Okay, so, not much to write about right now in terms of the story its self…I'll just skip straight to the disclaimer:

I do not own Harry Potter or any of the Fate series

…

During the first week of December, Harry received a letter in the early morning.

"What's that?" Lavender looked over the boy's shoulder.

Because if it was something that might give her rival an edge in their next battle for glory, she wanted to know about it.

"Er, I don't know." Harry said, finding he didn't mind the way her chin rested on his shoulder (he did mentally question why she was tugging on his hair though).

"It's not like I know anyone magical outside of Hogwarts." Harry said puzzledly.

"Well, you should open the letter, then." Lavender said eagerly.

"Er…maybe I'll do it later…"
"Why? Are you hiding something from me?"

"No, but…"
"You aren't curious?"
"Yes, but…"
"Anything could be in that letter, Harry."

"Well, yes, but…"
"It could be Gringotts telling you you're the heir of Merlin."
"I doubt that." Harry brushed away that possibility, "And why would a letter like that come from Gringotts. They're a bank."
"Details." Lavender brushed aside, "It could be someone informing you your relatives are dead and you've been left the only living relative."
"Pretty sure all their things would go to Aunt Marge before it went to me." Harry said.
"It could be a love letter from a secret admirer."
Harry felt his face heat up,

"I-I doubt that."

Lavender's voice rose,

"Open the goddamn letter, Harry!"
"Okay!" Harry jerked in his seat and quickly tore the envelope open.

The two of them read the letter together.

Hello Harry,

My name is Sirius Black. This is a little awkward writing all this in a letter, but…

"Holy crap, I was right, it's a love letter!" Lavender gapped (okay, she knew it wasn't, but that awkward opening though…).

Harry's face turned quite red at this.

"I don't think so, Lav."
My name is Sirius Black. This is a little awkward writing this in a letter, but I was a close friend of your parents, Lily and James. In fact, I was your father's best man at their wedding. I was also named your godfather.

"Godfather?" Harry repeated.

Being eleven, Harry actually didn't know what a godfather was or what they were for. A lot of magical children had grown up with one nearby, but it wasn't as common in the muggle world.

"It means he's a member of the magical mafia." Lavender informed him.

"The magical mafia?" Harry repeated doubtfully.

The letter continued,

I was hoping we could spend the winter holidays together to get to know one another a little better. I'm sorry I couldn't see you sooner. I'm sure by now you've read the news in the Daily Prophet, but I was in prison for a few years and couldn't fulfil my duties or take care of you. Since Pettigrew has been taken care of, I've been released though.

Harry starred at the letter blankly.

Lavender moved away from Harry's shoulder. She was trying so hard to hide her laughter, she was shaking.

Dear Merlin, didn't Black know most eleven-year-olds didn't read the paper?

The look on Harry's face!

"Lavender?" Harry spoke weakly, "What does he mean…about Pettigrew and…er, him being 'taken care of'?"

"Uh, well…" Lavender trailed off.

Before she could explain the whole misunderstanding, Harry got up from his seat,

"I need to…go."

"Um, where are you going?" Lavender watched him leave.
Harry didn't respond.

Lavender's eyes remained on Harry's back a while. She shrugged her shoulders. Well…he'd figure out she'd been joking eventually.

….

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…

Later that day came another Quidditch match. This one between Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff. Lavender had brought her binoculars with her, but she wasn't watching the game, like most of the players.

No…she was watching the teacher's box.

Lavender licked her lips. They were all there…Quirrell had just sat down. Lavender grinned, reaching into her pocket.

"What are you doing, Brown?" A voice growled from behind her.
"Ah." Lavender put her binoculars down, "Actually Satan?" She looked up at the unamused Potions professor, "What are you doing here with us Gryffindors?"
"Making sure none of you dunderheads do something unbelievably stupid. Namely you, Brown."

"Oh yeah? Would a dunderhead be able to bind Actually Satan to contract that prohibited him from stealing the souls of Harry, Padma and me?"
"Padma?" Parvati ask from her right side, "You included your best friend's sister but not your best friend?"
"Padma needs all the help she can get. Have you seen her? The girl's a wreck!" Lavender pointed to the girl who looked quite identical to Parvati but in Ravenclaw robes. She was swinging around towel…or something for reasons no one understood.

Parvati looked over at her sister and shrugged her shoulders,

"That's fair, I guess…"
"And, well, I figured it would take a better deal than the one I got to save your soul from damnation. I'm working on it, don't worry."

"Well, as long as you're working on it…"
"I'm not Satan, Brown!" Snape growled.

"Of course, not." Lavender rolled her eyes (like she actually believed him), "And I thought the devil encouraged this sort of thing."
"I'm not –"

"He's there, Lav." Parvati interrupted, "So, do you want to do this now and get in trouble, or do you want to do this later when the Dark Lord Lucifer is gone…"
"I'm not Satan!"
"Eh. Best to just get this out of the way." Lavender grinned, taking out the big red button again, "One Hundred Percent Maximum No Chill!"

"Boom!"

Across the stadium in the teacher's booth, all the teachers were suddenly covered by some sort of green goop.

"What is that? What did you do?" Snape demanded, then his eyes widened.
He recognised that potion…

"No." He whispered with horror.

Several kids screamed.

Lavender shielded her eyes.

It was Neville Longbottom's Ecchi clothing dissolving slime. Lavender had asked him to make some more of it when she'd noticed the effects it had.
Under the proper tutelage, Neville could grow into an erotic genius!

Of course, Lavender was already busy being Harry's rival. She'd have to find someone else to teach him. It wasn't often you came across someone with that sort of potential.

I the meantime, she'd have to deal with the fallout of her latest escapade.

"Oh, Merlin, it's worse than I thought!" Parvati tied her Gryffindor scarf around her eyes, whispering a prayer for it all to be over.

She heard the sound of spells being cast. Someone was having a duel. With all their clothing gone, Quirrell's turban will also have vanished leaving Voldemort exposed! Er, pun not intended.

A horrible screaming filled the stadium.

In two years, Remus Lupin would be scratching his head over why so many bogarts featured a naked man with two faces, but that was a story for another time.

….

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…

Lavender, Parvati, Seamus, Neville, and Harry all sat in the headmaster's office.

"Um…why am I here?" Harry asked hesitantly, "I don't think I did anything wrong…"
"Silence, Potter!" Snape snapped at him.

Harry recoiled slightly but obeyed him.

Dumbledore walked in, now clothed in some (in his opinion) rather dashing vibrant orange robes with purple flowers on them.

He sat down in the seat across from the kids, looking them all over in turn.

"Now then." Dumbledore began (he didn't look happy), "What, may I ask compelled the four of you to dissolve the clothes of every professor in Hogwarts?"

"I didn't do that!" Harry said, looking completely an utterly horrified, "I wasn't even there!"
"You were, Potter!" Snape glared at the boy.

"I missed this game." He insisted, "I was in the library studying a history of the magical mafia with Hermione. You can ask her, and Madam Pince was there too."
"Harry, you can go." Dumbledore said, not really understanding why he was there either.

"Thank you, sir." Harry said with relief, getting up from his chair.

"Oh, right!" Lavender suddenly remembered something as the door closed behind Harry, "Shoot…I forgot to tell Harry…ah, you know, it's not that important, I'm sure he'll figure it out on his own eventually."

Surely, they'd be laughing about this all in a few years time.

"Miss Brown," Dumbledore spoke, "What in the world compelled you to dissolve the clothes of every professor in Hogwarts?"

"The girl's a menace!" Snape glared at Lavender, "I demand she be expelled!"
"I didn't mean to dissolve the clothes of all the teachers." Lavender defended herself, "But somebody had to get crazy with the explosives again." She shot Seamus a glare.

"Okay, so the slime part was bad." Seamus admitted, "But did you see it? Did you hear it? That explosion was awesome!"

"I'd give it a six." Parvati mumbled.

"Headmaster, you must talk some sense into them, they don't even care!" Snape shouted.

"Yes, quite right." Dumbledore agreed, "Miss Patil, I believe the explosion merits a seven, at least."

"That's not what I mean!" Snape screamed, face growing a very curious shade of red.

"I'm getting to that, Severus." Dumbledore said calmly, "Miss Brown, a note will be sent to your mother. Furthermore, you will be serving two weeks detention with Professor McGonagall."
"Two weeks!?" Snape shot him an incredulous look.

"I believe they were attempting to expose Quirrell and Voldemort." Dumbledore paused, "Poor choice of words."

Lavender snickered.

"Fifteen pointes will be taken from each of you for being so reckless." He paused, "But, take ten points each for helping…uncover a dark wizard and protecting the students and teachers here. That being said." Dumbledore looked over his glasses at Lavender, "I had actually called in an exorcist to come look at Quirrell during the winter break when the students were out, after seeing those answers to the questions I wrote for you."

"Oh." Lavender said dumbly.

Whoops.

Dumbledore let out a sigh,

"Perhaps this is my fault for not telling you and allowing you to worry for so long. For that, I take responsibility."

"Well, no harm no foul." Lavender said, "Well…aside from all the students who saw…that. Well, I'm sure in a few years we'll all laugh over the whole thing."

"Probably not." Parvati murmured under her breath.