A/N: originally published on 1/12/2020 as part of a gift exchange. i forgot to post it here, and am fixing that.
It starts in the Spring, after Sakura's birthday, but before the heat really kicks in. Cherry blossoms still litter the ground, as neither the wind nor any cleaning crews have pushed everything aside just yet. The weather is clear, the sun is casting strong shadows, and everyone is still energetic for the upcoming school year.
It is Saturday afternoon, just after school. Sakura has put away her school uniform, and she is doing her homework.
Normally Syaoran would be there with her, but he is currently at his apartment doing some business. From what Sakura understands, his sisters have all given up their positions of Head of the Clan as it came to them, and Syaoran is the last sibling in line. As such, he is being trained to take over the family management after he finishes university.
So Sakura is in her room, diligently doing her homework. Kero is playing a video game, and is being dutifully quiet since Sakura has asked him of it. The Cards are a gentle hum in the back of her mind, their magic spread so that they can see and hear beyond the Sakura Book.
Distantly, Sakura can also feel Yukito-and-Yue, feeling of duty shrouding them, so they are likely at one of their many part-time jobs. Sakura and all the beings connected through her are content. It is nice.
And this is why it starts: because Sakura is content. She is not feeling particularly energetic, but neither is she lethargic. It is a good middle ground, and though her mind is occupied as she goes through her homework, it is not taxing.
So, even as Sakura works from problem to problem, there is a corner of her mind that is focused on the elsewhere. It is the part of Sakura's mind that she associates with her intuition, the one that contains everything about herself that is magical. The part that is able to sense spirits and magic and anything that does not have a physical form, or the ability to communicate as humans are used to.
"I wonder what Tomoyo-chan is doing."
The thought pops into Sakura's head, mostly unprompted. And only mostly, because Sakura has spent so much time around and with Tomoyo that she is never far from her thoughts. Only Syaoran takes up more time in her head.
There is no clear line of thought from that first to the revelation. But there are a lot of images, and feelings, and memories, that come through.
The focus and care that Tomoyo gives everything she does, whether it is her sewing, or her singing. There is more enthusiasm when she makes Sakura clothes, but by no means does Tomoyo ever remotely neglect her other work.
That particular expression when Tomoyo sings. Not for choir, or when others ask, or simply when they are in a group and singing is the fun thing to do. It is the expression when Tomoyo sings because she loves to sing, and she is good at it. When Tomoyo sings for the simply joy of singing. Because Tomoyo wants to.
The dirt that Tomoyo inexplicably gets whenever she pulls out her camera. Because Tomoyo is unafraid of doing anything to get what she wants. It is a magic all her own, making her able to balance on top of things she normally would not. Or to crawl against the ground in the foliage, not caring of her own fears and still look nothing but presentable.
That look she gets when-
When-
"Oh."
Sakura pauses in her homework, and sets down her pencil. She does not make a sound beyond that, but something must come through the connection between her and her the others, because Kero pauses his game and turns to her.
"What's the matter, Sakura?" Kero asks, flying to hover in front of her.
Sakura blinks at him, and starts putting her homework away. It will hold; Sakura will have all of tomorrow to handle it. Right now, she has something to do. There is no need to keep a mess in the meantime.
"Nothing?" she offers, knowing full well how unconvincing she sounds.
Kero doesn't say anything, but the look he offers her is full skepticism.
When Sakura turns, she sees a Card hovering there. Sakura stares for a moment before she registers that she must have summoned it. The Card flips, and she sees that it is Fly.
"Where are you going?" Kero asks.
"To go and see Syaoran-kun," Sakura says. There would only be one reason why she would summon Fly without really realizing it.
Syaoran will help. It is a rule between the two of them. Only one of them is allowed to be an emotional mess at a time. The other gets to pull comforting and/or rational duty, depending on what is needed at the moment. Also, seeing Syaoran is generally just nice.
Kero studies her, and then reaches out to press a paw against her forehead. "Okay. But I'll be here if you need me, yeah? And I'll let the snow bunny know you're okay."
Sakura flushes at the reminder. Because, if Kero felt her reaction strongly enough to pause his game, then Yukito-and-Yue definitely would have. "Thanks, Kero-chan."
"It's not a problem," Kero says seriously, and Sakura can feel his sincerity.
Despite her current troubles, Sakura beams up at him. She loves him, she really really does. Sakura reaches up to hold his paw. "Yes."
Kero nods, and pats her forehead again. And with a flying loop, he deliberately ignores her and goes back to his video game.
"Okay," Sakura says. She grabs a jacket, some shoes, and her purse, making certain that she has everything she needs. Sakura is going to Syaoran's apartment, but she doesn't want to be caught unprepared.
Sakura taps Fly, and the Card emerges in a cloud of colored dust, taking shape of its smaller form. Fly lands in Sakura's arms, and she walks to the window to open. Fly chirps in her arms, wings rustling in excitement.
"Fly, become my wings!" Sakura says, and Fly does. With another burst of colored dust, Fly flows around her chest to settle between her shoulder blades. Not a second later does Sakura feel the wings emerge, and she becomes aware of that odd echo of two additional limbs.
Then Sakura takes to the sky, breathing deeply as she soars above the town and towards Syaoran's apartment. For now she focuses on speed, half her attention on Fly's glee at how fast they are going.
Tomoyo is in love with Sakura.
What does Sakura even do with that?
"Sakura?" Syaoran asks, confused, when he opens his balcony door.
Sakura is standing there, Fly already disengaged from her back and returned to Card form. Maybe she should have messaged ahead? Before Sakura can apologize or explain, Syaoran gets a good look at her face and stands aside.
"Come in, I'll make you some tea," he says.
"Thanks, Syaoran-kun," Sakura mumbles. She walks in and closes the door behind her, slipping her shoes off.
They are silent as Syaoran prepares some tea. He pours her a cup and waits until Sakura takes the cup from him. "What's wrong?" Syaoran asks.
"Nothing's wrong," Sakura says, certain, even with her own uncertainties. Love can never be wrong on its own. Tomoyo is in love with Sakura, and likely has been for years. No matter what Sakura feels, that's not wrong, and she refuses to even think it.
"But something is different," Syaoran says after a moment, "Otherwise, you wouldn't have been so startled you came here."
"I just-" Sakura swallows, and shifts lightly. "I just came to a realization is all."
Syaoran raises an eyebrow at her. "Some realization."
Sakura bites her lip, now that she thinks about it. Because Syaoran and Tomoyo love each other too. She knows this, has felt the currents of it around them both. It is not the same love she feels between her brother and Yukito, or her parents, or Chiharu and Yamazaki. But it is love.
And Syaoran would know if Sakura is imagining things or not. Because, as Sakura and Syaoran have things they won't tell Tomoyo, and Sakura and Tomoyo have things they will not tell Syaoran, Syaoran and Tomoyo have things they will not tell Sakura.
"Tomoyo is in love with me." Sakura blurts out, and then sips at her tea to cover up her nervousness.
Syaoran blinks at her, and there is a long moment of silence. It is awkward. That might just be Sakura, though. That was definitely an awkward way of saying it. Even if it was just a sentence.
"Ah," Syaoran says, and sets his own cup aside. He studies Sakura, clearly thinking something over.
"Syaoran-kun?" Sakura asks.
Syaoran smiles wryly at her. "Sakura, I've known that for years."
Sakura blinks at Syaoran in turn. "Oh."
"Yes, oh."
"Do you believe in love at first sight?" Tomoyo asks Syaoran.
"No," Syaoran decides after a moment.
Tomoyo tilts her head. "No?"
"Love is hard work," Syaoran says, repeating something he might have heard one of his sisters say. "It's a feeling, but it's such a deep and strong one that it builds over time. It is not an instant thing."
Tomoyo hums in agreement. "Then, perhaps, do you believe in the potential of love at first sight?"
"Yes," Syaoran says.
Because he had, in fact, seen it when he first met Tomoyo. That deep-set feeling of 'I could get to know you very well' that he had ignored. Because Tomoyo is Sakura's, and in the beginning, that made her an enemy.
"I felt it towards you," Syaoran says simply.
Tomoyo blinks, and Syaoran is gratified to see her blush. That never happens. "I felt that as well," Tomoyo returns serenely. But if Syaoran squints, he thinks she's being shy. Because, of course, Tomoyo knows full well that Syaoran does not mean romantically.
"What brought this up?" Syaoran asks after a minute.
Tomoyo smiles, and looks to the courtyard where the Cheerleading Club is practicing.
"Oh," Syaoran says.
"Are you surprised?" Tomoyo asks, curiously amused.
"Not really," Syaoran says. When he thinks about it, he is not. Mostly, Syaoran is surprised that Tomoyo brought it up at all. To him. "That's a long time to love someone and not tell them," he says eventually.
"Not too long, when we spend so much of it together," Tomoyo says simply. "She loves me. Maybe not in the way I would wish her to, but love is love in all its forms. Having her regard at all is a bright and wonderful thing."
Syaoran reaches out to to touch the back of Tomoyo's hand. This, he understands well.
"Tomoyo-san," Syaoran says when the phone picks up.
Sakura has gone home. She needs the time to think it over, and then she will come to an answer that suits her. Sakura never likes hurting people, but she is never unkind to herself, either. Which is why she goes off to think on her own, where others wouldn't interrupt. Advice is only welcome when she seeks it out.
"Syaoran-kun?" Tomoyo says, worried. "What is wrong?"
"Sakura knows that you're in love with her," Syaoran says quietly.
There is a pause on the other end of the phone.
"Oh," Tomoyo says. Then she takes a deep breath. "Well, I've always known that Sakura-chan would figure it out someday."
"Someday always feel further than when it actually happens," Syaoran says. He leans back against the wall. "Sakura will come to tell you on her own. She's thinking it over."
"Sakura-chan will come to an answer that suits her," Tomoyo says. She sighs. "It's always simpler to give advice when it doesn't apply to you."
"No matter what happens," Syaoran says, "I'll be here. Whenever you need me."
"Thank you, Syaoran-kun."
That night, Sakura goes flying. She twirls and dips and soars. Half of her attention is on the movement, splitting control with Fly, who will not let her fall. The other half is on the situation at hand.
Well. Situation makes it seem negative, when it is not. Sakura is confused. Tomoyo loves her, and has loved her, and will likely continue to love Sakura. But Sakura did not know before, and Sakura always acts awkwardly when presented with something like this.
In hindsight, there are a lot of moments that Sakura is mentally berating herself about. Tomoyo is not exactly subtle about her feelings.
"How you feel is different than how I feel," Sakura mumbles. Then she bites her fist so she does not scream from embarrassment.
A small poke of pay attention from Fly interrupts her thought. So Sakura does. She does a slow twirl in the air, looking for what Fly noticed.
Yue is flying up to meet with her at a decent clip. He is not rushing, as this is a habit they are both used to by now. It is the middle of the night, and Sakura is flying. Therefore, Yue comes to fly with her.
"Master," Yue greets when he is level with her.
Sakura does not like the term itself, in the context that it is used. But she has come to understand how Yue uses it. In the beginning, it was grudging, if respectful. Then it became standard, with affection thrown in. Now, there is a deep feeling of love associated with it.
You are mine, and I am yours, and no one can take that away.
Sakura supposes that it makes more sense as a created being. Because if Sakura just listens, Yue says Master in the same way that Kero says her name.
"Yue-san," Sakura greets in turn. Yukito is there in the back of his eyes, and Sakura is grateful that the barriers between them are being broken down.
They spend the next several minutes just flying together. It is a game now, to see how close they can fly together without hitting each other. They are very good at it now, but there were many accidents in the beginning.
"You are thinking hard about something," Yue says into the silence, when they have spread their wings to rest on some thermals. For all the magic involved so that they move despite what physics says, flying is best when they work with it.
Sakura takes a breath. "Is it possible to be in love with more than one person?"
Yue turns to look at her. He thinks hard about it, and Sakura can feel him speaking with Yukito as well, safe to do so this high up where they run no risk of flying into something. Yue will not say something to appease her as his Master, but he will take it seriously.
Several minutes later, Yue asks, "Do you love both your father and your brother?"
"Yes," Sakura responds immediately. Of course she does; they are her earliest memory, and a cornerstone for all that she has become.
"Then why would it not be possible for you to be in love with more than one person?" Yue asks. He looks off into the distance, and brings his hand up to his lip, as if remembering a kiss.
Oh. Sakura does not like thinking about her brother's love life beyond the fact that he has one, but maybe she could have thought about it just a little bit. Of course Yue is a part of Touya and Yukito's relationship.
"Love is love," Sakura says. She feels familial love for more than one person, and it is understood that she can expand that love to others. Logically, that means she can feel romantic love and expand that love to others as well.
"Love is not a finite thing," Yue says, "And yet, love is a feeling. It has no bearing on a relationship."
"No," Sakura agrees, because Tomoyo never let it change. Tomoyo is her best friend, and no matter what Sakura decides, she refuses to let that change either.
"Do you want it to affect a relationship?" Yue asks.
"I don't know," Sakura says. Maybe.
Yue reaches out to cup her cheek. They are only hovering now, so it is not so awkward a motion. "How you feel is how you feel. But relationships take more than one person. If you wish to expand your relationship, then you must communicate with all involved."
Sakura reaches up to place her hand of his. Yue's hands are always slightly cool, but it is a comforting touch. "Thank you."
As much as Sakura would love to just rush to visit Syaoran again, it is the middle of the night. Sakura is more conscientious than that. Also, Yue informed her that they were both night owls, and Syaoran would be happy to see her, it would be incredibly rude to barge in. Especially if they were to have a serious conversation.
So the next day, after breakfast, Sakura absolutely flies to Syaoran's apartment. This time she even sent a text beforehand, which means the balcony door is open for her.
"Good morning," Sakura says and closes the door.
"Good morning, Sakura," Syaoran greets from the kitchen. He is carrying a tea tray. "You wanted to talk?"
"Yes," Sakura nods. She might be coasting on adrenaline at this point. But she has also made a decision. And once Sakura decides something, she does it, because she already got all of her second-guessing out of the way.
"You've made your decision," Syaoran says, studying her, and placing the tray on the table. He goes through the motion of pouring them tea.
"Yes. But I will not do anything without your input." Sakura says.
"What is it?"
Sakura takes a deep breath. "With your permission, I will go to Tomoyo-chan and ask if she would like to start dating me."
Syaoran blinks at her, clearly startled. He likely did not expect Sakura to be so straightforward. He really should have.
The thing is: Sakura has loved Tomoyo for longer than she has known Syaoran. The nature of their relationship might change, but the love will not. The shape of that love might change, but the amount will not. And Sakura has always been so very, very comfortable with Tomoyo in her life.
"And you need my permission?" Syaoran asks.
"Of course," Sakura says, surprised he even had to ask. "It affects you too. I love you, and I would not do anything that would hurt you."
Syaoran ducks his head, blushing lightly, but he nods. He looks at her and asks, "Do you love Tomoyo-san?"
At this, Sakura rolls her eyes. "I think you mean to ask if I am in love with her."
Syaoran snorts lightly. "Yes, that."
"No," Sakura says, and grips her teacup. "But I can see how easily I could be."
Syaoran looks off to the side, clearly in thought. Sakura lets him be. It is a big decision, and for all that Sakura knows that Syaoran and Tomoyo love each other, that is different than what she is asking of him.
And Sakura really did mean it. If Syaoran said 'no, I would not like that' then Sakura would not ask anything of Tomoyo. And Sakura knows that Tomoyo would understand. In fact, she would likely refuse if Sakura asked regardless of what Syaoran said.
Syaoran sighs after several minutes. "Do you know what my relationship with Tomoyo-san is?"
"No." Sakura says. He is not talking about the friendship they do have.
"I would say," Syaoran says slowly, "That if you were not in either of our lives, I could see Tomoyo-san and I spending our lives together. Not romantically, though it might have all the markers of a romantic relationship."
"A partnership?" Sakura offers, thinking it over. "Living together, sharing resources, raising children together."
"Yes," Syaoran agrees, relieved at her understanding. "We are not like that, though we are good friends. But I could see us being that. Even now, given enough time, we could become like that."
"You two are easy around each other," Sakura says.
Now that she is thinking of their relationship with this explanation, it makes sense. It is different than how her relationship started with Syaoran. Sakura and Syaoran are easy with each other now, but the beginning of their relationship was delightfully awkward. Tomoyo has enough recordings to prove it.
"That is one way to put it," Syaoran says, "There was no pressure for anything beyond friendship in the start, so we ended up in a place that is stronger than. Or could be."
Sakura nods in understanding. "And?" she leads. Syaoran did not actually answer her question.
Syaoran breathes. Once. Twice. "Go ask Tomoyo-san. How we feel for each other will not change, no matter what you decide. But your heart is large enough for the whole world, and this will make you happy."
Sakura practically leaps over the coffee table to wrap him in a hug.
Sakura, contrary to the giddy feeling in her chest, does not immediately fly off to see Tomoyo. For one, that would be rude, for another, it would be difficult to explain to the staff. The household keeps track of who comes and goes.
So Sakura sends Tomoyo a message that she is coming to speak with her, flies most of the way, and then walks to the front gate.
The maids let her in without question. At this point, they all know her, and know her well. Other than making sure that Sakura gets in and that the gate locks behind her, they do not bother escorting her to Tomoyo's room. A maid goes off to prepare them some snacks, but nothing more.
Sakura takes a fortifying breath and knocks on the door.
"Come in," Tomoyo says, and Sakura enters the room. Tomoyo is on her lounge chair, some knitting in her hands.
"Good morning, Tomoyo-chan," Sakura greets, and goes to sit in the chair across from her.
"Good morning, Sakura-chan," Tomoyo returns, and carefully sets her knitting aside.
"Yesterday afternoon, I realized that you're in love with me," Sakura says.
"I am," Tomoyo replies, smiling serenely. Sakura does not wince, though she wants to. Tomoyo has a wonderful poker face, but Sakura can feel that anxiety that enshrouds her.
Sakura bites her lip. "I'm not- I am not going to ask why you haven't said anything specific, because I've realized how often you implied it. And I am still embarrassed about how oblivious I was."
She may have screamed into a pillow last night, to Kero's confusion and worry. And then to his laughter when she told him why she was screaming. Because everyone but Sakura, apparently, had known how Tomoyo felt about her. Which only made her scream some more.
"It's cute," Tomoyo says, and the anxiety settles a bit. It's still there, but it's not so rough.
"And then I went to talk with Syaoran-kun about it, and he told me that he knew for years. And then I flew with Yue-san last night, and he didn't say anything, but he implied he knew as well. Which means Yukito-san knows. And that means Onii-chan knows, but I didn't ask him, because absolutely not, though why he doesn't pretend to hate you like he does Syaoran-kun is just rude, actually." Sakura takes a breath, having not done so while she rambled. "And then I had a very intense emotional screaming session into my pillow because I needed it."
Sakura refuses to ask how many others in their friend group knows. She is mortified enough, thank you. She does not need any more added to it. Besides, Sakura has the feeling that everyone will tell her regardless when they go back to school on Monday.
If Sakura learns that her father knows, who is oblivious not because he actually is, but because he only has so much emotional energy to hand out, Sakura will have a fit.
"You had an eventful night, didn't you?" Tomoyo asks. She is pressing a hand to her mouth to hide her smile. She only does that when she is amused at someone else's expense.
"I did," Sakura agrees, "And this morning I went back to Syaoran-kun's, because I had to ask him a question. Turns out that screaming into a pillow for several minutes helps me to understand my feelings."
"Catharsis is often necessary if you're feeling overwhelmed," Tomoyo says wisely. She motions to her closet where she keeps the clothes she makes. "I love making clothes, but there are several costumes that come from working through anxiety." She also motions to her knitting. "And when I need to think, or to do something mindless, I prefer to knit or crochet."
Sakura nods. "So I spoke with Syaoran-kun, and agreed to what I asked him. Which is why I came here straight from his apartment."
"And what did you ask him?" Tomoyo asks.
Sakura breathes deeply. "I asked him if he would be alright with me asking you something."
"And that is?"
"Tomoyo-chan," Sakura says, gripping her skirt. Tomoyo will be upset about the wrinkles she is making when she thinks about it. "Will you go out with me?"
There is a pause as Tomoyo stills, and she stares at Sakura blankly. She looks like she cannot quite believe what Sakura has just asked her. Sakura waits patiently; Tomoyo will give her a reply eventually.
After several minutes, Tomoyo takes a breath. She does not ask Sakura if she's serious. They both know each other too well, and trust each other besides. And Sakura would not ask this as a joke. But anxiety can be mean, so Tomoyo needs time to reassure herself of that.
"You are not in love with me," Tomoyo says. It is not an accusation, but a leading question.
Sakura shakes her head. She moves to kneel in front of Tomoyo, to grab her hands and look up at her. Sakura has inherited her father's height, so the difference is not so great. "I love you, but I am not in love with you. But. I can fall in love with you, given some time. And I would like to date you with the intention of it."
Tomoyo's breath hitches, and her eyes tear up. "Oh."
Sakura cried last night too when she realized what she wanted to do. So she reaches up with her sleeve to wipe her tears away. They sit like that for a couple of minutes as Tomoyo comes to terms with that.
"Yes," Tomoyo says. She leans forward to press their foreheads together. "Yes, I would like to go out with you."
Tomoyo smiles at her, and it's one of the prettiest smiles Sakura has ever seen.
"Syaoran-kun said that you could have been a partnership, if you met without me around," Sakura says later.
They have had their discussions about what is to come. Because though they might be doing everything that they already are doing, the intention is different. Which means that everything will be changing.
Tomoyo tilts her head in thought. "He's not wrong. I can see how it could have happened. It's similar to what my parents had, though my father has been gone for years now. They loved each other, enough to have me, but I know that they were never in love. Were I to marry a man, I would be happy for it to be Syaoran-kun."
"I've spoken with Syaoran-kun, and now with you. But I think that you need to speak with him as well," Sakura says, "There are three people in this relationship now. And I do know that you talk about things that I'm not aware of."
"I will," Tomoyo promises.
Tomoyo escorts Sakura to the gate. It is late afternoon, and Sakura really does need to return home. Especially since she has homework she needs to finish.
"Get home safely," Tomoyo says. She hands Sakura the small bag the maids had given her as they left the building. It is filled with soft pastries from the maids. Kero definitely will complain if Sakura returns home without a goodie bag.
"I will," Sakura says. She turns to leave, but pauses. There is something else…
"Sakura-chan?"
Sakura takes a breath and turns back to Tomoyo. "Can I kiss you?"
Tomoyo blinks, and then flushes lightly. Oh! Tomoyo rarely blushes, and it is always a treat. For all that she has no magic, Tomoyo has the supernatural ability to control the blood flow to her face. Somehow.
"Yes," Tomoyo stutters.
Cute. Sakura thinks gleefully.
Sakura reaches out to grab Tomoyo's hand, and leans in to press their lips together.
It is soft. Tomoyo wears lip balm to keep her lips from cracking. Singing, and singing as often as she does, dries the skin out.
It is warm. Tomoyo tends to feel warmer, because her hair is long, and her clothes covers more skin.
There is a faint floral scent. It is a perfume that Tomoyo has been wearing for the past half year or so, and it is noticeable this close to her.
Tomoyo is not hesitant in that she's uncertain. She is hesitant in that she has never kissed anyone before. Sakura has, and so she leads the kiss. It is closed mouth, and chaste, but it is firm. Sakura makes sure that it is noticeable.
There are times for feather-soft kisses, but this is not one of them.
It is only a few seconds, but those seconds are very long indeed. When Sakura leans back, Tomoyo blinks dazedly at her. She brings up a hand to her lips.
"I'll see you tomorrow," Sakura promises. They walk together in the morning.
"Yes," Tomoyo agrees absentmindedly.
The gate opens, and Sakura goes to leave. Then, just before she exits the threshold, Sakura leans in quickly for another kiss. This one is off center because Tomoyo still has her hand pressed to her lips, but it catches the corner. Tomoyo flushes again at the sudden action.
Sakura beams at her, and leaves. She is looking forward to falling in love with Tomoyo. She already might be, or might have been, for years now.
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