Tumblr request by Anon.
I was going to post this separately, but it takes place in the same universe. There isn't any real storyline to this though, so every chapter is "complete".
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Put it all on me
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There's a birthing plan and a binder and a Lamaze schedule, and Rukia and Ichigo have zero to do with it.
(But Rukia's grateful which is about the only reason Ichigo doesn't set it all alight, and only gives a cursory complaint to the PowerPoint presentation his family - and Byakuya - insist on. Dad takes roll call. Renji takes notes. Chad has a playlist. There's a refreshment table. He has no idea why Urahara and Yoriuchi are here, and he's frankly too scared to ask.)
The point is: the birth is planned.
The freaks who've decided that his child is under their protection - and for all his griping, Ichigo is grateful - have accounted for, and created contingencies for just about everything from an early birth, a birth in a moving vehicle, a stress-induced birth and one where everything happens as scheduled and Rukia gives birth in an inflatable pool (Ichigo isn't going to admit how many papers he's read on that phenomena or why he's got an opinion on it).
While Rukia had been worried, even with the number of plans they've come up with to avoid it, that the birth would happen inconveniently - during a fight or a Hollow hunt or in the middle of training recruits - neither of them expected that the birth not happening would be just as bad.
Baby Kurosaki is two weeks late.
"Spicy food could help," Tatsuki suggests after a frantic Ecosia search.
To which Yuzu chimes in, "If it doesn't, I've read red raspberry leaf tea will do just the thing."
"Acupuncture," Byakuya decides to Dad's condescending tsk. "Why bother with any of that when there are other more fun ways to induce labor?"
The silence that follows is a physical thing, and Ichigo can practically hear his father's eyebrows wiggle.
"Baka," Karin declares, "they're already having your grandchild, don't make it weirder than it already is!"
"But Rukia-chan could still get pregnant, Kurosaki swimmers are A-grade - ack, Karin!"
Ichigo sighs, shooting Rukia an apologetic look - she's been uncomfortable the entire third trimester, and as she's often told him I want this baby out of me, Ichigo which is probably why, his idiot father's bullshit aside, they had tried that trick a few times, and clearly that didn't work.
In the end, they go to a hospital in Soul Society lest the result of their baby's Kurosaki genes also includes a spiritual pressure strong enough to attract Hollows which is item number 3 in the pregnancy binder; the doctors induce labor and Ichigo feeds her ice-chips and tries not to freak out all over Rukia while she does all the work.
The birth takes eighteen hours in all.
Rukia curses him multiple times between pained gasps, and at one stage, has him bound in kido for an hour along with the threat to castrate him.
(Ichigo pointedly ignores how Byakuya and Renji step up to the plate like they're willing to risk it all to make it happen, just say the word Rukia. That Unohana is just amused and not concerned, does not bode well for Ichigo, but frankly, he's too distracted by the hand Rukia's crushing to really give it the attention it deserves.)
Overall though, from a medical standpoint, the birth is surprisingly calm with an undertow of 'first baby' jitters.
But their families are there, they've got endless support from both sides of the veil, and Rukia's pregnancy has been almost boringly normal, and really, that's about as much as they can ask for.
Still, Rukia swears up and down that it'll be the first and last time.
Until, of course, they find out that superfetation is a thing.
Turns out, Dad may have had a point about Kurosaki swimmers, baby number two is already in the oven.
With their newborn in "Grandpa's" arms, Dad teases to the wrinkly little bundle in his arms, to both Rukia and Ichigo's combined panicked horror, "Who knows, little bean, maybe you'll even get two siblings instead of one! Twins do run in our family, you know."
Ichigo shoots Rukia an apologetic look to which she deadpans, "You're never touching me again."
A/n: FFN is super buggy so I answer reviews on the ao3 version of the fic and also at my tumblr at everything-withered where you can also submit headcanon requests. Also, Ecosia is the new Google - because they plant trees with every search, and because I say so.