I wanted to go where I was supposed to be half an hour ago, but then I saw a small piece of paper under my shoe tip. What is this? Apparently, it fell out of Yoongi's notepad. I thought I'd throw it in the trash, yet before I throw it out, I noticed the text on the other side.
take it easy,
slowly carve out my heart
gently step on the shards that have shattered
so that regret,
such a thing will no longer be left
please, burn up my heart that was torn into shreds
what are you hesitating for
this is the ending you were wishing for
So go on and kill me without hesitating
I stared at little paper like a statue. What the hell is that? Text from a book? Song? No song like this come to mi mind. The paper content was heartbreaking. Painful. My empathy kicked me. I tried to remember the literature we had been study over the two weeks of school. Nothing would answer that. I don't know, how long I stood on that place, but I instead of going to the gym... I headed to the library.
I searched through poetry, lyrical whining texts. I had a book on my desk, a pile of scanned books, a pile I was just getting ready for, and a pile I was still carrying. And in all these pages I found nothing. I returned everything to place and asked the lady who works there. Unbelievable, bookworm. She knows every book here. I showed her the tiny paper, and she had the same expression as I did, when I first read that word.
"Really, Hoseokie. I have no idea what it is," she shook her head, folding the glasses around her neck, "if it is from a piece of book, we certainly don't have it here."
"Okay, thank you. Have a nice day," I looked at the clock on the wall, "well slightly evening."
My God. Half past four. Did I kill with that bullshit for almost an hour and a half? Until I had to rebuke myself. Today used to be reserved for me and my muscles. A little unhappy, I went down the stairs and stopped outside the school building. I inhaled cold air. Wind surrounded me. Heh, mama's always right. I'm cold on my knees... my lovely knees. Oh. Before I started way to home, I pulled the paper with the depressive text out of my pocket. I didn't want to throw it away. I'm too curious ...
16:41
Jung Hoseok
Are U working?
16:55
Kim Namjoon
Yee sorry
I was busy
16:55
Jung Hoseok
Im near
Can I come? :D
16:55
Kim Namjoon
Sureee :D
I turned toward gas stations. I was looking for Namjoon from a distance. He stood outside in a corporate jacket and cap, cumping lollipop. As soon as I came to him, I put the text in his hand and, while he reading it, I told the story of how I got to it. Namjoon's hand shook a lot. I pressed my lips and closed my eyes sadly. He did not eat again from lunch and used the lollipop as an alternative dinner. I didn't ask him, I just went inside the gas station and bought him a big baguette with chicken meat. As was mentioned, Namjoon and his family are in financially bad situation, and he would rather not buy dinner, rather he bring home more money. I hate the feeling of seeing him shaking from hunger. And I hated it even more, when he try pretend that he is fine.
"Eat it," I went out into the wind and tossed it to him.
He took a breath of resistance, but I said, "Don't try to negotiate. Don't fuck with me."
I did not miss the gloomy look. Uncertainly, he unwrapped it and bited it. I stood beside him and watched the illuminated street. I didn't even have to look at Namjoon to feel that mess of feelings. He always went to shame when I bought him food, and at the same time he was very grateful. I would never let him starve. In the subdued noise of the street, my hand echoed over his back. No words were needed in this situation. They would be useless. I like gestures rather than sweet crap. I smiled at him when I saw those glowing eyes, which was happy that belly will be full tonight shift.
I stayed with him there until he finished at work and then we went home. Namjoon is on the other end, but I went with him a bit. At home after the shower, I threw myself into bed and looked at a cell phone that thankfully didn't explode after about a million messages in group chats. I found a contact request.
Park Jimin wants to contact you
18:13
Park Jimin
Hey
Im terribly sorry
It will never hapen
19:19
Jung Hoseok
Hello there
Well :D
I dont know what to tell U
But maybe it should be like this
19:20
Park Jimin
Hm...why?
19:20
Jung Hoseok
Nothing important:D
I guess
Seen 19:20
19:23
Jung Hoseok
I found something interesting today
19:24
Park Jimin
Like what?
19:24
Jung Hoseok
I have weirdo classmate
He has no friends in school
And today I found piece of paper from his notepad
It's like text from song or somethin'
19:24
Park Jimin
And what's in there?
19:25
Jung Hoseok
Wait
Jung Hoseok sends you photo.
19:30
Park Jimin
Awww
Thats sad
19:30
Jung Hoseok
Yee
I was in library look for source
But I found nothing -_-
19:30
Park Jimin
Maybe it was written by your classmate
Zobrazené 19:30
I stopped myself for a moment. What if he really wrote it? His demeanor, laxity, would totally correspond it. I wondered if I had ever seen him smile. I was thinking, but when something brightened in my head, it went out.
I felt my heartbeat. Is Yoongi really worried that way? He is exactly the kind of person who won't let others know if he is in shit. So there was a good chance that if the paper says about him inside ... I'm the only one who knows. At least from school. The family must know how it is. Respectively, he lives only with his mother.
19:44
Jung Hoseok
Btw why U didnt come today?
I waited like half hour :(
19:45
Park Jimin
Im so sorry
I just have to go somewhere
19:45
Jung Hoseok
Naaah
Its okay
Seen 19:46
19:50
Jung Hoseok
Btw we can do that next time :D
19:52
Park Jimin
Thaanks
20:00
Park Jimin
Ehm
You are friend with that Kin Taehyung?
20:00
Jung Hoseok
Yee for looong time
Sorry for that idiot
He is sometimes disgusting to ppl
20:01
Park Jimin
Well...
Yee
I heard
20:01
Jung Hoseok
Im really sorry
He just bully ppl who look like or
Well
20:01
Park Jimin
Gay
20:01
Jung Hoseok
Yeee
But dont worry
I will talk to him I dont like when he bully someone
20:02
Park Jimin
Then why he talk to you?
Zobrazené 20:02
I stiffed would not be enough. It was equal to absolute zero. Minus 273 kelvin. For how much he did not speak personally, so online he completely brandishing with words. But this is typical for introverts. I could feel the heat losing my fingers. I swallowed hard and wanted to write, although I didn't know what. Jimin was faster.
20:04
Park Jimin
Sorry I crossed the line
20:05
Jung Hoseok
Its ok :D chill
If Tae will do something to U tell me that!
20:05
Park Jimin
Thats nice from you
Thanks
We've chat for a while about the schedule and some of the rooms in the school, and then I put headphones and listen rap. I was relaxing. I wasn't tired as I expected I will be. It took a while to fall asleep. Before I start dream, I felt my mom come into the room and stroked my hair. She was doing it to me from a young age.
The next morning was typical. Mommy's smile, sister's annoying glances, and taxi to school by Tae. Today he was extremely quiet. I saw a sign that something was wrong. The closer we were get to school, the less focused Tae was. I was really worried about him. He refused to answer my questions. I didn't have time for game on FBI agend, I'd rather go for a first lesson. Yoongi was missing even though he should have been here by now. All together, when I looked around, many were missing today. My phone vibrated and I as a ninja, unobtrusively I looked at the display. SMS.
Jin
I think you'll kill Tae.
I immediately wrote him off and Jin tell me why Jimin hadn't arrived yesterday. In a moment I stood up from the classroom. Writing SMS I ran to the class, where Tae had a lesson. As soon as he came out I grabbed him and whipped him against the wall.
"What did you do to that guy ?!"
He didn't resist. His head with a red headband turned on side and he guilty squeezed lips.
"I'm fucking asking you, what you did to him ?!"
"He got a beaten up."
"Are you fucking kidding me?" I pushed my fists sharply into him, then pulled away.
This is too much. That new guy did nothing wrong.
"Wait!" he said louder, but then quietly, "I didn't touch him. It was guys."
I gritted my teeth.
"Hobi! I swear, I didn't touch him!" he defended himself defensively, "I would not lie to you."
"Why the fuck didn't you stop those assholes?"
"What am I supposed to do?"
I almost shout to him, "Stop them! They're your friends! I already really disgust your homophobia. If those people were a waste."
"And aren't they ?!" Tae shrugged his face, "it's disgusting. It's a disease in my opinion!"
I put my hands on my hips and squeezed. I kept silent for less than I thought, "Really? So you think I'm sick, right?"
His cheeks were shocked. He turned pale and stared at me with brown eyes.
"What are you talking about?" he let out a tone in which he was hoping for the untrue of the situation.
"You hear well," I said, confident and nodded.
Reality? I was shaking. Standing in that absolute zero again.
"Hobi ..."
"Tae?"
"No... you..." maybe he wanted to continue the sentence, but his voice broke.
"Yes, Tae. I'm gay."