One more Chapter before I have to run to catch the train!
I do not own Harry Potter, or any of the Fate series, or Fate the Abridged. Wish I did.

If there are any issues basing this off of the Unlimited Bladeworks parody, I'll take it down immediately. Just want to say that I really love the abridged series and it really made me laugh. I just wanted to spread it around a little bit for people to enjoy (I used a lot of the one-liners they used in this).

"Wingardium Leviosa!"

Lavender looked up and pouted,

"No fair! I haven't even gotten my wand out yet!"

"You snooze you lose."

When had Potter gotten so cocky?

"Wingardium Leviosa!' Lavender incanted, making the feather rise up to meet Harry's.

She decided to make it rise higher than his. Harry frowned, then pushed the feather up higher than hers with his magic.

It took focus, controlling a feather like that. Though, Lavender supposed she certainly had an edge, this sort of training could only help Harry in the long run.

She pushed the feather up again. Harry made it rise once more.

"Five points to each of you." Flitwick said jovially as he noticed how they'd managed to make their feathers rise.
He watched as the two of them seemed to compete over who could get their feather the highest.

Hermione looked at the two of them with frustration in her eyes. Ron…was looking smug for some reason and Lavender didn't understand why. It wasn't like he had done anything yet.

"Wingardium Leviosa." Hermione cast the spell.

It was too bad that students weren't awarded for being the third to cast a spell.

Normally in classes it was a three-way battle towards who would cast the spell first. Between Harry, Lavender and Hermione. Then it was only a battle between Harry and Lavender afterword to see who would go the extra distance as they tried to one up each other.

Case and point, Harry's and Lavender's feathers now looked like they were stuck to the ceiling.

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"Merlin, she's annoying!" Ron said to Harry once classes were finished.

"Who is?" Harry wondered.

"Granger." Ron grunted, "All throughout class she was like 'it's leviosa not leviosaw.' Ugh! I can't stand her. And she acts like such a know it all even though she hadn't even cast the spell yet either. Then she wonders why she doesn't have any friends."
Hermione pushed past Ron, tears in her eyes from the verbal lashing.

Harry winced,

"I think she heard you."

Ron let out a groan.

He hadn't thought she'd overhear him. He hadn't been trying to hurt her or anything. He'd just been frustrated…

Fuck, Lavender thought. Was that why the three of them had disappeared during the Halloween feast?

She'd originally heard that Granger had been seeking out the troll herself, but Lavender had always doubted that. It was far too out of character for her.

Well, there was only one thing to do in this sort of situation.

Later, after being informed of a troll being released inside the castle, Ron and Harry went running in search of Hermione who still hadn't returned.

Harry's eyes widened and he pulled Ron back, hiding them both behind a corner.

The smell is what hit them first. The smell and the sound of heavy footsteps and…something dragging.

Then they saw it.

An eleven-foot blob of grey flesh pulling a wooden club behind it.

"ONE HUNDRED PERCENT MAXIMUM NO CHILL!"

BOOM!

The troll was all too suddenly engulfed in an explosion of fire and smoke.

"What the bloody hell!?" Ron coughed, trying to wave away the smoke from his mouth and nose.

When it cleared, the troll let out an angry roar. Half its skin had been burned off!

"Lavender?" Harry gapped at the girl who had come running down the hall.

Hermione came running out of the washroom, eyes wide as she saw the troll and the three other kids.

Lavender cast the freezing charm on the floor, then used a tripping charm to pull the troll down. The tripping charm wasn't very affective, especially with the troll's magical resistant hide. But, since its skin was damaged, the jinx was affective enough to catch it off balance on an icy floor and fall.

As it was falling, Lavender cast a levitation charm on the club.

Hadn't that been how Ron had done it?

"Wingardium Leviosa!" She brought the club down on its head as hard as she could.

She heard a sickening 'crack!'

Oops. Had she killed it?

No. It was still breathing.

Lavender let out a small breath of relief, then lit up.

"It worked!" She looked over at Harry, "Ha! You may have defeated a Dark Lord, but I beat up a troll!"
Harry was looking at her in confusion.

Ron shook his head, eyes wide,

"Barmy. Completely barmy." He murmured.

The sound of many footsteps coming towards them revealed the group of teachers racing down the hall.

Dumbledore was far spryer than Lavender had originally given him credit for.

"What in the world happened here?" McGonagall's eyes wondered to the unconscious, bloodied troll, then to the three kids.

"Granger was in the bathroom because she was upset. Ron and Harry went to go get her when they heard about the troll, then I went after them because, well, if Harry died then who would be my rival?"

"I…see." McGonagall looked down at the troll.

Dumbledore was looking down at Lavender with amusement,

"In that case, I suppose fifteen points to you, Mister Weasley, Mister Potter, Miss Brown for outstanding bravery in the face of danger."
"But…" Harry began, "It was Lavender who defeated it. Ron and I hardly did anything. We were just looking for Hermione…"
"Indeed?" Dumbledore asked Lavender curiously, "How may I ask did you do it, Miss Brown?"

"Well," Lavender began, then let out a sigh, "You see, headmaster, a long time ago when I was training in China to become the strongest martial artist alive, my father took us to a cursed training ground called Jusenkyou. We didn't know the springs there were all cursed. Whoever falls into the springs will be cursed to take the form of whoever died there. I accidentally fell into the spring of drowned badass."

"Ten points from Gryffindor for such filthy language!" Snape snapped at Lavender.

Eh. Worth it, Lavender figured.

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled with amusement, however.

"And how did you defeat the troll?"

"I used potion bombs." Lavender pulled out several vials of potions from inside her robes.

Snape paled,

"Do you realize how volatile that potion is!?" He hissed.

"I do. Just a little bit of oxygen and it goes 'boom!'" Lavender nodded, "I noticed Seamus was really good at making things explode so I had him teach me his secrets."

"Twenty points from Gryffindor!" Snape roared, "You'll blow us all up, you stupid child!"

He snatched the potions away from her.

Lavender pouted,

"Just like actually Satan to ruin my fun."

"Satan?" Flitwick repeated, looking over at the potions master with a raised eyebrow.

Lavender looked down at Snape's leg.

"Huh. That looks like a dog bite."
Snape's eyes blazed with anger and he quickly hid the wound with his robes.

"Too big for a dog. But it's a dog…a Cerberus bite?" Lavender's eyes widened, "There really is a Cerberus in the underworld, isn't there?"
Snape rubbed the bridge of his nose.

Ron and Harry exchanged a secretive look.

Had they seen the Cerberus yet? Lavender wondered.

"I'm not the devil, Brown."

"Well, where else would you have come across a Cerberus then?" Lavender smiled smugly, "Check and mate, Professor Lucifer."

Snape sent her a glare,

"I have no time for these childish games." He looked at Dumbledore, still fuming, "I shall be returning to my quarters to work on a potion for now."
Before Dumbledore could answer him, he turned around in a flourish of robes.

"Huh." Lavender said once he was out of earshot, "I guess my logic is infallible enough that he wasn't even able to take off points. And he still insists he isn't actually Satan? Filthy liar." She shook her head as though the whole thing were far too obvious for words.

"Right…" Ron trailed off, then muttered something under his breath.

Harry, of course, didn't believe for a second that Professor Snape was actually Satan.

"Wouldn't you be…you know, concerned if our potions professor really was the devil?" he asked his friend, er, rival.

Lavender raised an eyebrow.

A good question, Harry.

He was growing up so fast. She actually felt a bit teary!

"Am I concerned that our potions master is so clever that the majority of mankind blames him for their shortcomings? Not particularly, no." She shrugged her shoulders, "I am a little concerned about the fact that we're standing around an unconscious troll that could awaken at any second and smash our brains in."
Hermione, Harry and Ron all paled.

"I'll just be leaving while the professors handle that. Wouldn't want to be in the way. You can come with me if you want. Or not." Lavender walked past them calmly.

The three kids paled, then scrambled after her as she left.

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"Can't believe she beat up a troll…" Ron murmured the next morning.

"Yeah." Harry agreed, "She made it look so effortless too." He paused, suddenly feeling worried, "Am I really a worthy rival?"

Ron shot Harry a blank look,

"You mean…you really take all that stuff she says seriously?"

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Parvati let out a sigh as she was exiting the potions room. Lavender had tried to save her from getting into trouble with Professor Lucifer, er, Snape, but somehow, she'd gotten into trouble anyways.

Suddenly, someone came careening down the staircase to the dungeons at top speed.

"Oh! Sorry!"

Parvati was knocked down, the parchment in her arms went everywhere.

"Are you okay?" Lavender Brown asked her with concern.

"Sure." Parvati said, feeling annoyed, "Just…spilling my parchment everywhere. 'Cause that's what I like doing." She added a sweet smile to her face at the end.

"Cool." Lavender said.

For whatever reason, Lavender was the only person at school completely immune to Parvati's passive aggressiveness.

She was also very insistent that they were best friends.

Well, that was fine, Parvati figured. It wasn't like anyone else wanted to hang around her anyways.

"Hey, do you know if actually Satan is alone right now?"

"Not a 'how are you doing, Parvati?' or 'how was your day?' we're just going to go straight into asking questions about someone else? Okay. He's alone last I checked, and I was just in detention with him a moment ago."
"Thanks, Parvati. You're the best!" Lavender grinned at her friend, then rushed off down the hall again at top speed.

"You'll get in trouble for running – and you're already gone…" Parvati shrugged it off and continued on her way back up to the Gryffindor dorms.