"This is never going to work." Luke said, using the force to make a bag of popcorn appear in his hands.
"Not helping Luke." Anakin said, parenting his son, "And if you say one more negative thing to Kylo, you will be grounded for a year."
"How can I be grounded?" Luke asked sarcastically, "I'm a flippin' force ghosts. I hover like three inches above the ground at all times."
"Yeah and I'm the one with bad jokes," Anakin said, rolling his eyes and then turning back to Kylo. "Ok, here it is Kylo. You're on the rebel base. Rey will be here in a few moments."
"How do you know she'll be here?"
"The force. Don't question it. Now when she gets her, what are you going to do?"
"Exactly what you told me to do."
"Good answer." Anakin said, pointing passed a few trees in the forest they were in, "Look, there she is. You got this."
Anakin pushed Kylo from behind, bringing him to a little clearing in the woods where the sun can shine off his hair and make him look like a god (at least according to Anakin).
"I got this." Kylo whispered to himself, hearing her footsteps. "I got this. I got this. I don't got this."
Kylo was about to bolt but Anakin blocked his path.
"How are you stopping me?" Kylo asked, struggling against the intangible man.
"The force." Was Anakin's response, "Kylo, listen. You love your grandpa right?"
"Of course I do."
"Good. Grandpa wants you to walk up to her and do the thing."
Anakin forcefully pushed him back into position. Kylo brushed himself off and flipped his hair just like Anakin had taught him to. And for good measure, he even practiced his endearing smug looks that he would give to Rey around step 3.
"You got this Kylo!" Anakin shouted as he sit down by Luke, as if Kylo's love life was a sporting event. "Just follow the first step, ok?"
"Try not to kill her." Luke added in, "That's in step four."
Anakin slapped Luke across the face and proceeded to take some of his popcorn.
"I got this." Kylo said, "Step 1. Just follow the steps. Just like grandpa said."
Kylo's heart pounded even harder as Rey came into view. As expected, Rey instantly reached for her blaster and shot several rounds at him. This, of course, did nothing because Kylo has unrealistic and impossible reflexes because 'the force'.
"What are you doing here?" Rey spat, "How did you find me?"
"The force." Kylo said the phrase that seemed to be the answer to everything now.
"Come on Kylo!" Anakin hollered, "Use the skills I have taught you!"
Kylo took a deep breath.
"Are you an angel?" Kylo asked staring at his feet.
"Excuse me?" Rey said, completely weirded out and confused.
"An angel." Kylo muttered, barely audible, Rey not being able to hear it, "Like from the planet of Lego...they're the most be...ti...fu…"
"Speak up!" Anakin shouted advice. "Radiate confidence and act a bit childish."
"No help needed there."
Luke got slapped again.
"An angel." Kylo said, speaking up this time and looking up at her. "Like from the planet of Lego. They say they're the most beautiful creatures in the entire galaxy."
"Much better!" Anakin shouted, giving a thumbs up. "Keep going!"
"Excuse me?" Rey asked, feeling weirded out and kinda disgusted at the apparent (and horrible) flirting. "Did you crash and hit your head on the way here? What are you doing here?"
"You're not in any harms way." Kylo said, trying but failing to make her feel safe."I honestly have no idea where this place is."
"Then how are you here?"
"The force I guess." Kylo said, shrugging, "It's best not to question it."
"Too honest!" Anakin shouted, "make it more dramatic!"
"I...I just really wanted to see you again." Kylo said another line that his grandfather had told him had worked wonders in his relationship. "With my new job as Supreme leader, I'm not sure if I'll be able to see you again."
Kylo turned around to give Anakin a smile and a face that simple said 'I got this'. Anakin then gave him thumbs up.
"What are you looking at?" Rey said, looking to where he was looking. "You keep looking back there."
"Um nothing." Kylo stammered.
"Remember, be adorable!" Anakin advised. "Show her your soft side!"
"What are you really here for?" Rey said, folding her arms in an attempt to look intimidating. "If you even dare to go near my friends…"
"I'm not a monster." Kylo cut her off, "I'm a person."
"I know you're a person." Rey said, making an irritated face, "It's just a metaphor. Or a simile? I don't know which. You get what I mean. Now get out of here or I will attack."
"Can I give you something at least?" Kylo asked, fingering the necklace in his hand. "I made you this."
Kylo used the force to let the necklace float from his hand into her palm. Rey looked at it for a moment, half thinking it was a bomb.
"What even is this?" Rey said, holding the brutally carved piece of black rock by it's string like it would kill her if she actually touched the pendant.
"It's a necklace."
"I can see that, but why?"
"Um…" Kylo glanced behind to look at Anakin, begging for advice.
Anakin, who was out of ideas at this point, gave him a shrug and motioned for him to continue. Luke, who was entertained at how bad this was going, also encouraged Kylo to keep going.
"I just...just wanted to…" Kylo said, stumbling over his words a bit, "I wanted to show you that while many see you as nothing, you mean something to me."
Both Luke and Anakin slapped themselves in the face.
Rey, offended and having already heard that line before, threw the necklace at Kylo and hit him square in the nose so hard that it made him fall to the ground.
"You do realize that I've made more friends in the past few days than you will in your entire life right?" Rey said, folding her arms once more as Kylo rubbed his nose as it began to throb. "Saving everyone's lives at the last minute is a surprisingly good way to make friends. Now please leave. I really don't want to talk to you...and this was all very weird. And uncomfortable."
Kylo stood up and was still rubbing his nose as Rey stormed off out of sight.
"Well that went well." Luke said.
"I don't understand." Anakin said, perplexed, "That worked wonders on Padmé. What went wrong?"
"What is this necklace even supposed to look like?" Luke said, picking up the black pendant.
"It's the sun." Kylo explained.
The three looked at the pendent. After a few seconds, all three tilted their heads to the side, trying to make something out of the brutal cuts on the rock.
"Ok yeah the necklace was a bad idea." Anakin said, taking the thing from Luke's hand and throwing it as far away as possible never to be seen again except in their nightmares, "But there is no way that step 2 will fail."
"Really?" Luke gave Anakin an irritated look. "You still want to go through with this?"
"I will not stop until these two are together." Anakin said boldly.
"So tell us, oh master of love," Luke said sarcastically, "what happened next on your's and mom's epic love story."
"Well it was ten years before we saw each other again." Anakin said, putting his hand on his chin in thought, actually thinking that it might be a good choice.
"I don't have ten years." Kylo said, foolishly still believing in his grandfather's dating advice. "Let's just skip that. What did you do next?"