Chapter 5: Han Part 1

"Han, this is a terrible idea." Luke said for the third time that day.

"Be quiet Luke." Han said, "I'm trying to fix something here."

"Yes because you are so great at fixing things." Luke said. "Remember all those times you 'fixed' the falcon and I almost ended up at several unwanted family reunions?"

"I hate that stupid ship." Anakin mumbled. "Even when it's broken it still gets away."

"Honestly Anakin," Obi Wan said, his fingers rubbing his temples, "You need to let go of the fact that you were bested by your son-in-law and his ship several times. You have to acknowledge that some people are better pilots than you."

"Wanna bet?"

"Save it for next week's bet please." Luke said, finding his father annoying instead of terrifying which was rather new to him. "Han, are you almost done?"

"Almost." Han said, biting his lip like an artist would when painting a masterpiece as he ran a greased comb through Kylo's hair. "Dang kid you are pasty."

Han stepped aside to relieve Kylo Ren...or at least what they all assumed was Kylo Ren. Truth be told, he looked like a man who had to figure out a halloween costume last minute and went with Han Solo because it was the easiest thing he could think of. For the first time in his life, he was wearing white: a white shirt with a cut in the neckline that showed off some of his muscles on his chest to be exact.

"Han," Luke said, biting his lip to keep himself from laughing with Anakin and Obi Wan following suit. "I don't know how to tell you this, but he looks terrible."

"I haven't felt this uncomfortable since Rey caught me with my shirt off." Kylo growled, angry and feeling the need to break something being in his father's clothes.

"What on earth...Mustafar", Obi Wan corrected himself, "were you doing with your shirt off?"

Kylo just shrugged.

"Look Luke," Han said, pointing his finger at him, "When it's your turn, you can try to fix him. But right now I'm fixin' the kid"

"I'm not giving him dating advice." Luke said, rubbing his temple with his finger. "I've already tried helping him before. He can't even follow the simplest instructions. 'Ben, don't go to the Darkside.' 'Ben, don't throw your kyber crystal around like that: you'll crack it.' "Ben! Your pants should NEVER go above your belly button!'"

"He does seem to have selective hearing." Obi Wan said. "He listened to everything Anakin said...against his better judgment."

"He at least got a kiss out of it." Anakin protested.

"Doesn't count." Obi Wan said. "She didn't kiss him back."

"And she looked like she wanted to kill him." Luke commented. "Which is saying something because I think she is the only one in the galaxy that doesn't want him dead."

"I get the feeling." Anakin said. "I think his only 'friend' is that ginger that tried to shoot him while he was knocked out. Kinda sad really."

"After this," Obi Wan continued, "we have got to work on his people skills"

"I'm right here you know." Kylo pouted.

"We know." All of the ghosts chidded back.

Kylo let out a frustrated sigh.

"Lighten up kid." Han said, putting his arm across Kylo's shoulder. "Soon you and Mary Sue will be ruling the galaxy like you always imagined."

"Or they will be trying to bring peace to the galaxy." Obi wan said, an eyebrow raised.

"And her name is Rey." Kylo remarked.

"Same difference." Han said, brushing the remark aside. "Just do as I say and you'll be great."

…

Rey was sitting in Han's chair, her leg swung up over the armrest, as she did nothing in particular. Her next cool adventure wasn't going to happen for, what was rumored to be, five years so she had a lot of time to just train and wait for the First Order to find their base again. Rey had a feeling that Kylo wouldn't be trying to find her with an armada any time soon considering he apparently had the ability to just pop in on her at any time. She began to wonder if it would help things if they just set up a schedule or something to follow as to not have another repeat of the whole "high waisted spandex" incident.

When she felt Kylo's presence appear on the Falcon while she was currently in the refresher, she knew that they had to get a schedule worked out.

"Rey?" Kylo asked, searching the ship for her. "Hey, where are you?"

Rey groaned before responding.

"I'm in the bathroom- I mean the 'refresher'." She called through the door, knowing full well that he would hear.

"Oh. ok" Kylo said, sounding almost disappointed and definitely uncomfortable. "Um...I'll just wait for you to-um-finish what you're doing then."

After a few moments of silence, Rey spoke again through the door.

"Ben, sitting right outside the door won't make me come out faster." Rey said, irritated, feeling her cheeks flush in both frustration and embarrassment.

"Oh um yeah…" Kylo said, realizing how stupid he was being. "I'll just...I'll just be in the cockpit."

Rey finally thought that she would be able to relax and just use the 'refresher' like a normal person but she was quickly proven wrong as she felt the ship take off. Feeling more mildly annoyed rather than concerned, she didn't even bother cutting her time short. She would fix whatever Kylo had done afterwards.

"Ben, seriously." Rey said, finally leaving the refresher, "We need to lay down some ground rules. First of which is 'to not try to kidnap me while I'm in…"

It was at that moment when Rey finally noticed that Kylo did not look like Kylo. For a moment, she thought she was looking at a younger and more pasty Han from everything from his appearance to how he was sitting in his chair. But he was definitely no Han Solo. He may have been attempting to look cockily comfortable with his arms hanging over the sides of the chair, his back slouched and his legs open wide, one of which was thrown over the armrest of the chair he was in, but he clearly was not comfortable. Kylo had this expression of discomfort...almost pain in the position he was in. It was also clear that he was not pleased with what he was wearing either. The off white loose shirt with an open collar practically blended into his pale skin which was way more exposed than Rey had ever seen it (well other than that one time…) and he was clearly not happy about it.

"What-what are you wearing?" Rey asked, but she knew the answer.

"Oh hey Rey." Kylo gave his best cocky smile which make Rey shutter.

"What do you want?" Rey asked, hoping to get him away as soon as possible.

"It's quite a remarkable ship isn't." Kylo said, fiddling with the control panel.

"Uh yeah sure." Rey said, uncertain where he was going with this.

"She made the Kessel run in less than 14 parsecs."

"Twelve." Rey corrected, unknowing that someone else had just said the same thing. "It made it in twelve parsecs."

"Not if you round up."

"What does that even mean…"

Kylo stood up from his chair, bumping his head on the ceiling but pretended that he didn't. Rey tried to back away from him, but one of her feet refused to move, causing her to fall. Unfortunately, Kylo caught her in his arms.

"You tripped me on personal you piece of-"

"Shush." Kylo said, trying to hide the redness in his face (He was actually holding her! And she wasn't unconscious this time!) and holding her a bit closer.

"Let go."

"Don't get over excited."

"What?"

Kylo put her back on her feet (maker he could hold her until he died) and pried himself away from her skin.

"I don't have time for anything else."

Kylo gave her a cocked smile and a wink (struggling with both) before leaving the cockpit.

Rey just stared at where he had been, wondering how on earth he had gotten worse than before.

She was starting to prefer sand.

…

"That's my boy." Han said, slapping him on the back.

"You don't think it was too much?" Kylo asked, still feeling her body in his arms. "She didn't really like me holding her…"

"Since when do you care about respecting her right to her body?" Luke huffed, fiddling with the cards in his hand.

"Last time I checked," Obi said, throwing down a card. "You forced her unconscious, carried her off yourself…"

"That's my boy." Han said approving.

"And then strapped her to a chair," Obi gave a concerned look at Han, "And tortured her."

"I didn't really torture her." Kylo explained. "I just...uh...force I made her cry didn't I…"

Any happiness that Kylo had gotten from finally making his dad proud vanished.

"Hey don't you dare go emo on me again kid." Han said, shaking him a bit. "Don't worry about it. The next step is when you get the little lady to kiss you."

"It's going to be consensual this time right?" Kylo asked. "Not because I want you to win some bet…"

"Common make your grandpa proud!" Anakin shouted, playing the card game with Obi and Luke, "I fold."

"Don't worry kid." Han said, putting his arm around his son's shoulders. "She's gonna be all over you."

Kylo felt his face turn red.

…

Rey was fixing something or other on the falcon. There was always something wrong with that old bird. She felt the usual buzz on the back of her neck when that pest decided to make an appearance.

Kylo reached behind her, pretending to give her a hand, but they both knew what his intentions were. She elbowed him in the ribs.

"Take it easy, my empress," Kylo said, "I'm only trying to help."

"Your what?"

He got closer and once more she elbowed him.

"You make it really difficult you know."

"I really do." Kylo knew he was supposed to take her hand, but that was something he refused to do.

He wasn't sure why, but taking her hand, that was sacred. That was something she had offered him. He didn't take it from her. He didn't force it on her. She extended it to him first and he happily accepted. When he offered it to her...she refused.

But he was not going to ruin that.

The moment when their fingers touched…

He was not going to ruin that.

He ruined everything else in his life-he was not going to ruin that.

No matter what happened, he would have that memory.

"You could be a bit nicer." Kylo said, "Admit it, sometimes you think I'm alright."

"Occasionally," Rey said, turning to him, "When you aren't killing people or kidnapping me. Most of the time you act like a monster."

"Monster?" Kylo said, licking his lips a bit, "I like the sound of that."

"Stop that."

"Stop what?"

"Looking at me like that."

"You've given me the same look before. What are you so afraid of?"

"Afraid? Of you? Excuse me who left who bleeding out in the snow."

"You're trembling."

"I'm not trembling."

"You like me because I'm a monster. There's not enough monsters in your life."

"I happen to like guys who don't try to trap me."

He had her backed into a wall now, his arm resting against the wall. It took all of his energy to keep his face from going completely red. He was towering over her. He was so close to her. It felt right to be this close to her...but also so wrong. Their noses were almost touching. Their lips were so close. He closed his eyes and parted his lips a bit, waiting for hers to brush his own. Her eyes glanced down to his lips as she felt the wall. Any closer and they would be smashed against the wall of the falcon.

He petted her hair, his palms brushing her cheek.

She returned the gesture by kneeing his lightsaber.

Hard.

He was unable to move due to the sharp, knife-like agony between his legs. He fought back tears and bit his lip while she scurried away.

…

"Oof I hope he can still have kids after that one." Anakin said looking down on the pathetic man laying in bed after that particular painful rejection.

"I hope you can't." Luke said, him also looking down at the pathetic man laying in bed after that particular painful rejection.

"Hm...Leia never did that to me." Han commented.

"She thought about it." Luke confirmed. "But she didn't want to ruin her future kids."

"Not that it mattered." Obi said.

"Do you guys ever shut up?" Kylo groaned.

Maker, it hurt.

"You're plan failed." Anakin leaned over to Han to point out the obvious.

"Well there's still more." Han assured Anakin with a wink.

"No." Anakin said with a devilish smile.

Han gave the same devilish smile and a nod.

"No." Anakin shook his head, still laughing a bit.

Han nodded again.

"No." Anakin shook his head.

Again.

Han nodded.

Again.

"Are you getting any of this?" Obi leaned over to Luke.

"You wouldn't like it..." Luke put his head in his hand and just shook his head. "The stupidity of it is just…"

"Hey," Han said, raising his eyebrows repeatedly, "If it works, he'll get two kisses out of it."

"Han, it's dangerous…"

"He'll be fine." Anakin chimed in. "I've gone through it and I was fine."

Luke gave his father a tired look.

"What exactly are you guys winking about?" Kylo groaned, rolling over.

"One word." Han said…

"Carbonite."