Chapter 78: Tumblr Rumble
AN: Wow, its been so long since I updated this story, over a year! I really haven't had the motivation to write for a while, and I really don't like this story as much as I used to. Looking back, the whole thing just seems very immature and unfunny, but I might as well continue writing now that I have a little more motivation. Don't expect me to post often, but I'll just post a new chapter whenever I feel like it. I am not sure if there will ever be an official end to this story, but it won't end just yet. Also, it is past the four year anniversary of this story being written! That's right, Tingles Raveng has been around for four years! Time really does fly. I remember that time I decided to write this story as a joke after reading My Immortal and Mishohn From God, and this story soon evolved into something else. Thank you all for liking this story (for some reason). I am happy to provide you with some good times and carry on the legacy of the great trollfics of the past. I wish i cold carry tim to the trash WHERE HE BOLONGS!
Chapter Seaventyseaven Recap!: Tignle and Angola are in hosipital cuz he dyin, tinglej tell story bout termina, skull kid becum hero maned skull man, Kafei sidekick named zika, lonk is in video that is bad, pika mean to skull man, they leave for emergency, funny Nutshack joke, bomb kill some peeps, it was by sonichu who was venom, they beet sonichu but café kills him out of evil and betray, skullman is sad, tingle kill anklel, angle is SNAS UNDERTURTLE and Knuckles is Papyru!
Chaptre beggin!
In the Hyrule, it has been a long time since the chapter was. Since the last, Link died after being eat by pirahnas and ouch. Navi is alive again and is trying to live a normal life in this fucked up world since H/yrule is worse than Florida, New Jersey, and Texas concubined. Sara has been working on her presidential campaign when suddenly a second Sara showed up from that other Supper Smash Bros story. Maybe well find out wat will hapen with taht later!
At the mall:
Navi was at the mall watching some tv at Chrom's Fishstick Restaurant with someother people.
TV say: "Welcome to another exiting episode of Sakurai's Nintendo Fanfiction!" said Sakurai Mashman. "On today's episode we will be talking about a well known story, SONIC HIGH SCHOOL. To discuss it, here is a special guest named Inkling Speed Weed!"
"Woomy" said Inkling Speed Weed.
Suddenly, someone changed the channel! It was…EBONY!
"Hey, we were watching something! What gives you the right to just change the channel!" exclaimed that black and white painting that is in Frasier Crane's apartment on the popular sitcom Frasier.
Enoby slapped the painting away. "shut the fuck up prep, watever u were watching sucks and what i watch will be way better. Now fuck of preppy cumslut!"
Everyone grumbled and walked away except for enoby who changed the tellyvision to her favorite channel, the Hot Topic Channel. Then a breaking news came on!
"BREAKING NEWS!" yelled the tv announcer who was named Good Charlotte. "My Chemjical Romance is BACK TOGETHER!"
"WTF" yelled Enoby.
"That's right enoby, Mcr is finally back for the first time in years!"
"WTF"
"Make sure you go to their special reuinion concert! They will be performing at bike fest, but not like motorcycle bike fest, but bike fest with regular bicycles. They will be performing alongside the Four Fat Sluts, μ's, the Red Hot Chile Peppers (the Chilean cover band of the Red Hot Chili Peppers), those guys who sang Cotton eyed joe, Yo-Yo Ma, the Kiev Philharmonic Orchestra, and my band instructor on the kazoo. Make sure you come to this amazing concert and see mcr, but buy your tickets soon be4 they are Soul'd Out!"
"UNHOLY FUCKING SHIT OH MY SATAN OH SATAN OH FUCK ITS MCR ITS MCR THEIR BACK OH FUCK OH YES GERARD WAY IS BACK OH YES YES YES YES YES THIS IS THE GREATEST DAY OF MY LIFE!"
Everyone else stared on in confusion as Enoby was freaking out and getting overly aroused and cutting herself. Then she started singing in happiness.
"long ago
just like the horse you dye to get in agen
We are so far from u
Burning on
just like the match yu strike 2 incinerate
The lives of everyone you no
And whats the worst you take
From every heart you break
And like the blade yule stane
Well ive ben holding on tonite
Whats da worst that I can say?
Things are beter if I stay
So long and goodnite
So long and goodnite"
Enoby finished the rest of her song and then burst over to someone's laptop and stole it to buy tickets for the concert. But…IT WAS SOLD OUT!
"HISS!111" hissed enoby in anger. "HOW COULD THIS BE THIS MUST BE CUZ OF DA PREPS TRYIGN TO BUY TICKETS JUST TO KEEP ME FROM GOING WELL THIS WONT STOP ME THOSE FUCKING PREPS CANT STOP ME!"
She ran away to plan how to get to the concert while Navi and everyone else stayed there like normal.
In the kitchen Chrom was bossing the workers around to make the best fishsticks possible. "WORK IT WORK IT WORK IT! Come on guys, you aren't working hard enough on these fishsticks! You, newbie!" yelled Chrom to Edelgard, also known as Sexy Hitler. She works for Chrom alongside a lot of other Fire Emblem characters.
"You're working this fryer all wrong!" continued Chrom. "You need to hold it with two hands, but only use three fingers on each hand. Keep one hand on the top and one on the bottom and switch hands every three seconds! This is the only way to get the maximum crisp!"
"Why does this even matter?" scoffed Sexy Hitler.
"Are you fucking braindead? 'Why does it even matter,' that is the most hilarious thing I have ever heard in my life. Did you hear what she said, other newbie?" Chrom turned to Hero who doesn't even really work there but accidentally walked in and Chrom assumed he was a Fire Emblem character and made him work on battering the sticks. "This bitch be trippin' if she thinks that don't matter!"
"You know what, I quit!" yelled Sexy Hitler in disgust.
"What?! You can't quit!"
"Yes I can, and I'm out of here!"
"I quit too!" exclaimed Dmitri.
"Me too!" said Claude, walking away on the ceiling.
Boy Byleth and girl Byleth both agreed as well, drinking salty tears.
Everyone, even Lucina, quit because Chrom was so mean to them.
"Oh Fishstick Gods, what have I done! I need to save this restaurant. But to do this, I must power up!" Like Popeye but with fishsticks, Chrom shoved a fuckton of fishsticks into his mouth and got mega swole, even turning supersayan but with fishsticks. He became so fast that he could do every single job at once to make the fishsticks, even working the cash register.
Meanwhile, Navi was waiting for her fishsticks, when she saw a flash of light and her food instantly appeared on the table. "I don't have any idea how these got here, but these are some damn good fish sticks."
"NOT SO FAST!" yelled an unnown person. It was…Dark Pit!
"Which Dark Pit are you supposed to be? There are so many that show up around here. Are you Hot Topic Krew Pittoo, Tumblr Pittoo, Pit2—"
"Im tumblr pittoo and I have a message 4 u! U! Just! Got! CANCELLED!"
"What are you talking about?"
"Donut act like u dont no what u did!"
"Seriously, what did I do?"
"Da last time u posted on tumblr, you reblogged a post by someone who one time reblogged a post by someone on a loli porn account!"
"Okay, but how do you expect me to know absolutely everything about every person I reblogged a post of? Also, I haven't used Tumblr in two years!"
"DON'T MAKE EXCUSES PEDO! IM TAKING YOU TO DIE FOR BEING A PEDO! #Naviisoverparty!"
Suddenly, a portal opened up and Navi fell in it. She appeared into a jail cell with some other people. "Where the hell am I?"
"This is what that angel guy calls 'cancelled jail,'" said a prisoner. "All of us were kidnapped by him because he said that we were cancelled. He said that he is going to execute us on air as punishment for whatever wrongdoings he claimed we did."
"So what are all of you in for?"
"When I was 18, I dated a 17 year old," said one person. "Pittoo said that I was a pedophile because of this."
"I wrote a novel with a transgender main character, but he said that it wasn't accurate to the trans experience and cancelled me. This is despite the fact that I am trans and I based the story on my own experiences."
"I watched a tv show that he said was problematic."
"I said that a 16 year old was hot and he called me a pedophile, even though I'm also 16."
"When I was 12, I said that gay people were weird, even though I'm 18 now and I've completely changed since then and I support gay rights."
"And what about you?" Navi asked the last person. It was…Snap from My Immortal!
"I run a child sex trafficking ring and I am a serial rapist!"
"What the fuck?!" yelled Navi in horror. "Why the hell are we being grouped in with an actual pedophile and rapist?"
"Thats becuz ur all the same!" yelled Tumblr Pittoo.
"How is someone dating someone one year apart from themselves or showing attraction to someone their own age the same being a rapist?"
"THERE IS NO DIFERENSE! A pedo is a peta and u r 1! All off u deserve 2 die, but the public wood do nothing about tis! luckily i am her 2 change things! I am the judge, judy, and exeggutor! This is canceld court, and u are all centenced to cancel and DEATH! I will kill all u pedos!" Pittoo was an anti and lives in a twisted, black and white world, not believing in anything like forgiveness or logic or understanding of morals.
"No 1 can stop me because the president of tumber gave me superpowers! The only way for me 2 lose these pwers is for tumbrl to shut down! Wait, where are you going?!"
Navi slipped through the prison bars because she is tiny and used Pittoo's portal machine to teleport to the Tumblr headquarters.
AT THE TUMBLR DEADWHOREDERS:
Navi appeared at what looked like a trashy, random city alley. There was only one metal door with an intercom system next to it.
"Is this really the headquarters? I guess I should press this button."
Someone started talking through the intercom. "This is the Tumblr Headquarters, state why you are here."
"I had an appointment with the president of Tumblr."
"…You can only enter if you know the code. I like your shoelaces."
"Thanks, I stole them from the president."
Suddenly, the door opened and Navi floated in. "That was easier than I expected." She went into a room, only to realize that it was a dead end. Then a trapdoor opened up and Navi fell in.
She landed in a ball pit in a big warehouse. "Gross, why does this smell like piss?"
The headquarters was mostly empty, except for a few peeps working on computers. There was one guy in a hoodie eating ramen on a throne like the one on game of thrones if the show had a good last season and also it didn't' look like that throne it was pretty different but it was a throne none the less. It was blue, the color of tumblr, and it was poorly painted over with a new shade of blue after they updated the website.
The ramen-eating man on the throne looked like he hadn't left this place in years. "Well well well, I have been waiting for you Navi."
"Who are you?"
"I am the president of Tumblr, Tervis Tumblr! I was the one who supplied Pittoo with his powers."
"But why? Do you believe in his cruel ideas?"
"No, I'm actually just doing this for shits and giggles. That's the only reason why Tumblr exists: to be a massive trashfire and give me enjoyment by how terrible it is. How else could this website be so terrible? I made it that way just to cause chaos and piss people off, like when I changed the color scheme of the website for no reason! I also thought it would be very funny to give a psychopath superpowers and cause more chaos."
"That explains a lot," said Navi. "But I can't let you go on like this and hurt more people!"
"Try to defeat me if you can, but the only way to take away Pittoo's powers is to destroy tumblr once and for all!"
A door in the back opened up, and all of the characters that tumblr lusted over in the past jumped out, including the Onceler, Snas, Jack Skellington, bill cypher, superwholock, and more
"hey navi its me snas undertail, and im not just regular snas im sexy now." Sexy snas had a long blue tongue that was hanging out of his mouth and a massive dingaling that looked like a lightsaber. "i also have the venom symbiote now so i am sexy venom snas undertail. how about we have a little fun sexy fun time if you know what i mean navi."
"Ew, go fuck yourself."
"don't worry, i will."
Then the onceler chopped snas's head off. "NSFW content on tumbrl is banned!"
Anyway, Navi got in a huge fight will all of the tumblr characters and there were explosions and violence and similar things. Things were looking bad for navi when Sudan ly…
"That's it, I can't take it anymore!" yelled superwholock. "Tumblr forgot all about me for years! I used to be at the center of the site, but now its like I don't even exist. It's time for my revenge! Goodbye, tumblr!"
Superwholock got out a bomb and suicide bombered it and blew it up, destroying tumblr once and for all.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" yellled tervis tumblr, now that his website was gone.
Meanwhile in pittoooos lair, he was about to execute every1 with his force lightnign like emperer Palpitoad. "Prepare 2 dye!"
But nothing happened gasp! "O no my powers are gone!"
The building started to collapse because it was built out of tumblr powers and everyone ran out except snap was smashed under the rubble and pittoo dident get out either. The floor opened up revealing a bunch of lava at the bottom and Pittoo fell in like Terminator 2 from Wayne's World and he melted into weird stretchy metal stuff because he was actually a terminator 2 all along and then he died.
Later:
Tervis Tumbler was arrested for his crimes against humanity and Navi was happy because she helped stop him. "This was for the best, Tumblr needed to be put out of its misery," she said. "You're next, 4chan!"
MORAL OF THE STORY: Cancel culture can be very harmful at times. Although some people definitely deserve to be cancelled and worse, some people take things way too far. Sometimes people will be bullied and suicide-baited for minute reasons, and cancel culture disproportionately targets marginalized groups. I hope you thought this was a good moral of the chapter.
Meanwhile:
Enoby was planning, planning to find a way to finally see mcr after all these years! How will she do it? Find out later!
AN: Thank you again for continuing to read this story, it means a lot to me. I have plans for a chapter about Enoby, which I might finish sometime soon (or maybe not). Either way, I have really enjoyed writing this over these four years, and I hope you continue to like it (and i also hope u hate tim 2 becus hes dumb).