Chapter 16, Finding Quandary

"Yes." Jareth said, just over a whisper. His head immediately twitched, and his brow drew together. What?... He wondered. Where did that come from? He felt something, as if someone had asked him a question and he simply wasn't paying attention. But, he was alone. It had been dead quiet for hours. He felt a cold chill run up his spine, feeling eerie all of the sudden, as if there were someone there with him.

He was lounging in his study, his body draped across a couch, absentmindedly staring at the fire. He didn't notice how quickly he'd fallen back into the scheme of things. He was silent, just as all of the Underground had been. It was as if time had paused. He was already used to the solitude, feeling as though he had never left it.

The past few days, felt like years; like he was a ghost, walking through broken memories of what had once been, what had never been. He forced it away, pounding it as deep as it could go until it turned to stone. It was as if she had never been there, and yet she had never left.

His thoughts were black, blotting out any remnant or creeping thought of Sarah as soon as it emerged. She had left him -again. He would never see her again. He didn't want to, he couldn't. Or rather, he couldn't handle it, not a third time. Sarah...this is what you want from me? No, this is what you need from me, just as I have always been -what you've needed. What do you want?

"What do you want?" He asked to the void of the room.

Again, it was silent, yet the question echoed through his mind. What do you want? it rang, over and over, as if he were yelling it at himself.

"What do I want?" He whispered. And then the ringing stopped.

Sarah slumped against the door. Her mouth curled down in a frown as she resisted the urge to cry.

"Damn it, Jareth!" She screamed to the ceiling. "What do you want? Why couldn't you just tell me what you wanted? What did you think would happen?" She ranted, screaming at a vacant spot on the ceiling. She sank to the floor, and threw her head back against the door with a thud. "Of course I had to leave! You didn't even ask for me to stay! What did you really expect?" She vented, not sure if she was yelling at an absent Jareth, or herself.

She rolled her head to the side, not surprisingly, the crystal still sitting on the coffee table caught her eye. Her anguish turned to frustration as she stomped over to the table. She took the orb in her hands and shook it senseless.

"And what the fuck is this? Just some fucking forget-me-not? Is this really just a crystal ball? Or some means for you to torture me further?" Tears were streaming down her face at this point. She had no idea why she was so upset, but it just kept coming. "And what the fuck is this stupid riddle!" She yelled, flailing her arms around like a madwoman. "The whole thing is completely contradictory!" She hollered once more. It'd been playing in her mind constantly, over and over, and she hadn't the vaguest idea of the answer.

She set the crystal back on the table with a hard thud, forcing herself to relax. She took deep breathes, and ran her hands through her hair. Why do I miss you so much... she muttered.

There was a nagging in the back of Jareth's mind. Up until now, he'd never allowed himself to even envision the blissful torture of peeking in on Sarah. But there was something, something he needed before he made his decision.

He conjured a crystal and peered inside, bringing a familiar image into view. It was a room, dark and clouded, an immovable silhouette lay sprawled across the bed. It was Sarah. She was past out, hard. She hadn't even bothered removing her daytime garments. The view of the crystal zoomed in closer, but the nighttime shadows made it impossible to see. He gave an unsatisfied sigh, regretting already giving into his own will.

The next moment, he was standing. It was dark, pale beams of moonlight were all that lit up the room. He approached warily, stopping to stand at the edge of the bed. It was quiet. She was in such a deep sleep, he thought she might be dead. He came in closer, kneeling by her side. her face was hidden by a frazzled mess of hair. He cocked his head to one side, and gently lifted the stray tendrils threatening to consume her face.

He gave a dejected look at her bedraggled state. She was pale, paler than usual. Thick tendrils of hair matted to the sides of her face, caught in the damp sheen that glazed her cheeks. She sniffled in her sleep, and a stray tear glided down her face. Jareth's frown grew, as he caught the runaway tear with his thumb, quickly brushing it away. Whatever he expected to see, whatever he wanted to see, it wasn't this. She looked broken, gone, hopeless.

He wanted to console her, to cradle her sleeping form. But he didn't. He needed this. He needed to see her like this, to enjoy it, no matter how much it hurt. He removed a glove from his hand, and continued to stroke away her hair. His hand lingered behind her ear, gripping the back of her head ever so slightly. He felt an urge to pull her closer, to taste the swollen lips that now seemed like nothing more than a distant memory. A twinge of a smile flicked across his face at the thought, no matter what state of distress she may be in, she was always beautiful.

After a moment, he stood, satisfied with his new resolve. He took a step away, his hand drifting from the side of her face. She twitched, unconsciously searching for the lost warmth of his hand. He paused, unsure of what to do next. He knew he should leave, it would be best -not to push temptation. But, he couldn't bring himself to tear his hand away.

Without a sound, or second thought, he maneuvered his way to the other side of the bed. As light as a feather, he lowered himself on the bed, molding his body to hers. Though he was careful, making sure to stay just barely out of her touch, wishing not to wake her. Without thinking, he brought his arm up to wrap around her, but caught himself just in time. His hand lingered in the air, waiting for his mind to make a decision. A jolt of sudden shock shot down his spine, when she rolled over. He was motionless, searching for signs of her arousal.

She cradled her head against his chest, wrapping one arm securely around his waist. He looked down at her, the jump of his heart started to settle. She was still out cold. Slowly, he brought his arm down, and laid his hand over hers.

Jareth stared at the black nothingness of the ceiling for a long while. His thumb mindlessly stroked Sarah's hand, which was now resting over his heart. He was wide awake, more thoughts running through his mind than in the past week. Sarah hadn't moved, over exhausted from her rant a few hours earlier. For the first time, in what seemed a lifetime, he felt content. He wasn't happy, or sad, or angry, but indifferent, blank almost. Hours went by, he thought he could've stared at the ceiling for the next hundred years.

It wasn't until he noticed the first rays of morning light that he was drawn from his daze. He looked down at the woman cradled to his side. He hadn't realized how tightly he'd been holding her. This moment, seemed so real, so innocent and true. And yet, there were no words, no action, she would never even know he was there. He wondered what she would do, if she knew. Probably curse my 'arrogant ass' all the way into an Oubliette. He joked to himself.

He lifted her hand from his chest, replacing his shoulder with an actual pillow and removing himself from the bed. His hand ran along her arm. He watched as her disheveled clothing transformed into soft and cozy pajamas. He covered her with a stray blanket, making sure she was firmly tucked in. He was stalling, looking for any way to prolong his departure, however eminent it may be.

He didn't regret leaving, but he was still all the more reluctant. Finally, he took one last look. And then he was gone. He'd found what he came for. And now, all he could do was wait.