Duo Maxwell - AC203 December 24th

Duo decided he owed one to Trowa. He would have never made it back to the mansion in time for lunch if the acrobat hadn't reminded the twins that the circus would be there all week and they were welcome to come back every day.

Quatre had been right; the ex-pilot was good with children. A treasure of amused patience faced to their incessant chatter. Or his… to be fair.

Or maybe not, after all. The second best choice, besides spending the whole next twenty eight hours holed up in his bedroom, testing every surface with Hilde, would have been hiding in a circus trailer or pretend he knew what he was doing while holding onto a rope or other. But Trowa had shoe him away.

All in one, Chang Wufei had arrived, his patented 'Maxwell why are you still alive' scowl firmly in place.

And of course, Duo ended up sitting next to Sally, the Chinese man in front of her with Hilde by his side. Relena was the conservative type and liked to put the 'couples' face each other, alternating males and females. The ex-Queen turned ambassador was sitting in front of Quatre.

He took a deep breath and sat down near Sally, offering her his best gentleman impersonation salute. Still very far from the ultimate gentleman salute Chang gave to both Hilde and Mrs. Merquise. Duo suppressed his snarl with effort and took Hilde's foot between his own for comforts. She gave him an encouraging smile and gently rubbed her other foot against his calf.

Not caring much about being at the end of Wufei's snide comments and glares, Duo kept on focusing on his left hand overly cute neighbor, Millie. Until Sally addressed him personally and he couldn't bring himself to be so rude as pointedly ignore her.

He almost managed to enjoy himself talking about places Sally had visited, and relax enough to let go of Hilde's foot under the table. The question caught him by surprise.

Duo had been finishing cutting Luc's meat and Lucretia thanked him across the table for his continued care of her children. Someone joked about how Duo might steal her Twins by the end of the stay. Duo was too occupied with sweeping mashed potatoes from Millie's hands to notice.

Then The Question was fired.

"Ever thought about getting your own?"

If asked, he couldn't tell from whom. In the end, it didn't matter anyway.

That made Duo gape like a fish, his hand tightening around whatever they were holding. Luckily, he still had enough presence of mind to unwind them as soon as Millie started to squirm under his grip.

He had never thought about having children. Not that he had anything against them as a whole, but having some of his own? Being completely, uterly responsible for such fragile lives? Like forever? No. Nope, that wasn't in his tablets. Like, ever.

The second shoe dropped when Hilde answered, since Duo didn't look like he would make a sound, besides meaningless mumbles, anytime soon.

_ We are still less than a quarter century, there is no hurry.

It wasn't just the answer but the warm smile she gave him. It looked very much like she actually wanted to. Someday. Maybe not that far in the future.

He didn't. Never. He was too much screwed to ever consider such a step. Besides, what the kid would happen next time Hilde would try to find a better suited and/or committed man than him? When she would find one?

Or was it the reason she kept wandering? Because they had never talked about children? Was it what it would take to keep her by his side : a child their own?

Duo closed his mouth, nodded noncommittally and lowered his eyes to his own plate, feeling like he had just swallowed a viscous ugly thing.

He looked up upon hearing the ugliest snarl ever. Wufei, of course, who spat a Chinese word toward him that Duo didn't know but made Sally frown, and then spend the rest of the meal pointedly ignoring Duo and the dense atmosphere.

Duo was so not looking forward to the dinner, after the overcrowded late evening cocktail party and the circus show. Maybe, right now, the bear's cage sounded like a good place to hide.

After the lunch, they all moved to the winter garden for tea and coffee, Trowa and the Blooms, who had declined the lunch invitation to finish setting up the big top, joined them there. Catherine was too preoccupied with her fussy daughter to sense it but the tall ex-pilot took in the gloom immediately and came to stand near Duo's hideout, half hidden behind a huge plant.

_ Cheerful ambiance for Christmas Eve." He commented laconically in a low tone.

Duo eyed his companion, if asked about what he appreciated about Trowa, the first two adjectives he would come up with were: non-invasive and tactful. The way the tall man had to offer openings without making his intended interlocutor feel like they had to follow and answer was… very welcomed. Duo didn't respond well to direct questioning; especially when he wasn't feeling well.

_ Told you so. Worst: apparently, not wanting children is a mortal sin downside." He shrugged, murmuring noncommittally, then lost his gaze into the swirls of dark coffee.

_ Take responsibility for a life, from their birth to your death, it requires a lot of commitment, and stable ground.

_ Tell them that.

There was less bite than weariness in Duo's last statement. Maybe there were things you could truly understand without explanation only if you were an orphan with a borrowed name.

Soon enough, Trowa was again hounded by the Merquise terrors. Duo caught his questioning glance and signaled to his almost friend he was ok. He wasn't, of course, but there was nothing Trowa could do about it. It still felt good to know that someone at least was getting him.

Duo was finishing re-braiding his hair, his unbuttoned slacks slipping a bit from his hips and his pressed shirt waiting on the bed when he finally gathered the courage to address the elephant that had barged in his life at lunch.

_ You never said you wanted children." He started softly, trying his damnest not to sound accusing.

Hilde looked up from her adjusting her stockings.

_ I might not always act or look like one, but I'm a woman, of course I want children, someday. We're still pretty young and maybe not financially stable enough to afford one right now. But someday, when we grew up a bit more ourselves.

Duo tied the end of his braid and let it fall over his shoulder to pick-up his suit and put his shirt on. He kept fiddling with its buttons.

_ Hilde, I ... I don't want children...

She stilled, hands raised over her head, in the middle of putting her blouse on. The fabric slithered on her slim frame, rustling in the sudden silence. Her arms lowered as slowly.

_ You love children." And if she tried not to sound accusing, it failed.

_ I do. When they are someone else's responsibility. I love to play with kids and spoil them rotten, then send them back to their loving parents.

Her garment now perfectly adjusted, she went up to him, taking the shirt from his hands and helped him in.

_ I did figure you weren't up to it now. That's why I said we had time. We're still young and you might someday gain enough assurance to change your mind.

He let her caress his face, pushing his bangs away. He loved her, so much.

_ I'm sorry Hilde, but that's not something I'm going to change my mind about.

She looked at him kindly, kissed his lips and adjusted the knot of his tie.

_ Let's talk about this when we get home. Okay?

She headed to the door, holding it for him. Duo followed, his heart heavy, she wasn't listening.

Their balance had been delicate, and was slowly crashing around them.

The show was amazing as usual. Maybe it was lacking some knife throwing, and trapeze dangling since Catherine was taking a break from dangerous stuff, being a mom and all. It still did his deed and Duo's mood has improved greatly with the succession of wonders; they even had added a magician to their crew who did amazing things like changing dress at top speed behind veils, bubbles or simply going through a loop with shiny tails. Mr. Bloom, the new M. Loyal, was pretty good. Different than the one Duo was used to but still okay. Apparently, the owner had decided to retire from the spot light and simply concentrate on running the circus.

Mr. Bloom, all sparkling white clad, was presently introducing the last part of the show. Seems like since losing his trapeze partner to parenthood; Trowa had found a new one for a 'hand to hand' piece.

It was…

Duo had no word to describe. But he sure as hell was stuck on his bench, eyes glued to the act before him.

Trowa's new partner was a small lithe thing and the story was poignant.

At first, the tall acrobat was alone, looking frozen and a bit like Duo's Dolls, mechanical and unfeeling. Then he was joined by a stumbling partner, basically crashing into Trowa, letting a man barely keeping up holding him. Until it became more obvious they were leaning onto each other, the small one as a support when the tall one couldn't. The tall one as leverage when the small one was crumbling.

Two lost souls, brokenly stuck to the ground, barely able to stand up. Who found each other, leaned onto each other and tried to carry their misery to the light. It was mostly Trowa, who finally threw away his usual sad clown attire for a very fitting blue-grey suit (when did guys ever look good in leggings?), who was doing the carrying part. His lithe partner still proved surprisingly strong when a long violet scarf came dangling from the top barely to his reach and he first hauled himself into its folds, then helped his partner up. They climbed up, slowly, with many set back, clinging to each other until they found nest at the top, the scarf folded around them like a warm cocoon.

At the end, everyone was standing for the ovation, besides Duo. He was both hard and crying.

God, even a blind man could see Trowa was quite handsome. But it was the first time Duo realized how frigin'hot he could be when he wanted to.

_ Got a problem Hon?" Hilde whispered in his ear when she sat back down. "Don't worry, me and most of the guests too. If I had known your friend could be that sexy, I would have come to the circus more often.

She patted his thigh, amused. Duo was not; he had liked his quiet time at the circus and it might sound selfish, it wouldn't have been the same if Hilde had been there.

_ To be true, it's the first time ever I see him perform without his horrific clown pants.

She made exactly the face he was aiming for.

He had agreed to let her find things he couldn't give her into other guys' arms because he didn't want to lose her. But he was not letting Hilde hit on one of the few friends he had. Recipe for a disaster. Besides…

_ Too bad he's not playing in the right league.

Duo crashed down from semi remembered memories at the dreamy comment. "What?" For only answer, he got an exasperated roll of eyes.

They all got up for the final parade; Trowa had his niece in a tutu on the shoulders and his sister was beaming at Mr Loyal's arm. The show had been a real success.

Then the guests were ushered to the great hall for a lavish cocktail, even if it was more like tea time. There started the part Duo had the most difficulties with, besides fireworks.

Too many important people, expecting niceties, who spent war comfortably on their commander or politician seats. They had no clue; still they talked like they won the war. It tended to make Shinigami stir deep inside his guts. So Duo tended to spend that part hidden behind Hilde.

Not this year.

This year, Hilde was another part of the problem, pretending there wasn't one when he felt his world crashing around him. So he found a nice spot on the balcony. It was cold, but it was safe.

_ Still hiding?" The soft tone made him jump a mile.

_ Jesus fucking Christ! Can't you make some noise when you move?

Duo had a hand on his racing heart and a mild glare set on his features, directed at no one else than a stunning, smirking Trowa Barton.

_ You look almost as good in smokes than in tights.

Oups… that wasn't meant to be said. So far for 'not hitting on friends', ne? Not that he was really in the mood. It just escaped his mind through his lips.

_ Thank-you." Trowa simply acknowledged with a nod and went to lean on the balustrade besides Duo. "Did you like the piece, or just the thighs?

Duo smiled, his shoulders unwinding just a tad. The tall guy's dry sense of humor tended to have that effect on him. Maybe not hitting then, just teasing. He bumped his shoulder to his companion's with a smirk of his own.

_ My, what? Trowa Barton, are you fishing for compliments?

_ Mmm… Maybe?

Duo let escape the bubble of laughter the sly answer and sided look drew out. Because it felt good to be able to laugh, even right now.

_ It was amazing, and not just your tights. Even kind of cried in the middle." Duo admitted. "You're always so collected all the time, I never imagined you could..." Not sure how to phrase it without sounding insulting, insensitive or gushing, he stopped to finish lamely. "I was surprised.

Duo had slumped down to resting his shin on his arms crossed over the stoned banister. The evening was moody, a bit of gloomy. Kind of like him. The clouds were heavy gray, definitely not snow clouds.

_ He does that." Trowa answered softly.

Duo blinked at his quiet companion. Who did what?

_ Being intense, and dragging whoever happens to let him in his wake.

Ok… not that Duo really cared about the other artists at the circus. Maybe the fact that Shorty did manage to drag those expressions out of Trowa was a good thing though.

_ Glad you met him then.

Duo wasn't sure if Trowa frowned at the not so well concealed dryness to his tone or something else. Maybe just the sun peeking at them through the clouds. Or the sudden increase in chatter volume as someone came to them.

Surprisingly, it was Sally.

Duo quite liked her; despite the whole tying Heero down to experiment on him. It was years ago, and she changed her views and left the Alliance after that. Besides, she had a very no-nonsense vibe, was never judgmental and could subdue Wufei with a glare. The last one had almost owned her a place on Duo's worship altar.

'Almost' because Heero, tied down in a military hospital. No one said Duo couldn't hold a grudge when he wanted to.

_ Hi boys. Felling too stuffy inside too?" She greeted them with soft cheer.

They nodded to her in unison.

_ Long time no seen Trowa. I liked your change in specialty, and partner. It was very sexy.

_ I'll tell him.

_ Burning the clown attire didn't hurt either." Duo half muttered; meaning to be heard.

_ I liked the clown attire too, the top did offer some nice view.

Trowa smirked at that, Duo beamed at her. She was fun too!

Duo almost, playfully asked her why she wasn't married yet. Yesterday, he would have. Now, he knew how some seemingly innocent question could shatter a carefully constructed life.

_ Coming from you, I take it as a huge compliment.

_ Hum... I think I should leave you two alone…" Duo trailed waving a dismissive hand in the air, heading to the inside. Not in the mood of watching flirting. He stopped upon hearing an amused giggle from Sally.

_ Don't worry Duo, I know how to appreciate a nice work of art, but Trowa's not my type. Not curvy enough.

Oh?

_ Oh…

She winked at the tall quiet man who answered with a smile that didn't move his lips, but crinkled his eyes. Apparently Trowa knew about Sally's preferences.

_ Now I get how you could have gotten yourself a delicious looking assistant and not have made a move on him. Well… that and his so charming personality." So long for being thoughtful and not put foot in mouth.

She frowned instead of laughing. Bad point for Duo. Told you so...

_ Wufei is a good man Duo. And maybe you ought to solve whatever is happening between you two, before it becomes worse.

Duo deflated.

_ I know he is Sally. But I'm not the one having a problem with him, except that he is at my throat at any given chance and can't bother to say why.

_ Solve this, before it gets ugly." She chided him one more time before saluting them both and going back into the crowd.

_ Yeah… sure whatever you say Ma'am. I'll just have to hug him until he stops trying to beat me to pulp for shit and giggles." Duo muttered behind her back. Mercifully, Trowa stayed silent.

Duo shook the gloom and forcefully shoved any though about Chinese pompous ass on a very far corner of his mind.

_ Too bad, she's just interested in looking. She's quite a woman.

She was a few years older than them, but if it could have mattered when they were teenage boys, it was no longer that important. Duo leaned once again on the banister, siding with the taller man. Looked to him when he heard an amused snort.

_ You really don't know how to take a hint, do you? That's cute.

Duo scrunched up, he had never been tagged as 'dense'. What the Hell was he talking about?

_ In case I didn't make it clear before, Sally is not my type either. Too curvy.

Duo blushed; remembering one night, two years ago.

_ It was late, we were drunk, it was just kissing. Could have been my beautiful hair.

Two kisses exactly, one initiated by Duo himself, the second, just after, by Trowa. After a long evening sharing drinks and broken tibids of themselves under the arch. Not even a bit of groping.

_ You were drunk Duo." Trowa answered softly, without looking at him.

When Trowa had kissed him back, Duo had almost invited him to his room. That year, Hilde had stayed in the colonies with her boyfriend of the moment. Duo had chickened out; he didn't do relationship with guys, never knowing when Hilde would come back. And he didn't want to risk losing one of his few friends. It was the last time Duo saw Trowa until the previous day.

And now…

_ If I had invited you. Would you have come?

Trowa shook his head: "No."

Duo was almost surprised not to see this glimmer of hope physically crash down at his feet.

_ That year, you still believed in what you had. And I didn't want to wake up in the morning, or a few days later, with you telling me it had been nice but 'time to go back home'.

With this, Trowa landed a brief kiss on his cheek and left.

_ Fuck…" Duo swore softly. Flirting it had been then.

Trowa Barton - AC195

_ You know, that's almost creepy.

_Hn?" the other boy signaled he was listening without looking up from his typing of the computer that seemed to have become a shared item by now.

_ That 'love-sick puppy' act you pulled for the madam." It did get him his companion's undivided attention. "It's just… so far away from… Where did you learn to do that?

_ Boarding school. Many papa's girls, lots of drama. You can't really escape them.

_ So you emulated them." The other snorted and resumed his previous activity while he wondered what going to school might actually feel. Having friends his age, sitting for hours learning more or less useful stuff. Sounded both enticing and boring.

_ Kids are annoying, rich kids even more. They… are so clueless and petty sometimes, it's frustrating. But that why we are here, to let them stay kids.

He could just nod, that was why they had taken over operation meteor. For those kids to have a chance to grow-up.

_ Took over?" Once again, the typing has halted. No, more, the laptop was being closed.

_ The Trowa Barton who was supposed to pilot Heavyarm was a little older, with a wife and kid." He admitted. "It didn't prevent him to want the full blast of Operation Meteor to happen.

_ So you took his place, and name." He only noticed the other's tension at the mention of his full borrowed name when it faded away from his shoulder line.

_ You?

_ J has a weird sense of humor.

He had no idea what the guy meant. Like usual, he didn't ask for more. Not long after, they went to sleep, neither bothering asking about their real name. Neither had one anyway, not that they did know yet.