...Ben...
As he tried to hold in the wince as the medic tended to his broken leg, he felt Rey searching for him through their shared Force Bond. He was tempted to shy away because the conversation with Poe had left him raw. He didn't want her to feel all the guilt he had swirling around him. He looked up and saw her crying and knew it was because she'd felt just how horrible he felt for all the things he'd done as Kylo Ren. He wanted so badly to atone for his mistakes, but he knew that some mistakes couldn't be fixed. Both of his parents were dead. His father by his own hand. He didn't want the medic to freak out, so he remained silent, but kept his eyes on Rey. She was in a different area of the Resistance Base, but he didn't need to see where she was. All he needed to see was her. He felt better knowing that she wasn't turning away from him, but he knew she would never do that unless he fell back to the Dark Side. But that was something he would never do.
"Well, sir," he jumped and turned to the woman treating his leg, "Sorry hun, I didn't mean to scare you." She gave him a timid smile, "I just wanted to let you know that this will probably take a few weeks to heal, unless you can do that yourself with the Force. I asked Leia about it once and I think that's something you Force users are supposed to be able to do, right?"
At the mention of his mother, Ben looked away from her and back to Rey. She was still crying softly but instead of seeing her within their bond she'd crossed the compound to come to him in person. "Oh, Rey!" The medic greeted her, "Come to make sure our prisoner doesn't make any foolhardy escape?"
Rey laughed and replied, "No, Metz, he's not going to do that. I came because I could feel he needed me." She looked into his eyes then, "I'll always come when you need me." She took his hand and the medic was forgotten. There was only himself and Rey. She hadn't had a chance to get cleaned up since they'd returned to the Base but he thought she could never look more beautiful than she did at that moment.
"Thank you, Rey. I'll do my best to remember that." He looked down at his leg in shame for a moment before returning his gaze to hers. "I haven't had anyone but myself to count on in such a long time that it's sure to be hard to get used to." He looked to the floor shamed by his past yet again. But he made an effort to steel his resolve and looked back up into her beautiful eyes. She had a few tears that were running down her face and he could feel how desperately she wanted to take his pain and hopelessness away. To that end he added, "I will do everything I need to do for as many people as I can so that the name Kylo Ren is forgotten and Ben Solo can have a second chance at life free of the Dark Side. I will learn to trust in others again." He paused not knowing if he should say more, but the strength he felt in this moment was too much to ignore. He needed to say the words, "And I'll learn how to love again as well. I know what I want love to be, but I need to remember what it truly means to love someone." He didn't let his gaze leave Rey's until he'd finished. He wanted to be brave, he wanted to be strong.
He wanted to be Ben.
...Rey...
She'd turned to Finn and apologized, but he walked away before she'd explained where she was going. After feeling Ben's guilt and knowing that he couldn't come to her without starting the war back up right where it left off, she needed to go to him. More than that though, she wanted to go to him. So when she heard him saying he'd learn what love truly was she knew that he would learn what love was and that she would learn right alongside him. She knew that she would always stand beside him and they would face the future together. They were bonded in such a way that they could never be truly apart ever again.
"So long as I can learn about love with you." She smiled, ''Because other than the friendships I've made here I don't think I really, truly know what love is either." He returned her smile hesitantly. It was such a beautiful thing, his smile. She had seen a lot of smiles, but no one smiled like Ben. She heard coughing, and realized that they'd completely forgotten that Metz was there still, as she had been tending to Ben's leg. "Sorry, Metz. I forgot you were still here. But I'm glad you got to see him this way. More people need to know just how much guilt he's carrying for everything he did. He's not Kylo Ren anymore, Metz. He really is Leia's Ben."
She watched as Metz thought about what she'd said, and was glad for the small smile the medic gave her in return.
"Rey, for Leia's sake, I want to believe it. I want to believe it so badly. He's been nothing but cooperative since I was brought in to treat him, and he was so polite when he answered my questions about his injuries," Metz looked at Ben now, "If you really have left Kylo Ren in the Darkness like he deserved, and have fully come back to the Light, then I'll be of the first to vouch for you when people eventually try to hang you for everything you did. But mark my words, if you so much as make Rey cry over a single little thing, I'll have you shipped out of here so fast that you won't know which way is up."
Her last statement was enunciated by Metz waving a finger in Ben's appropriately blushing face. He cleared his throat and thanked Metz for her willingness to believe in his return to the Light. For the first time since Exegol, Rey could feel the hope within him and felt some of that hope herself. If someone who'd loved Leia as much as Metz could forgive him, surely there would be others who'd be willing to see his change and accept it as well.
...Finn...
Finn was angry. Angrier than he'd ever been. She loved Ren? How was that even possible? No one could love him! He'd murdered countless innocents, he'd killed his own Father! He was evil! Wasn't he? Wasn't he the one whom they'd been fighting this whole time along with the First Order? Wasn't it his lightsaber that pierced the heart of Han Solo? The one who would have killed the entire Resistance, his Mother included, if it hadn't been for Luke Skywalker, his Uncle? Finn continued in this line of thinking as he walked away from Rey and towards a different part of the base.
He needed to think. He had to process what was happening with Rey and Kylo Ren. Rey kept calling him, "Ben," as if that monster deserved to be recognized as the son of Han and Leia. His angry walk led him into the forest, where Leia had taken Rey to do training. He sat and remembered coming to watch hoping that neither would catch him. He loved watching Rey use the Force. She was a natural, as Leia kept saying. He also remembered the day that Leia and Rey began to meditate and he'd sat on the ground and closed his eyes and listened intently.
"Listen to the sounds around you, Rey. Allow them to penetrate you. Hear the birds in the trees, the ants on the ground, each creature that lives and breathes. Now, listen to the Planet. The whole of this world breathes just as the creatures and beings that call it home, just in a different way. Now, can you feel the thread of light just beyond the sounds of the Planet? Look closely."
After a beat, Rey gasped, and Finn did as well. He could feel everything Leia was talking about. The animals, the grass, the Planet, and that small thread of Light. It was calling to him, and he reached out for it. It reached back and he could feel just how lost Rey felt after losing Luke. How tired and despairing Leia felt over the loss of her husband and son. But he also felt the hope that the two carried and that is what he held onto.
As he walked through the memory, he held out his hand as he'd seen Rey do countless times. He reached within himself and towards the small boulder that was across the dirt path he'd followed to get here. At first, the boulder was resistant to his call, but once he allowed himself to let go of the anger he'd been building up, he felt the boulder lift from the ground. When he opened his eyes, he watched in awe as the confirmation of what he thought he knew floated back down to the ground at his direction. He could use the Force. He could become a Jedi. He'd wanted to tell Rey that she wasn't alone. That he too could feel the Force. But he'd never known when to say something. When he thought they were going to die, he'd said that there was something he wanted her to know. He'd only have one more chance to tell her. But it was too late. Then, they were alive and she was able to heal the cave worm and he didn't need to tell her anymore. But he'd wanted to. The mission was too important, though. He would have to wait.
But now? He'd been so angry with her when, truly, he was only mad at Kylo Ren. The man she claimed to love. Could Ben Solo still be redeemed? Could Leia's dying wish become a reality? He wanted to have hope that the Galaxy could move on now that the Resistance had won. They'd been freed from the tyranny of the First Order. No other children would be taken from their families and turned into killers. There could be peace. But was there hope for the son of Han and Leia?
Finn turned to walk back towards the base but stopped dead in his tracks. There stood Poe, mouth agape in awe. "So, I'm guessing you saw all of that, right?"
...Poe...
"So I'm guessing you saw all that, right?"
Poe wasn't even sure that he comprehended what Finn had just said. But his mind was trying to also process that he'd seen the former StormTrooper just levitate a boulder off the ground!
Once he finally found his voice he exclaimed, "Saw that? What, only you lifting a freaking rock with your mind? Yea I saw that you crazy Jedi you! Come here!" And at that he pulled Finn into a hug and dared himself to be the last one to let go. Why did telling Finn how he felt just keep getting harder. Once Finn began to pull back though, he looked Finn in the eye and said, "Finn I'm so happy for you! This is amazing! Have you told Rey?"
Finn's expression, which had gone from embarrassment to elation had fallen and he looked so conflicted. "I tried to, several times. But I never felt like there was that right time or whatever." Finn paused and looked up at him, and Poe could feel his cheeks getting red the longer they held the gaze. "Poe, I don't know how I feel about her saving him."
Well, that was a bombshell he wasn't expecting. "I can't say I know exactly how to feel about it either, Finn. She didn't tell anyone he was even there and when I saw him get off the ship..." Poe had to pause a moment. This is not what he was expecting to talk to Finn about and now he was getting angry again.
Before he could pick up his thought, Finn interrupted, "I'm so sorry Poe. I didn't mean to make you angry. I know that you can't be the only one trying to restrain themselves from punching him in the face on principal." Finn tried to turn away, but Poe held a hand on his shoulder and gently turned Finn back to face him.
"You don't have to be sorry, it's not you that's made me angry. He broke my mind, Finn. I know you know what that's like. You were brainwashed by the First Order ever since you were a kid. Seeing you use the Force though, it makes sense why you were one of the first to ever defect. The woman on Endor, she said she and her companions were former StormTroopers too, right? Maybe they all can use the Force!" Now he was really going off on a tangent.
"My point is, Finn, you don't have to be sorry, because you're not at fault. And you could never make me angry." He flashed his 'signature' smile and gave him a light bump on the shoulder and was glad that Finn chuckled. He hated to see his friend so down. Finn asked if he'd been coming out to the forest for a reason and Poe wasn't sure if he wanted to open that can of worms or not, but he'd promised himself that he'd finally talk to Finn because he was miserable keeping his feelings to himself. He also knew that if Finn didn't reciprocate he'd be crushed, but would never hold it against him. Poe would just have to get over him, and find someone else.
"Well, to tell you the truth, I was looking for you since we all got back. I had to help a few people first and I made sure that our prisoner wasn't being treated like a POW but then I saw you walking this way and tried to follow. I got lost once too, but I found you. And I wanted to talk to you about something."
Poe mentally facepalmed. He was never this nervous! Finn looked so confused too. He'd probably never really had a chance to date or anything similar in the First Order. "Sorry. My thoughts kinda ran away from me there." Poe took a breath and looked Finn in the eyes.
"Finn, since the day I met you I've known that we'd be friends for a lifetime. I've never met anyone like you. You defected from the First Order on a whim, and if that doesn't make you a hero, then staying and fighting, especially after Rose caught you trying to run away definitely does! You are a good man, and you never even had anyone to show you how to do that. I never have to wonder if I'm going to get shot from behind, because I know you've got my back."
Finn still had a puzzled look on his face, but Poe had made it this far. He couldn't stop now. "Finn I've come to care for you more than I've ever cared about anyone in my life. I want you to know that I have fallen in love with you, and I know you haven't really had any experience with that, so know that I'll be ok if you don't feel that way too. I can definitely still be your best friend if you don't feel that way about me. I know you probably never had any experiences with men loving other men, but just so you know, it's not something bad or wrong. Some people will ignore me, but that's nothing compared to what some people I know have been through." Poe felt like he was starting to spiral again and resolved to get this over with, "I'm sorry if I took you completely off guard or stepped way out of line or something. I just really needed to let you know how I felt because it was something I almost never got to tell you." With that, Poe smiled at Finn and waved at him to show him the way back to base. Finn smiled back, but seemed unsure of himself.
"Thanks for telling me, Poe," he said as they made their way back, "I'm not sure I can really give you a response yet. You're right, I've never seen men love other men. It'll take me some time to kinda process, but I want you to know that I'm still going to have your back. It might be something I have to discover about myself, but I'm not upset you told me. It's really flattering, actually."
He laughed then, and Poe knew that no matter what, he'd still love this former StormTrooper because, well, how could he not?