Tragedy
When the feeling's gone and you can't go on
It's tragedy
When the morning cries and you don't know why
It's hard to bear
With no one to love you
You're goin' nowhere
Tragedy
When you lose control and you got no soul
It's tragedy
When the morning cries and you don't know why
It's hard to bear
With no one beside you
You're goin' nowhere
Night and day
There's a burning down inside of me
Burning love
With a yearning that won't let me be
Down I go
And I just can't take it all alone
I really should be holding you
Holding you
Loving you, loving you
Tragedy, by the Bee Gees, from the album Spirits Having Flown, released in 1979
We held a vigil, waiting patiently for the shifter community to come to our aid. We thought, perhaps foolishly, that while we were waiting for the waging of a war, all of the humans would be safe. We continued patrolling, our habits, continuing training and recovering. But even then, it didn't matter. She still slipped through our defences like it was nothing. Like we weren't trying at all. And because of it, we lost someone.
Anger coursed through our bodies just as much as the sadness that was now inhibiting us. And we all thought along the same lines- we failed. It was our fault. If we'd been better, more vigilant, become better protectors, if we had taken care of that Bitch of a Leech when we had the chance and hadn't let her escape, then Seth and Leah wouldn't be missing a father. Sue wouldn't be missing a husband. Charlie and Dad wouldn't be missing a brother. I wouldn't be missing someone who was like an Uncle to me.
The worst thing about the whole situation.. was who found him. Who found Harry's form, limp and chest still. Neck staring off into the distance, eyes open, fearless until the end. Bella found him. We were... taking a break. Off the back of what I had been telling her, off of all the secrets I had been hiding from her. I couldn't blame her. Despite this break, we were both going to ascend to Alpha and Alpha Female tomorrow. It was planned, date set, location set, and power transferral sorted.
Our bond was still strong but we had blocked it in a mutual decision to have some time apart. So, I had been surprised when not long after our argument, it rammed open quickly and abruptly, and it was like having a door slammed in your face. It hurt. What hurt, even more, was the yelling that reverberated through the pack time, and the panic that accompanied it.
I tried to cover my ears in an attempt to not go deaf, but my ears were ringing as a headache began to form. Knowing that Bella would never do that no matter how mad she was at me, I sprinted out of the forest, flanked by Embry and Quil who joined me as I hurtled towards where I could make her scent out to be.
Her thoughts that were like torrents bounced off the edges of the pack mind, with her voice having that dual undertone that she adopted when her wolf became almost synchronised with her.
"Harry… no… Leech… death… kill… vengeance… pack… help.."
That hadn't been worrying at all. Please note my sarcasm. With our pack mind being assaulted, a piercing and mournful howl had cut through into the air, sad and angry and melancholy. It wasn't until later that I learned it had come from Bella. I'd never heard such a sound coming from her before.. but there was a first time for everything. And that was it.
Bella had been despondent since. Not talking. Mute, unresponsive, and altogether more like a statue than a person. I'd never seen her like this. Ever. At first, I thought that perhaps she hadn't wanted to speak to me, so three other people: Leah, Sam, and Paul, each grieving in their own ways, went up to try and elicit a response. But they didn't get anything out of her either.
She'd just completely shut down. I was struggling myself, as much as I hated to admit it. Trying to remain strong while also trying to mourn was no easy task. Some might think it's even impossible. But I had to. My Pack couldn't fall under the pressure, under the strain, because it wasn't just La Push at sake. It wasn't just our Pack at sake. It was the innocent people that were at stake, those who couldn't defend themselves.
We'd eventually been forced to leave her alone, informing Charlie with sorrowful faces, as he immediately rushed to both Bella's side and my fathers. Seth and Leah were spending with Sue.. something I couldn't begrudge them. They needed to be with their Mom. I found myself waiting for our first arrivals: the Alaskan Bears that Sam had met.
Since they were closest, and the easiest to reach by contact, they had sent word ahead and were due.. well... any time now. And since I was acting Alpha, I was the one to greet them. It wasn't like any of the others were in the mood to play meet and greet. At the very least, Sam and Embry were waiting with me, although we were all in awkward silence.
Shaking off the leaf that landed on my fur, I watched as a large number of animals approached. From what it looked like, there were about six of them that I could see. I walked out, separating myself from the rest of the pack, and as tradition, so did the Leader of the bear Pack.
I could tell that they were Alpha because they excluded that certain air of power that all Alphas did. I bowed my head in greeting, and as he did the same, our pack mind pushed to merge with theirs. They met, but then had sort of melded together simply.
"Greetings, Alpha of the Alaskan Bear Pack."
"Hello, Alpha of the Quileute Wolves."
I cleared my throat, almost choking as I swallowed some saliva. As I looked over his Pack, he looked over mine appraisingly. It was odd, with the two of our species interacting like this. As far as I knew, this had never happened before. Our speech in the pack mind was peculiar- ours tended to sound a little growly, or barky, whereas the bears were gruffer. It made me curious about what other animal shifters sounded like.
"My name is Kenai."
He pointed to himself. It was easy to see that he was the largest in terms of size, and he had bright brown fur, like the traditional bears you would see on tv and movies. He worked his way through his pack- do bears call themselves packs? What was a group of bears called?- and listed off their names, starting from the far left and moving across.
"That is Koda. He's the uuman to Winnie, who is the golden furred bear to his right."
Koda had deep brown fur, a darker than wood colour. He had a scar skirting his muzzle, which while healed, looked deep, like a gouge. As Kenai said, Winnie did have golden fur, bright and breezier then I would have ever imagined a bear could possess. It looked pretty, and she was quite a bit bigger then Koda.
Nodding, I bid them a silent hello, as they watched passively behind their Alpha. The bears were no doubt more powerful then we were, but we had speed on our side. Then again, I had no idea how fast they were or weren't. I also had no clue what an 'uuman' was, but I'd wager it was something like an Imprint.
"We are soulmates. I imagine if that is what your Imprint is, then it is your equivalent to our Uuman. It means heart."
Winnie explained, stepping forward a little before moving back in line. I nodded in understanding, before turning to face Kenai yet again. He shuffled from paw to paw as Winnie spoke, perhaps trying to make himself comfortable, before settling back down again.
"Iorek and Søren are twins and are the pure white bears you see in the middle. Lastly, there is Ben, the pure brown bear, and my very own uuman."
I nodded again, before moving on to introduce my pack. I felt like I should explain why the entirety of my pack wasn't here.. as much as I wanted to keep what happened a secret. Rubbing my eyes and yawning, swaying lightly on my feet. I was exhausted but I didn't have time to rest yet.
"My name is Jacob. I have an imprint called Bella, and she is the Alpha Female of my Pack. Sam, my Beta, is the pure black wolf behind me on my left. He is imprinted to a woman called Emily, who is not a shifter. Embry is the other wolf, and he is currently not Imprinted. I would introduce you to all of my pack as we are much bigger than just those who are currently here, but we are in mourning. The Leech- the same one who is creating an army- got through our defences and killed one of our tribe elders."
Silently, I turned as the bears began to follow me. There were areas set for different groups of people, and we had used the little warning we had to erect small shelters, scattered throughout the forest. We'd been up most of the night building them, filling them with blankets and similar small necessities.
The one we'd set up for the bears were near several caves, and near the river, so they could fish to their heart's content. Plus there were several tinned foods in the cupboards of the shack, plus some food that Kim, Emily, and Claire had made.
"I'm sorry to hear that. Is there anything we can do?"
"Not really. Other then training, your assistance here is appreciated."
I shook my head, coming to a stop outside the fairly large residence. Whilst the building itself was made of wooden, the structures within were lined with rugs, furniture and other items. To make it more hospitable, you see. Pointing to the small lodging, I shuffled myself again, thinking about Bella.
"Here's a place for you guys to lodge. I hope it's to your liking. There's a river near here, and a couple of caves, if you'd rather stay there. There's food in there, but also local shops that you can get resources from."
The bear pack split from us for now, nodding in thanks as Winnie phased before our eyes, and opened the door with a hand. It was odd to see someone of a different species phase: they rapidly lost bulk as fine furs grew across their skin, claws bursting their way out of the skin. When our ears grew, they were pointed, and grew tall outwards, whereas with the bears, they were wide but short. It.. didn't look real, to put it simply.
"Thank you."
Nodding, I turned away, Sam and Embry flanking me as I left the bears to get comfortable. Scratching my eye with my paw, I trudged along back to where the rest of the pack were training. Sam kept even strides with me, Embry lagging behind slowly.
The connection between the bears and I cut out rather abruptly, with me taking that to mean they had phased to human form. God, I hoped they weren't kids. I'd send them right back home again if they were because I wasn't having more children fighting Leeches who didn't care about killing.
"Jake"
Yawning, but trying and failing to hide it, I directed a silent what. Sam sounded concerned about something. Well, that was the impression I got. My house was in the distance, and the soft allure of my bed was extremely tempting. The softness of the pillow… the warmth of the duvet... I shook my head to clear the thoughts from my head. I had other things to do, and none of them involved rest.
"Maybe you should rest? You've been on your feet for days without proper rest."
I shrugged yet again. The gesture was quite repetitive at this point. It felt like I was repeating this every five minutes. Even if I could sleep, I'd just be woken up in a few hours by one of Bella's nightmares, or one of my own. I got her dreams as much as she got mine, even if I didn't want them. The same applied for nightmares. So, sleep wasn't easy for either of us. It wasn't worth even trying.
"I'm fine. Things to do and people to see. People to train, and people to greet."
"Are you sure? I think-"
I rudely cut off what Embry was going to say, even though he was likely bang on the money with his observation. You didn't know someone for years and then not be able to pick up on when they were lying to themselves or ill. Still, I couldn't leave everyone else to pick up the slack just because I needed a nap.
"I said I'm fine!"
I steered well aware from my house, intending on looking over the pack. Sam dropped back to talk to Embry a little bit while I sulked. Well, I wasn't sulking, but I could guarantee that's what they thought I was doing. I wasn't even Alpha yet and I was exhausted.. yet filled with a newfound respect for Sam.
Sam called out my name again, causing me to stop sharply and look at him with murder in my eyes. Restraining myself from showing my fangs was barely manageable, and my control on my temper was just about null and void.
"Jacob. Go to bed."
I cursed as my body turned away from the direction I was walking, and towards my house. I tried to shatter the injunction, but my wolf rudely shoved me out of the way violently, forcing me to take a back-seat. I physically couldn't control my own body, and snapping at my wolf did nothing but further anger me.
"I will make sure he sleeps Sam. He's not very happy."
My wolf had a smirk on my face, I could tell. And he was somewhat concerned and smug because as my body robotically moved towards my house, my wolf monologued like some kind of cliché movie villain.
I understand that your 'break' with your Imprint is.. upsetting you. But to lead effectively, you must be well-rested, which you are not. And since you refuse to sleep of your own coalition, I am forced to make you.
The door was opened, and my body stepped through. The house was largely empty because Dad was no doubt with either Sue or Charlie, and Bella was.. with Charlie, I'd guess. Up the stairs I went, before my wolf phased back, carelessly getting under the duvets and wrapping me up tighter than a Christmas present.
Now go to sleep. I'm not letting you take control until you sleep for a few hours.
Groaning, I reluctantly shut my eyes, and rolled around in my head, trying to get comfortable. And after a few minutes, I was blissfully asleep.
I woke up, finally back in control of my own body, and feeling oddly rested, despite the sleep being an uncomfortable and dreamless one. The alarm clock told me it was currently 9 AM the next morning- and nobody had come and woken me up. I'd slept for a total of 12 hours, and I lurched out of my bed, stomach rumbling something fierce. In true tired fashion, I fell flat on my face when I had leapt out, expecting to land on four feet, only to realise I currently had two.
In my haste to get up, I'd neglected to notice the absence of the Pack mind, but also neglected to notice the fact that there was no fur around my hand, and that they weren't paws. The impact was sore, and as I rubbed my face trying to alleviate it, I slowly got up into a human standing position, and reached out to my wardrobe for some clothes, considering I was still wearing my birthday suit.
Nobody wanted to see me like that if they could help it. After I was suitably dressed, my head having forgotten all pain, I walked down to the kitchen, hoping to find some food. Anything really would do. I was interrupted halfway down however, because I saw my father sitting in the living room, sitting and flipping through what looked to be a photo album.
There was a moral dilemma lingering in my mind- food, or father? I had hardly spent any time with him for a while now.. too busy doing Alpha preparation thing, managing this war that we had resting on our shoulders, and trying to protect everyone while also navigating the Imprint situation that I had. Still, it was no excuse, and I shouldn't have neglected him. Ignoring my rumbling stomach, I instead pivoted, heading towards where Dad was.
"Hey Dad"
I called out as he turned in his chair, facing me with somewhat of a sad look. Dammit, I hadn't been treating him well. I hadn't been treating anyone well lately: if this was what Alpha meant, then I didn't want it- not that I ever did in the first place. He turned away from me with barely a greeting, looking back at the book.
"Shouldn't you be getting ready for the Alpha ceremony?"
I shrugged, looking over his shoulder at the book. There were several that I vaguely recalled, and others that I had never seen before in my life. One of the ones I recognised was of an eleven-year-old me, grinning with a gap tooth, looking far too tall for my age, even then. Next to me was Quil and Embry, with a young Seth in-between us, holding a soccer ball.
All four of us were caked in mud, and Dad was sat at the side, whilst Harry was next to him, arm wrapped around the handles of my Dad's chair. They both had marks of mud on their faces but were smiling wildly, looking like proud parents. As he flipped the page, there was a different picture that I didn't recognise, and it was much older.
There were two wolves, one the mirror image of me- although how much I couldn't tell because of the black and white thing- and one with a grey pelt, oddly reminiscent of Leah. Atop the two wolves, there was what I assumed to be, a young William Black and a young Harry Clearwater.
That would make the wolves my grandfather Ephraim, and Peter Clearwater, Harry's father. It was odd that there was a picture of that.. because as a general rule, we didn't take pictures of anything that could incriminate us. Still, I needed to reply to my father, because he was probably thinking I'd gone stupid.
"That's not until this afternoon. Sam's got things handled."
He looked at me with a look, before gesturing for me to take a seat. I did so, and he moved his chair so that he was closer to me, allowing me to see more of the photo album. He put his finger to one of the pictures, looking at it as if it held life's secrets.
"This is a picture of me and Harry when we were about five. We always used to pretend to be wolves."
And that was how I spent a couple of hours until I heard the news that another pack of shifters had arrived- this time the cougars. They were our second pack to arrive, but they weren't our last. Not by a long shot.
Notes
uuman – Heart in Iñupiat Eskimo
Author's Note
HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
It's been a fun Halloween for me this year. Since my mum's friends here, I took her youngest out trick-o'-treating, and I got half of her sweets. Simple pleasures.
Of course, with them being here, it's been difficult to get time to write because the little girl very much likes me, so I spend a lot of time with her. I don't mind, of course, but it makes it a little difficult to write when she's stuck to my side like glue.
Anyway, here's a question of the week: What is everybody's favourite holiday? My favourite holiday is.. I guess either my birthday or easter, which are pretty close together. I don't mind Christmas, but I have a lot of negative things associated wit that day.
So, Easter, or my birthday, in which I get a lot of chocolate.
Anyway, I'm shattered so I'm going to take my leave.
See you all next time!
~Cait