Aren't you something to admire, 'cause your shine is something like a mirror
And I can't help but notice, you reflect in this heart of mine
If you ever feel alone and the glare makes me hard to find
Just know that I'm always parallel on the other side
'Cause with your hand in my hand and a pocket full of soul
I can tell you there's no place we couldn't go
Just put your hand on the glass, I'm here trying to pull you through
You just gotta be strong
Mirrors, by Justin Timberlake, from the album The 20/20 Experience, released in 2013
Bella's POV
Floating around, weightless, in this seemingly empty void, was somewhat peaceful. And, it gave me time to reflect. On a lot of things. My wolf, personified in her normal body, odd fur colour and all, was walking beside me, and we relished in the fact that we were single entities once more. Yet our near merging, despite the fact that we nearly became one, brought us oddly closer together, and not in the literal sense.
We had a much deeper understanding of one another, one another's psychology, and what influences our decisions. Which made our joint confusion at Jacob's decision all the more confusing and convoluted. See, a common misconception- one that I believed until certain events, considering the last time I was unconscious- was that if you were unconscious, you couldn't hear your surroundings. Fun fact- we could.
Everything else, smells, sight (obviously), touch, etcetera etcetera was muted, but sound? Yes. Well, in technicality, we could feel something- but only if that something came into contact with us. So, like a blanket being draped over us. Anyway, so we had heard that whole argument between Jared and Jacob, their words causing a tremor in our void. And the tussle that followed after that.. and the other tussle between Edward and Jacob.
Having experienced the sound of a Vampire being torn apart when I was human, I can most definitely confirm that it gets worse when you become a wolf. So, between the two of us, we had a lot of information to dissect. Let's start with the easy one- Edward. From what we could decipher, Edward was most definitely still alive. The sound of his voice, sending tremors of fear down me, was one that was distinct, and unfortunately I'd recognised it all too much.
I'd heard the sound of at least one of his limbs being torn off, and the feral sounds of snarling that was reminiscent of Jacob. So there had most definitely been a fight. And I was confused on how to feel about that. There was definitely a hint of worry for Jacob- even though I was well aware he could look after himself- but there was also.. a hint of anger between the two of us.
I had moved on from Edward… and while I had been content, before all of this happened, to pretend that it had never happened, and file away a bad chapter of my life, now I wanted revenge. And that scared me, because I had never been a vengeful person by nature. I found myself.. longing for more damage caused to Edward, and judging by the look of my wolf, she agreed.
Our honour as a wild wolf was stolen, our honour as a human-born was restricted. We were chained up, and attacked cowardly. It is natural that we wish for our Alpha to reclaim what was stolen, for more damage to be caused for the aggressor.
Rationally, I knew that Jacob had reasons for not tearing Edward apart. He had once promised, when we were young, to protect me to the very best of his ability, and to defend me with his very life. But that still did nothing to absolve my anger, because I wanted more done.
The words of 'treaty' and 'never return' did catch my attention, but I was still too furious to really understand them. But there was one thing that Jared was wrong about- I would never be ashamed of Jacob being my Imprint, even if I 'disagreed' with his decisions.
I didn't get much time to consider the other things on my list of things to consider, because our surroundings changed rapidly. No longer were we floating around in the black abyss, instead grounded on short green grass, young looking trees, and the brightest blue sky I had ever seen in my time on Earth. Small clumps of rock were scattered around, and suddenly a large pack of wolves appeared.
Any input from the world around us- the one I was currently unconscious in- was abruptly cut off, replaced by the warbles of new-born wolf pups, the excited barks and yips of adult wolves, and the distinct smell of raw deer lingering around.
Upon looking closer, I could see a very memorable wolf laying down, curled up slightly. With the mainly grey pelt with splodges of black, the hints of ginger lingering around the paws, and the muzzle being hugged with a sandy colour, it would be odd if I had forgotten who it was.
Either a coincidence or not, but the wolf I was gazing at was most definitely reminiscent of my wolf. The look on my wolves face- the one standing next to me- confirmed it immediately. She bowed her head sadly, as we witnessed the several young wolves clamber over my wolf- the one in whatever this was- and she playfully nudged them with her tongue. There were several other groups like this, playing with their younglings and nosing at segments of the massacred deer lingering just off in the forest.
I recognised the other wolf standing next to my wolf- oh dear God, this was going to get confusing- as Jacob's wolf, his russet fur standing bright and proud, only tinged with slight hints of blood. The pups, upon seeing him, tried to jump up on him, their stubby little back legs not having enough power to get them up here.
This time, I looked at my wolf- you know what, since I don't actually know her name, I'm just going to call her Spirit. As in, Spirit wolf- as she raised her head slowly, her eyes filled with emotion.
This was my Pack. My everything. This was such a long time ago.. but I never forgot. I miss them.
The words were oddly reminiscent of Edward's words to me. Up till now, I had always assumed that my wolf had lived a long, eventful life. Evidently, I was wrong, and I rubbed the top of her head with my hand, in a reassuring gesture.
Her ears flopped down, and her tail drooped like a wilted plant. In front of us, the embodiment of my wolf had since sat up and licked Russet (a nickname for Jacob's wolf that was highly original) as they sat down next to one another, watching protectively over their pups.
"How is Whisper-Swift-Scout today?"
Spirit pined next to me, looking more and more uncharacteristic as time went on. My wolf stepped aside, revealing a small wolf, who had a blue-grey fur accompanied by russet patches. A rueful smile adorned on Spirit's face, as we watched the small wolf shaking underneath his mother's belly.
He was my youngest. He was.. introverted I believe the term for it is. Strong as the others despite appearances, he was always the most innocent, and I perhaps had a little bit of a soft spot for him.
My wolf nudged him from underneath her, licking him from head to toe. Tufts of his fur stuck up, as his green eyes looking trustingly at his father, padding over to him, and moving around his paws like a cat would to a human. Gummy teeth appeared as he bared them, milk white but looking like they couldn't hurt anyone. A small, high pitched voice emerged as the pup stopped circling his father's paw, and instead headbutted them.
"I'm doing well Papa. I played with Wind-Blade-Green this sun-turn, and we played pounce!"
His little tail was wagging furiously as his father picked up by the scruff of his neck and carefully placed the pup on his back. Spirit looked on, fond, but there was an undercurrent of sadness in her eyes, and it only served to remind me that animals were indeed sentient, and could feel emotion. I couldn't help but feel like some people nowadays should heed that lesson.
Sun-turn was our term for day. Moon-turn was our name for night. Wind-Blade-Green was the name of my brother's pup. The two of them were similar, and got along like they were blood-brothers.
Spirit's lines of narration helped me understand the context that the current scene was portraying. There wasn't much I could say to her, about these wolves I had never met, but I yearned to comfort her like she did me so many times. The fact that she had been my guiding influence, had caused me to bring the pack and their wolves closer together, had helped me understand my convoluted feelings- well, it left me feeling more grateful then I could ever describe.
Feeling like I owed her more then I could ever describe. I'm sure he was a fierce pup. A sound that could only be described as a sad chuckle emerged shyly and sadly from Spirits throat, as we watched the two of them talk to one another, the younger pup going to play with his siblings.
Maybe he was, maybe he wasn't. I wouldn't know.
Well, that wasn't ominous at all. Without another word, we looked at at the pups, watching them carelessly clamber over their kin, trying to get fed by their mother. Papa wolf disappeared into the undergrowth, as we focused on the pups, each with different fur colours.
We all turned to look as we saw Russet stand on the top of a tall rock, Lion King style, and howl, a high pitched and attention bringing noise that got everyone to turn their heads in response. Including me. He stood tall and proud, his presence commanding and respect demanding, and his eyes wide and alert.
"Our best scouts have noticed that the humans edge nearer and nearer to the pack-site as each cycle passes. Soon, we will have to move. We must gather the pups together and make sure they are okay to travel. We leave in the next two moon-turns."
There was a chorus of 'Yes Alpha', as they all immediately noted his orders. So far, to me, it seemed like he was being responsible. Trying to keep his pack safe, the young safe, was a wise decision, one that definitely proved his worth as an Alpha. It might not have been the best scenario, but it certainly wasn't dire.
In the depths of Spirit's fur, I buried my hands, twisting locks of fur, and trying to sooth her in any way I could. Her ears were pressed down, before she crooned, a song of being lost, of memories, of the feeling of being a mother. I added a undertone to it, human like but distinctly not, to join the crescendo, to be a comfort, and to try and replicate the feeling of pack, a feeling I could never hope to mimic.
He was a wise Alpha. Curved-Loyal-Tree always did what he could for us, often skipping meals if there was not enough to feed the pack. But his flaw- his need to prepare. If we had not prepared, we could have been long gone before.. the event. But because we stayed to prepare, to take everything we needed, to plan out where we should go, it allowed them time to catch up with us.
I could tell this was not going to turn out well. If humans back then were as bad as humans now in terms to hunting, then them catching up with the pack was never going to end up well. But Spirit shook her head, and I looked to her in question.
It wasn't just the humans that attacked us that day.
The scene before us blurred rapidly, the sky shifting from a vibrant blue to a dull orange, then this time to a smoggy, dismal, grey. The trees become engulfed in fire, the tops of them shedding flames like a cat shedding fur. Much like that scene from Bambi, wild animals that had been near were fleeing, trying to escape from the encapturing flames.
The scene of the wolves lying down, curling up into one another was replaced by the strewn forms of both humans, wolves, and the ash of the fallen. I looked at my wolf in horror, my stomach churning and feeling like it was about to relieve me of its contents, as I looked at the pups, fur a blood red, wounds being carved out like you would a pumpkin. They were so young..
The Humans and the Vampires did not care. Despite our intentions of peace, they blamed us when they used sacrilegious, immoral, and dangerous magic to resurrect their dead. They came back, but not the same. They hunted us down for something that was their own fault, and didn't settle until all of us were dead. All of us, that is..
That was something I was going to have to process later, after I came to terms with this atrocious massacre. I could see the limp form of my wolf, Russet having fallen near her, her breaths shallow and almost ending. From underneath her, two small paws emerged from the ruff of her belly. I could see the claws digging, making small indents on the ground, as the legs tensed, dragging whatever it was out from underneath my wolf's body.
A few seconds passed, before a small head appeared, green eyes watering as he tugged himself out from underneath a fully grown wolf's body weight. Having only learned two of the pups names, I knew instantly what this one was called, and I suddenly felt the urge to cry.
I reached out to try and grasp him as he headbutted his mother uselessly, but my hand passed through like it was air. I wanted nothing more then to hug him, wrap him to my chest, protect him from all that was bad in the world. I settled for throwing my arms around Spirit's chest as the pup began to whimper, licking pitifully at his mother.
"Mama? We need to run, Mama. Pack are hurt, they have red-life coming out of them, I will try to protect you Mama, but we need to go, to run, to find Papa. Papa will protect us. Mama?"
I thought that my wolf had died, but judging by how she raised her head limply, and nosed her pup with a faint touch. He looked up with trusting green eyes, and if my heart wasn't broken before, it was now. Between all of the stuff I'd just witnessed, and the stuff I'd been through, I felt like my heart couldn't physically handle any more.
"Little one, Mama won't be able to go with you. But I will always be with you, standing by your side as you hunt. I give you a unique ability, Whisper-Swift-Scout, to wear a human's skin like they do."
"But why do I need to wear their skin? Humans are bad Mama."
He reminded her, like he thought it was obvious. Spirit buried her muzzle into my shoulder, as I ran my hands down her ears, trying to soothe the odd cry-like noise that was emerging deep within her throat. The current scenario allowed me to compartmentalise, to push back all the crap surrounding Edward and Jacob and limbs being torn off, and instead concentrate on the real, most important, most cliché thing in this whole shitty situation; family.
"I know pup. But one pup does not a pack make. You are the last of us Whisper-Swift-Scout, and you may have to hide amongst the humans to keep safe."
"I don't understand Mama."
The pup cocked his head in curiosity, but his eyes were furrowed, and I could see his little chest splutter as he tried to take in the smog filled air. My wolf's eyes were hazed, and I could tell that she was losing her life.
I had never thought about where our wolves spirits came from, whether they came from actual wolves (which is what I assumed) or whether they were just.. created. It wasn't exactly something you could google.. and I never wanted to invade on my wolf's privacy…
"I know you don't pup. Sometimes we can't understand things. But you will, in time. Now go, my pup. Run far, far away from here. Walk in the human's skin if you have to. But do not return for many years. Grow old, have your own pups, find your heart-bond."
"But come on Mama. We can go together."
He tugged at the scruff of her neck, trying to get her to move, but she simply sighed, and shook her head slowly, with few movements. The pup didn't try to leave, instead continuing to try and move her with his little strength alone. The scene was horrific, for lack of a better word, because even ignoring all of the bodies strewn across the field, the blood soaking the pup- his mother's blood- was a horrible sight to see.
My wolf closed her eyes, her chest stilling, as the ash around them both gathered around the pup, obscuring him from out view. The scene cut off not longer after that, obviously when, if this was a memory, was when my wolf died. And the pup's last words chilled me to my bones, even more so then the fact that'd I'd just witnessed my wolf.. back when she was a wolf and not a spirit… die.
"I will remember you, Papa, my kin, our pack. I will do as Mama said. But never shall I trust a human or let them near me, for I have seen what they can do, and their vengeance, and they are killers, without care."
Author's Note
This is late. Really super late. So late, that it's literally an hour and five minutes until midnight. And my only excuse is that I got in from school at 3:40, left to go food shopping at 4:20, came back at 7, studied until 10:20, and then started to format this chapter.
Which takes a long-ass time when Fanfiction decides to format everything into HTML code for some reason. I have no clue why it does that, and I could fix the issue by typing the chapter directly onto a document, but I like to use LibreOffice first so I can get an estimate of word count and the like.
Also, I managed to wrangle in a Bella's POV, of which there will be one more before we return to Jacob's. Or at the very least, present time. I thought it was a good way for Bella and her wolf to bond, while Bella gets checked over by Carlisle (or, if you want to think out of universe terms, saves me from bullshitting a lot of medical stuff)
After reading all of your reviews, I realise that a lot of you want Edward to suffer more.
Disclaimer- He will. Trust me, I'm nowhere near done with him. I just need him as a plot device, but after that immunity finishes up? *grins sardonically.*
Now, I'm going to do something different this week. Instead of me asking you all a question for the week, let's do something different. You all can ask me a question- provided it isn't something like 'what's your address'. I reserve the right to not answer a question if I feel like I might get stalked or, it's too personal (but I'm pretty open so it would have to be pretty invasive), and I'll answer in the next Author's Note.
I look forward to seeing your questions, and I'll see you all next week! (Or, be amused if this goes downhill, and I have no questions to answer so I make up my own)
~A very tired and stressed Bookworm who has two tests next week.