Chapter 5: Info Exchange
Dylan, Jax, and the digimon ran down to a small group of structures to find the other Reds and Blues, hopefully soon enough that they could help Caboose.
"Hello?" Dylan called out
"Is anyone here?" Gatomon asked as they heard a vehicle coming up by them.
"Double time!" Sarge yelled behind the wheel of the Warthog
"Hey" Jax called out too late as Sarge drove past them yelling about getting to a battle on time. Just as the group began to recover their witts, Simmons ran past them faster than what should be possible while rapidly speaking some strange language. Grif ran up and was yelling back and forth with Tucker who was on one of the buildings.
"Yo Grif!" Tucker called out "What about 'the Blue goo dolls?"
"No!" Grif yelled back "we need 'Red Zeppelin'"
"'The Blue Fighters'"
"Uh, 'The Grateful Red'"
"Oh, no, **** you!" Tucker yelled back before running off the base.
"Hey" Dylan said "You're Grif."
"Grif" Gatomon said "Can you help us?" Grif laughs for a moment before responding.
"Who the **** are you?" Grif replies
"Dylan Andrews, and this is-" Dylan begins before being interrupted
"Hold up" Grif said "I just realized how much I don't care"
"Please Grif" Dylan said "Captain Caboose, he fell off a cliff and-" Dylan was interrupted again.
"Whoa you killed Caboose?" Grif asked "Awesome, can you kill Sarge next?"
"What?!" Oculus yelled out in disbelief at Grif's tone
"No wait" Grif said
"That's a reli-" Gatomon was interrupted
"First, kill Donut and then Sarge." Grif finished as Simmons came running by yelling more of that foreign language, almost as if on cue another voice spoke up.
"Has anyone seen my tanning oil?" Donut asked out of sight (thank all that is holy this is the case)
"Donut!" Grif yelled "We have guests, put some clothes on for Pete's sake!" Tucker chose this moment to reappear
"Oh, 'Blue-Tang Clan'!" Tucker yelled
"The 'Red Kennedys'!" Grif yelled back as something could be heard falling in the background. The digimon looked up to see it was Sarge in the warthog.
"SUCK IT, NEWTON!" Sarge was yelling until he hit the ground and the Warthog exploded.
"Holy crap!" Gatomon yelled
"Cool, Pyrotechnics" Jax said as Sarge walked away perfectly fine and defying all logic.
"Foiled again" Sarge said sadly as Dylan lost her patience
"LISTEN EVERYONE, I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE **** YOU'RE ALL DOING BUT CABOOSE IS DOWN, SERIOUSLY INJURED, AND POSSIBLY DEAD!" Dylan yelled out only to be shocked by who replied
"Oh no not Caboose!" Caboose yelled out "We have to rescue him."
"What?" Oculus and Gatomon both asked to no one in particular
"Captain Caboose, you're ok." Dylan said
"Oh yeah, I just fell on my head but that's okay because that's the part of my body that's most used to it, I'm going to go lay down now." Caboose ran off as guns could be heard cocking. The group turned to find Washington and Carolina pointing their weapons at them.
"We have a few questions for you." Wash said
"You can start with, who you are and why you're here." Carolina said
"Washington and Carolina, you're both alive" Dylan said
"Don't sound so surprised" Wash said "I believe my partner asked you a question."
"Of course, I'm Dylan Andrews, Interstellar Daily, this is my cameraman Jax and these are digimon from the past"
"I'm Oculus" Oculus said in greeting
"Gatomon" Gatomon also said
"We came here because of the attacks supposedly perpetrated by the Reds and Blues"
"Attacks?" Tucker asked
"About the crisis involving an evil digimon and time travel"
"Finally, something to fight!" Sarge yelled
"And, the missing Freelancer agents"
"Which Freelancers are missing?" Carolina asked lowering her weapon
"A lot of them, look we've been searching for you for a while now"
"Well congratulations you four" Wash said as all the Reds and Blues, save Donut, stood before them "you found us" he finished. With that, they all went inside and gathered around a meeting table.
"Let's start with these attacks" Carolina said
"No" Dylan said "The four of us have traveled across time and space, risk our lives, and Jax and I sacrificed our careers to get here, so either we start with my questions and the Myotismon Crisis, or we leave."
"What she said" Gatomon agreed
"Well" Wash sighed "What do you want to know?"
"It's simple" Dylan said "What happened to you after the war on Chorus?"
"Ugh" Grif groaned "A lot of bull****"
"Before or after the temple? Because, if it's before, this is gonna get Weird real quick." Tucker said
"Temple?" Oculus asked
"Chorus had this ancient alien relic called the temple of pr-"
"You said we wouldn't talk about that!" Grif and Simmons exclaimed at the same time while glancing at each other.
"It was an interesting event" Sarge said
"You guys keep saying that, but everything felt normal to me." Tucker said
"Surprising no one" Wash replied
"Can we just change the subject?" Simmons pleaded
"Oh, they're just upset because somebody locked them in the closet wh-" Caboose began before being interrupted
"The subject!" Grif yelled "Change it!"
"To actually answer you're question" Wash said "After the war on Chorus, we decided we were due some time off."
"We deserved some R&R even Carolina agreed" Tucker said
"I thought I'd give the simple life a day in court." Carolina confirmed
"No more adventures!" Grif cheered "**** yeah, I was on board!"
"Kimball set us up on this isolated moon and built us the coolest new bases ever." Simmons said
"Everyone adjusted to the peace and quiet in different ways, some of us were naturals." Tucker said
"Don't hate the player" Grif said
"And Sarge got hopelessly depressed after not dying heroically on Chorus." Simmons said
"Hogwash, baseless slander" Sarge protested
"But you said" Simmons said beginning a flashback which the group of four was somehow able to see, let's just say its magic to avoid unnecessary confusion.
Flashback
"Men" Sarge said outside of the new Red base with the Reds standing by him "I am hopelessly depressed after not dying heroically on Chorus. We need a new enemy, someone to fight!" Sarge exclaimed as everyone else ran away "Where are you all going?"
Present
"Sarge wasn't the only one who had trouble adjusting to inaction. Tucker said causing everyone to look at Carolina
"What?" Carolina asked
"Luckily we found her a tutor." Wash said triggering another flashback
Flashback
Carolina stood near a stream facing Grif, who was sitting cross-legged.
"Help me Grif" Carolina said "Help me to be the best at being lazy"
"You're not ready padawan" Grif said in the tone of a wise man
"But I can try."
"There is no try."
Present
"The peaceful times didn't last long however" Tucker said "Turns out, this planet had some native lifeforms"
Flashback
Grif, Simmons, and Tucker could be seen running from something that was thumping loudly.
"AHHH, RUN!" Simmons yelled
"I can't die as food!" Grif yelled as well "Oh the irony!
Present
While everyone argued whether or not dying as food was technically ironic" Carolina began with an exasperated sigh "Caboose made friends with the dinosaurs"
"Because of course he did" Grif said triggering yet another flashback
Flashback
Everyone was looking upwards to where Caboose had actually gotten atop one of the dinosaurs.
"Oh who is a good boy!" Caboose called excitedly "Oh, you are a good boy!"
"Caboose get down!" Tucker yelled
"TELL ONE OF THEM TO FIGHT ME!" Sarge demanded
Present
"And then Donut somehow managed to burn down our bases!" Grif yelled in frustration
Flashback
Donut could be seen standing in front of the two burning bases
"Whoopsy-daisy" Donut said
Present
"Why, oh why, oh WHY?" Grif sobbed
"I told you" Donut said from another room "It was just another mishap with one of my vanilla satin scented candles, yeesh."
"Donut, clothes!" Tucker yelled
"Party pooper!" Donut replied
"Why doesn't he have clothes on?" Oculus and Jax asked
"That's your first question?" Dylan and Gatomon replied in shock
Simmons glared at Grif as he began speaking
"We lost 85% of our rations in the fire, so fat*** here decided to go around eating native plants!" Simmons yelled triggering another flashback
Flashback
Grif walked up to a bunch of mushrooms and purred
"Hey there, beautiful" he said seductively
Present
"And as it turns out" Simmons continued taking his glare off of Grif "the mushrooms here are like crystal meth ON CRYSTAL METH!"
Flashback
Grif ran with inexplicable speeds by various Reds and Blues while yelling incomprehensibly, but unlike Simmons, you could at least tell he spoke English.
Present
"Yeah" Grif chuckled as he countered "Well, at least I wasn't the one who spent his summer learning Esparanto.
"I thought Esparanto was Spanish for Spanish" Simmons admitted in defeat
"And now you're the only one in the universe who speaks a dead language" Tucker commented "How appropriate"
"I estas ti el sol" Simmons replied
"And Freckles got a new body!" Caboose cheered "Now he can use any bathroom he wants."
Flashback
Freckles walks up in a new body of Mantis assault droid that is ridiculously small, like an RC toy.
"Prepare to be exterminated!" Freckles yelled in a chipmunk esque high-pitched voice 'shooting' Caboose who falls dramatically
"Agh!" Caboose yells "Tucker, you are supposed to play dead"
"Right" Tucker says walking away from Freckles and Caboose
Present
"That happened right around the time when we tried to raise money for new bases by selling off our movie rights." Tucker said
"Hollywood really screwed the pooch on that one" Grif said
"Oh, we were rich" Simmons said
"But then we realized that water parks were way cooler than bases." Tucker said
"So we built the galaxy's greatest waterpark" Carolina sighed
Flashback
"YAY!" Everyone except Carolina cheered outside of the new water park
Present
"AND THEN DONUT…"
Flashback
Donut stands in front of the waterpark, which he somehow set on fire.
"Whoopsy-daisy!"
Present
"I mean how do you BURN DOWN A WATER PARK DONUT?!" Grif screamed as Donut came into the room now wearing his pink armor
"Ok 1) Milk isn't normally flammable and 2) I didn't burn down the whole water park, just the park part!" Donut replied
"And then we formed the best band ever." Caboose said
"Tucker thought it might attract, ladies" Wash explained
"Which worked" Tucker said
Flashback
"The Talking Reds" Grif argued
"Motley Blue" Tucker shot back
"How about-" Grif was interrupted
"Hey boys" Carolina said "I hear you still need a singer"
"**** yeah, chick singers are awesome!" Tucker said
"But can you sing though?" Grif asked
"Can I sing?" Carolina questioned back in a confident tone
Present
"Carolina sings" Tucker began in a flat voice "So good"
"Thank you" Carolina beamed
"And we definitely aren't just saying that because she could kill us" Simmons said
"So good" Grif forced out, either Carolina didn't notice the sarcasm or didn't care, probably the first given how competitive she is.
"Sarge decided to make his own robot army to invade the valley" Simmons said in order to change the subject
"But the robots malfunctioned and attacked the dinosaurs!" Tucker exclaimed
Flashback
The Reds and Blues are all gathered on a cliffside watching as the robots and dinosaurs fight each other, as the roars and laser fire is heard, everyone is stunned by what they see.
"I've seen a lot of things in my time" Wash began "But this, this one takes the cake"
Present
Carolina chuckled for a minute before speaking
"And then, Grif convinced Simmons, Game of Thrones really happened" Carolina said
Flashback
Grif and Simmons are standing atop the ruins of Red base and Simmons is coming to terms with the 'truth' he just learned
"No way" Simmons said
"Way" Grif replied
"Dude"
"Dude"
"Dude"
"Yeah, dude"
"That's so awesome!" Simmons exclaims "I should go visit"
Present
"Sarge found a new enemy" Simmons began "One that would keep him busy for the rest of our time here."
Flashback
Sarge walks up to his men who stand in front of the Red base ruins.
"Men, for far too long we have been oppressed, crushed, under the weight of ourselves. If we can't stand up to our mortal foe gravity, who will?" Sarge declared as Wash and Carolina listened in
"Are we just going to let this play out?" Carolina asked
"Why not see where it goes?" Wash replied as Sarge gets into the Warthog with Lopez inside of it as well.
"Buckle up friend-o" Sarge said "We have a war to win"
"NO" Lopez said in spanish as sarge drove the Warthog off of the cliff.
"YEEHAW!" Sarge yelled as the Warthog flew downwards in a spin
Present
"But that just meant Blue team had one more vehicle than Red Team" Simmons said
Flashback
Sarge and the Reds were once again standing outside of the Reds base ruins except this time the Warthog was totaled and on fire.
"Men, we cannot sit by and allow Blue team to have tactical superiority over the valley. This means war." Sarge says
"****" Lopez curses in Spanish
"RED VS. BLUE!" Sarge finishes
Present
"Then we realized just how outdated this whole Red team Blue team thing was." Tucker said
"So we had a meeting to determine a new form of government." Simmons said
Flashback
The Reds and Blues are all gathered to debate.
"I vote anarchy" Grif says
"You can't vote anarchy you dumb-***" Simmons replies
"Monarchy" Tucker says taking out his sword "Whoever wields the magical sword, Excalibur!"
"Party-Paryarchy!" Caboose yells
"Military dictatorship!" Sarge demands
"Matriarchy" Carolina says
"Oh, how about Malarkey?" Caboose asks
"Caboose, that's not a form of government, that just means meaningless talk and nonsense." Simmons replied quieting everyone
Present
"Malarkey won" Wash informed the group of four
"You didn't mention the dark place" Caboose said
"Oh yeah" Tucker said "Caboose somehow fell into another dimension"
Flashback
Caboose somehow ended up falling into the Upside-Down from Stranger Things and stands alone surrounded by darkness.
"Hello" Caboose calls out "THIS IS AWESOME!"
Back at the bases the Reds and Blues set up the Christmas lights so they can communicate with Caboose.
"Neat" Wash said "He just keeps saying neat"
Present
"Oh, and we found Donut dead" Tucker says
"What?" Gatomon and Oculus asks
Flashback
Grif, Simmons and Tucker are all looking down at Donut's unmoving armor.
"Sweet" Grif says
Present
"We decided to bury him in a shallow, unmarked grave." Grif said
Flashback
Grif, Simmons, and Tucker are all looking down on the grave when they hear Donut speak
"Aw Fiddlesticks" Donut said
Present
"Turns out he was just-" Grif was interrupted
"Please don't finish saying what you were about to say" Gatomon pleaded
Flashback
Grif, Simmons, and Tucker are running away across an open field, except instead of fleeing dinosaurs, they are running from Donut.
"AH, RUN!" Simmons yelled
"Oh the irony!" Grif shouts
Present
"But that wasn't even the weirdest thing that happened" Carolina said "Wash grew a beard"
Flashback
Washington is seen standing alone
"It's kind of itchy" Wash says
Present
"And then this morning Grif spiked Simmon's couscous, with his meth-meth 'shrooms." Tucker said
"You know for the lolz" Grif replied
Flashback
We are back to where the group of four arrived with Simmons running around, Grif and Tucker arguing, and Sarge 'fighting' gravity.
Present
"It's been awful!" Grif said "Instead of a peaceful retirement, it's been the same **** ****, with the same **** idiots."
"You got all of that right?" Dylan asks Jax
"Uh, yes" Jax replies turning on the record function of his helmet mounted camera.
"Okay, so I believe the next order of business is this Myotismon Crisis." Wash says
"Yep" Gatomon says, she and Oculus debrief everyone on the situation, understanding that this is an immediate emergency, they choose to put a pin in the attacks and missing freelancers and focus on this problem first.
"There is one other thing" Oculus said approaching Carolina "Can you take this?" Oculus asks her holding out a digivice
"Sure" Carolina says, as she takes hold of the digivice it lights up in her hand as does the crest that Oculus has been wearing around his neck. "What does this mean?" Carolina asks
"You are a digidestined, and I am your digimon partner" Oculus explained handing her the crest of tenacity. "And this is your crest" Carolina nodded in acceptance and everyone moved to get ready to leave. The Reds (save Grif) are over at the Red base ruins listening to Sarge.
"Men" Sarge begins "Today our long nightmare of peace has finally ended, to the north beacons shine, to the west the dogs of war are a howling. HOWL!" Sarge begins howling followed by the Reds "We must stand together, against these whites!" Sarge yells
"What?!" Simmons yells
"Aren't the digimon and reporters on our side?" Donut asks but is ignored due to Sarge's raging insanity
"They've done it before: The Meta! Agent Wyoming, and now, the White team once agains rears its ugly head on our war-friendly valley." Sarge declares
"Sarge" Simmons said "I feel the need to inform you that you're bordering some really offensive territory."
"Borders?!" Sarge yelled "Whites don't care about borders! They go where they want, when they want, and leave nothing in their wake but indie rock and smoothie shops!"
"But Sarge" Donut argues "I'm redish-white"
"That's why you're our ace in the hole Donut, you must act like a white, go skiing, drink frappes, and throw away your perfectly good tech for the newest model." Sarge orders
"I do most of that already" Donut replies
"Tumblr is going to hate this" Lopez comments in Spanish
"Donut" Sarge says "You must live in between both worlds as our White spy."
"Sarge" Simmons speaks up "As your second in command, I really have to question the long-term effectiveness of this particular strategy."
"I know it's strange Simmons" Sarge began "But either I'm right or I'm just an old man who's lost his mind and can't exist outside of the military and thus finds increasingly absurd things to declare war on because he doesn't want to admit that deep down, he's forgotten who he really is." Everyone is silent for a moment before Sarge continues "Now where was I? Oh yeah, the race war"
"It's not a race war!" Lopez yells in Spanish
"That's right, where is Grif?" Sarge asks
"Huh" Simmons says "He was at the meeting"
"He must have been captured by the Whites!" Sarge yelled "Let's go get 'em." Meanwhile, the Blues are speaking with the group of four.
"I'm not sure how I feel about two civilians coming along with us" Wash says pointing specifically at Dylan and Jax
"I'm an experienced combat journalist, I reported on the front lines of the Great War, I can handle myself just fine" Dylan assured them
"What about your cameraman?" Carolina asked
"I have seen things you could never imagine" Jax began in a mystified tone "Warships off the belt of Orion" Jax then reverts to his usual self "Blade Runner!" he practically sings
"Just when I thought we had already reached Peak Moron" Carolina comments as Sarge and Simmons run up
"Don't trust the Whites!" Sarge orders "Their blankets are filled with smallpox!"
"I stand corrected" Carolina said as Donut appeared wearing skiing gear and carrying hot drinks.
"Who wants a poison pumpkin frappuccino?" Donut asks in his overly cheerful tone
"I'm just gonna stop talking" Carolina sighs
"Can it!" Sarge yells "We know you have Grif, so hand him over"
"Uh, we haven't seen him" Gatomon says
"We're all on the same team now, Sarge." Carolina reminds him
"Red, White, and Blue working together? How absolutely Un-American!" Sarge exclaims
"None of us have seen Grif since the meeting" Tucker says
"Ugh" Simmons groans "I'll check the pantry" Ten minutes later Gatomon found Grif inside of a cave
"Grif" she said
"Yeah" he replied
"Are you ok?"
"Yeah, just enjoying the peace and quiet one last time. Don't worry, I know this is important, to me and everyone else, I just needed a moment."
"Mind if I join you?" Gatomon asked taking a seat besides him
"Go ahead" he replies as they just sit there and enjoy the quiet. Ten minutes later, they rejoin everyone else. "Sorry about that guys" Grif said "I was just enjoying the quiet one last time"
"No problem" Wash said before looking to Oculus and Gatomon "How do we do this?"
"We need to go to a different planet for starters." Oculus says "These are the coordinates we need to be at to get to The Digital World in 1999, just a little over a week after we left." Ashe finishes, he hands the coordinates to Wash who shares them with Dylan. Five minutes later they load up and take off on their way to the fight.
And now, the road to 1999 begins, next chapter will be very different. This is an AU fanfic of Digimon Adventure as well as an AU fanfic of Red vs. Blue Season 15, and it isn't a season of Red Vs. Blue, without a PSA. Next time: PSA 1: Caboose's Guide to Time Travel!