I've been a victim of a selfish kind of love
It's time that I realise

A willow deeply scarred, somebody's broken heart
And a washed-out dream
They follow the pattern of the wind ya' see
'Cause they got no place to be
That's why I'm starting with me

Man In the Mirror, by Michael Jackson, from the album Bad, released in 1988

Sitting quietly in the passenger seat of the cruiser which I had a love to hate relationship with, I was left with my brewing thoughts and internal conflicts. I had no idea what my decision should be- hell, I didn't even know about the consequences of my actions. Do you know how hard it is to make a decision without knowing everything first?

Well, you probably do. It is something that comes up in our daily lives I guess. But while there was one side of me that was whispering that I shouldn't care, that I could refuse, but another part of me was edging me towards helping them. You don't have to forgive and forget. But what will happen if you refuse? Will you cause a war? Will innocent lives be lost? Will Jacob be lost?

My guilty conscience was doing a very good job of trying to make me feel bad, but my wolf was lingering, trying to justify both sides of the argument. It only served to make me more confused. What was the right decision?

Shaking my head in an attempt to disparage the argument for now, I turned to face Charlie. He was concentrating on driving back to my home away from home (because some part of me argued that home was where Jacob was, and God if that isn't terrifying) and I was relaxing into the fabric seat that scrabbled at my skin. It was a lot more uncomfortable then I remembered it being, probably due to enhanced werewolf senses. One of the many perks, I guess.

"When are you feeling up to going back to school Bells?"

Charlie gruffly asked, briefly flicking his eyes to me as he concentrated on the road. I tensed my hands tightly, just out of eye shot of Charlie. I wanted to go to school: but with the prospect of my ex running around with an illness, it wasn't something I could really allow myself to think upon.

Honestly, it surprised me that I'd even been out of school in the first place, because Charlie was very much in favour of me getting a good education. I hardly blame him- but my world was so much bigger then he realised. Then he would ever realise if it was up to me.

"I don't know.. I'd like to go back..but things are tough at the minute. But I'm healing. It's just taking time."

Another grunt from Charlie, as he pulled into the familiar driveway. Stretching, and yawning, I rubbed my eyes as I waited for the car to stop moving. At this point, I just wanted to sleep. I was exhausted, dead on my feet. The faint glow of the street lights wasn't doing anything to keep me awake, instead making me even drowsier. Mercifully, Sam had given me some time off of both training and patrol, so I was looking forward to crashing and sleeping.

"Hm. How about you go back next Monday? If that's too soon.."

Today was Tuesday. The deadline is the end of tomorrow. Assuming we get to work straight away (and assuming I agreed), that gives me two weeks until the next Bloodmoon (I checked with a very helpful astrology website, well, several actually) and would give me about four days until I head back to school. Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.

When I went back to school, my hours were cut down significantly. It's a mess of timings and convoluted thoughts in my head at the minute, and it wasn't clearing up. Nothing in my life could be simple..we all knew that considering that my first boyfriend was a vampire.

"Bells?"

I blinked, turning to face Charlie, who had a concerned look on his face, creased and tensed. Shaking my head and almost banishing my tormented and convoluted thoughts, I finally opened my mouth to speak.

"Yeah..that's fine. I'm going to go up to my room?"

I have no idea why I asked it as a question, but I unclicked my seat-belt and swung out of the car with a grace that was still foreign to me. Charlie waved me off with a grunt and a gesture. He was very articulate wasn't he? Still, I stood behind him as he opened the door, and I made a beeline up to my room, where I was very much looking forward to collapsing and sleeping, also not looking forward to the inevitable decision tomorrow.

Softly breathing, and wrapping myself up in my room that no longer smelled of vampire, I curled up, and allowed myself to drift off, to what would hopefully be a peaceful sleep.

"I've come to a decision."

I announced, as the Pack gathered behind me, the wind whistling behind us and a group of distinctly embarrassed vampires in front of us. I was nestled comfortably on Jacob's back, my hands twisted deep into his comforting fur, and his calming huffs relaxing me somewhat. I knew he would have my back, and if I didn't trust him: well, I wouldn't have told him I loved him, funnily enough.

And I wasn't lying, there was a warm burst of feeling in my chest when I think about him, and he always made sure I felt safe and okay. It had taken a while, an Imprint, an ex who almost killed me, and a crisis later, and I finally felt the same way.

"What is your decision Bella?"

Carlisle didn't display any outward emotion, but he had also shed the human mannerisms he and his family cherished so much. At the moment in time, he looked dead- still, unmoving, and frozen. It was unnerving, but I stood (sat) tall, trying incredibly hard not to show any weakness. This wasn't an easy decision to make, and I had spent quite a bit of time trying to come to a decision.

Because this? This would affect both me and the Pack, and possibly even the population of Forks. The decision was bigger then just me..and my decision had to reflect that, and not just my anger towards the Cullens.

"I'm going to help you."

Jake's head whipped round so harshly that I was afraid he was going to give himself whiplash. The Pack weren't much better, snarling, shaking, whines that were interpreted as confusion, and several worried headbutts to my legs (I had since gotten off Jake's back) as they tried to understand my reasoning. I wasn't thinking along the lines I knew they were getting at.

To contrast with the pack's shocked- and other- emotions, the Cullen's were obviously relieved. Clenching my fists, and banishing the memories of what Edward, my former love, had done to me to the back of my mind, I went on to explain myself, before the pack tried to commit me to an asylum. Do they even still exist?

"I'm not doing it for you. I'm not doing it for myself either. Hell, I'm not even doing it for the pack, whom I owe more then anything. I don't think I will ever be able to forgive Edward for what he did- whether he was ill or not. At the end of the day, he still hurt me deeply, cutting into my very soul. I thought I loved him, that he was the one. So, I'm doing this for the people of Forks, to try and prevent any danger coming to them, so they don't have to suffer what happened to me. A wild deranged vampire on the loose could result in disaster for the humans, and now, my ultimate role is to protect those who need it, and if I have to cure Edward to do that, then I will do so."

Jacob's wet nose was rubbing into my hand subtly, a show of solidarity and trust. He trusted in what I was doing. And that was all I needed to confirm my decision- I could have the world breaking down the door, and shouts of anger hurtling around me, but provided that Jacob trusted me, that was all I needed. Carlisle nodded, and, with a soft, quiet, English accent tinted sentence, simply said,

"We'll get started on the cure..you won't hear from us after Edward is cured. We owe you that."

I acknowledged what he said with a nod, before turning on my heel and getting myself settled back upon Jacob's back, tracing circles in his fur as I shed a few tears. That was the hardest thing I've ever had to do..

"So, our primary fighting tools are our teeth and our claws. You know this from our previous training sessions. It seems primitive, but in this form, we have to use the tools we are given. When attacking Leeches, it is a good idea to stay out-width hand grabbing reach, because they can easily crush us if we are grabbed. This is why we largely pounce forward, before retreating quickly. Have a practise on me."

Sam wagged his tail in an attempt to encourage me, and went down in that classic dog taunting pose- you know, the one where they raise their back in the air, while their front was close to the ground. Yeah, that pose. I was feeling cautious, because my instincts were screaming at me not to try and pounce the Alpha. That it was wrong, and that I would be punished.

Clamping down on it, I leapt forward on the balls of my paws, with a mock bite. My teeth snapped down on thin air, as Sam neatly dodged, with a speed surprising to me. I tried to back pedal, but Sam was quick enough to slam the side of his head into my side, causing me to go flying. Using the technique of rolling that Jacob had helpfully taught me earlier, I rolled as my body hit the ground, absorbing the momentum, and returning to a standing position.

It had been powerful enough to send me flying, but it wasn't hard enough to injure. Small mercies. It probably wouldn't even bruise.

"When you pounce in the way, try to not let your paws lock up. That can dampen your response time, which was why I was able to counter so quickly. When it comes to biting, try to not open your mouth too wide. Try to estimate how wide your bite would need to be, so you don't have too far to clamp down when you make contact."

"Okay."

I trotted back over to Sam, who had an odd look in his face. It wasn't a bad look per se, but it was one that I wasn't used to on his face. Upon me noticing, he quickly snapped out of it, instead taunting me again. This time when I was pouncing, I lunged forward, concentrating on not letting my paws freeze up.

Upon getting a clump of fur (which tasted as disgusting as it sounds), I neatly dodged back, getting a small clip to my side, but nowhere near as bad as I had gotten the first time around. I was slowly improving. Although, at the rate my life was proceeding, I might not be learning fast enough.

"Again."

Sam was like an army sergeant, but to be fair, I was the one who wanted to learn. I couldn't...I couldn't let Edward hurt me the way he did again: I had to be able to defend myself. I would have had to learn it eventually, but now was a better time then ever. Allowing my wolf to bleed through into me (I had already given several members of the pack the 'your wolf isn't your enemy' talk), I allowed her to guide my movements.

I waited a brief moment, curling up on my back paws like a spring, before lunging sharply, my mouth only open at roughly the side of Sam's flank. As he back pedalled, I pushed forward once again, my teeth coming into contact with a tuft of black fur, and the copper taste of blood. The minute that particular sensation flooded my mouth, I quickly released my grip, throwing myself backwards as I spat out the clump of fur.

"Sorry, sorry, sorry- I didn't mean to-"

"It's alright Bella."

Sam soothed, a smirk lingering on his face. Jacob came trotting peacefully out of nowhere, presumably after my worried projectile thoughts went everywhere. He had been on patrol after all. Jacob bumped into me as he trotted past, before doubling back and returning to his route, disappearing from whence he came. Several congratulations were echoing round the pack mind, mainly from Collin, Jacob, Brady and Leah.

"You managed to get a chunk out of the Alpha? Damn Bella, remind me not to cross you."

"Go Bella! We can hold our own amongst these boys!"

"Well done beautiful- you'll no longer be a trainee soon enough."

Jacob had been understanding, when I had asked him not to call me 'Love' or 'Sweetheart'. They sound pleasant enough, but when they all had a negative connotation due to the Vampire's calling me it..I had grown to loathe the nickname. Much to my thanks, he hadn't questioned it, instead just understanding.

"Let's work on adding movement to our repertoire."

I nodded as Sam quickly licked the tuft of his chest, before shaking his fur out. The fact I had drawn blood..I felt ridiculously bad about it, because something told me he wasn't expecting it to happen. But he wasn't mad, nor was anyone else. They were congratulative.

You might find it difficult to believe, but I don't particularly like fighting..even if someone deserves it. Still, for now, I concentrated on learning basic manoeuvres, this time trying not to accidentally maul Sam again. Once was (slightly) forgivable, but twice was ridiculous.

The forest scenery was whipping round my ears as I pushed my legs to the limit, bounding forwards in an attempt to keep pace with the rapidly fleeing Sam. My muscles were burning from the exertion, as was my mind, but that was mainly due to trying to avoid the various trees and plant life. Last thing I wanted to do was headbutt a tree at full sprint, because something told me that would hurt.

You know when you push yourself to the limits when running track, and your muscles burn for like fifty minutes afterwards? Think like that, but worse. Infinitely worse. Now, you might be questioning why I would put myself through this: well, the idea was that I would get used to fighting at speed. A vampire wasn't going to just stand and go 'your turn to take a chunk out of me', hence the practise.

I could barely see the back of Sam, as I slowly began to realise that I was never going to catch him like this. I had to make another one of those choices that I loved so much. Do I continue running and hope that I could catch him by luck, or did I risk undercutting him and losing him? I could track him, but I was far from proficient at it, and it wasn't really point of the exercise. Quickly weighing each option, I opted to take a risk.

As Sam leaned to go left, I sharply cut left, running through a separate piece of land. Sam went out of my vision, but I could still make out his scent coming from the side of me: smelling like gunpowder, some sort of metal, and oil. The fact that he was upwind from me (meaning his scent would go down towards me) was serving me well in this case. The reason I wasn't using his thoughts against him was because I had agreed to settle my shield upon myself, so I couldn't have that advantage.

If I wouldn't get it in a real scenario (the mind-reading bit), the realistically I shouldn't get it in practise. Weaving through the trees, I slowly began to merge back to the original path, springing over a decaying wooden log and resuming sprinting. I could see the shadow of Sam sprinting, his tongue lolling, and I stalled a brief moment, before waiting as he crossed my path.

I pushed even more effort into my legs, and with a powerful stride, pushed off of the ground and tried to tackle Sam. Unfortunately, whether he smelt me or what, he saw me, and managed to sprint out of harms way, causing me to hit the ground, with my claws scrabbling for purchase. Sam skidded to a stop, his tongue lolling, as I tried to compensate for the sudden push of gravity.

Barely managing to not flop on my side, I sat up straight, my ears flicking in curiosity at the sudden stop. Concentrating briefly, I pushed my shield over him, allowing his thoughts to trickle through like water from a tap.

"Time for lunch. Remember? You said you'd go back and talk to Charlie after you'd eaten."

I sighed, which came out surprisingly humanly. Normally mannerisms didn't convey themselves well in wolf form, but evidently, sighing did. Fun fact. I had also agreed to what Sam had said, feeling bad for hardly spending any time with dad. That, and I had an impending phone call with Renee, because I hadn't phoned her in ages.

I loved them both, really I did, but it was hard to spend time with them sometimes, because I was so different. Both in the figurative sense and the literal sense. I took much more after Charlie then I did Renee..because I was much more quiet and introverted then outgoing, which was what Renee was like. Always talkative, hated being by herself.

I was the literal opposite. But despite that, I wasn't much like Charlie either, because I wasn't as...emotionally dense..as he was. Anyway, enough of that. I shrugged my shoulders, finding myself licking my paw like a cat...which makes me feel incredibly stupid. All these instincts..sometimes I didn't truly understand them.

"I'd better go them. You phasing back?"

Sam shook his head, his ears rearranging themselves on his head. The pack mind was oddly silent for once, and I found myself checking to see if I'd accidentally shielded myself and Sam by mistake. But I hadn't- it was just quiet.

"Someone has to keep these unruly pups in check. Besides, I'm about to relieve Jacob anyway. Go on- Charlie'll not want to be kept waiting."

Not needing any further encouragement, I slipped away behind the tree where I hid my clothes, before allowing my shield to settle comfortably around my own mind. Closing my eyes, and imagining the bottle analogy, I began to return to my human form. It was becoming easier and easier as time passed.

"I'm home Dad!"

I called out as I opened the door, my stomach full and contented. Emily certainly did manage to make enough food to satiate my stomach. It would've been difficult to explain to Charlie why I was still hungry after he fed me his normal portion, so I got used to eating just enough with him. Emily tended to feed me whenever I was over in La Push anyway, so it wasn't that bad.

For the second time in about a week, I was greeted by the smell of Leech. I wasn't too surprised, but I was pissed. I would have hoped that they would have had the sense to stay away, considering I wasn't happy with them and they knew that, but whatever. That sounded petulant, but I was well past caring. Like I said before, I wasn't doing it because I owed them, but because it would save many more people.

"In the kitchen Bells!"

Inwardly cursing at whatever sight I was about to walk into, I strode through, rubbing my eyes with my left hand. I was expecting either a burning smell (which I didn't smell), something vile (which I didn't smell either), or the smell of take out (again, I didn't smell it.).

Granted, the smell of Leech could have been overpowering it, but I still would have caught some scent, even if it was a whiff. When I walked through, I was extremely grateful to find the kitchen immaculate, with Charlie simply chewing a sandwich. That was probably why I didn't smell anything, because sandwiches were surprisingly scentless.

"The kitchen still in one piece? I'm im-"

I could hear the almost silent change in the air, and I twisted round sharply, a growl beginning to bloom in my throat. The atmosphere, which had been warm and homely, went cold so quickly, that it was unnatural. I could see Charlie edge towards the side, his sandwich forgotten, as he tried to make his way to his cherished gun.

The person in front of me was one I hadn't seen in almost two weeks, and one I would have been glad to never see again. Even though Charlie was behind me, a growl loosed from my tightened lips, as a light shiver adorned my body. He hadn't changed from the last time I had seen him, his bronze hair looking normal, his bronze eyes not having a speck of red in them, and his form loose and relaxed.

The only thing that had changed was the sinister smirk on his face: but other then that, I would never have guessed that he was ill. Perhaps that was why his abnormal behaviour hadn't been picked up sooner.

"Edward"

I was watching with hyper vigilance, my wolf on high alert, and Charlie behind me, trying to get to his gun. Even if he could get to it, it wouldn't do much, if anything, to impenetrable skin. Adjusting my position so that Charlie was behind me, and thus unable to move towards his gun. If Edward was going to try and harm Charlie, he would have to go through me first.

"Son, I will give you one warning. Leave now, and I won't take you down to the station."

Charlie didn't know quite what happened between me and Edward, but he knew enough to know I didn't want to be alone with him. It was sweet that he was trying to protect me, but threats would do nothing to deter Edward. All I had to do was attempt to phone anyone of the pack, to alert them to the fact that Edward was here, so they could come help me.

I wasn't foolhardy enough to think I could beat him single-handedly. As my tremors began to pick up in speed, with Charlie looking at me weirdly, another sickly sweet faux smile adorned Edward's face, as he stepped forwards, pace by pace, as I forced Charlie back in a similar fashion.

"Stay behind me."

I warned, keeping a wary eye on Edward. Charlie immediately began to protest, but every time he made a move to go around me, I made sure to block him halfway. Charlie was not about to become a casualty in something he had no business in knowing about: although it looked like he might be getting introduced to it if Edward kept approaching.

"Sweet little Isabella."

He grinned, his pearly white teeth being on full frontal display. I bared my own, thankfully obscured from Charlie's sight, otherwise he would be putting me in a lunatic asylum. After this, he probably would anyway. Taking a deep breath, I tried to sneakily get my phone out, but had to abort halfway through when Edward gave me a warning look. I couldn't risk Charlie's life- God knows what Edward was willing to do at this point?

"What do you want, Edward?"

Again with the sadistic grin, as he approached closer and closer, each step bouncing off of the walls and around the small room. Soon, he was only a couple of metres away, and it was miracle that I hadn't phased yet, even if it looked like I was going to have to. There was no way I could beat Edward in my human form..my already slim chances decreasing into the point zero zero region.

"Why, Isabella, my love. I want you."

As he dashed towards me, I quickly burst from my human shell, throwing Charlie back with the force, and a series of angry growls emerging from my own body. My wolf quickly joined me in the forefront of my mind, as I easily leapt away from his attack, the training with Sam providing me with some practise.

"This is new."

He remarked, as we began our deadly dance. Lips curling, I crouched down as he edged towards me. I was restricted in what ways I could move, because I couldn't leave Charlie undefended, and for once my shield wasn't doing me any favours. While I could, in theory, let the pack through, I had to concentrate to do that, even if it was just for a brief second.

But I didn't have a moment. Lunging forward, I tried to nip at his ankles, only to miss and be forced rapidly back as he practically flew at me with a punch. Jumping in the air, I quickly flattened my body as a kick was threw over my head, before swiping with my paws, catching his jeans and cutting through them effortlessly.

We were literally built to fight these damn leeches, (my anger allowing the name to flow fluidly and without pause) yet the task was seemingly a hell of a lot harder when its just the two of us. Well, I guess Charlie was here, but he was more of a witness then anything. As he flew towards me, I moved to try and counter the attack, but faster then I could blink, he moved from one of my sides to the other, and landed a particularly crushing punch to my ribs.

A whimper escaped from me involuntarily, as I realised that at least one of my ribs were crushed. I was no doctor, but judging by the agony, I could tell they were more then bruised. It looked like he wasn't going easy on me. Shrugging it off the best I could, I lunged once again, feinting for the left, but instead dodging to the right.

I managed to catch his flank, as I buried my teeth into it deeply, locking my jaw so it couldn't come out easily. That was my mistake. Because all it took for Edward to dislodge me, was to literally throw his leg to the side, and since I was still attached, I was slammed into the kitchen counter, feeling a couple more ribs go under the pressure.

A nasty creak emerged from my back, as I was forced to let go, rolling to a stop with wheezy breathes and a series of scratches down my ribs. I could see venom dripping from the bite I had made, but Edward showed no outward signs of pain. Whereas I was filled with it.

As I tried to muster my strength and lift my suddenly uncooperative body, Edward was quickly next to Charlie, picking him up by his neck and choking him, as he kicked and tried to escape from his vice grip. I couldn't do anything to stop it- I literally couldn't get up to even try and attack him.

"S-Stop."

I swallowed out, wrapping my shield around Edward as his grip did nothing to relax from around his throat. He looked at me, intrigue in his golden eyes, as I continued in vain to try and get myself up. Charlie's face was going blue, and I wouldn't forget the look of terror in his face for as long as I live.

"I'll go with you willingly if you let him be."

Edward immediately dropped Charlie to the floor, and I could tell he was unconscious. I laid submissively (not that I could get up in the first place) as Edward charged brutally over, picking me up by the scruff of my neck, causing my legs to limply dangle. Could I trust him to stick to his word?

No.. But I'd take the risk either way. I would do anything if it kept Charlie safe. Anything. I didn't have much time to concentrate on anything else, as with one fell swoop and a stereotypical cackle, all went dark as he knocked me out. My last thoughts were of Charlie and Jake, and how upset Jake was going to be once he found out. I was just hoping he would come rescue me soon..

Author's Note

At the beginning of Yesterday, I had thought this chapter would be short. I hadn't finished it, and was pushed for time. But I sat down last night, and spent two hours writing, and lo and behold, one of my longest chapters yet. So...enjoy?

I'm trying to think of anything exciting happening this week. Uh..it's Summer after this week? I can get long lie ins, which I love? I'm going quad-biking as well with some of my friends, so I've got that to look forward to.

Here's a question for everybody, what is one of your fondest memories? It can be about anything you want it to be. I do realise that this is deeply personal, so please, do not feel pressured to answer this one. You could tell me one random fact about yourself instead, or just don't answer it at all. Either is okay.

One of my fondest memories, is of my father, go figure. Most nights, he would take his semi-acoustic guitar, and he had an uncanny ability of just listening to a tune and being able to strum it. He couldn't read sheet music mind.

And when little me was in bed, I used to be lulled to sleep by his strumming. I still have that guitar, but don't quite have that ability. I'm trying to play 'Lava' at the minute, which is simple enough in theory.

I'd better go. because I just heard my Mum come back, and I'd better help her cook. Plus, this has turned into a really long Author's Note.

Have a nice week, and enjoy Summer when it comes!

~A sleepy yet inspired Bookworm