Lizard
Chapter 17
It was more than one man should bear. More than one man could bear.
He sighed as he mustered up the courage to face, what he now saw as his own personal punishment for all his past crimes. That what he was to confront, and had confronted over the last few days was his penance.
The sight before him was hard to take. The subject devoid of any shame, and remorse, and even worse any gratitude. Just expectation, and ignorance. Much like old times.
Charles pushed open the kitchen door and drew in a breath. It was just as bad as he expected.
The half-naked, half asleep specimen was surrounded by last night's dishes, and the kitchen was littered with cans and bottles from their time together. He drew breath momentarily as the figure, standing with his back to him, scratched away at his crotch with no shame or awareness.
"Thought I'd asked you not to smoke in the house?" Were Charles' first words as he entered.
It had been the smell of the smoking joint that had woken both him and Molly. That had sent him racing down to find the one and only culprit.
The accused only looked up at him. Drew in more of the weed and pointed his hand towards the window.
"I opened it up for ya." He said thickly as way of excusing himself. "Didn't I?"
Charles strode over to him and grabbed the cigarette from his fingers and stubbed it out.
"No smoking means no fucking smoking." He growled angrily. "Window open or not. There a kid in the house."
"Oi." The victim shouted and pushed towards Charles who had thrown open the door to get fresh air in. A chair was knocked over in his actions. "That was my bloody fag." He shouted.
"Not in my house." Charles said purposefully slowly. "You're a guest. A fucking unwelcome one, but still one anyway. Remember that."
"I don't have to remember." Fingers shouted back. "This is half Molly's house. She wanted me here so there's nothing you can do about it." He pushed himself closer to Charles than was necessary. "You ain't me boss now CHARLES." He sneered out.
Before he had the chance to reply the kitchen door was thrown open and Molly, the peace keeper, and her noticeably pregnant sister rushed in.
Molly caught the mood straight away, had heard the conflict. It wasn't the first time shouting and bad words had been said between these two. The situation was unbearable, but unavoidable, yet sadly was becoming more frequent.
Molly and Charles' world of domestic bliss had changed dramatically over the past weeks. Since Bella told of her news, she'd also added in the fact that her parents now wanted nothing more to do with her. Effectively forcing Molly and Charles' hand into offering Bella and baby Amy a home. It was something Molly would have done willingly, and her kind heart showed no hesitation in offering her a room. Charles, mindfully that Molly always wanted to help, reluctantly agreed, and found at a frightenly fast pace of knots they now had a new lodger. Sadly though for them, at the time of their kind offer, they hadn't bargained was that where Bella went Fingers was bound to follow.
Fingers whose life was equally messed up. He'd admitted the affair to Marie. Or so he said, both Molly and Charles were almost certain such an honourable move was beyond Fingers, and he'd just instead been found out, Marie knew about the affair, and now he too was homeless. So inevitably he'd turned up on their doorstep as well, and they couldn't say no. Past friendships and guilty feelings of days gone by preventing them from doing so.
It was only meant to be a few days, that's what he'd promised, but it turned into more. Fingers and Bella had now been living with Molly and Charles for just over three weeks, and it was hell, for everyone. Fingers and Charles just simply didn't get on. They had little in common outside of the Army, and it was obvious there was no respect from Fingers for his former Captain. As he believed that Charles couldn't and shouldn't judge him. Fingers' reasoning was that Charles had been just as guilty as he now was, and that meant that finally there was no difference between them, and he let Charles know this each and every time they met.
Charles wasn't a fool. He knew exactly what Fingers now thought of him, and hadn't expected anything, but had believed that as his guests Fingers and Bella would have been humbled, grateful and mindful of their position. They weren't, and abused it frequently. He stood back as often as he could, watching in horror at the liberties they took. In Charles' eyes Molly was too soft. Allowing her sister to come and go as she and Fingers pleased, with more often than not leaving Amy in her care.
Charles now found his time with Molly was shared too often. They were rarely alone. He resented it, and missed his time with Molly. Their relationship was still new, and he felt no longer her number one priority. No longer her waking thought. She worried and fussed constantly about her niece and the effects this was having on her. So she spoiled her, over indulged her, and all at the cost of her and Charles' relationship.
Whereas once before it was the noises from their bedroom that would have had the neighbours blushing, it was now Bella and Fingers who put on sickening loud nightly performances. Molly and Charles paralysed with shame and embarrassment. Feigning sleep and lacking intimacy in the process.
"What going on?" A weary Molly asked looking around at the two sparring men in the kitchen. She spoke quietly as Amy was held in her arms.
"Fingers." Charles said flicking his hand to the open door and window. Serious and commanding in his tone. "Smoking."
"Oh for f..." She stopped herself, aware of the child in her arms. "Fingers how many times?" She asked.
Bella flew rapidly and unnecessarily to his defence. Fingers stayed quiet.
"He's stressed. Can't you see that." She shouted at Charles and glanced accusingly at Molly. Going up to her man and wrapping herself around him.
"Yeah we all are." Charles mumbled.
"What's that meant to meant." Bella snapped, holding on to Fingers in a death grip like hug. "You never wanted us here. You pick on Fingers as often as you can. That's why we're all so stressed."
"That's not true." Is it Charles?" Molly butted in. Forever the peace keeper.
But it was too late. The words were out there and Charles hadn't denied the truth in them.
From his lack of words Bella felt they had taken the high ground, and her and Fingers with smirks on their faces and stormed out of the kitchen. Bella forgetting once again to collect her child on the way.
As she left Bella's words rang around the small room.
"I told ya didn't I Molly? I always told ya he was dick." Bella snapped. "You want to do yourself a favour and leave him. He's a controlling head case."
And then she was gone. Finger stormed out too. Leaving Molly alone, with Charles, still literally holding the baby and a kitchen that stank to high heaven. It took her all her will power not to scream at the unfairness of it all
"Just listen to that?" Charles said as he made the way across his lawn.
It was a late September day but the sun still held its heat and he carried two glasses, and chilled bottle of wine in his hands, as he made his way over to her.
She lay fully stretched out on the garden sofa, her short sundress riding up and showing of the tanned legs she'd been working on all through the summer.
She rolled her head up slowly and watched his arrival. Dipping her sunglasses down over her nose and peeping out over the top of them. She smiled. She was happy, plus he was still a fine sight to behold. She took in the fit man he still was. Clad only in his boarding trunks, his toned body and defined chest were perfect for soaking up the last rays of the season.
"What's that?" She asked only half paying attention to his words. More concerned about watching his arms and the muscles ripple as he moved. They'd always held a special fascination to her. Their strength, their protectiveness, their ability to hold her and take away all her worries.
"Exactly." He said as he sat down next to her and lifted her head so it rested on his lap. A practiced comfortable manoeuvre. "Silence. Beautiful silence." He smiled at her.
She sat up and filled their glasses, stealing a look at him as she did so. He still made her heart fly. His looks and his love for her only improving as the time went on.
"Yeah. It's bleeding fab. Ain't it?" She agreed. Then added. "I know it's been hard for ya Charles. Thank you."
And it had. Frequent character assassinations from both Fingers and Bella. Frequent interruptions to his life. Frequently being second placed when Amy was dumped on them. Yet he took it all. Took it all without too much complaint or grumble.
He leaned forward and took his glass from her. Clinked it against hers.
"It's hasn't exactly been fun." He started hesitantly, not wanting her to know just how hard it all was. "But you don't need to apologise. It's not your fault." He sat back and pulled her in to his cuddle. "Beside I understand. And it won't be forever."
She squeezed him.
"You're hopefully mate." And she laughed.
He forced out a laugh and swallowed the dread that it possibly might just be longer than he could stand.
She appreciated him so much. She knew how hard this was for him.
"So? What did you fancy doing with our free weekend then?"
Bella, Amy and Fingers were all missing this weekend. Fingers finally accepting that Molly and Charles, after months of living together were starting to lose their well renounced big heart accolade.
It was tough, five of them living under one roof. Especially when two of them did bugger all and expected to be waited in hand and foot.
So with a degree of unusual insight Fingers had arranged to take Amy and Bella away for the weekend, to give everyone some breathing space.
"I want to do nothing." He answered, and instantly saw she understood as she beamed back at him.
For the past months they had ran around after their imposed house guests. Had cooked, cleaned, and even waited on them to a degree. So to have the house to themselves, to have only their own schedule to work to was a joy.
"Right." She giggled and moved to lie back down. "So more wine, a take away and a cuddle on the settee later it is then." She said with unhidden happiness.
He bent down and pecked her nose.
"Sounds bleeding perfect." He agreed.
They sat, or in Molly's case, lay there for a long while. Gently chatting to each other, catching up and enjoying it being just them again. The afternoon wore on, another bottle was opened, and the garden now filled with life and sound, provided the perfect background to their garden date.
His fingers from one hand were intertwined with hers, while the other played with her hair as it sprayed out onto is lap.
"You don't regret it? Do you?" She suddenly asked. "Us?"
"What?" He said totally surprised. "Why do you ask that? You still make me the happiest I've ever been." He said quietly. "I thought you knew that."
She knew he'd had a few glasses of wine; she knew both their stomachs were empty, but she also knew he was speaking the truth.
"Yeah I do, and ditto." She said. "The happiest for me too."
A happy silence resumed but he knew she had more to say. Her hand played with the glass resting on her stomach.
"Then why ask Molly?"
He waited out for her to begin.
"It's just.." She started. "It just still new since... you know you and I got back together... and I've dumped so much on ya plate."
"You." He said carefully. "Dumped nothing." He replied. "Bella and Fingers. Well that is what it is, but the rest Molly. Well I'm only happy with you." He stroked her face and watched as it broke into a contented smile. "I will take you anyway I can. Family drama or not."
"I guess. I don't know. I've just been thinking." She said after a moment to consider what he'd said.
"Oh now Dawes we all know that's dangerous." He grinned at her as he tapped her nose.
She giggled at his old and well used answer, but said no more. Loving the fun way he still teased her.
"So come on then Molly. What you been thinking about?" He eventually asked.
"The future." She said softly. "Us. What we once had. What we now have. What we were to each other. Stuff like that." She admitted.
She had closed her eyes during this confession, as though to hide why from the honesty.
"Ah." He rumbled quietly back to her. "The little stuff." And paused. "That's quite some thinking there."
"I know." She replied and stole a look through one opened eye briefly. "Isn't it! Don't you ever... I mean do you too? Think about our future and that?"
He shifted slightly, that's all he did. Think about them together; forever. There, to him, could be no other way. He knew it was early days, but he'd never wanted to be without her. They had this second chance. He wanted to take it, hold onto it, no matter what. He was sure she would too, and her words convinced him more. Convinced him that they both wanted the same thing, to be together forever, again.
He cleared his throat, released his hand from hers and grab his glass taking a huge swig of the warming wine from the glass. Nervous at his up and coming request. Worried he'd mess things up, but needed to ask. Needed to try.
"Molly." He said soft and she fluttered her eyes open to gaze up at him from her lying position. "You know I love you?"
She wrinkled her nose and slipped her sunglasses off. "I do." She blinked rapidly and sweetly at him.
"And we're getting on ok?" He asked. She again looked at him happily. "And I'd never hurt you again. Ever."
She reached out and grabbed his hand that had been stroking her hair. "I know Charles." She confirmed.
He sighed relieved.
"So did you ever think? When you've been doing all that thinking." He stumbled on. "Should we... I mean what do you think... you know try again? That is Molly will you ..."
"Who the hell?" She shouted.
His words were cut off as they heard the constant ringing of the front door bell, followed by heavy knocking.
He was too dazed to react. His question cut off and she jumped to her feet to answer it.
"All right. All right keep your bleeding hair on." She muttered as she walked down the hall to answer it, leaving Charles to deal with the wine that had slopped from her glass as she had quickly stood.
"What's the bloody..." She began as she yanked open the door. But all words were cut off.
"YOU." She said.
"YOU." The door knocker replied.
"What the fuck?" Molly asked dazed.
Never in a hundred years had she expected Georgie Lane to be standing in front of her again.
"Come to see Fingers. He gave this address for emergencies." Her nemesis explained.
"He's out." Molly replied. She didn't feel the need for anymore words.
Then her guest laughed.
"Ah I see now what's going on. He's move in here with you and that little tart of a sister you've got."
"Don't you dare." Molly shot back with relative calmness, but with just the right degree of menace. "You of all people... don't you dare."
Georgie pushed passed Molly and invited herself in to the hallway.
"I prefer if this wasn't done in public." She snarled. The turned on Molly. "Knew you'd have something to do with all this. Should have guessed. So what is this then Molly? Pay back?" She asked.
"I don't know what you're on about." Molly said as she slammed the front door shut. Ornaments in the house shook. She had put all her anger into that action, only wishing that the uninvited guest had been on the other side.
"Really? Pretty bloody convenient isn't it?" Georgie continued. "I come back from tour to find my sister's life and the kids' lives have turned to shit. Fingers has up and left, and low and behold I then find out that it's with the slag of a sister of the perfect Molly Fucking Dawes."
Molly stood there dumb struck. For years she had hoped to see Georgie again so she could have her say. Tell her what she thought about what she had done to her and Charles' marriage. In the beginning she had spent many a night planning the vicious verbal attack she'd inflict on her, but she never got the chance. Molly had left too quickly, and her anger was swallowed up instead by her grief over losing Charles, and the distance she had put between them.
Georgie took the silence as having the upper hand. So she turned on her again.
"You and that little home wrecker dream this up between you?"
"No." Molly said instantly. Sickened by the thought she could play with someone's life like that.
They stared at each other in resentful silence.
Molly was spectacularly calm. The intervening years and her new happiness had given her a better outlook on it all. The time for anger had passed. She had let that go a long time ago, a long time before she had even forgiven Charles. Instead she calmly watched the ex friend in front of her, and although didn't react to the all too familiar taunting Georgie was giving her, she knew she hadn't and couldn't ever forgive her. Molly shook her head and a sad smile crossed it. Georgie was confused, then suddenly spoke.
"You know he begged me? Begged me to stay with him. Give it ago." She waited for a reaction.
Her words hurt Molly as she knew exactly who she was talking about.
Georgie continued.
"After that night he wanted more. He wanted me." She sneered at Molly. "Not you...me!"
Molly drew in a sharp breath feeling Charles' betrayal all over again. Wanting not to hear this but powerless to stop it.
"Ironic isn't it? Georgie laughed. "I lost the love of my life and you lost yours!" She paused. "I didn't want Charles, but he wanted me. I never did want him, but I took him anyway, because he wanted me so much."
"It's not true." Molly whispered. Then swallowed and asked. "Why then Georgie? Why?"
Georgie's stood straight and determined to cause pain, but not to tell the truth.
"He still wants me you know? He still calls me, contacts me, begs me for another chance." She laughed sharply. "He still loves me. You've lost him Mols. Now and for ever."
Up until those words Molly had been fearful that what she was hearing was maybe true. That Charles had wanted to try with Georgie after it all, despite what he'd told her. She had started to doubt everything Charles had told her, but then with those few words, she knew that Georgie's word were all a pack of lies. She glorified in the high moral ground she was now about to take.
"You're wrong." She simply said. "So wrong Georgie. He never wanted you. He was ill. Messed up. Didn't know what he was doing."
"And afterwards? Later on?" Georgie asked. "Heard you ran away. Left the country. What do you know?"
"I know enough." Molly said gently. "To know he regrets everything."
"Still cheated on you though didn't he? With me. That must stick in your gut? Perfect Molly Dawes and her perfect Captain James... gone right down the shitter! Just like my life did."
Molly felt no longer angry at Georgie, and realise that she hadn't for a long time now. What she did feel seeing this raging, lying woman in front of her, was a sorry account of the character she used to know.
"Come in Georgie." She pointed to the lounge. "Let's talk." Trying to help with Georgie's obvious still raw grief over Elvis.
Georgie refused to move. Not enjoying this confident controlled Molly.
"No. I've nothing more to say. I came here for Fingers. Not you. I never wanted to see you again, or to speak to you."
"Yet you've had plenty to say!" Molly reasoned. "Since you walked through that door."
Suddenly Georgie realised how unaffected Molly was by her presence. How little hurt she had inflicted on her, hurt she thought she should feel because she still hurt over Elvis. She tried again.
"Just last week he texted." She began scarily quiet after her shouting. "Wanted to see me. Told me..."
"What did I tell you?"
The sound of his voice made the colour drain from Georgie's face as she span around to look at him. He prowled down the hallway towards them both, still only dressed in his shorts, hung low and tempting on his hips, his top half bare, as were his feet, yet he still commanded attention.
"Charles!" She shot out in surprise and horror. Then instantly flushed. Partly at his presence, partly at the sight of his semi naked body again. "What?" She asked confused.
"I think." Charles began again as he went over towards Molly and pulled her into him. Grateful that she moulded into him with no resistance. "You were just about to explain about all these attempts I've apparently made to contact you." He arched his eyebrows at her, in full Captain mode.
She flounder. Stuttered. Affected by the semi nakedness of Charles in front of her. Assaulted with memories of the last time they'd been close and scantily clad. Her face flushed, as she processed the reaction it caused in her still. His body was as perfect and as tempting as it always had been. She felt it's loss in her life more keenly than she had felt for a long time.
She pushed all those thoughts down, and reignited her rage.
"You two?" She asked as realisation dawned on her. Understanding why he was there, with Molly, together. Resenting what she was seeing. "You have to be bloody kidding me?"
"It's not true is it Georgie?" He asked. "I haven't been contacting you! Not since that night. Not once."
Molly could feel the worry and stress Charles felt standing next to her. She moved into him closer and squeezed his hand to reassure him. She was rewarded by a tentative smile from him.
"You're back together." Georgie asked not bothering to answer his question. "How long?" She asked
"Forever." Charles answered and pulled Molly closer to him. Purposefully misinterpreting her question. All she needed to know was that Molly was the one. No matter what.
"Why?" She stared at Molly. "Why did you forgive him? How could you?" She asked.
"Cause I love him." She replied. "Always did. Always will."
"What happened shouldn't have happened." He said. "You know that Georgie? You and I? We fucked up. Just like Elvis fucked up."
"Don't." She spat out. "Don't you blame him."
"His death wasn't your fault or mine. I thought it was for a long time." Charles admitted. "But it wasn't. He took a risk. A silly risk and paid for it. We all did."
Molly went to step forward when she saw Georgie's eyes fill up and her head shake.
"It's not fair." She spoke stepping away from any comfort Molly would give her. "It's not fair." And with that she turned and left. Closing the door slowly behind her.
It took them seconds to move. Both frozen in the moment.
He couldn't move. He couldn't dare to think what Molly must have been feeling. That she may even believe Georgie's lies.
"You ok?" She asked him, noticing he moved away at the sound of her voice. A small, tiny, bubble of anger stirred in her gut. Resenting the silence and the distance he'd engineered. Then she squashed it. This wasn't going to be them again. Georgie Lane wasn't going to wreck them again. She'd learnt the hard way that sometimes in life you just had to let go, move on, and embrace what you now have. Her past and Georgie's involvement in it wasn't going to destroy her happiness.
She watched him closely. He fiddled with his ear and shuffled his feet. He stood only just out of her reach in front of her. The small hall way, the scene to the drama that had just unfolded now feeling uncomfortably hot and stifling to them both.
"Yeah." He didn't look at her. Focused on his bare feet. Nervously now playing with the soft curls at the back of his neck. He stalled then drew the courage to speak. "You know none of it was true don't you? I haven't, wouldn't, didn't stay in touch." He searched her eyes for confirmation.
"I know." She politely said and stepped closer. He held his ground, "Though some of it was true though wasn't it?" And she took away another fraction of the space between them.
His head shot up to look at her. "What?" He choked out. She stood so close to him now.
She reached for his hands.
"She's right. It's true. It ain't fair." She caught his full gaze and held it. "Elvis died. Lots of people got hurt. Georgie especially."
"Molly." He cautioned. He knew all about her big heart.
"What happened happened. It wasn't right. It wasn't nice, but I can see now." She pulled him in to her and rested her head on his chest. Snaking her arms around him. She almost purred when he did the same back. "Georgie was desperate, still is. She's lost everything. We all did for a while." She kissed his bare chest to connect even more with him. "Thing is we got it back... what we lost. She hasn't. Didn't. That's why she made all that up. Why she's still so hurt. She's angry and empty."
"You feel sorry for her don't you?" He shook his head as he kissed on the top of hers.
"Yeah I guess I do." She breathed into him. "Don't you feel sorry for her?" She asked.
"Honestly Molly...no. When it comes to Lane I don't feel anything, except regret and sadness."
"But she's never moved on." Molly explained. "That was obvious from today's outburst. She was hurting."
"And we have." He said as a statement as he breathed slowly out.
"Yeah we have. Forgiven and forgotten. Changed because of it... but stronger I guess." And she reinforced this as she held onto him tighter.
"You amaze me Molly." He rested his head on hers. His chin heavy on the top of her hair. "Amaze me and make me grateful every day you had a big enough heart to come back to me."
She pulled away.
"Once. A long time ago. I promised you I always would. That ain't changed Charles. I always will."
"Always." He repeated.
"Just like I know that you'll always come back to me." She continued.
He dipped his head to hers. Her face now tilted to his and her lips parted in anticipation. A seal to the deal they were making.
"Yes Molly. Always." And then he kissed her.