A/N: Welcome to chapter 4—dare I assume this means you're in it for the long haul? :)

Rating: More profanity here, but that's Sei for you. I guess she thinks it's cool or something.

Chapter 4: Sei

"Yeah, fuck you too!"

Sei raised a finger at the honker in the rearview mirror as she finished her perilous swerve into his lane. She'd had the yellow beetle—not a vintage beetle; one of the new, expensive ones—since graduating from Lillian Academy, but she still wasn't used to it, still didn't feel comfortable driving in it. Most of the time, she used public transport or walked, only getting the car out of the garage when she was headed for some god-forsaken neck in the woods like the Ogasawara Mansion, her destination today.

She wondered why she'd never really made peace with the car. Was it just because she didn't like cars—it was true enough; they were noisy, stinky, ugly, and potentially deadly—or was it because the car wasn't truly hers? Her parents had picked and bought it, it was registered in her mother's name, and every time she visited them, they demanded a veritable status report on its well-being. Maybe they were just trying to make sure that Sei used it responsibly, but she'd gotten so fed up with their meddling that she found it easiest to avoid the car altogether.

Not to mention how perversely satisfying it was to tell her parents that she hadn't driven the car since her last visit. Her stepfather would get angry, insisting that an unused car lost value more quickly than one that was regularly used, her mother would remind her how much they'd spent on the car, and the whole conversation would end with Sei telling them to take it back if they were so bothered. But of course they wouldn't do that—it would have given them one less thing to hassle her about.

It was also because of her parents that Sei had to deal with Sa-chan. Sei's mother and Sa-chan's mother, Ogasawara Sayako, had attended Lillian Academy together. They didn't see much of each other these days, and Sei didn't know what kind of friendship they'd had at Lillian, but Aunt Sayako—and yes, she'd specifically asked Sei to call her that—was bizarrely fond of Sei and invited her over every chance she got. As a result, Sei and Sa-chan, who was only one year younger, had grown up somewhat like cousins—not quite friends, but still, somehow, more than friends. It hadn't always been easy. Sa-chan was a piece of work—with the possible exception of Sei's mother, she was the most stubborn person Sei knew—and Sei herself had almost zero talent for making friends, let alone hanging on to them. But over the years, they'd never lost their respect for each other. And given the high standards Sei knew she and the Ogasawara heiress shared, that was worth something.

Sei pulled up outside the Ogasawara Mansion and handed her keys to the valet. As she looked over the mother and daughter who'd come to the entrance to greet her, she just hoped that today's visit wouldn't put an end to her odd relationship with them.

"Sei-chan, welcome!"

"Good afternoon, Aunt Sayako. Sa-chan."

Sei bowed politely to the woman and shot the girl a wink. As always, Ogasawara Sayako was the picture of elegant poise. The petite woman was dressed in a beautiful, dark kimono with floral embroidery. Her black hair was tied back in a bun, exposing her delicate features. She wore just the right touch of make-up to complement the colors of her kimono, making Sei, who was useless at make-up, marvel at her skill. Aunt Sayako was only in her forties, but she carried herself like an older woman, which may have been because her husband Toru was at least ten years her senior and chronically ill. It may also have been because the bastard openly kept a mistress. He doesn't deserve you, Sei thought. If I was your age, I'd steal you away in a heartbeat.

Next to her mother stood Sa-chan, similar on the surface but ever so different inside. Her face was as beautiful as her mother's but framed by her long, raven hair that she wore untied as was her habit. She was a little taller than Aunt Sayako and stood as straight as her, but while the older woman seemed to inhabit her disciplined posture with natural ease, Sa-chan, as always, seemed on the verge of breaking out of it in a fit of violent passion. Both women had a razor-sharp wit, a tongue to match, and a very short fuse, but while Sa-chan was about as subtle as a hammer to the head, Aunt Sayako's weapons of choice were stinging irony and a sweet smile. Perhaps, Sei thought, Aunt Sayako was Sa-chan with the rough edges smoothened out.

Sa-chan was wearing a navy blue linen dress, a thin white cardigan, and brown leather sandals. She looked pretty but inconspicuous, almost as if she was already practicing the role of the demure, obedient housewife. Sei herself had decided on punk chic for the occasion, which meant a pair of black Doc Martens, red checkered pants, a loose designer t-shirt with no bra underneath, and a form-fitting black leather jacket. The three of them, Sei pondered, couldn't have been more mismatched if they'd tried. And still, somehow, something glued them together.

"Come here and give me a hug, my yellow alley cat!"

"Aw, Aunt Sayako." Sei bent down and awkwardly embraced the woman, trying her best not to rumple her kimono.

"I know you girls have a lot to talk about, but it's such a lovely day. The sun is hiding, and it hasn't been this cool in weeks. Why don't you join me on a stroll down to the lake?"

"Mother, we'd rather…"

"Tut-tut, Sachiko," Aunt Sayako said with a smile.

"Yes, mother."

"So, Sei-chan, tell me how you've been." Aunt Sayako hooked into Sei's arm and started walking her away from the mansion at a leisurely pace. Sa-chan had no choice but to tag along. "I take it you aren't still at that dreadful university."

Sei snorted. "Sadly, I am. But to be honest, it is dreadful, so I'm thinking of dropping out."

Sa-chan inhaled sharply at this, but her mother only chuckled. "Oh my," she said. "And does your mother know?"

"Not yet." Sei winked at Aunt Sayako. "And I'd appreciate your discretion in this matter."

"Don't worry, your secrets are safe with me. But tell me, since we're all agreed that place is a waste of time, what do you do with all your time?"

"Well. I do quite a bit of writing, as you know. For literature journals, but also lyrics for bands. I go to a lot of concerts, check out all the new music, and… um…"

"Yes?"

"I… I just got a job at a bar."

Again, Sa-chan's sharp breath mingled with her mother's chuckle.

"That sounds absolutely riveting," Aunt Sayako said. "Pray tell more!"

"Well, I… I know the people who run the place, and they were short-handed behind the counter, so I helped them out a few times. They ended up offering me a job, and I thought, why not? It can't hurt to earn a bit of my own money, right? And it's a new kind of experience. I had to train, of course—I knew nothing about drinks or cocktails or anything else at a bar—but I've pretty much got the hang of it now. I still don't know why they didn't just hire a real bartender, though." Sei shrugged.

"I think I might hazard a guess." Aunt Sayako looked Sei up and down, smiling mischievously. "Who comes to this bar of yours?"

"Who? Uh… young people, mostly. Not really students, though. More like young professionals."

"Couples?"

"Well, generally it's more like…"

"People wanting to be couples?"

"You could put it that way, yes."

"Couples with whom?"

"With… other people? Like themselves?"

"How much like themselves?"

"Um… very much?"

"As much as a man and a man? Or a woman and another woman?"

"Mother, I think that's quite enough." Sa-chan stopped in her tracks; they had reached the lake. "Sei-sama isn't here for an interrogation."

"Oh! Please forgive my manners, Sei-chan." Aunt Sayako smiled. "I'm taking up too much of your time. I'm just a bored lady with not enough work to do, while you young people lead such full and exciting lives. I'll let you two get on with it. Sei-chan, I leave my daughter in your capable hands. Tell her to get out more. Maybe she could visit you at your bar some time."

She pecked Sei on the cheek and headed back to the mansion with a wave, leaving both girls staring in her wake.

"I apologize, Sei-sama," Sa-chan said. "I have no idea why she is like that."

"Hey, why are you apologizing for her? Besides, I adore your mother."

"I know. Which scares me even more."

They walked up to a row of willows arching into the lake. Sei took off her jacket, spread it underneath a tree, and motioned Sa-chan to sit down.

"There is a bench a bit further down the shore, you know?" Sa-chan said.

"Yeah, but this has always been my favorite spot. We used to feed the fish from here, remember? And if we sat on the bench, I'd have no excuse to offer you my jacket."

"You're impossible." Sa-chan lowered herself onto the jacket while Sei sat down on the grass next to her.

"So," Sa-chan said, "what brings you here today? I mean, apart from scandalizing my mother with tales of Tokyo's sordid nightlife."

"Oh, I don't think she's all that scandalized."

"No," Sa-chan answered wistfully. "I'm afraid she's not."

"I'm here about Yumi," Sei said.

"Yumi-chan? What about her?"

"You know exactly what about her."

"So she ran to you." Sa-chan's brow furrowed. "I should have guessed as much."

"Yup," Sei answered, "I'm still the good cop, just like at Lillian."

"The good cop? Or just the bad influence?"

"Ouch!" Sei grimaced. "Come on, Sa-chan, you know you secretly worship me."

"Very secretly indeed."

"Why'd you send her away?"

"I didn't know what else to say to her. I told her what I wanted, she told me what she wanted, and there was no way to reconcile the two."

"Look. I know you don't want to let your family down. I know that, and I respect it. You want the world to see that the Ogasawara name is safe with you. But is this really what your parents want for you—to sacrifice your own happiness for the clan?"

Sa-chan sighed. "Why does everyone keep insisting I'm sacrificing my happiness? Is it so inconceivable that, perhaps, I know what I'm doing? That I chose this path not just because my father wants it, but because I want it as well?"

"But you didn't choose it."

"No. No, you're right. I didn't choose it. But I chose to go along with it."

"And what about Yumi?"

"What about Yumi?"

"She's in love with you."

"She's not in love with me, Sei." Sachiko fixed her with a cold stare. "She just has a crush, and if you hadn't encouraged her, she never would have said to me what she did the other day."

"Wait a minute. I never talked to her about all this before it happened."

"Did you need to? Seriously? All that flirting and petting and fondling at school? All the stories about you and your oh-so-romantic adventures? You really mean to tell me that Yumi-chan would have done this if it hadn't been for the example you set?"

"What example?" Sei fought hard to keep the frustration out of her voice. "The example of someone who's true to her feelings? Who won't let her parents tell her whom to love and how? Who isn't afraid to go out there and confess to the person she loves, even though she might get hurt?"

"Don't make it all sound so high and mighty. You know exactly what example I'm talking about."

"Oh, do spell it out for me."

"You want me to spell it out? Fine. You were a bad example to Yumi. You gave her the impression that it's alright to… to…"

"To love another woman?"

Sachiko paused, drawing a deep breath, visibly trying to calm herself down. "An integral part of being at Lillian is to serve as a role model for the younger girls. And since Lillian is an all-girl school, we have to be especially careful to serve as the right kind of role model when it comes to relationships between girls!"

"You're not at Lillian anymore, Sa-chan. You're allowed to think for yourself now."

"You think that's what Lillian did? Not allow us to think for ourselves? Tell me, do you remember Forest of Thorns?"

"Of course I do."

"Why were you called to Mother Superior's office when that novel came out?"

"They thought I wrote it. It was about lesbian romance at Lillian, so they thought I must have written it. But I hadn't."

"So why did they think you had?"

"What do you mean?"

"Why did they think you wrote that book?"

"Because… I guess because they knew about me and Shiori?"

"Exactly."

"Your point being?"

"They knew about you and Shiori. They knew that you liked girls. Everyone knew how you were around Yumi." Sachiko emitted a mirthless laugh. "And what, in your three years at Lillian, did they do to change your mind? To stop you from liking girls? To chastise you? To punish you?"

Sei didn't answer.

"Exactly," Sachiko said. "They did nothing. Because Lillian isn't a place that does the thinking for you. Lillian is a protected space, a quiet space that allows you to do your own thinking and to make up your own mind. It allowed you to make up yours, and it allowed me to make up mine."

Again, Sei said nothing.

"So answer one question for me," Sachiko pressed on. "If Lillian means so little to you, and the Lillian code of conduct was just a pile of oppressive dogma, why did you not only graduate from Lillian and go on to Lillian U—let's say all that just happened to you somehow—but why were you on the Yamayurikai? Why were you Rosa Gigantea? Why did you help to run the place? Did evil Lillian force you to do that as well?"

Still, Sei had no reply. Sachiko was firing on all cylinders now, and Sei didn't know of a force in the world that could stop her when she was like this.

"The problem is, you feel responsible," Sachiko said.

"What do you mean?"

"You're not the rebel you think you are. I know you, Sei. You have a deep sense of responsibility. And you feel responsible for Yumi talking to me. You know she's got these ideas in her head because of you."

"That's bullshit."

"Maybe. But even if it is, at least you feel responsible for making things right. You fancy yourself the hero of the downtrodden, some kind of Robin Hood of love. But love isn't something you can take from the rich and give to the poor, Sei. And you know what else? Yumi knows exactly how you feel. She came to you because she knew you'd feel responsible, or guilty, or at least sympathetic. She knew you'd try to stand up for her—you've done it before. She played you."

"Not everyone is plotting all the time, Sa-chan." Sei raised an eyebrow. "Couldn't it be that she just needed someone to talk to?"

"Couldn't it be both?" Sachiko rose, picked up Sei's jacket, and patted it clean. "Either way, what I want to know is, why do you enjoy it so much when people use you?"

"You know what?" Sei jumped up, snatching the jacket from Sachiko's hands. "I give up. You were right. You should marry Suguru."

A flicker of hurt passed over Sachiko's eyes, but she rallied quickly.

"Well, thank you for your permission."

"Just take me off the guest list. I don't think I have the stomach for it."

"Too bad, Sei-sama. You could have seen how adults behave."

"Screw you, princess."

"I may not be a princess. But you're no knight in shining armor."

They walked back to the mansion, silent and seething. As Sei waited in the opulent entrance hall for the valet to drive up her car, Sachiko took her leave. Sei kept pacing up and down, trying her best not to punch anything.

"You were arguing."

"Aunt Sayako!" Sei jumped. She turned to face the woman who'd descended the staircase behind her without Sei noticing. "You startled me."

"I could see you girls from the window. You were fighting."

"Um… I guess you got us there."

"Good."

"What do you mean?"

"This is how I know you're becoming real friends."

"I don't get it."

"If you don't care about someone, Sei-chan, you don't bother to fight with them. It's just a waste of energy."

"I don't know." Sei shrugged. "Maybe you're right."

"I am right. And don't forget what I told you earlier."

"I'm sorry, what exactly?"

"I leave my daughter in your capable hands, Sei-chan. She needs a friend like you. Please remember that."