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Chapter 24- Forgiveness

It was a good time for Sam to have family therapy with Julian and Alexis since Kevin was taking a leave of absence to mourn for Laura and help Spencer through it. Alexis had offered to help with Spencer in any way that she could, but Spencer would still live with Kevin at least until they found Nikolas.

But Sam was dreading the family therapy. She'd been able to confide more in her mother recently, but she knew this would re-open old wounds and she hated having her parents see her in such a vulnerable place.

Danny and Scout walked off with Lainey while Sam and her parents went to Dr. Dostal's office.

Four chairs were set up facing each other. Sam took a seat across from Dr. Dostal while Julian and Alexis faced each other.

"All right." Dr. Dostal wrote something on her notepad. "Alexis, would you like to tell Julian and Sam why we're here?"

Alexis' cheeks went pink. "Uh… I thought you were going to."

"I think it would be better coming from you."

Alexis sighed and lowered her gaze. "Because I'm carrying around a lot of guilt."

"Look at Julian and Sam in the eyes when you tell them that," Dr. Dostal said.

She cleared her throat and locked eyes with Sam, then with Julian. "We're here because I'm carrying a lot of guilt."

Julian scrunched his face. "Why?"

Alexis paused for a moment, then said, "Because I was so bitter to you after you hurt us, but I now understand it because I went through the same thing."

"But we already discussed this," Julian said. "You told me what was going on. You even apologized for not understanding before."

"You're right." Alexis jumped to her feet. "Well, I got that off my chest, let's call it a night."

"Alexis…" Dr. Dostal tilted her head. "That's not why you feel guilty."

Alexis groaned. "Do I have to?"

"You don't have to do anything. But it would be extremely beneficial to your relationships with your husband and daughter."

She slowly sat down once more. "I—uh… I feel guilty for giving Sam away."

Sam stared at her lap.

"But you were sixteen and had no help," Julian said. "If anything, I should feel guilty."

"Why should you feel guilty, Julian?" Dr. Dostal asked.

"I didn't ask for Alexis' number or give her mine. I slept with her and just moved on. Sort of…"

"What do you mean, sort of?" Dr. Dostal asked.

"Well, I didn't exactly just move on. I felt a connection to Alexis, and I went back to the bar the next night to find her."

Alexis gasped. "You did?"

He nodded.

"I wanted to go back too, but I was too scared," Alexis said. "On one hand, I thought you'd reject me and on the other I thought I imagined it all."

Sam scrunched her face. "How could you think you imagined it?"

Alexis rolled her eyes. "This is the same girl who didn't realize she was pregnant for nine months." She sighed. "If I just went back, we could have been together. We could have stood up to my father or run away together. We could have raised Sam together."

Sam cleared her throat. "But then Danny wouldn't have been my brother."

"And I wouldn't have met Cheryl," Julian said.

Alexis raised an eyebrow.

"What I mean is if I didn't meet Cheryl then Lucas wouldn't exist," Julian said.

"Okay, let's focus on that for a moment," Dr. Dostal said. "If you were able to raise Sam together, that would mean Sam would never have known Danny, and Lucas wouldn't be here. Do you think sacrificing Danny and Lucas would have been worth it?"

"No," Sam said right away. "I loved Danny. And now I love Lucas."

Julian smiled slightly. "Yeah, a life without Lucas… I don't even want to think about that."

"But how do we know that we still wouldn't have met Danny, and that Julian might have still had Lucas?" Alexis said. "I'm sorry, but what Sam went through at the hands of Cody McCall with no one there to protect her… It was my job to protect her and I wasn't there."

Tears sprang to Sam's eyes, but she shook her head. "It was worth it. Because Danny needed someone other than Cody and Evelyn. He needed someone to love him. Plus, if you and Dad were together all this time, Krissy, Molly, or Leo might not exist either."

"Sam, are you angry at your mother for giving you away?" Dr. Dostal asked.

Sam shook her head. "No. I was for a long time, but not anymore."

Alexis pushed some tears away with the back of her hand.

Sam pulled her chair closer to Alexis' and squeezed her hand. "It's okay, Mom. I understand now. And I forgive you."

"Julian? Are you angry at Alexis for giving Sam up?" Dr. Dostal asked.

"No," Julian said. "I never was."

"Alexis," Dr. Dostal continued. "Both Julian and Sam have forgiven you. Now you just need to forgive yourself."

GHGHGH

As Sam, Julian, and Alexis left Dr. Dostal's office, Andre Maddox walked over to them.

"Sam… I've been trying to call you," Andre said.

"I was just in a session," Sam said. "How come?"

"I need to meet with you, Drew, and Jason. They're already in my office."

Sam's eyes grew wide. "Okay…" She turned to her parents. "You guys mind taking the kids for ice cream and take them home after?"

"Sure," Julian said. "Have to pick up Leo anyway."

Sam followed Andre to his office and Drew and Jason were already sitting in front of his desk. Drew rose and pulled over another chair for Sam.

She sat down. "Thanks."

Andre took his own seat and looked at them intently. "I've figured out how to restore memories, erase false memories, and retain new memories."

Sam exhaled deeply. "Thank goodness."

"Will there be any side effects?" Drew asked.

"I don't anticipate any," Andre said. "Other than you might be a little confused and overwhelmed at first."

"When can we do it?" Jason asked.

"Well, I'd like to start with you first, Jason. Tomorrow if you'd like."

Jason nodded. "That is fine."

"Drew should be last. His is the most intensive. Jason should be the simplest, because unlike Sam, we're not aware of him having someone else's memories only false memories."

"How soon can you do mine?" Sam asked.

"I'd like to wait at least a few weeks so I can monitor Jason," Andre said. "To be sure there's no side effects."

Sam sighed. "Okay. It'll be a long few weeks, but I can handle that."

"And if Elizabeth, Sonny, or Carly are interested, they can have a procedure done as well."

Jason shook his head. "None of them believe that their minds have been meddled with. Carly is angry that I've been avoiding her, so that doesn't help when I try to tell her. But if I spend too much time with her or Sonny, the mind control will likely take over."

"Then it's been wise that you avoid them," Andre said. "Perhaps after you have a procedure, you'll be able to convince them otherwise."

GHGHGH

"That's great, honey," Alexis' muffled voice said through the phone. "Then you'll be able to decipher your own feelings from Elizabeth's feelings."

"Yeah. I just wish it would be sooner."

"Well, remember, good things come to those who wait."

"I guess," Sam said. "Anyway, Jason's procedure is tomorrow. I probably shouldn't badger him right after it, but maybe a day or two after I was wondering if you'd go with me to see him."

Alexis sighed. "Why do you want to see him?"

"To find out if he remembers something new on the day my daughter was born. I'm still leery that if I'm around him too much the mind mapping will take over. That's why I'd like you to come with me and be a buffer."

"I'll do anything you need me to do."

"Thanks. It's time I find out if my daughter is truly alive. And she better not be Nelle."