This chapter was written at the prompt of Pokémon Guest. I would like to thank my Beta Reader, as well as everyone who left comments on my stories. Thank You! Please comment and review.
There is a pirate ship sinking in Lake Michigan. It had been a good pirate ship: it was made of dark-colored wood, with a snarling sea-monster figurehead at the prow and some scarily effective laser-cannons on deck. This ship, which had terrorized the shipping lanes of the Great Lakes for the past two months was now being claimed by the tides.
"So much for a captain always going down with his ship," Metro Man quipped as the deck sank beneath the water. Megamind stood on the deck of a Coast Guard boat, soaked to the bone and under the watchful eyes of four burly crewmembers. For a moment he seemed sad as he watched the magnificent ship sink- but then he caught Metro Man looking and scowled.
"Ye can't keep a Pirate King down for long, matey!" he shouted, making a game attempt at shaking his fist while handcuffed. "I'll get you yet, you scurvy dog, and then Metrocity will kneel before the might of MEGAMIND: Incredibly Handsome Pirate Scallywag and Master of the Seven Seas!"
"This. Is. A. LAKE!" Metro Man growled. "That dumb pirate-ship never touched a drop of salt-water and you know it! And would you please stop with that hokey pirate talk?!"
"Piracy is piracy; local salinization levels are irrelevant," Megamind said flatly, dropping the accent. "And since you've destroyed Glauketas the Parrot of Piracy, my ship, and the map to the loot-"
"You actually made a map to where you put the stolen goods?!" The Coast-Guards looked extremely interested. Megamind had stolen quite a lot of merchandise ( ...all of it perfectly legal merchandise, of course; it wasn't as if any of the ships were trafficking drugs or contraband; that would be ridiculous…) over the past two months. Megamind smiled.
"Yes, of course I made a treasure map. I am- was- a pirate Captain; it's what you do. Of course," he added, raising an eyebrow. The surrounding Metro Man and the nearby Coast Guards drew in closer. Megamind turned away from the wreck of his ship and faced his audience. "The map was, of course, destroyed when Metro Man attacked the ship," he said cooly, steepling his fingers. "If that fire didn't destroy it, the water will have. Oh well, Cie la Vie. I suppose the forces of Good should have made sure I didn't have anything they wanted to steal before they went and destroyed my things."
"You've got a lot of nerve talking like that, you little son of a-"
"Ah, ah ah!" Megamind crowed. "You wouldn't want to disappoint your mother by using bad language, now would you?" he said, tilting his head toward the cabin, in which Lady Tiffany Scott- Metro Man's mother- was being treated for hypothermia. The waters of Lake Michigan are cold even in June, and one cannot expect hostages to always be entirely unharmed.
Metro Man snarled his expression dark and dangerous- and then he seemed to flicker, to disappear for just the barest instant, and he was smiling his trade-mark grin again, and it was only slightly hard-edged. It was so fast, one could hardly say for certain whether or not it had happened at all.
"If you gentlemen don't mind, I think I ought to take Megamind back shore and have him put in police custody," he said, tone friendly yet authoritative. The Captain looked him in the eye.
"We will of course turn him over to you," he replied. "And I trust that the waterways in this area will be safe again, for quite some time." The Captain had a mother as well, as did most of his crew. If Megamind arrived at the police station bleeding and unable to walk, the Coast Guard would be willing to testify that the injuries had occurred during the shipwreck.
Metro Man swooped down and threw Megamind over his shoulder fireman-style, waved a salute towards the Coast Guard, and flew away towards the Metro City harbor. He and Megamind would be having words before he turned him over to the police.
They landed on top of the Stanton-Price Building: not the tallest skyscraper in the Metro City skyline, but then, it didn't need to be. Megamind only stumbled a little as Metro Man set him down on the concrete roof. The early-evening sun was casting its rays on them: a drenched and shivering supervillain in black pirate motley and a pissed-off superhero in slightly singed white uniform, alone at the top of a tower. Megamind was very carefully aware of the edge, and the drop, and the fact there wasn't an entrance to the main building on this particular rooftop.
"Do you have something to say, Hero?" he drawled, shivering slightly as breeze touched his still-dripping costume. "Or are we just stopping here so you can catch your breath?" Metro Man loomed over him, both feet planted firmly on the ground.
"I want you to stop targeting my family."
"And I want to rule this city with an iron fist," Megamind replied, examining his nails. "I'm sure we could find an arrangement in which we both get what we want. What say you, and the Scott family, leave Metrocity and cede the title of Overlord to me?" Metro Man glared.
"Counterproposal: you stop trying to take over the city, and never touch my Mother again, and I'll refrain from drop-kicking you off a building." Megamind threw his head back and laughed.
"You really expect me to believe you'd commit murder, Metro Mahn? I'm sorry, but you can't seriously expect me to believe you'd risk tarnishing your pristine reputation like that."
"Never underestimate how far a good man will go to protect his family," Metro Man said, eyes hard. Megamind just shook his head.
"Again with that pretentious alias, Wayne! But I suppose you are technically an adult now. Old enough to drink and everything! So I suppose I really should stop mocking you for calling yourself a man, even if you did start at 16."
"Get off your high horse," he retorted. "You're a few months younger than me! And don't try to change the subject. What the hell makes you think it's okay to take my mother as a hostage?!"
"Is this a real question?" Megamind asked, raising an eyebrow. "First of all, I'm Evil. Kidnapping, blackmail, playing dirty: it's kinda my thing.
"Second of all, it's not like I have a huge host of viable hostages to choose from. Your relationship with your father is… imperfect, and you stand to inherit quite a lot of money when he dies, Trust-fund Boy, so he's right out. You have no extended family in the area, and your close friends are all too irritating for me to voluntarily spend time with even if they are bound and gagged. You don't even have a girlfriend!" Megamind shook his head. "Frankly Wayne, Lady Scott is the only truly viable hostage I've been able to find to use against you!
"And thirdly," he continued, voice hard, "It's not as if you've ever hesitated to hurt my family, or to hold my family hostage. I am nothing if not willing to return all I am given- with interest."
"Wha- wait. What?" Metro Man stared at him. "I… didn't think you had any family. I'm pretty sure I never saw any blue people aside from you, and even if I did, I think I'd remember holding them hostage. Unless you're claiming you have a twin and I've never met both of you at the same time?" Megamind looked at him with contempt.
"You really are as thick-skulled now as you were in grade-shool. I may be the only blue person on this savage backwater of a planet, but I do have some family here. You've met him. We all went to school together, until he had to drop out for safety reasons, of course. Or, if your inferior memory is still giving you trouble, you may recall my First Mate from earlier today. Does that ring any bells for you, goody two-shoes?"
"Minion?" Metro Man shook his head in disbelief. "You.. you're saying you actually think of that fish as family? I thought he was your pet-"
"You've heard Minion talk," Megamind said flatly. "You've witnessed him operating complex machinery. You've interacted with him on a semi-regular basis for years. And you thought… that he was a pet."
"Okay, when you put it like that, it doesn't sound good, but- but come on! It- He- he's not human! How-"
"You are not human. I am not human. I have known Minion my entire life. He is sentient. He is family. And if you hurt one of mine, I will hurt one of yours. Understand?"
"I am too human. And when have I ever-"
"Metro Man. Wayne Scott. You are an alien. Accept it and focus on the topic at hand."
"As I was saying," Metro Man said through gritted teeth, "When have I ever threatened Minion or held him hostage? You threatened my mother's life. She can't swim. She could have died when she fell- when you dropped her into the Lake! Now in what twisted version of justice is that a fair version of payback for whatever it is you seem to think I did?"
"Every time Minion is captured, his life is in danger," Megamind stated coldly. "Legally, he is considered an animal. People have to stand trial before they're given the death penalty. There's a lot less paperwork involved in putting a dangerous animal to sleep." Metro Man's eyes widened. "And of course, when he's captured and I get away, they always try to set up an ambush. Occasionally, they'll try to do an exchange of hostages: Minion in exchange for the stolen goods!" Megamind smiled suddenly, his grin twisted and too-wide and very, very evil. "Everything I'm given, I pay back with interest."
"So if people made sure that Minion was safe and well-treated when he was captured, and nobody tried to have him put down or anything, would you stop kidnapping people?" Metro Man asked, authority warring with uncertainty in his voice.
"I'd make sure any hostages in my custody were… well-treated. And perhaps I would refrain from targeting your family members," he said with a shrug. "But really, I can't make any promises. I'm the bad guy. A hostage can be a vital bargaining chip in many situations." Metro Man frowned, and then nodded.
"You understand that if she had died- that if you ever killed anyone- you'd be at the bottom of Lake Michigan with a hole in your head?"
"A watery tomb, out of the clutches of dissection-happy scientists?" Megamind asked, touching his hand to his heart. "That's very thoughtful of you, to plan such wonderful funeral arrangements for me! I'm touched, I really am." He smiled again. It was a strange smile, Evil, but strangely sincere, and when he spoke again, there was no doubt in Metro Man's mind that he meant every word. "You understand that if you kill Minion, I'll make the streets of Metrocity red with blood, starting with the Scotts, and that if you kill me, Minion and my failsafe robots will get revenge on my behalf." It wasn't a question. Metro Man looked him in the eye, his mouth flat.
"I think we understand each other just fine, Megamind"
They arrived at the police station a few minutes later. Megamind was charged with kidnapping, assault with a deadly weapon, fraud, theft, piracy, trafficking, operating a boat without a license, and contempt of court. He was sentenced to a lifetime in prison.
Megamind escaped three weeks later, with the aid of a certain ichthyoid henchman. In subsequent years, Metro Man was rarely able to catch Minion before he escaped to help his Master another day. On the rare instances when he was brought into police custody, Metro Man quietly made certain that there was no talk having him put down, and if money changed hands over this matter… well, who's to know? There were stakes in this war, this feud, this game… and nobody really wanted the stakes to be raised.
There was an… Understanding.
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