDTI BECUS CADANA!?)

Chapter Sextythrii Recap!: daruk pit wil bloe up cheep fullay, tumblr pittoo is derriere 2, he tings goff pit2 is strate, evul pit2 is durr 2, day all fite, den dere is tv show aboot them, enoby brakes up wiht darko, eboby now dats pyro rin, an surra as scard off dalass!

Chaptre beggin!

Crumb was wanking around to whear he works at Chroms fishy fishsticks, a fishy restraunt frum that 1 fanfic called Chrom and the Fishsticks that was never finished. The fishy dude was listening to a fishstick themed song he payed the band Icarus and the Greens $5000 to write. He regrets nothing.

Sudanly, as he got into the mall, another fishdick place was write next to heis! "WHO THE F*CK DID THIS?!" he screamed in terror. Much to his horror, the place was titled "Lonks nummy fishsticks its way beter dan croms."

"YOU!" he screemed at lung as he getted inside.

"Bi suomthing or gtfo," sed luimnkl.

"I see what you're trying to do. Do you really think that you can destroy my business with your own knockoff?"

"yep!"

"Well, then...TOO BAD! YOU SUCK AND YOU'RE ALSO STUPID AND DUMB AND YOU SUCK!" he started to walk angrily out of the fishy place, when he spotted the long lines. "Wtf, what are so many people doing here? AND WHY AREN'T THEY IN MY PLACE!?"

Croom runned into his roosetrant, only 2 see that Lucinda was the only 1 in their! Lucian had a part-time job at his restraint, but she's usually very busy due to large crowds when working there, as opposed to sitting around and chopping fruit in half with her sword like in that one game that i played years ago.

"Lucina, why are all the customers at that other place!?" he said scardidily.

"Father, I have no idea how this happened! Everything was perfectly fine until that green sociopath showed up next-door."

"There's no way that Link is really a better cook than us. A week ago he tried to pay for his food here with Monopoly money and thought he'd trick me. Wait a minute...that's why he's doing this! He's mad at me for not taking his fake money! What an dick! Anyway, he's way to stupid to be able to make fishsticks as good as everyone else thinks. He's probably using black magic to make them better than mine or something!"

"Well, as much as I hate Link, I still can't join you because of all the homework that I have."

"Nonsense! This is much more important than homework will ever be! I suggest that you drop out of school and join me in my battle against a true asshole!"

"Wtf, father! I'm leaving." and Lucida left the resent.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO LUCINA DON'T LEAVE I'M TERRIFIED OF LINK AND CAN'T DO THIS ON MY OWN!" scrreemed Chromium.

Sandly, Crumb didn't have the rest of his brigade here because they were going on vacation to the official Pepe the frog museum in Portland, and he had to stay behind to take care of his estoblishment.

"I know that he has to be involved in some shady business, because there's definitely something fishy about that guy!" he said but then he was sad because their was know won hear too here his joke. Gromn loved puns like how he likes memes and he likes fishsticks even more and has a fishstick body pillow.

LATUR:

Chromosome was sneakily hidden outside of Links shitty fishstick place, watching lonk using his luptop. When he walked oot, presumably to masticate in the bathroom, Abercrombie walked in and looked at his laptop. He was not prepared to witness the horrors it contained.

Crom an lucida: a sexxy luve storry

Bi lonkdaherooftim

AN: hay fck u whoevers reedin this becus u prob ly suck aslo ive never plaed fier embryo becoose i only playe gams wif tits an violens in dem so nintendo gays suck. i rited dis story cus insest is hottttttttt! ayy lmao so lit dab bruh lol

Oka we ken start now

1 dai comrhnm an rucina were waking aroond da Forrest an cghrom loked over at Lusitania. He was sekretly in luv wif her eeven do he was heis dotter becase she looked liek a fishtick cus she was sew skiny an chom luved fishdicks

"lucemon, 1 half sumtind 2 tel u!"

"wat is it daddi?"

"im in luv wif u an want 2 haf howt secs wif u!"

"Wow dats soo hot i luv u to daady i almost luv u as muck as i rove hitler!"

an so dey takend of dere cloths an wear nakes. cjrom trided 2 grap her bobs but he coldnt cus she dident half ani.

hrcomrm tooked out his schlongy-dong an he put-

Chrom threw the lapton an throwed it out the winder in horror, screaming in horror. He ran outside in horror, still screaming in terror. He knew that he would never be the same after reading that horrifying, incestuous, and terrifying story. it was so scurry.

A FEW TOWERS LATER:

Lucina walked into her and Chrom's house (AN: that's probably not correct grammar, but whatever), putting down her backpack.

"Father, I'm home!" she yelled. After hearing no reply, she walked towards her dad's room to see if he was okay.

Lucina heard her father sobbing in the closet. "Father, what's wrong?!"

"Lucina, y-you don't want to know!" he cried from inside.

"Really, father! You can tell me!"

"I-I can't! I MUST SPARE YOU FROM THE PAIN!"

"NO, TELL ME!"

"OKAY, I'LL TELL YOU!" said Chrom in defeat. "Link...h-he wrote a story about..."

"ABOUT WHAT?!"

"About...a-about...us..."

"WHAT ABOUT US?!"

"About u-us..."

"SPIT IT OUT!"

"ABOUT US HAVING SEX!"

Lucina instantly threw up and then screamed for literally an hour until she lost her voice and then screamed again once she got it back and then she screamed more and threw up again and then she ran to an abandoned hhgregg and destroyed some of the TVs inside and then screamed more before she passed out of exhaustion.

LATER:

Lucania awokened as croom ran up next to her. "Lucina, are you okay? You've been asleep for hours!"

Lachine got an evul look on her faze. "I'm going to help you destroy Link," she said evully.

"Yay!" said crhoom because now h e could save his buusiness wile also geting bonding time with his daughter (ew not in that way u sicko) and then eat fishsticks which is actually spelled like fish stick, Chrom doesn't even know how to spell the name of his true love.

Chrom and Lucina both jumped onto the table and did some Jojo poses.

"Let's do this!" yelled Lucina. "No longer will that bitch Link be able to write incestuous fanfiction about us!"

AT LONK's FISHICH PLACE WHATEVER IT WAS CALLED ALTHOUGH IF I REALLY CARED TO KNOW WHAT IT WAS CALLED I COULD LITERALLY JUST SCROLL UP ON THIS PAGE BUT WHATEVER:

Limb was eetin somof his signatural medium rare fishsticks wen Lucama an chromo kiked doun da door an ran towards lonk.

"YOU!" they both screamed.

"AH DONUT HERT MII!" yelloed honk.

"Then tell us your secret, you incestuous bastard!" exclaimed Chrom.

"hahahahhadhahahahhfkdhahahdhadhahdhkaha no. Elsa HAY LUCIHA U HOT excelpt u dont hav bobs. i gess i cold call u a FLAT character! HAHA FUNNY BECAUSE U DONT HAVE ANI BOOOOBOS!1"

"Are you kidding me?" said Lucina. "You do realize that you aren't the first person to make that joke, right?"

"Hahah i donr care! Hay u no mr game an watch? Yo-"

"How dare you talk to my daughter like that?!" screamed Chrom, kicking Link in his STD filled Deku Nuts.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111" screeched link as his balls were smashed (AN: GEEDDIT SMASHED LIKE SMASH BORS?!).

"Father, I can't believe you really stood up for me like that! Thank you for everything!" and the father-daughter team hugged.

"I'd do anything for you, Lucina!"

"EW GET A ROOM!" yeled kink and so they both kicked lonk's lonky place again.

"Now, let's go see what's in that suspicious looking closet and then get this place closed down for health code violations!" explained Lucina.

"And then we'll treat ourselves to some of my finest fishsticks, aged to perfection!"

"NO DONT GO IN DERE!" helled ginkgo.

As the duo opened the door, they were truly horrified by what was inside. Rows of cages were packed with starving Zoras, and the dead had the meat cut off their corpses and made into fishsticks. THAT'S RIGHT! Link has been committing genocide against the Zora and selling their flesh as fishsticks!

LATYER:

Linikl was tryin to escape form da cops because he's genocidal. He was in a gewtaway car beean driven by darunia. "I butter be getting payed alott 4 dis, bitch!" sed Rudania.

lonk lied an told him hed give him 50 bucks. but then the cops tooked out a rocket luncher and blowed up da cur, blasting ink awayan kilin Daruk I mean Darunia. he was blowed al da way to his house where navi was holden a gun at him.

"Hay navy wat ar u doin with that gun? r u gonna use it 2 shot urself?"

"No, Link. Things have to end here."

"water u takin aboot u cant kil me!?"

"I can kill you, and I must. I knew previously that you were evil, but I had no idea about the atrocities you have committed. You literally committed genocide against an entire race. I can't let you hurt any more people. This what you—the real you—would have wanted. Link, I know the good part of you that is still in there agrees with me."

"NO U CANT! wat abot da grate deku tree HEL KIL UR FAMALY or sum shit idunno!"

"The Great Deku Tree did threaten the lives of my family members, but the only thing is...the Deku Tree is dead. Remember when you burnt down that forest in Chapter 20? In doing so, you accidentally burnt him down. That means I'm free to kill you."

"NO NO NONON NO NO DONT DO IT AAAAH!"

"I'm so sorry Link," she said, her eyes filling up with tears. "Goodbye!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO—"

*BANG*

Whoopsies, lonk is dead.

AN: GASP NAVI KILLED LONK! That reminds me of the strong urge that I have to end Tim's meaningless existence. But will lonk come back? (cough cough yes cough cough) but the real question is HOW will he com bach! By the way, school actually started for me last week (school starts early in Florida), and so my Senior year has begun! I'll try to keep updating both of my stories as often as possible, although Pit Saves Canada will only be a few chapters long. Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed this Cheepter, and check out my new story if you would like!