Today's Story is by LyraMaeArcher.

Author's Notes: Lyra: I have decided. We all need a Plagg. Too bad Tikki's gonna kill him.

MR: Oh… Well… if Plagg is gonna die… at least it's on his own terms. And you say I'm evil. *Cackles*

Ep: An angry Tikki God is not to be trifled with - I've seen what happens in the Disneyland attraction. The songs alone will drive you insane. Run, Plagg! Run!

Plagg couldn't take it anymore. He was going to lose his mind. This kid needed to get a grip already. If he had to listen to one more moping sighfest about the lack of development in the love department, Plagg was going to lose his mind.

Adrien flopped on the bed face first with a pathetic sounding moan, leaving Plagg rolling his eyes.

There really was only so much a kwami could take. Especially since he knew that the kid's love interest really did love him back, but the stupid rules of Miraculous magic made it physically impossible to share any of that kind of information. This called for more cheese. Lots more cheese.

Gulping down camembert in a fashion that others might consider unhealthy, Plagg wiped his mouth with the back of his hand as he contemplated what exactly he should do with the kid.

Adrien shifted, flopping onto his back and lying starfish style on the bed.

"Why does there have to be another guy, Plagg? Why can't she just love me?"

Suppressing the groan that threatened to escape, Plagg shoved more cheese into his cheeks and simply made some non-committal grunts. Cheese was easy to love. It never loved someone else instead or thought you were annoying.

"Lots of other cheese in the fridge," Plagg quipped, cramming another chunk in.

"Ya, but Ladybug is like Camembert. She is my favourite." Blinking, Plagg paused in the ravenous devouring of his cheese collection. The kid was using cheese to describe Ladybug? Crap, this was worse than he thought.

Swallowing one last piece for confidence, Plagg landed softly on the pillow beside Adrien's head.

"Listen, kid. Love is overrated."

"What do you know about love know anyway?" Adrien huffed, throwing his arm over his eyes. For a moment, Plagg considered biting the hand that now rested near him. How frustrating could one kid be? His eons of existence suddenly weighed heavy on him. Definitely too old for this crap. Eternity was easy. Moody, lovesick teenagers were impossible.

"Hey, SugarCube."

He knew she'd show up sooner or later. She always did when he visited in the middle of the night, lounging on the balcony chair beneath the stars. And just like always, her disapproving glare filled him with joy.

"I said not to call me that. What are you doing here?"

"Too much drama. That kid is dragging me down with all his pouting. Can't you get your Ladybug to do something already?"

Tikki's sigh in response wasn't quiet.

"We can't do that, Plagg. You know that. They can't know each other's identity."

As much as he loved Tikki, Plagg vehemently disagreed. Especially with Adrien. This was getting out of hand and this kid needed SOMEONE to love him. A frustrated rumble threatened under his usually aloof attitude.

"That's dumb," he growled, making Tikki roll her eyes in exasperation.

"Just go back to Chat Noir. Let things happen as they are supposed to."

He didn't want to let things happen as they were supposed to. He wanted to make that kid happy. Maybe, just maybe, he needed to take matters into his own paws. Plagg's stomach rolled.

This called for more cheese.

It took rest of the night, but finally he found matching pictures of Marinette and Ladybug, leaving them open side by side on the computer screen, in the exact same angle. Surely the stance, the pigtails, the gleam in the exact same coloured eyes would tweak something. Anything. But the kid just clicked the pictures shut without a blink.

At school, he dared to hide in Marinette's little bag where she kept Tikki. The look on Pigtail's face was priceless when she opened the bag and found both kwamis. Tikki glared dangerously - knowing he was up to something, but he just yawned and stretched without a care in the world.

"Plagg," Marinette hissed, "why aren't you with Chat Noir?"

He shrugged.

"He's nearby. I'm just spending time with SugarCube."

Tikki's groaned in frustration while Marinette paled.

"Don't listen to him, Marinette. Plagg is trying to cause-"

A loud crash in the distance snapped Marinette's head up. Tikki's glare intensified.

"Go to Chat Noir. NOW."

He stuck out his tongue at her before rushing back to Adrien, who didn't look overly thrilled.

"Where were you?" he growled, throwing out his fist to call his transformation. Plagg just shrugged.

"Hanging out with Ladybug," Plagg drawled, enjoying the look of surprise on the kid's face before getting sucked into the ring. That would leave some questions for later.

Maybe he should have taken a tally of all the different kinds of glares he was getting in a single day, Plagg mused while Adrien rambled on about how important it was the kwami stay hidden. When finally the kid sank onto the couch in a flop and the glare turned to a soft plea, he knew it was showtime.

"Why were you with Ladybug anyway?"

A casual, nonchalant shrug.

"She smells nice. And SugarCube loves when I come for snuggles, even if she likes to glare at me first." Adrien's eyes narrowed.

"So you know who she is?"

Another shrug.

"Yep."

A long pause as the kid considered.

"Can you tell me?"

"Sure. Ladybug is M-blech." Stupid magical bubbles. With a growl, he flew to the computer desk, clicking the mouse with vigour to pull up a picture of Marinette but, in typical black cat bad luck fashion, the computer froze.

"Nope. I can't tell you apparently."

Being Cupid was stupid. Plagg's new motto felt appropriate as Adrien missed yet another clue. If Plagg didn't know better, he would swear the kid was actively trying not to see them. It wasn't that the kid was dense or oblivious. Blindness is real, especially when there's a heart involved.

Gross.

It was a good thing he needed cheese to recharge and not wine because at this rate, he would die from alcohol poisoning with the amount of bolstering he needed as he attempted to somehow get through to the kid.

Every time Marinette talked to him, Plagg poked Adrien's chest from inside the pocket. Every time an akuma alert went off, Plagg asked about Pigtails and where she went. Every time Adrien moped about another rejection from Ladybug, Plagg "accidentally" sent Marinette a text with the word "hi." Casually leaving pictures of Marinette open on the computer.

He even went so far as to whine incessantly about needing cheese bread until Adrien finally gave in and visited the bakery to get some. Marinette blushed behind the counter as she prepped the order.

"What is your problem, Plagg?" the kid asked as Plagg shoved the freshly baked amazingness into his mouth. "You have never been this annoying before."

"Trying to be Cupid here, kid." The kid looked puzzled.

"What?"

"I'm trying to help your love life."

Adrien blinked in surprise, staring blankly at Plagg.

"By begging me for cheese bread?" Plagg nodded, gulping down another chunk. Pigtails' family sure knew how to make great bread - this stuff was delicious.

"Why?"

Plagg stopped chewing long enough to make sure he looked Adrien right in the eye.

"Your friend smells nice. And SugarCube likes it when I visit."

Another blink. Plagg groaned and gave up, stuffing the rest of the bread down his throat.

Time to step it up to the next level.

Plagg's eyes followed the kid around his room as he prepared for school, chatting away about something to do with Ladybug. He always chatted away about something to do with Ladybug.

Tikki would likely kill him, but it was time to do something drastic.

The moment the door of the car opened at school, Plagg made a noise to draw Adrien's attention before making a beeline for the locker room. Unable to call after him, the kid jogged behind, trying to find out where Plagg was going. Plagg waited just out of view from the rest of the kids until Adrien stepped into the room.

Glaring eyes connected with his, making Plagg grin before phasing through the door to Marinette's locker and finding somewhere to lounge until Pigtails arrived.

"What are you DOING?" Adrien growled from the other side of the metal. "Get out of there!"

"Nope. I like Pigtails. She smells nice."

A loud thump on the door made him jump a little.

"Come on Plagg. What if Marinette sees you?"

That was the point.

Sounds of shuffling in the locker room got quieter before a loud ring of the morning bell. Pigtails and her habit of being late. Feet smacking against the tiled floor echoed through the now-empty room. Plagg wondered if Adrien had left or was waiting still.

The locker door flung open, revealing Marinette's flustered face. When she saw Plagg, her mouth made a perfect little "o" shape before she gasped out his name.

"Hey Pigtails. Morning." He took his time stretching and yawning.

"What are you-?" Her voice was cut off by the sudden and surprising appearance of Adrien beside her, making Marinette jump and screech in response. It was so incredibly hard not to laugh at the expressions on both their faces.

Plagg struggled to keep his typically haughty attitude as Marinette floundered in an attempt to prevent Adrien from looking into her locker and Adrien tried to keep her from noticing the kwami on her shelf. These two needed to be their dork selves together.

As if by divine destiny, both their phones vibrated loudly with an akuma alert. Adrien's eyes darted to Plagg in a panic, unsure exactly what he was going to do in order to get transformed. Plagg was enjoying this far too much, leaning farther back into his lounge to wait.

"Go Marinette. Get somewhere safe." The kid even started pushing Marinette towards the exit. She just eyed him nervously, glancing over her shoulder at the still-opened locker door. It looked like maybe Adrien would actually get the girl out the main locker room so it was time for action.

"Tikki!" Plagg shouted. Definitely going to be a fun way to die at least. "Pigtails needs you."

That made the kid freeze in surprise, a wide-eyed gape as he stared at Marinette in a brand-new light.

"Milady?" he breathed, making her stumbled backwards in surprise.

"Chat?!"

Tikki flew out of her hiding spot in the little bag, buzzing angrily in his direction with her brilliant blue eyes practically shooting daggers.

Plagg grinned.

Mission accomplished.