(Recovered Past Memories) (Current 'Thoughts' and Actions)
Alex's Pov
I opened my eyes and found myself in a familiar room, I glanced around just as the front door to the apartment opened, I saw myself walk into the room.
I walked into mine and Angel's training room, it was a refurbished apartment, (I then realised this was my memory of that night. I smiled and looked around the apartment, taking it all in.) He'd found the empty apartment in his building he lived in, after deciding his place was too small to train in, it was just two floors under his place, but it worked just fine. He'd paid to have it all re-done and bought all the furniture that was in it, which consisted of a bed in the other room, a small dining table and two chairs in the kitchen, the table was up against the wall besides the fridge, in the main room there were mats on the floor and dummies set up around the room. There were some weapons lined up against the wall and some even mounted on the wall as well, we'd not gotten around to working with them, not before he lost his soul an all. (I walked up to the weapons and ran my hand gently across them, all the times I'd used them with Angel resurfaced, I turned back to look at the door, to see myself still stood there, a sad look on my face. 'Its strange watching as an outsider, but at least I can take it all back in on my own terms.')
I huffed and shut the door behind me, I made my way in to the kitchen and walked right over to the sink, (I followed myself into the kitchen and lent against the doorway, I then spotted Angelus beside me, I took a long look at him and saw his eyes were trained on my every movement) I reached out to get a glass when I heard one of the chairs creaks behind me. I froze, no-one was supposed to know about this place except Angel
"Crap." (I chuckled as I remembered my own thought process, and as I realised who it was in the apartment) I heard a huffed like chuckle behind me.( I glanced at Angelus, to see him looking down at the kitchen table with a grin on his face) I turned around to face who it was, and dread filled me as soon as I caught sight of who it was… Angelus. I dashed out of the kitchen and raced for the front door, (I gasped as the memory of myself ran straight through me, like I wasn't even there, but then Angelus did the same thing as he chased after my memory, I shook my head and headed back into the main room) but I didn't make it as I was tackled to the ground and flipped onto my back so was looking up at him. He looked sad ('He looks, looked really sad from this angle')
"Don't leave." He said, I glared at him
"So, you can what? Eat me? No thanks." He growled
"I don't want to eat you Xander! Haven't you noticed I haven't been chasing after the scoobies lately? Or the slayer for that matter, I thought I trained you better than that. (I stood off to the side and took a long look, he looked entirely defeated, I sighed and thought back, 'he had stopped going after them he did that for me')
"Yeah, I noticed, doesn't make you any less evil though, and you didn't train me! Angel did."
"I am Angel! Just a little less soulless that's all."
"Let me up." His face deflated (I felt sorta sorry for the way I had treated him, 'but in my defence, I thought he was evil')
"Xander- "
"You said you don't want to eat me, so get off." He sighed and climbed off me, standing to his feet, he reached out a hand to me, but I ignored it and got to my feet by myself. I then turned and headed for the door ('No! Don't tell me that I leave')
"Please don't leave." I stopped right at the door and turned to face him (I sighed in relief, 'thank god I stayed')
"Yeah, why should I?"
"Because I want to talk with you, without any violence, or because the slayer got involved, do you know how many times I've tried to approach you, when you've been on your own, only for the slayer to show up and chase me off?"
"Uh, no, I didn't even know you'd tried to approach me."
"Seventeen times Xander, I've ben trying to talk to you since my haze ended." (I gaped 'Seventeen times? He tried to approach me seventeen times, but Buffy kept chasing him away? Did she know he had feelings for me? Was she trying to drive a wedge so I wouldn't know?')
"Your haze? You mean the one that led you to killing Ms Calendar?" (That's right, he did kill her)
"Yes, and I don't regret that- "I huffed and turned back to head out the door "Please let me explain!" I turned to glare at him ('He doesn't regret killing Ms Calendar? Why not? Well I suppose it's the demon in him, but couldn't have he shown a little bit of remorse in front of me?')
"Explain what? How much you enjoyed killing her? How much to enjoyed terrorizing Giles in leaving his dead lovers body laid out on his bed? Or how much you devastated me?"
"Devastated you?" ('Ms Calendar was the only one, aside from Angel, that I felt comfortable talking about my home life with, someone I could confine with when I was having bad day, she talked about some options with me, even going as far as to offer to take me in herself, I miss her')
"Ms Calendar, she was the only one I could talk to about home, besides Angel, when I heard about her death, it hurt, but when I learnt that you had done it, it nearly killed me." He looked shocked at my answer
"Why? Why did it nearly kill you to learn that I did it?" ('Because I have feelings for you')
"Because I have feelings for you! Or I have feeling for Angel, but I don't see him ever coming back if you can help it." I glared at Angelus, but only to get what looked to be a soft smile in return
"Xander, do you know why I wanted to talk to you?" I shook my head "Where did you get those clothes you're wearing?" I shrugged (I looked at what my memory was wearing and thought for a second….'they were delivered to my house, I had to sign for them, there was no note or anything with them and I didn't order them myself')
"They came in the Post for me, even though I didn't order anything."
"Have you had anything else sent to you recently?" I frowned (I frowned and thought back to that time… 'hmm, some drawings and some little trinkets I thought were nice, did he sent them? I know Ange can draw really well, meaning Angelus can too')
"A few drawings of me, some little trinkets, why does it matter?"
"They came from me." He said with a grin (I grinned, 'I knew it')
"What?"
"I sent them to you, the clothes, the drawings, I do have to admit I may have sat outside your window to draw a few of them, but the rest of them were drawn from my memories, and the trinkets were just little things I picked up that I thought you might have liked, so, did you?" ('I did like them, I hope I packet them all up, I'd really like them set out again')
"What?"
"Did you like the trinkets?" I nodded dumbly
"Why?" He gave me a confused look
"Why what?"
"Why send me all those things? That amount of clothes must have cost a fortune." He shrugged
"I've lived a long time, I've got money to spare." I huffed (I rolled my eyes, 'Of course he does')
"That's not the point, why buy me then in the first place?" ('That's a good question, why did he?')
"Because you needed them."
"What?"
"You always said, when Angel asked you why you didn't have suitable clothes, you always said that you didn't have any, and you didn't have any money to buy any either, so I got you some suitable clothes, and clothes that fit… they look rather nice on you actually." I sighed ('Did he just eye me up? Did I miss that before?')
"I don't understand, why get me anything or draw me anything in the first place?" he frowned
"Isn't that what you're meant to do, when you intend to court someone?" ('Court? All those gifts he sent me, he was trying to court me? I wonder if he was upset that I didn't realise?')
"Court?" He nodded
"Yes, is that not what people do these days? I admit I've not been around for a few hundred years, but I'm sure the custom is still the same, or is it flowers you get the person you intend to court?" (Flowers would have been nice, if I were a girl, then again I don't mind the smell of flowers' I shrugged 'Maybe in the future, I'll have a better think about it once this whole mess is sorted out')
"Why would you want to court me or all people?" he gave me a sad look
"You thought he'd never return your feelings, that's why you didn't tell him, Angel, wow, referring to myself in the third person is strange, anyway, Angel only slept with Buffy to convince himself that he didn't love you." I looked at him in shock and he moved closer to me ('I..I didn't know that, well, I didn't remember that, but at least I know now')
"What?" Angelus nodded and moved even closer, until he was right in my personal space and I was backed up against the door
"He loved you but didn't think you'd return his feelings, so he started up something with the slayer, slept with her and released me, he might have not told you, but I will." He stepped even closer and pressed against me, his fingers pressed under my chin to lift my head up so I was looking him in the eye "I will never hurt you, if I so do, I will walk into the sunlight and turn myself to dust, I will always be good to you, I will always do right by you, if you'll have me as your partner, my consort, my lover?" I looked at him in shock, as he lent his face closer to mine "You can say no, push me away at anytime you want to stop, but I want to kiss you, right here right now." ('I wouldn't object, I really want to kiss Angel now')
"I won't say no." Then his lips touched mine
Then the memory went dark, but I remember it all, I got it back, I remember sleeping with him and waking up to another drawing with a note, telling me he had something to take care of, but he'd come back… but he didn't, he got his sould restored and sent to Hell.
Then suddenly another memory came back to me
"Xander! Xander! Don't you walked away from me!" I heard Willow shout, from down the street, I was feeing upset and a little depressed that Angelus hadn't come back, I'd waited all day, waited until after Sunset, but he didn't come back, so I left, I locked up the apartment and headed home. I huffed and stopped walking, I lent against a nearby building to wait for Willow to catch up. Once she did, she started hitting my arm
"Hey! Wills! Stop! Why are you hitting me?" I kept pushing her hands away from me, when she suddenly stopped and gave me her famous Willow Glare
"Where were you?!" I frowned
"What do you mean?" she iht me again "Willow, Stop hitting me."
"You missed everything last night! The Library was attacked! I was in the hospital! You didn't even come and visit me!"
"I didn't know you were in the hospital, are you alright?"
"Of course! No thanks to you! Where were you when we were trying the restore Angel's Soul?!" I looked at her in surprise
"You were trying to restore Angel's Soul?" She went to hit me again, but I caught both her hands and glared at her
"You would have know that if you had picked up your phone!" I huffed as she pulled her hands from my grasp
"I left my phone at home to Charge, and I've not been home yet, I'm headed there now."
"So, you won't know that Buffy sent Angel to Hell then?" I looked her in shock
"Angel's in Hell?" my whole body deflated once she nodded, she then suddenly glared at me
"You were with him, weren't you?" she demanded, I gave her a shocked look
"What?" She growled
"How could you Xander?! Buffy told me Angelus had an unhealthy with you, he'd been sending you gifts and drawings and Clothes! No wonder she kept chasing him away! You stole Buffy's Boyfriend didn't you? Didn't you?!"
"What are you talking about?"
"Buffy said Angelus wasn't at the mansion when she got there! She had to get Giles out all by herself and wait for Angelus to show up, she said, he had a happy look on his face, like he'd just scored! You slept with him didn't you?!" I glanced around the street to see people stopping and staring at us, I sighed
"I'm not talking about this here Willow, you're attracting too much attention."
"No! You did sleep with him didn't you?!" I sighed
"So, what if I did Willow? Aren't I allowed to have a little bit of happiness in my life? For once someone actually wanted me, and you know what? I don't care, I don't care what anyone else thinks, if you don't like it Willow, then you don't accept who I am and I don't want to be friends with a person like that." I then turned and walked down the street, ignoring her calls
"You'll reget this Xander! You'll regret betraying Buffy like this, I'll make sure of it!" I shook my head and thought nothing of it.
-Later that night-
I was sat in my room, looking over all the trinkets that Angelus had gotten me, already missing him,knowing that he was gone, Angel was gone and never coming back. I sighed, I'd already visited Giles in the hospital, he told me how Joyce had been by and informed him that Buffy had skipped town. I suddenly heard my mom shouting for me, I huffed and climbed off my bed. I made my way downstairs to see my mom swaying in front of the front door
"Mom?"
"Your red head friend, is 'Hick' outside." I rolled my eyes as she heaed into the living room, I sighed and stepped out onto the front porch and saw Willow stood there
"What do you want Willow?"
"I want my Xander shaped Friend back." I shrugged
"That's not my problem, you're the one who cant accept me for who I am, if you want to be my friend, you need to learn to accept me."
"I don't need to do that at all." She then threw something to the ground at me feet, it burst and green smoke rose and whirled around me, I looked at it in horror but heard
"Invoco antiquorum spirituum exaudi vocem conliga puero mirabilia cogitationes meae consilium ... abscondet illud memoriae proditum puto personam eius locum ad quem carmine ligare ... et sic ... dilexit ... ergo illud fuerit dicere fieri." (I invoke the ancient spirits, hear my call, bind this boy, bind his thoughts to that of my own design...hide his memories, replace the ones I deem betrayal to his person...Bind this spell to the one whom he loves...So I say it...So it shall be done.)
The smoke cleared and I looked at Willow in shock, she looked put out
"Did you just try to cast a spell on me?"
"It didn't work!" I rolled my eyes
"You should know by now that Magic and I do not co-exist peacefully, of course it didn't work." I growled and turned to head back into my house, when I heard her yell
"Forget!" something hit me in the back of the head and everything went black.
I snapped my eyes open and sat bolt up right
"Woah."
"Alex?" Uncle Jethro appeared in my line of sight
"Calm down, Alex take some deep breaths." I heard Angel whisper in my ear, I took a deep breath, in and out, and then took another breath
"Feel better Kiddo?" Uncle Jethro asked, I nodded
"How long was I out for?"
"Half an hour." Giles responded, looking me over
"How do you feel?" Tim asked as he knelt down next to Uncle Jethro, I took a deep breath and nodded
"I remember, I remember everything."
"Good, the spell worked, do you know which spell Willow tried to use against you?" Giles asked, I nodded and I felt a hand squeeze my shoulder, I glance back and saw Angel knelt down behind me with a hand squeezing my shoulder in comfort, I smiled at him
"Kiddo?" Uncle Jethro asked, I turned my head back to look at him and nodded
"I'm alright." I then looked at Giles " Invoco antiquorum spirituum exaudi vocem conliga puero mirabilia cogitationes meae consilium ... abscondet illud memoriae proditum puto personam eius locum ad quem carmine ligare ... et sic ... dilexit ... ergo illud fuerit dicere fieri." (I invoke the ancient spirits, hear my call, bind this boy, bind his thoughts to that of my own design...hide his memories, replace the ones I deem betrayal to his person...Bind this spell to the one whom he loves...So I say it...So it shall be done.) that was the spell that Willow used."
"Goodness, that is dark dark magic she's using and I had no idea." Giles muttered concerned
"You've got a young girl practicing magic and your not surpervising her?" Tim demanded
"I've supervised every spell she had done within the group, when the spell has been needed, I never expected her to become so addicted that she would practice this kind of magic on her own." Giles responded
"But Willow has always been head strong, not to mention easily persuaded." Angel commented, I shrugged
"He's got a point."
"Besides, that kind of dark magic is highly addictive, you need to detox her Giles." Angel said
"Indeed I shall, I'm assuming she used a memory spell on you as well?" Giles asked, I nodded
"I heard her shout forget and everything sort of went black."
"Do you remember what you told her? About where you were that night?" Angel asked, I nodded
"She said if I'd slept with you, and I told her I had, but so what? Wasn't I allowed a little bit of happiness in my life?"
"Of course you are, Alex, I'm so sorry that this happen to you, but if you don't mind, I'm going to pack up and head back to SunnyDale and get this Magic Sittuation sorted out." Giles commented, I nodded
"Thank you Giles, you came out of your way to help me out." He smiled at me and patted my arm
"And I would do it again, but let's make sure you don't get spelled again, because it seems like those two spells, merged and created something new." Giles said, I shrugged
"Magic never agreed with me, but I'm glad its gone." Giles nodded and got to his feet to pack up his stuff
"Are you sure you're alright Kiddo?" Uncle Jethro asked, I nodded
"I'm relieved, it's gone and I don't have to worry about being spelled again, I'm Happy." He smiled at me and reached out to squeeze my unoccupied shoulder
"I'm Glad Kiddo, let's not ever mess around with Magic, alright?" he asked, I chuckled
"I'll agree with you there uncle Jethro, I will not be touching Magic ever." He nodded
"Well, that's me all packed up, um, Alex, I wouldn't try to get up to your feet just yet, you might feel a bit drain for a while, but other than that, you souldn't experience anymore side affects." Giles explaine, I nodded
"Thank you Giles, have a safe trip back." He nodded with a smile and Tim go to his feet
"I'll show you out." Then they both left the kitchen, I frowned as Tim left the room
"What's wrong Kiddo?" Uncle Jethro asked
"Didn't you have a case this morning?" Uncle Jethro nodded with a sigh
"We do, we're still on an active case now, when you called to tell us about Jett, I told the rest of the team, that Tim and I were going out to follow a lead, one that we still need to go look at." Uncle Jethro answered
"But, we'll only go look at the lead if you're alright, we don't want you to hurt yourself." Tim added as he walked back into the room
"If you don't mind me being here, I'll stay with him, until you both return home, make sure he doesn't hurt himself." Angel said from behind me. Uncle Jethro and Tim looked at one another, and then looked back at me
"As long as Alex is okay with that, I don't trust you, one hundred percent, but I'll willing to agree to allow you to stay here, as long as Alex and Tim, both approve." Uncle Jethro said, Tim looked at me
"Is that okay with you Alex?" Tim asked, I looked up at Angel and smiled before looking back at Tim
"That's okay with me, I know Angel will stop me from doing anything I shouldn't be doing." Tim nodded and looked at Uncle Jethro
"Then it's okay with me, besides, I'm sure Alex knows how to defend himself if Angel Happens, I'm not saying he will, but if he happens to to turn evil." Tim said, Uncle Jethro nodded and reached out to squeeze my hand
"If you need anything, we will both hve our phones on alright? And how does Chinese for tea sound?" Uncle Jethro asked, I nodded with a grin
"Sounds good."
"Good, We'll head off then." Uncle Jethro patted my hand and got to his feet, he looked at Tim, who nodded "We'll call if we're going to be any later than eight." I nodded and they headed out of the kitchen, it wasn't long before we heard the front door shut.
"Do you want to get up off the floor?" Angel asked
"Why? Am I heavy leaning on you?" He chuckled, and pulled my back to lean againt his chest as he lent against the wall
"Not at all, I just thought you might be comfier on the sofa." I shook my head and looked up at him
"I'm comfy right where I am, as long as you're okay with me practically laying on you." He looked down at me with a smile
"I could think of better places for us to sit and for me too hold you, but right here and right now, will do just fine as long as your comfy enough." I smiled
"I'm comfy, this feels really nice actually." He tightened his hold on me
"Yes it does." I sighed
"But I suppose we should talk."
"Alex."
"Well, the spell has gone now, and we did say we'd speak about some things when the spell was gone."
"I know, but it can wait, the spell has only just come off, and you're recovering the after effects, if you're not feeling up to it, we don't have to talk about it." He pressed a kiss to my forehead and I shut my eyes in contentment and heard him chuckle
"Hush you, I was enjoying that." I felt him press another kiss to my forehead and I smiled as he pulled away, "We do need to talk Angel, and I would rather talk about this between us, than leave it all up in the air." I opened my eyes and looked up at him, he sighed
"As long as your sure." I nodded "Alright then."
"You told me Angelus and you both want me, your soul is permanent?" he nodded
"Nothing is removing this soul again, I want you Alex, I always have and now that I've got you, don't be inclined to think, I'm going to let you go." He squeezed me again and I grinned
"I wouldn't have it any other way, I don't want to let you go either Angel, after all these years, I've finally got what I want, you." He smirked and lent down to press a kiss to my lips