Chapter 65: Link's Secret

AN: Hay duds! I hop u injured da last chip! This chip will bee aboot Lonk's DARK SECRET! BUT WHAT IS IT?! FIND OUT!11111111 I wish his secret was that he killed timmy becase tim sucks.

Chapter Sextyfore Recap!: Chromebook fineds fishy place, lonk runs it an wants 2 steel his busness, Cram will top him, he tris to gets Leucine 2 halp, shees busiy, he fimds lerks leptop, it has scarry crum/lusina lemon fanfic in it, crym is horrorfied, hucina fins him, he reructantry tels her aboot it, she is scarified an screems, she swores raveng, day goh 2 stup look, hank makes funs of retinas smulll brestestes, vroom kucks him in da bulls, lupine an cfrom are hapi, day go in2 secret room, link comitend genoscide agenst zoros, wtf, link runs form cops, navi catchens him, an she shootens him.

Chaptre beggin!

So linky bird died when navi shooted him and he deaded very lankily and deadly. I usually hate it when people die but I'll make an exception with this asshole.

"F*CK IM DED!" sed Linksys gost. his goats floated up to heven.

Lonk met an asian man at da gates of heven. "hay commie dude where am I?"

"Konichiwa! This is heaven. Good people go here when they have died."

"Yay am I going hear becase Im bean rewarded 4 kilen tuns of annoing children?"

"Actually, that is not the case. I regret to inform you that you have not made it into heaven."

"WHATUHTU!?"

"Instead, I will have to send you...directly...to Hell. Please understand."

With a snap of his fingers, Link was sent screaming into a portal to Hell.

LATER:

"F*CK IM IN HELL!" sed lonk angerly cuz hel sucks. "But litle dos any1 elsa no about my DARK ARK SECRET!"

Lenin had a dark, dank secret dat no1 este knew about. It was so dark that it was also secretive.

"Mi dark secret is...I SOLD MY SOUL 2 SATIN!" he evulled. "dats rite! I axchanged my Seoul so dat I will always get away with my crimes unteal da end of da story! Santa will bring me back with his powders evry time dat eye dye!"

THats right! Link uses the powers af satin 2 cum bach form da ded! Every time that Link dies, he is brought back to slightly before he died, and no one else will know anything EVEN NAVI! In actuality, that wasn't the first time that Navi killed Link, and it likely wouldn't be the last. So that's why link somehow hasn't gotten himself killed from being so stupid: he actually has been killed and he came back!

"hahahahahahahhahahahahhhahhahaha mwahahahahahaahhhhaaahahahhhahhgreg! I AM SEW COOL I WIL }GO BACH 2 HIRULE AN KILL TUNS OF PEEPS IM DA HERROW OF TIM AND THE GRATEST HEROE OF DEM AL!"

Link wented 2 a portal and it bringed him back 2 hirule. Since navi dident know abut his genocide she dident decided 2 kill him becase she hopes she can still save the reel lonk in his head.

"HEY NAVI IM HOME FROM HELL I mean Im home from normal stuffs YOU SUCK NAVI fu*k u!"

Navi was reading a book but it was probably actually yuri or something. "I-"

"NO U CANNUT SPEAK NAZI I WILL SEND U 2 YERE CAGE LIKE NICHOLUS CAGE GEDDIT THATS FUNNY NOW DO IT!"

Laetter:

Is it just me, or is Link being especially douchey today? thought Navi. He's an asshole every day, though, so it's probably nothing.

But it wasent really nothing GASP! THAT LINK THING WAS A REAL TWIST RIGHT GUYS RIGHT PLEASE COMPLIMENT ME I REELLY NEED IT!

Anyway we had enooph lonky and navvi 4 today now hears da tingling sensation.

MEMEWHILE WITH THE TINGLING SENSATION:

The snesation was having a partake alwthough theyy have partiis al da time so its not really anything especial.

Tingle was talking to his loyal horsy follower, Darth Epona. She was the only person that Tingle truly trusted with everything. "Master Tingle, it has come to my attention that Link has been killed earlier today."

"Again? That's the third time this week. But, this is to be expected for someone so horrifically idiotic. You've recorded any important information on the subject, correct?"

"Yes, my lord. I have also continued monitoring Ebony and Sara, although they haven't done much but get into childish fights."

EARLIER:

"Stup rite dere u gay amobination!" sed Sara.

"Ew Im not gay thats just gross!1" sed ebory.

"Stop with you're librul lyes!"

Than Enoby puled oot a jont of pat and begined smocking it.

"Dont do drugs Enoby or u wil go2 Hell" sara sed.

"I wont stop becuz im satinist and i want 2 go2 hell!"

"After the short argument that they took part in, they fought for a few minutes before retreating back to their bases."

"Well done, Epona. You've gotten a lot done today, so why don't you take the weekend off?"

Epona waited a second before answering. "Time off seems unnecessary. My focus is always on your happiness and Link's suffering, not partaking in social activities."

"Come on, Epona. You deserve a break, and I'll be happier if you get some time off!"

"As you wish, Master Tingle. Have you been hearing the voices again?"

"I have, in fact. I really don't mind hearing them, but they annoy Popplio, so I try to push them back. We should go check on the rest of the group, okay?"

"Yes, Lord Tingle."

The rest of the sensation was having bunches of funsies especially because Linkle wasn't there because Tingle told her that he found a hospital with very lax security for her to steal organs from.

L was gloomily shoving tons of candy into his mouth while crouching on the couch. "You feelin' okay?" asked Blair.

"No. My series' new movie came out recently, and it really sucks! Now I'm eating more candy than usual to drown my sorrows."

"I know what can make ya feel better!"

"Let me guess, you're going to ask to have sex like you always do. We get it, you're a slut."

"No, you f*ckin dick I was going to ask if you wanted to go to the amusement park with me, but fine, be a shithead." Blair angrily stormed out of the room while L sat there in confusion.

Karen, Moe, Nebby, and tentacle hentai Octavio were playing Mario Kart on the Switch and Karen won every time because she's played it for over 10,000 hours. After every loss, Moe screamed, DJ Octavio screamed but hammily, and Nebby cried in the closet because of all the noise. Once the commotion was over, they started chatting with Hannibal.

"Is it just me, or is someone missing?" questioned Hanny. "Besides Linkle, of course."

"I've felt the same thing, Pew Pew!"

Hannibal thought for a second. "Let's see...Tingle, Epona, L, Ben, Blair, DJ Octavio, Moe, Nebby, Karen, Nico, and I are all here, and Linkle is out being a dick, but one person is still missing! I wonder who it could be?" They still couldn't figure out the missing member by the end of the party.

"I have a great idea!" exclaimed Nico. "What if our team got a new mascot! I think I'm the perfect choice! I have such great charisma, cuteness-"

Ben interrupted the tiny idol. "How about instead of being the mascot we just kicked you out of the f*cking team. You know, I'm sick and tired of your annoying "cute" persona and your constant smugness."

"Oh, yeah? I'm tired of you acting like a f*cking edgy teenager all the time when you're actually in your 40s."

"Oh, yeah? Well-"

"CALM THE F*CK DOWN YOU LITTLE SHITS!" screamed Moe.

"Fine," said Nico pouting. "Does anyone want any tacos? My gf and I were going to Waluigi's Taco Stand tonight, and I could bring back some." Nico was dating a girl named Maki who also happened to be a human, gender-swapped Knuckles the echidna.

"Wait," said Ben. "You're gay!?"

"Duh, everyone on Love Live is gay."

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" he yelled so Hannibal kicked him in the shin.

"Stop being a homophobic shit, Ben," sed Handlebars.

"F*CK MY SHIN F*CK YOU HANNIBAL AND F*CK YOU NICO!"

Nico hissed at him in anger. But the angry look in her eyes was so terrifying that Ben screamed in scardedness and ran to his room.

"That was the most terrified I've ever been!" said Ben to himself as he hugged his Smile Dog plush. "I wanted to see something scary, but that's on a new level of horrifying! I'm convinced that Nico is literally Satan! It's like I could see the souls of her victims in her eyes." He suddenly had an idea. "There is only one possibly way to find out if she really is the devil! I can set up a Satan-summoning circle, and if she appears, I'll know its her!" He hoped that it wouldn't be her because he loved Satan but he'd pee his pants if satin was as scary as Nico.

After setting up the circle, he went through his complicated ritual. "Good, everything is working. Satan, I summon thee!"

"You called?" said Nico.

Ben screeched so loudly that the window broke and he jumped out of it. He started running and kept going until he reached the ocean and hid under a rock for an hour.

"Wtf, didn't he realize that I was right there the whole time?" asked Nico.

MURMWHILE:

"This is definitely it," said Yoshi. "Now that I have discovered the location of Tingle's hideout, we can begin the first meeting of the ANTI-TINGLING SENSATION!"

AN: GAAAASP! Not only does lonk have a dank secret, but the anti tingeing snensnation is hear 2! Next chapter may or may not be about the antitinglingsnensnnnention, but stay nuted for it evintuouly. I have a question for everyone: what type of chapter do you enjoy most? Ones about Link and Navi, ones about the Sensation, or other ones? Please tell me in the comments! Also, has everyone heard about the My Immortal news? Apparently the real Tara revealed herself or something. Before long I'll post a chapter that involves My Immortal and will reveal Tara's TRUE IDENTITY! tims treu identidy is bein stuped. Anyway, hopfully ill c u spoon!