Renaissance of Passion

by Castlefan6

Authors Note: Continuation of the Fic, A Long Way Home, picks up immediately after the ending. Another What If based on the episode, COUNTDOWN, what happened if Rick didn't return to the precinct after leaving after seeing Kate in Josh's arms? It starts with Canon dialog, courtesy of Dust Jackets Dot Com, then goes quickly and completely AU. The journey continues with a new Kate and Rick, hope you enjoy!

I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only, except the ones I create.

Also, we may take liberties with the timeline from Canon and use events to make this a more believable fiction, thanks.

Previously (From A Long Way Home)

"Don't be giving me none of that tongue, you got that straight writer man, I'm a married lady, with children, "

Rick was laughing as he pulled Lanie in for a long hug, whispering "it's great to see you again, I missed you guys."

Next behind Lanie was Jenny looking as beautiful as always, and then Kevin, and then he almost fainted, he gasped loud enough for those close to him to hear,

"Hello Rick, it's been a long time, I hope you don't mind me being here," Kate said, looking more beautiful than she ever had.

He pulled her into a hug, for the longest time, both whispering in the other's ear, their friends thought that neither would let the other go, finally, she pulled back and kissed him, then whispered, "Yes, I do, I always have and I always will love you"

***************************************************************************/

Chapter 1

New York, Old Haunt

Same Evening

To all those gathered, it was a beautiful sight, Rick and Kate locked in a hug so tight, it would take a truck to separate them. The small nuzzle of each other's nose as they whispered into each other's ear, and the look, the look of love in Rick's eye and Kate was glowing like few had seen her before. Kate's presence was a surprise to everyone but Lanie, who had managed to contact her and talk her into coming.

She had been very reluctant until she heard that Rick had been back in New York for almost a year, and single for that long, actually he had never married, so single much longer than that. She thought she would have seen something on the entertainment pages, but he preferred the low profile. Kate almost cried when Lanie told her he had been staying between the house in the Hamptons, Four Seasons, and had traveled with Alexis and her husband and his Grandson for almost two months, a belated wedding gift from him, he was tied up in legal affairs and could barely make the wedding ceremony.

They stood hugging each other until Lanie finally said,

"You two will have plenty of time for that now that we got you in the same room with your heads out of your asses, right now, people want to see you both, so let go, at least for a little while."

Kate blushed, and looked into Rick's eyes,

"Remember, no more leaving each other, we talk, and Rick, I have always loved you and I always will, I'll be right here go mingle. I'm sure Lanie will make us both sorry if we don't."

"You too Babe, no more leaving, either of us, we have so much to talk about, and Kate, YES, I still love you and I always will, don't go too far away, OK?"

"I promise" she kissed him deeply and for a few moments the entire universe was paused, or so it seemed to Rick ad Kate, a kiss that was years in the making, but healing years of misunderstandings at the same time.

They were polite but somehow worked the crowd to come to them, while the stood holding hands, or her hand places firmly on his leg as they sat in their booth, no one was going to separate them, not tonight or if they had their way ever.

Time flew by, and Brian called cabs for some of the guests, (Kevin, proved his Irish heritage) and the remainder left around midnight, all promising that this would not be the last get together. As Roz went to kiss Rick goodbye, Kate whispered something in her ear, she smiled, nodded, and then the kiss was a chaste and brief kiss on the lips. Ann Hastings took her cue with just a look from Kate and followed the same behavior, no tongue this time.

Rick looked over at Kate, who had the cat earing the canary look on her face, not volunteering any information,

"OK, Kate, we both know that look, what did you tell Roz?"

"What do you mean Rick, I mean I*"

She saw Rick's look and she wasn't about to start this part of their time with a lie, no more of those they cost her far too much.

"OK, I told her I spotted the tongue she and Ann slipped you when they arrived, and that I was still qualified with my service weapon if she tried it again." She looked to the floor sheepishly,

Rick laughed, "so Katherine Beckett is jealous, it all comes out now, you always*"

He didn't get to finish his statement, Kate had him in a kiss and displayed her own tongue gymnastics, much to Rick's delight. His moaning into her mouth inspired her to go even farther until finally it was a breath or pass out and they both broke apart with a gasp for much-needed oxygen.

"Of course, I'm jealous, I always was, I was just too stupid to tell you how I felt, until well" a tear comes to her eye

"Hey, Hey, we're here, together, so what do you say we head to someplace more private? I know there's so much I need to learn about you, Counselor, by the way, Congratulations, that's a hell of a feat."

"Thanks, Rick, but, well, let's get out of here. You're right there's so much we do need to talk about, I mean if you want what I want, and what I think you want. No more subtext, no more subtle hints, so I'm just going to come out and say this. Rick, I want you to be I my life, I don't care of the title, Fiancé, wife, girlfriend, I really don't care as long as we're together, that's all I want, all I have wanted since I met you."

"Kate, I love the new you, so open and direct, but I also know that it's been almost six years, and one marriage for one of us that we need to discuss, don't get me wrong, I want you in my life, but I want to start it off right this time."

"You're right, but can we get out of here, I mean we can talk and kiss can't we, I mean I still don't believe we're actually here together without having someone else in the equation. I want this to start right as well, so let's go talk."

Xx

They had the limo stop at Remy's to pick up an order Rick had called in right before they left the Haunt, then went to the Four Seasons, where Kate was also staying.

"I didn't know you were staying in a hotel Kate, I'm sorry I should have asked before just assuming to come back here. I know you heard I sold the Loft and the building, it's just down to the Hamptons, and the Haunt, and I know how badly Brian wants it, so I think I will be selling it to him, he gets his dream and the place goes to a good new owner."

"Actually, I own a home in a small town in Jericho, about an hour from here, I had to get away after, well when everything changed for us."

"You're kidding right, Jericho? What Street? "he asked

"I live on Del Mar, it's off, "

"Lark Bunting Drive, right? "

"Yes, but how did you know that I mean I've been there three years but haven't made many friends."

"You know that big home on the corner, the one that has the Olympic Pool,"

"You have to be kidding me, Rick, that place has been on the market for quite a while now, everyone said it was beautiful but far overpriced. She looked at him then realized, overpriced for normal people, not Rick.

"When did you buy it, and when are you moving in, I mean it's already vacant."

"Actually, I closed today, and my decorator will be there first thing tomorrow to start the renovations," he laughed, then the silence reminded them both, there was a divide that had to be crossed, time gaps filled in, and stories of their lives shared.

"So, I guess we have a lot of talking to do, no matter how badly I want you right now, I don't want to fall back into assuming I know what you mean, I guess we both need to lay it out on the line"

"You're right, I'm glad that it's not just me, I mean, wanting to take this to the level we should have years ago, but I know, I agree you need to know what you're letting your heart back into, and I need to know have you forgiven me, truly for all my mistakes, some you may not know about, yet."

"You mean your marriage and annulment?" Rick asked, and Kate gasped,

"How did, I mean yes that's one thing we need to talk about, another is your time with Beth, what went wrong, I mean I don't want to know the details of your sex life, but I do want to know what I can avoid doing that would hurt you, us, the relationship I want with you so badly."

"OK, once we eat, then let's get comfortable and start from the beginning, and one thing Kate, I'm sorry I even have to mention this, but*"

"Rick, I know what my lies cost me, us, and believe me, everything I say will be the truth, as much or as well as I remember it, I promise. Call me out if you want clarification, or more details, please, it's the only way this is going to work."

Rick looked down for a few minutes, then smiled when Kate brought his food to him, "Here the sooner we eat, the sooner we talk and get back to where we both belong," she leaned in to kiss his cheek, but he turned, and the kiss was hard for either to break, finally she pulled away.

"Let's be sure we do this right, OK? I don't want one or a few nights of pleasure to cost me the rest of my life with you, we need to be on the same page, Rick."

Xx

They had settled into nervous conversation all during the meal, now the food was gone, and it was time to address the 500-pound elephant in the room.

"OK Rick, where do you want to start, I know it's I that need to explain, or ask forgiveness more often than you so, do you want to start off, or shall I"

"Well since it was I who violated your trust first, let's start back after when we first met, and you were correct, I was after sex with the hot Detective, I'm glad you turned me down then. Then came the case when we worked with your ex-boyfriend Sorenson, and I have to tell you that was tough."

"What was tough Rick, seeing him trying to kiss me, but you missed the part where I turned head and he only kissed my cheek, I know it's not what it looked like to you, but that's what happened.

"Then when he was shot because of us looking into the witness, I felt a sense of guilt, more than love, I was still hurt at him since he abandoned me. Oh yeah, you don't know about that, how could you, we were together for almost six months, it was getting serious, well I thought it was.

"One day he came home and told me that we were leaving for Boston in a week. He didn't ask me, he didn't consult me when he was going for the job, he had his decision made and I was an afterthought.

"I went to see him, first to be sure he was really all right, and secondly to see if I could sit and talk to him without feeling any of the old feelings, and I knew I made the right decision when he left. I knew he would never be my one and done, and that it was a relationship out of convenience more than affection."

"That's the first time I imposed my will on you, and I know I have apologized over and over, I often think what would have happened to us, had I not been so stupid and stubborn, trying to help you when all you really wanted to do was try to live with the tragedy each day.

"Perhaps we could have grown closer, or at least you wouldn't have hated me so much for bringing such an awful memory back to the front of your memory. I know now, that that certainly made a difference in the way we both looked at each other, and perhaps even cemented the fact that you didn't want to be with another Sorenson, one who just acted on his own desires, regardless of the motive."

"Rick, honestly I didn't hate you, I was afraid to go back to the investigation, so it was easy to blame you for making me do it, my typical response, transference as Doctor Burke labeled it. I have the habit of transferring blame, guilt, or reasons for poor behavior on others, I'm still working on it, even all these years later.

"I have to tell you, it was the most sincere apology I had given in my life, and even with it, I thought it was over, that I had crossed a line that I could never be forgiven for, violating your trust, to me a form of lying which is one thing I can't tolerate, no matter how much love there is."

"I was so close to letting you walk away when I realized how sincere you had been, that it wasn't an act and only people who care about you take the time to apologize in such a sincere fashion. I knew you were confused with Will's actions, and I did little if any to correct your assumptions. I had a feeling for you even then Rick, more than I would admit to anyone, even myself.

"Will knew, he knew how close I felt to you when I read my Mon's book collection right after her murder, how I stood in line as a Rookie to get you to sign a copy of Storm, and how no matter how upset I was, I found solace in your books. He wasn't jealous when we were together, but that's the reason he gave you such a hard time when we worked the Candela case, he knew before I did."

"Then why did you put on the 'I hate You Castle' attitude for so long, seriously, I worked so hard to earn your respect, something I never had to do with anyone since Kyra. I was hoping that you would, not fall for the celebrity, but see me for me, I know we had moments but it seemed they always got erased so quickly and I was back to When can I shoot him, Castle."

"For the first few years, well until my therapist Doctor Burke called me out on it, I had convinced myself I was afraid of getting hurt, like when my Mom was taken from me, but he actually stopped a session and called 'Bull Shit' what's the real reason Kate', I thought and it was because in my eyes you were so much better off without me. I mean, I know I had feelings for you by then, but honestly, I was afraid you would reject me, that was the hurt I was fearful of, not losing someone." She lowered her head, and tears appeared in her eyes,

"Well, thanks I knew that was a tough answer to give, I'm sorry you're upset, I really am, but I was so hopeful, I mean we were bantering back and forth one day, and then, *"

"And then you were getting ready to dump the Heat Novels to go to London and write that certain British Secret Agent, that no one could mention his name. When I read the dedication to Heatwave Rick, I thought maybe, just maybe he feels something for me and was beginning to let myself go. When that news came about the other book, and again when the email came from Roy that you weren't coming back, the next day after I texted you trying to get you to talk, it hurt, it more than hurt. I was destroyed. The only other time I had hurt so badly was the summer when you took Gina to the Hamptons,"

Rick's face lit up, was it anger, was it sadness, as he spoke, Kate heard both,

"You mean the summer you lied about having to work, all along planning a trip with Tom, after treating me like crap for weeks, replacing me with him in the interrogations? Was that the summer Kate? If it was the joke is on us both, Gina never went to the Hamptons I took her home, she drove out for the weekend and picked up the work I had gotten done then returned to the city."

Kate's face now dropped and turned red, "I'm so sorry Rick, I really am, I never should have lied, hell I never should have taken up with Tom in the first place, but lying to you was the worst mistake I made, please forgive me. If Gina didn't spend that summer with you, why did it appear as if you two were together again when you came back?"

"You really have to ask that Kate? You know I love Gina, and she loves me, enough to protect each other, she didn't want you to think that I was a disposable friend, one you could use and throw away without anyone wanting me. Perhaps it was her trying you to see what everyone but us did, we loved each other, but were too stubborn or stupid or both to sit down and tell each other.

"The lies compounded it immensely, I won't pretend they didn't. It got to a point where I didn't know what I could trust coming from you, that's why Gina took over as Alexis guardian in all the legal documents, I couldn't trust anything you said, I'm sorry, so blunt but true, especially when Ryan almost shot me when I came back and everyone acted like I was the asshole that hurt you."

Kate was visibly shaken, Rick wasn't much better,

"Kate, you're tired, take this room, I have the other room and get some rest. I'm not running, but I think we both need to take some time and think, reflect and try to recall what really happened if we're going, to be honest, I'll see you tomorrow," and he was across the hall, and his door sliding shut before Kate could hardly fathom what just happened,"

TBC