Duo Maxwell - AC204 May
Duo did not receive any call from Trowa to tell him when the Circus would be on L2. He simply got a short, written, message. It was both disheartening and confusing. Why would Trowa chase after him to give him the cold shoulder a few month later? Had he realized Duo wasn't what he expected? Unless he was jealous about Heero having spent so long at Duo's?
Heero knew about Trowa and Duo's relationship, he was okay with it. Besides a couple harmless flirting, he never did or said anything conspicuous.
Had Duo missed something neither told him?
The stream of questions was endless. And none could be answered before he got to see Trowa face to face.
If Trowa though he wasn't good enough, there wasn't much Duo could do. Otherwise, they would figure things out.
Duo wasn't ready to give up, not yet, not without a fight. He had already given up way too much.
Mindful not to bother the crew, he waited until the Circus was all set-up to venture in. A couple artists tried to direct him to the cashier but even to those who had never seen him, Trowa's lover and his long braid were quite known.
No surprise, he found the tall man near the Tiere, feeding them.
Duo knew better than get too close during feeding time and stayed there, just close enough to keep on watching. Just close enough to see the slight shoulder tensing when Trowa noticed his presence.
Now that he was there, stuck at the wall's foot, he felt less and less ready to climb it and overcome the difficulty, the fretfulness at the prospect of being left behind once more increasing with each heartbeat.
He almost jumped out of his skin when a warm ball of fur climbed his leg to crawl under his shirt.
_ Hey there." He managed to greet softly after recognizing the little monkey, already turning his every pockets inside out in search for the fruit Duo always brought with him. Not today, he had been too caught up with his fretting over Trowa to thing about Flunky. "Sorry buddy, no treat today.
The baboon tugged at his hair in retaliation for his uncaring behavior and settled in his arms, warm and comfy. Duo huffed a laugh. At least, Flunky's fondness for him was easy to understand, easy to answer too.
Humans were so much more complicated.
Either Trowa had just begun feeding his furry companion or he was dragging to avoid facing Duo. Neither suited Duo, but the latter even less. Thus, Flunky's warmth and it's fur's softness against his chest were very welcomed to help easing his growing nerves.
That really didn't sound good. And despite all his self-pep-talk, his desire to keep Trowa by his side and Flunky's calming presence, he had been about to give up and go back home trice before Trowa finally deigned to join him, face set, his usual warm smile gone to the wind.
Duo had spent the last week trying to figure what he wanted to say, came up with dozen of scenarii about how thing might turn around and every answer he could give.
Maybe it had been the time, the nerves, the accumulation.
As Trowa stood before him, his whole mind went blank. The little nerves he had valiantly tried to gather failed him. Duo just wanted to curl into his lovers arms, bask in his warmth and his musky smell.
But Trowa clearly wasn't available, and there still was the little monkey between them. Duo curled his arms around the ball of fur, desperately fighting to keep some kind of composure.
At last, he opened his mouth to say hello, or any kind of greeting. It escaped as a sob.
And any semblance of composure flew to the window, sucked out by the sidereal vacuum. Tears started to flow before he even realized how close they were.
Ashamed, he lowered his head, dropping his gaze on the now squirming baboon squeezed in his arms. Could he be more pitiful?
When Trowa sighed, he was already hearing him turn heels and walk away, disappointed. Duo always resented girls when they resorted to crying when things weren't going their way. He couldn't blame Trowa for feeling the same.
He stared when gentle hands wound around his, enjoining him to let go of Flunky, pry the little beast away from him. He hiccuped when those hands slid along his arms, behind his back, cradling, coaxing him to step forward and finally giving him the sanctuary he so needed.
He clung back, desperately trying to calm down. To hold onto the silver of hope : they would sort it out. What ever 'it' was.
_ I take that you still want me there." Trowa spoke softly after a while. Once Duo had stopped trembling in his arms. He nodded fervently.
_ What the heck gave you the idea I didn't!
Trowa shifted uncomfortably. Duo knew he didn't like to have to explain himself, but he wasn't to let it slide now. How could he make sure he wouldn't screw-up again if he didn't know where he did first?
pickaboo
Duo sighed and let his gaze wander around the small square Trowa had led him to. Whether it had been to get away from the Circus and keep their problems private or to stall their discussion a bit, Duo wouldn't know. Wouldn't ask. It didn't matter.
What mattered was Trowa being by his side, talking to him.
Duo was baffled, all this fretting and angsting over such a stupid little thing.
After Heero came to L2, Duo tried to not rub their happy little life in Trowa's nose. Trowa, his boyfriend, who was kilometers away and unable to be there.
Heero being Heero, hadn't said much about his every day life either.
In the end, Trowa had felt even more pushed aside, not even able to share his boyfriend and ex's lives through their conversations.
Added to Duo being clearly upset about something during their last call...
_ I had just learnt Leo was a Preventer. One Wufei and Heero had sent on my ass years back. I was a bit pissed by that and I wanted to know if you knew that, him, before I brought you to the Nightshade. I didn't want to address that issue through com though.
But Trowa hadn't known. He knew about the threat on their little group that has arisen a few years ago and that Heero had chosen to discreetly send someone Duo's way. But not that it had lasted, not that it had been Leo.
Duo breathed. He would have hated for Trowa to have known and said nothing. Even if, deep down, he knew he was being a bit unfair.
Hey, no one's perfect.
He let his gaze come back to the weary man sitting next to him. He wasn't sure what Trowa was looking at, his expression once again softened. Certainly something nice.
Duo tried to follow Trowa's eyes, to guess. To no avail.
So he looked, through his own eyes.
The square wasn't evenly shaped, with six streets, one was a dead end, leading to a small courtyard behind the Bakery, two were leading to one of the main streets. On the left, an old man was sweeping the sidewalk before his run down Delicatessen. Two kids were playing with cards near an anemic fountain and some recent hit was blaring through an opened window somewhere.
There was little passerby, even fewer vehicles crossing.
In the middle, a handful of benches under a couple trees. One of them currently supporting their very asses.
_ When I was a kid, all I cared about was : where is food, what is safe. I would look at this place and see the dead end behind the bakery, the ways to the main streets, that this poor man is easy to rob but you better beware of the baker's apprentice. Don't drink from that fountain unless you want to be sick all day. I would think that those kids' parents must be morons for letting their children out unsupervised.
That's what a street rat needed to know to survive. He could feel Trowa's surprised gaze on him. Hands joined between his knees, Duo went on.
_ The Dumpster you can see right now might not be a very attractive colony and still deserve its name, but at one point, it had been a lot worse. Even before the war, during the regular troubles between the Colonies and the Alliance, this wasn't a nice place to be. Every corner was a death trap in the waiting. Between the new plagues and the Mercenaries running loose, the question wasn't whether you'll stumble on another dead body this week but how many. Death was the only constant, my most faithful companion.
No wonder Duo attached himself to the one person Death did not want, no matter how much he courted Her.
_ I fled the first occasion I had. I was lucky I guess, Howard and his sweeper were good guys.
"It took years, after the war for me to stop expecting corpses at every corner. To start looking ahead. And I'm honestly not sure I would have gone that far if not for Hilde being by my side. When I met her, she was so alive, so... untouched by all that misery. So different from me. Being with her, I learnt to simply enjoy what was there. Having a heart beating, loitering around, eat a nice meal and simply have fun. I learnt to be alive.
"About this square, I could say the bakery sells really good pastries but its cakes aren't up to par. The delicatessen is unusually cheap but you never know when they'll get supplied. It's a quiet place to get a break from a shopping day. The kids wouldn't play so carefree if the place wasn't safe.
Then Hilde left, his fault, and the world had looked so bleak for a while only pierce by brief glimpses of brightness when Trowa called. Until Heero showed on his doorstep.
With Heero around, Duo's attention had been drawn on more little things. Heero would probably know that the delicatessen was cheap because the owner had a nephew working for a shipping company and send goods up-there for a lesser price by filling up in his others shipments, or something like that. He knew the bakery gave away their unsold to one of those recent associations for the destitute. Heero would most likely even have looked up why that fountain's waters smelled so stall.
Sometimes, Duo thought Heero had way too much time on his hands.
_ Or is a paranoid control freak with a really good intelligence network." Trowa interjected with a fond smile.
_ When I try to see things the way you showed me, things around become so different than they were. Now I am able to notice that the old man is regularly keeping an eye on the kids. And from time to time, the music lowers, to let the neighbor listen to their squabbling. To make sure they're still there and well.
"Even if it doesn't have the same feel as on Earth, the tree's sades on the pavement are as pretty to look at up here, too. Before you, I would have never cared much about the amused smile the old man has for the puppy chasing after his broom, tail wiggling.
As he said this, he noticed too, the bakery's apprentice loading a tray with a pot of coffee and a freshly made sandwich she brought to the back, likely for the boss. Soon the children rose up and the matron quickly fished a couple mini pastries to give them with a wink.
They left, giggling about their presents, waving the old man in passing. That neighborhood knew how to take care of each other. And it was sweet to witness.
_ And that's why I love you." He concluded, prudently eyeing his partner's beautiful face.
Duo hadn't much experience with confessions, but he was pretty sure 'bemused' shouldn't be the expression of someone who just got confessed to. It made him feel very self conscious. A hand came to scratch his cheek.
_ You're not going to pretend you didn't say it today?
No, today, Duo wouldn't.
Trowa Barton. AC295
White, too bright, too white.
Hurt. So much.
The noise was annoying, getting on his nerves. He wanted to make it stop.
But he couldn't move.
He was trapped!
The annoying noises picked.
Trapped. Trapped. Must escape! Trapped!
Blackness went back, muffling everything around.
pickaboo
White.
Again.
Not that white actually. More like cream colored. Not that bright either.
It still hurt.
The beeping noise was still there. Now he could recognize it.
Hospital.
He groaned, letting his heavy head drop back on the pillow.
He groaned again when his voice brought a flurry of busy nurses by his side.
He was already fed up with being there.
pickaboo
He had no idea how long he had been there before they came.
Just this has felt like an eternity. And definitely long enough to realize that he had absolutely no memories from before here and then. No memories, no name on his wrist tag, and no visit besides the hospital staff.
He was a noboby found by a carrier drifting amidst debris in a leaking spacesuit.
So why those suited-up men, and one woman, introducing their names preceded by military grades, were standing around his bed? Had he been found near one of their bases?
He didn't like their uniforms. There was something about them that screamed 'don't trust, don't tell them'.
Don't tell them what? He had nothing to say. So he said nothing, to their increasing frustration. Until they finally left.
Something was telling him they were planning to come back. And he'd rather not still being there when they did. His guts were twisting and churning deep inside at the thought of those militaries. Or maybe it was just the hospital bland food?
Still, he had nothing but his gut feeling to go by. So he'd rather follow it.
pickaboo
After having spent a few says there, and being encouraged to wander around to get his bearings back, he had noticed the day staff was much less attentive to their patients whereabouts. Too many people coming in and going out.
Just after lunch would be his best shot.
pickaboo
Stealing a set of clothes (since he didn't even seem to have some his own) and stepping out of the hospital had been even easier than expected.
It was a military hospital. It was written full letters at the entrance.
Looking up, his gaze met an artificial sky. Steel and alloys every where. He was on a colony. Not that knowing it was remotely useful for him.
pickaboo
It had been three days since he escaped (?), no, left the hospital. During those three days, he had been relegated by sneers and disgusted mutterings to shadier places. Accordingly to his increasing state of smelliness.
He was hungry.
Maybe staying in the hospital and dealing with the militaries would have been a better idea?
No. Despite his gnawing hunger, he simply couldn't imagine facing them again.
_ Hey, kiddo! You don't look too good.
He turned toward the man, unsure whether he was the one being talked to. Warily, he stepped forward as the man urged him closer.
_ Don't worry. I'm not gonna lay hands on you. Kids are not my gig and you've got nothing I could steal. You hungry?
He nodded and was offered a piece of hard bread stuffed with a greenish slice of ham. It looked like about to give him food poisoning. As he stomach growled, he decided he did not care much.
And even if worst case scenario he would die from it, it wasn't like he would be missed.
pickaboo
Somehow, the man had decided to extend his protection to him. He taught him some of his favorite bins. Those most likely to contain something edible. He also showed him how to protect himself against the artificial dew and where to sleep.
Was he really that pitiful that a homeless pickpocket had decided he was to be protected?
_ Today we're gonna walk a bit. There are rumors of a charity sent shipment of necessities decking in the port. If we're here early, we might get you a pair of more fitting shoes and I need to refill my supply of soap.
Given the man's smell, it had been a long time since he used up his last piece of soap. Not that his own scent was much better he amended.
pickaboo
He was dead.
Knifed for a bar of soap and a match box.
It had happened so fast, he couldn't react.
No, that was a lie. He could have reacted, as soon as the goon came in, he knew it wasn't going to end well. And he froze, terrified by the violence he knew was coming. Terrified that he knew for certain that it was coming.
The man, Jeff, told him it wasn't his fault, as he was bleeding out in his arms. That there was nothing he could have done except suffer the same fate.
He knew it wasn't true. That his body had been ready to meet violence with violence even before the goon fished out his knife from a pocket.
And it was terrifying. For the first time he wondered : who was he? Who had he been?
For the uniforms to interrogate him?
For having no one visiting him, no friend, no family?
For having that contained violence burning in his veins?
What kind of bastard had he been?
He had heard of the terrorists endangering the colonies, of the different military factions warring against each other. Had he been one of them? On which side?
It was raining, why was it raining? They were on a colony. Was the irrigation system so messed up they resorted to the sprinklers to water the crops?
It reminded him, colorful walls, blue sky, blue eyes squinting behind dripping bangs and a wry smile: "Well, that was a drench!" Warm, burning, whisper: "Hanata".
Blue, blue eyes. Full of stars. Cold. So cold. The empty, full of stars. Drifting and debris. A brighter, much too close, much too bright star. No, a lamp. Metal, gigantic arms taking him away. Away from where?
"Trowa? Trowa!"
He jerked out of half remembered memories, rêveries? The young woman speaking to him had green eyes and auburn hair. She seemed to know him. She felt... reassuring, vaguely familiar.
Strangely, 'Trowa' really didn't feel like his own name. Was she mistaken? Maybe he just looked like that Trowa. Didn't matter, she was taking him with her. And he didn't want to be left alone with his fuzzy memories and that violence under his skin.
Someday she, and the people she has led him to and all called him Trowa too, would realize he wasn't their lost friend. That he wasn't the Trowa they had been looking for.
For now, he would just appreciate what he had while he had it.
Slow.
Way too slow. Sorry.
October's workload was hectic, and November doesn't look any better.
I'm still not done with our boys.